My senior year in college, my friends and I organized a party. Having exhausted such themes as â€œCome as your majorâ€ and â€œsixties revival,â€ we hit upon what seemed a novel idea: Come as you will be in ten years. Attendees rose to the occasion, coming as Greenpeace activists or genetic engineers. (For the sake of my childrenâ€™s shidduchim, I decline to state how I came.)
My favorite costume, however, was that of Keith, who dressed in his usual sleeveless sweatshirt and jeans, adorned only with a name tag that read: Keith — self-actualized.
We used to joke that even after achieving self-actualization we would still need therapy to cope with the loneliness of being self-actualized in a world of chronic and pervasive neuroses. I periodically wonder whether this is not an apt description of the successful baâ€™al tshuva who has â€œmade it.â€
Readers may be familiar with the story of Reuven the Baâ€™al Tshuva. Reuven the Baâ€™al Tshuva is gabbai of the shul. Reuven the Baâ€™al Tshuva is baâ€™al tefillah for the Yomim Noroyim. Reuven the Baâ€™al Tshuva fills in for the rav giving the Shabbos shiur. Reuven the Baâ€™al Tshuva is respected by everyone in the community. So why do they still call him Reuven the Baâ€™al Tshuva? Because Reuven the Baâ€™al Tshuva still insists on not talking during kriyas haTorah.
How many of us became baâ€™alei tshuva because the ideals of Torah attracted us by their truth and their beauty, because of the kedusha of the Shabbos table and the exultation of Simchas Torah? And how many of us subsequently came to question why, if the ideal was so inspiring, did the reality leave so much to be desired? How many of us gradually learned to cope by lowering our expectations for the community, and then, inevitably, for ourselves, only to wonder somewhere down the line what happened to us, to our enthusiasm, to our idealism?
And how many of us grew bitter, convinced that if only our communities were stronger, we could be so much stronger ourselves?
Is this self-actualization?
In a series of letters I exchanged a few years back with Rav Mendel Weinbach, shlita, of Ohr Somayach, I repeatedly vented my frustrations with this or that failing of Klal Yisroel. Rav Mendel never told me I was wrong, never chastised me for my intolerance, never ordered me to clean up my own house before I condemned others and theirs.
What did he tell me? Quite simply, he said: Weâ€™re in galus. This is galus.
Itâ€™s easy to become cynical, and itâ€™s easy to justify our cynicism because thereâ€™s so much about which to be cynical. But we gain nothing through our righteous indignation, except to distract ourselves from our real avodah. Indeed, itâ€™s possible that the ikkar avodah of the self-actualized Torah Jew is to accept the imperfections in the world around him, to understand that the world will only be perfect when we have perfected ourselves as avdei HaShem, and that fixating on the shortcomings of others only serves to prolong the galus. On the other hand, by striving to better ourselves we not only shorten the galus but ease our own passage through galus until Moshiach brings it to its final end.
Originally Posted on Jan 16, 2006