1) Do you have a Rav with whom you can discuss life issues?
2) Does your spouse have someone to talk to?
3) For men – do you have a learning seder of some length every day?
4) Are you still focused on growing in your Yiddishkeit?
5) Are you integrated into your community?
6) Do you participate in communal chesed (which increases your integration)?
7) Are you active, by making calls and networking, in your children’s shidduchim?
8) Are you putting effort into choosing High Schools for your children?
9) Are you thinking about post High School choices for your children?
10) Are you working on improving your Tefillah?
1) Yes, though I don’t speak/see him as often as I used to, I still call him if I have a question
2) Yes, she talks to the above Rabbi’s wife.
3) No.
4) Less that I wish I was…
5) Tangentially
6) When possible and in line with my beliefs
7) She’s too young yet :)
8) Yes, it’s a big discussion for us.
9) Not yet, but we both agree on what we would prefer.
10) Daily struggle!
1. I can discuss life issues with my rabbi, and it is very helpful to put it mildly. The conversations I have with my rav on life issues end up informing not only the specific issue I have a concern with at the time, but also my overall outlook. I have such conversations relatively infrequently (as I feel the need arises).
2. My wife has someone available to talk to although she is not as enthusiastic as I am about it and doesn’t utilize it as often as I do. I believe this results from a personality difference more than anything else.
3. Yes, I learn every day. I think this is very important even totally aside from the formal religious value of Talmud Torah (which is itself a good reason as well!). Being involved in Talmud Torah on a regular basis helps one focus on the right things and be skeptical of certain things and be enthusiastic about others. In addition to my scheduled time learning b’chavrusa, I try to make my commute by public transporation (about 45 minutes each way) into learning time, and one can accomplish a lot during this time if one sticks with it. Learning actively as distinguished from passively is a very important component of it for me.
4. Yes, and it’s hard for me to imagine not being focussed on growth. In part this is linked with daily Talmud Torah –when one has Torah principles staring him in the face on a daily basis, one is forced to think about how they apply or should apply to his life. What “growth” means has different definitions at different times for different people, of course.
5. Yes. I don’t recall ever having any problems with this, and I suspect I am in a different type of community in this respect from some who have said they have had this problem. In any event, I try to focus on associating with the right individuals. By “right” individuals, I don’t mean “right” as defined by anyone else, I mean the right ones for me (and my wife and family to the extent that is relevant). In any event, Talmud Torah can help here as well. If you’re so inclined, you can meet and get to know people better whom you might not have much else to say to at first by discussing Torah with them.
6. Yes, but not enough, thank you for the small reminder.
7. N/a (my children are younger).
8. Not yet.
9. Not yet.
10. On tefila, yes I am working on improving it, although it is an up and down thing for me. That is, I find it requires a lot of effort (not just during the davening itself) for me to have the focus that I really want in tefila, and there are times that I can put that effort in and have some success. At other times I am not able to put that effort in and it suffers. But the overall goal is ongoing.