Everybody has a unique path in Torah Observance with their own victories and challenges. It’s often helpful to see what other peoples challenges were. So tell us in the comments:
What were the more difficult Mitzvos for you to take on?
What made it difficult?
What were the keys to success?
Here are some Mitzvos to think about:
Kashrus
Davening
Berachos
Taharas Mishpacha
Tzinus Dress
Regular learning
Reading the parsha twice with explanation
Not wasting time
Knowing there is a G-d
Loving G-d
Fearing G-d
Don’t go after your heart & eyes
Yom Tovim
Trust in G-d
Loving your neighbor as yourself
Loshon Hara
Giving the benefit of the doubt
Helping Others
I never thought of not wasting time as a mitzvah, but it’s got to be that, otherwise I’d be cleaninb for Pesach instead of discussing wasting time on this blog. Second, is davening, it’s so difficult to pray the same things everyday when I have difficulty understanding all the Hebrew. Even saying it in English feels redundant and boring. If I were a male and were obliged to go to shul I think I’d find it easier, knowing that I’d set aside this time for davening together with a community. And the third mitzvah which I find difficult is not speaking loshon harah. I think I’m pretty good about that, but oh, the temptation!
I would say for me its learning as a concept. i can’t recall the last time I opened a Jewish book that was not a siddur (including bentchers, machzors etc) or a chummash. There are 2 volumes of gamara sitting on my shelf gathering dust.
“the acceptance of things beyond one’s own intellectual comprehension or judgement.”
I had gotten to that point before I became frum, ironically because I had professional training as a scientist and saw how limited was the scope of scientific knowledge. Many in the western world desparately WANT science to be able to explain all of life’s questions, but that is not possible.
‘pour their energy into desperate efforts to “cover more pages†of Torah, ‘
The rav to whom I address most of my shilahs is very strongly opposed to people who come to observance late in life learning full time. He has told me very clearly that it is impossible to “catch up” and that the world needs frum Jews with sucessful careers.
Hardest part? Paying tuition.
As long as the flowers don’t overly admire themselves.
Speaking of narcissism, (part óf ben davids thread thesis) for all flower lovers, did you know that the daffodil is actually part of the distinguished Narcissus family of flowers, named after the famous mythical Narcissus ! How’s that for impressive, name that flower lineage !
Midtown has these awesome clay pots of merry yellow daffodils and pretty purple pansies everywhere ! You gotta love spring flowers(in a non narcissistic way ).
I see what you are saying Ben-David… that is very true. I see myself struggling because when I became frum I was just a kid. I was very idealistic. As an adult, I am struggling to view the frum life style with that same idealism I did as a kid. I am learning that I need to take the good and take the bad (uncomfortable, illogical or difficult) as well.
Having said that, Ben-David, I think you should talk to David and Mark about perhaps forming your thesis, or theses, into a guest post here.
Hmmm. Covering my hair was for sure tough. Also, maybe its just because its that time of the year, but sometimes I miss my old laid back pesachs… a little dusting, throwing bread to the birds, a new set of dishes, a couple boxes of Manashevitz matza, and voila its pesach.
It can often be hard, practically, to draw the right line between emunah/”satisfaction” on the one hand and hisshtadlus/”dissatisfaction” on the other. HaShem’s plans always work out better than my own, but I still have to attempt to understand and plan and implement my plans while recognizing my lack of control over the results. I often feel that greater emunah would smooth out the rough spots in my outlook.
Ben-David, those are important issues, but not strictly speaking “mitzvos,” I would think.
The transition from self-directed truth-seeking to trust in G-d and acceptance of G-d’s authority.
Specifically: the acceptance of things beyond one’s own intellectual comprehension or judgement.
This is a major gear-shift, because many BTs start out with an approach that clearly puts them in the driver’s seat – they are evaluating for themselves if what they hear is the truth.
At some point you have to transcend that – or expand upon it. You have to accept things that you do not understand.
This is an issue for FFBs as well as we are all raised in a Western society that stresses independence and self-direction.
Unfortunately many of my BT/FFB friends and relations fall short of this, in two ways:
1) They never really relinquish center stage, which cripples emunah and perpetuates an adolescent attitude to G-d. It’s not hard to find Torah communities and teachers that will let you use Torah to feed an underlying – and unreconstituted – narcissism.
2) They abdicate all their faculties of judgement and pour their energy into desperate efforts to “cover more pages†of Torah, or fit in socially. I wish I could say that only BTs who sought to belong wind up doing this, but unfortunately many of my BT friends who previously led rich, incisive intellectual lives have “frummed out†and spend much of their time apologetically – and somewhat wistfully – trying to explain the know-nothing black-hat social straightjacket they find themselves in.
Fasting is very hard for me because I get extremely irritable without food.
Kashrus was very difficult simply solely because seafood tasted so good! Chinese food and Italian food were relatively easy to give up. The convenience of kosher food under excellent hashgachos today cannot be underestimated in acclimating oneself to this area of halacha.
Fasting and taharat hamishpacha are easily the hardest. I want what I want when I want it! Kashrut was easy because I’ve never been a big fan of pork or lobster, I’ve never eaten a cheeseburger in my life, and there are zillions of good kosher restaurants of just about every cuisine imaginable in NYC. Prayer was easy because I was at a point in my life when i felt called to communicate with God. Shabat wasn’t hard in part because it gave me an excuse to say “no” to my workaholic career. (I also live within an eruv that everyone accepts, which also helps.) And I jumped in full steam into talmud torah and have been learning daf yomi since Bereshit in the current cycle. (Thank you, Artscroll!) But for some reason, having a restriction on something that will be shortly permitted is harder than a restriction on something that will never be permitted.
I find the laws of Shabbos are very complicated, there is so much to learn about it is very overwhelming sometimes. I go to a Hilchos Shabbos class, otherwise how would I know that you can’t sit on a tree stump on shabbos unless it is only 12 inches high? I am always learning something new.
Kibud Av v’Em is also tough to consistently apply.
Not wasting time is a big one for me, even before blogs!
Three day Yom Tovs without a shower are difficult for me.
Taharas hamishpacha is difficult to understand no matter how hard one learns the laws.
Trust in gd is impossible when its me making the decisions all day. What kind of trust am I supposed to be conjuring up. If I make the wrong choices then I can trust in Gd to my hearts content but that would be a waste óf ènergy.
Mind over emotions is messy. I think intellectually stripping apart stuff and using logic , neuroscience and Hardcore reasonings (not the benefits touted as reasons) liberally does make life more purposeful but religion is not part of the logical lolly pops for daily licking and learning. Its a whole different emotional messy non science with flexible cause and effect equations and too many variables.
I think the answer is finding the source (which I assume is gemara) and starting from scratch that way. And also analytical brilliance makes more sense to me than cotton candy spiritualism. I think.
All your heart, soul and possession is definitely a very high level, which is probably an ideal that most of us won’t reach, but we should strive for.
Of the big four, kashrus, shabbos, taharas mishpacha and davening, what was the hardest?
For me I think it was davening. Although all mitzvah observance has many levels. Hopefully how I’m fulfilling the mitzvos now is much different then when I first started.
Agreed. But I can contemplate achieving the rest. I’ve had times when I have experienced them. At least I’ve had moments of deciding not to waste a minute; of turning away from something inappropriate to gaze at; even of feeling God’s presence, maybe, possibly. And if you had really emunah, and you looked around and saw what Hashem has done for you, of course you would love Him. Right, but — “with all your heart, and all your soul, and all that you have”?
I think all the constant mitzvos (emunah, no other G-ds, G-d’s unity, love, fear, don’t go after heart and eyes) are difficult.
For example emunah is not just a matter of saying you believe in G-d, but rather living with that reality constantly.
“And you shall love God your Lord with all your heart, and all your soul, and all that you have.”