By Jade Topaz
Teshuvah-medicating your soul and medicating your personality have got to be two of the most complicated concepts around today (other than the Lakewood internet ban :) ) They are, though, sort of related in the higher scheme of things.
The warnings, side effects ,issues, questions and annoyances that often accompany experimenting with the teshuvah process are right in sync with the side effects and or questions, that often arise when experimenting with stimulant and non-stimulant ADD medications ie: Ritalin, Concerta, Adderall, Straterra etc. With four difficult steps you can be on your way to a whole new spiritual personality or growth and perhaps cultivate some roses and zinnias with the weeds .
The first step is Awareness. Awareness that your soul and or brain is unfortunately running amok with no structure, focus or purpose. What is focus? How can I get spiritual focus? Is that directly related to happiness and contentment? Is Spiritual focus really important? OK, meaning is a little overrated. Who says you can’t be happy and hyper and everywhere & undisciplined at the same time?
The second step is Acquisition. Acquiring or fine tuning one’s ability to reason. Do I want/need the change? Will I still be the same person all dressed up in modesty/ discipline, teshuvah? How can the medicated, not hyper -happy personality be the real me? My whole life structure and supposed happiness is based on that. How can a Miss Priss in a modest suit and pearl necklace be the real me? Who really is the real me anyway? Medicating your soul and/or brain can be, to say the least, disquieting and disconcerting.
What is real? What should your focus be? And obviously it’s not always what feels good, better or more comfortable. Once you make the decision to medicate your personality and/or soul with medicine or teshuvah, the third step is deciding which avenue you intend on perusing and pursuing. Will it be a stimulant such as Ritalin, Concerta, Adderall – right wing hasidisim, haredi or yeshivish, in addition to setting up shop in a respectively close knit community with a variety of new and different mores and social structure and where you might just need an extra shot of green apple Smirnoff to get you through the first couple of months.
Or non-stimulants ie : Straterra or Wellbutrin, modern orthodox, regular orthodox with no soaring on extreme left or right wings. There are a lot of right answers the key is in the ability to attach the right answer to the right question/personality/brain. Obviously it all depends on the brain wiring. Some may need hyper structured environments while others may wilt at the thought and thrive with the loose-leaf bible and of course there is always the middle of the narrow winding road for the more discerning spiritual consumer. It’s all in the neuronal circuitry and what keeps the juices stimulated, flowing, focused and properly channeled.
The fourth and most important step is the tweaking of the medicine and getting the right cocktail and combination special. Some may find stimulants such as Ritalin or ultra orthodoxy over stimulating overly structured and somewhat stifling.There’s always the option of Strattera or the non-stimulant mainstream Judaism. You have to learn to tweak the dosage and find the right dosage that allows your brain to function properly in order to accomplish whatever it may need to accomplish i.e. what you were created for (good luck).
Warning: may cause feelings of humdrum existence, rote, routine, roboticism and apatheticism. There is a chance one may completely lose their ability for hyper laughing. May also forget the euphoria of hyper silliness and ability to pretend surfacey topics have unlimited depth. May also wilt to the point of dehydration, which may or may not be alleviated with a lower dosage. A combination of belief, prayer, money and BeyondBT blogging and commenting can be the catalyst between inner equilibrium and the new you.
Always read warnings and instructions in addition to consulting a higher authority before starting or quitting projects, especially those involving personalities.
Far out!
Bob Miller – for individuals like you with a distinct aversion and inherent dislike of all substances and concepts of druggy origin you can substitute the medication (drugs) in the analogy with alternative medicine ie ginko biloba, focus facter,Tai Chi , meditation , yoga/ bungee jumping/ sky diving, rock climbing, Cedar Point & Six Flags frequenting etc . its not all in the presentation ……..you gotta do the dividing though between the stimulants and the non-stimulants it does get kind of grey … sorry for the unintentional trippy undertones and subtexts .
I realized all along what JT’s object was, but the presentation was too trippy for my taste (that’s just me).
Wow!
Ryan Cohen – the Apple Smirnoff is an OTC antidote for bad reactions and undesirable side effects. It is difficult obtaining and maintaining the perquisite emotional and spiritual prescriptions and guidelines ie the oral, the written and the argued law.
Yaakov Astor – a wise man once quoted “indecision is the key to flexiblity” it’s hard choosing a single narrow winded and minded path. So many paths, so many detours so many sidetracks, so many flowers, and so many misleading road-signs and a blinding lighthouse or two. I guess the all-encompassing focus question would be is – what sort of metaphorical garden you plan on cultivating at the end of the path. Whether its vegetables, herbs and functionalism, wayward wildflowers, uncouth weed patches and dysfunctionalism, perfectly manicured rosebush hedges with neat rows of alternating mellow yellow and funky fuschia petunias & fanaticism, or wild, flirtatious, zany- zinnias and colorful hyper enthusiasm you have to combine the flowers and subsequent flower traits for a perfect garden. The question is how do u pick a gardener do u really need a gardener or is it just trial and error, praying and medication ………such are the complex ponderings of path choosing.
Bob Miller – valid point on the orthodox structure leaving no room for straying drummers I guess from a global point of view there is only one band leader(g-d) … it gets sort of tricky on the local level when u got a lot of supposed leaders fighting with each other and the subsequent communities carrying on the time honored tradition …regarding you not being comfortable with the drug imagery-
I’m not advocating drugs , drugging and druggies. My basic inherent point was that just like there is the concept of using stimulant and non-stimulant medication to properly channel wayward energies in the neuronal circuitry systems of adhd brains that sometimes many need this sort of focusing for proper focus and functioning . (Not always the case but sometimes definitely is) this same concept can be applied to teshuvah and properly channeling wayward energies towards a brighter more focused and well balanced neshomah for serving g-d purposes .
Gershon Seif – No I’m actually not related to a Moti Topaz …… with regards to you second comment of “same here “ I’m assuming u were referring to Bob Miller’s not being comfortable with the drug imagery, I wasn’t trying to paint an image of a drugged up neshomah I’m not advocating drugs and drugging and druggies. My basic inherent point was that just like there is the concept of using stimulant and non-stimulant medication to properly channel wayward energies in the neuronal circuitry systems of adhd brains that sometimes many need this sort of focusing. (Not always the case but sometimes definitely is) this same concept can be applied to teshuvah and properly channeling wayward energies towards a brighter more focused and well balanced neshomah for serving g-d purposes .
Same here
Belle, you’re right of course. I was describing what image slid into my mind at the time!
Nvertheless, I’m not comfortable with the drug imagery.
To Bob Miller:
I actually think Jaded Topaz was analogizing wellness through ADD medication to the state of spiritual wellness through tshuva, not the opposite! She wrote that the hyperness of unstructured thought that plagues someone with ADHD is like the hyper-superficiality of the pre-tshuva state.
Religion being the opiate of the masses is, of course, a falsehood. Just like the belief that medicating someone who needs it will turn him into an automoton when in fact it is just the opposite.
Correct me if I’m reading it wrong!
This piece was far out man!
(You don’t happen to be related to a Motti Topaz, do you?)
While there is a long history of comparisons between Torah and medicine, Jade’s teshuva-drug analogies somehow remind me of Karl Marx calling religion the opium of the people! Maybe my consciousness needs attention.
At any rate, the idea of working to achieve your own religious inner balance (by non-chemical means!) does make sense.
Note that, for a Jew who belongs to an actual Orthodox community, the freedom to adopt an eclectic approach to Judaism has limits. You can march to your own drummer only up to a point. Choices among communities are also limited by location, cost of living, job opportunities, receptiveness to outsiders, etc.
In a funny way, this is a very profound piece.
It’s really about identity. Who are we? And do we — and if so, how much do we — actively pursue control of important externals that shape, nurture or stunt, as it were, that identity.
Obviously, the real answer is that each of us is unique and have to experiment with different “medications” and dosages, till we find our comfort zone.
(Then, of course, there’s the reality that as life goes on what was once a comfort zone may not be one any longer. A very scary and daunting realization.)
The bottom line, it seems to me, is that God does not want us to be automatons. Sometimes, we’d like to be. And, indeed, sometimes (invariably?) we are for a period of time. But life does not let us remain automatons forever.
Jaded Topaz, I feel for you and the identity issues you must be grappling with. You are afraid to choose one path and feel cornered/limited or remain without a path and feel confused/unfocused.
A wise man once told me identity is like being a jet on an aircraft carrier. You need the aircraft carrier to get you to a launching point but then need to be able to take off yourself. Too many get on the aircraft carrier and never take off (never realize they are jets with the ability to take off). They remain limited/grounded. Others never get on the aircraft carrier to begin with and are left stranded, never getting to complete their mission.
Of course, for some people their true identity and the purpose they are here is to service the aircraft carrier; they were never meant to be jets or helicopters that take off; and they’re happy to be part of the ground crew, as it were. That’s fine. If that’s what one is. And one realizes it.
The quesiton is: what if that is not what one is? Or what if one doesn’t know what one is? Or what if life has tossed one about, broken one’s moorings and turned one into a refugee from their identity?
I don’t think there are easy answers. You’ve got to be real, but you may have to concede and conform a bit in order to realize a perhaps higher form of self.
I love love love the idea that teshuva can be powerful medicine — complete with undesired side effects and bad reactions — and that finding the right “cocktail” is the key to finding a way to make it work for a given personality.
I’d go easy on the Apple Smirnoff, though, Jade.