A while ago I attended an excellent seminar in Kew Garden Hills, NY from Project Inspire, a joint initiative of Aish HaTorah and the OU aimed at creating a grass-roots outreach movement. One of the highlights of the evening was a presentation by Rabbi Chaim Samson from Aish about the four main misconceptions about Judaism than non-frum Jews hava, and the four reassurances that can overcome them. While I can’t recreate the full glory of the presentation in a written summary, the ideas are inspiring enough in any format. For anyone involved professionally or casually in outreach, keeping these four misconceptions in mind is a good starting point. The presentation is also great for ba’alei teshuva.
When he was learning at Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem, Rabbi Samson and his friends would often pass backpackers hanging out in the old city. He and his friends had a running that joke that if they approached two backpackers and asked them if they’d like to spend some time in a yeshiva learning about philosophy, mysticism, ethics, how Judaism can inspire our lives, etc., they would get the same answers every time. One of the backpackers would jump at the chance, saying that he had always wanted to learn more about Judaism. The other would demur and make up a litany of excuses. Inevitably the one who is eager to learn about Judaism would be non-Jewish, and interested in comparative religions or an understanding of the development of religions, and the one who wants nothing to do with the religion would be Jewish.
Why this hesitancy? Rabbi Samson points to four misconceptions that lead to this, and four reassurances which can counter them.
1. Judging Others
First, there’s the misconception that religious Jews look down on non-religious Jews, judging them to be less holy or less of a Jew. So therefore why would a non-frum Jew ever want to walk into a room full of frum Jews, thinking that everyone in the room is judging him?
But this idea is completely contrary to Judaism! At the core of Judaism are the concepts of care, concern and love for our fellow Jews. Judaism brought the ideals of charity, kindness and respect to the world. No matter the religious beliefs of another Jew, we have a mitzvah to love and respect them.
As an illustration, Jewish law rules that if someone puts a gun to your head and tells you to kill someone else, you must refuse. This is based on the Talmudic concept that we can’t know whose blood is redder, for only G-d knows who is holier. Taking the example one step further, if you were forced to choose between killing a homeless, alcoholic bum, who never worked a day in his life, and shooting the Chofetz Chayim, one of the biggest Rabbis of all time, Judaism also would say that you cannot choose. We as humans cannot know which of the two people is holier. Each of us has a mission in this world and a potential we can reach, and we cannot know who is closer to reaching it.
Therefore this is a complete misconception, for it could be that the non-frum Jew is truly on a higher level and closer to G-d that his religious brother! The frum person can gain and learn from his less-religious coreligionist, so we can never say that one person is on a lower level than ourselves.
2. Who wants Judaism? It’s a hardship!
There’s the common misconception that Judaism is a hardship, a deprivation of all enjoyment in the world, and that a non-frum person would have to give up all that he enjoys in life. Nothing could be farther from the truth! Judaism is about sucking the marrow out of life and making the most of it. While we have to temper and focus some of our desires, one of the goals of Judaism is getting the most out of this world and achieving the greatest amount of satisfaction.
One of the most important desires that any parent has for a child is that he or she should be happy. It’s the same for G-d. We are His children, and He wants us to get pleasure in this world and the next. Therefore He shows us how real happiness comes from becoming holy. Learning Torah and keeping mitzvot brings the greatest levels of enjoyment a person can have.
Just as a person would never drive a car without reading the instruction manual, we shouldn’t go through life without first reading the instructions. The Torah is our instruction book, our guidebook for getting the most out of life. When a non-frum Jew sees a beautiful Shabbas table with singing, a closeness among family members and true happiness, he or she gets a taste of real enjoyment. The way to do this is by sincerely showing people that Judaism, the Torah and the mitzvot hold the key to happiness.
3. It’s all or nothing.
Upon seeing the multitude of laws and customs in Judaism, many people will throw up their hands and say “It’s too great for me! I’ll never achieve it all, so why should I try?†When they realize they can’t do everything, they opt for nothing.
But it’s a fallacy to assume that we can achieve everything. There is no person on earth who can honestly say that he’s learned every item of Torah, perfected every mitzvot and learned every secret. No one achieves it all.
Instead we all need to take baby steps. We need to take on new mitzvot one at a time. A person may think it’s hypocritical to only take on particular items, but it’s really being human. We’re all constantly struggling to achieve perfection, but that’s human nature. As long as we’re focused on constantly improving and adding to our observance, taking small steps is the way to go.
For example if a jeweler put 613 precious diamonds on a table and told you to grab as many as you could in a few seconds, it’s obviously impossible to grab them all. But that doesn’t mean you should walk away from the table without trying. You need to try to grab as many as you can at once.
By showing other Jews how easy it is to do single mitzvot, such as lighting candles on Friday night, wearing tzitzit, etc., you’ll inspire them to tremendous heights. One mitzvah leads to another. It’s important to get to know a person well enough to be able to recommend particular mitzvot to them, but the most important item is that slow and steady steps helps one win the race.
4. It’s not true!
Often people outside the spectrum of Torah-true Judaism will think of the religion as archaic and backwards, a belief system for people who lack something and who are less intellectual. This probably stems from a misconception based on other religions that require a leap of faith to accept their laws.
Judaism is based on the completely opposite idea. We believe that not only is there a G-d, but that it’s possible to know that He’s out there, that it’s provable. It’s unreasonable to think that G-d would want us to pray to Him without knowing for sure that He’s there. What would be the point of it? How would we ever achieve the heights of spirituality if we weren’t sure our prayers were being heard?
Judaism is one of the only religions that encourages questions and challenges. These are the central goals of Jewish learning and the cores of Judaism. If we can constantly question and challenge, it’s a tremendous testimony to the veracity of Judaism! G-d wouldn’t encourage us to question if it was impossible to find the truth. Our eagerness to question demonstrates our supreme confidence in the truth of our religion.
Based on these four misconceptions and four reassurances, we also have four key methodologies for reaching out to people:
1. Showing care for people, to show that any thoughts that they’re being judged are incorrect.
2. Demonstrating the beauty and pleasure inherent in Judaism.
3. Taking baby steps to observance.
4. Showing that Judaism is based on truth.
These four statements are fundamental to outreach, and fundamental to our performance of our religion.
To end with my own addition, these four statements are also excellent items to work on as we prepare for the divine tribunal on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. These are four areas that we need to constantly work on. By strengthening our love for fellow Jews and refraining from judging them, we become more caring and compassionate people. By making sure that our actions radiate the beauty of Judaism, we remind ourselves and those around us how beautiful our religion is and we enhance our performance of the mitvot. Taking baby steps is the best way to adopt any new mitzvah or practice, and doing so is especially appropriate during this month of Elul. By spending this month taking small steps towards our commitments for next year, we demonstrate to G-d and ourselves that we are sincere and that we will really try to achieve them next year, instead of just jumping into them without preparation on Rosh Hashanah. And by demonstrating to the world that truth is at the core of Judaism, we can inspire ourselves, our families and our communities to greater love and observance of Judaism.
Originally Published in October, 2006
Unfortunately, #1 as presented, is not a misconception. You write: First, there’s the misconception that religious Jews look down on non-religious Jews, judging them to be less holy or less of a Jew.
Truth is, we do. The rest of the discussion of #1 is why we shouldn’t, which isn’t the same as what we actually act upon. Behavior is more a product of culture, habits and emotional proclivities than ideas. So that we can be judgmental, even those of us who fully agree that “We as humans cannot know which of the two people is holier. Each of us has a mission in this world and a potential we can reach, and we cannot know who is closer to reaching it.”
As an example, in Orthodox Jewish English, “irreligious” is used interchangeably with “not halachically observant.”
Or the well-meaning term “not-yet-frum”.
Or the cliche of the non-observant or newly observant frequent Shabbos guest who complains about how often he is turned into a “cheftzah shel mitzvah” (a mitzvah object), like tefillin or a lulav. Not an equal, but the means of being holy.
Fern (#23)–Only because the article was written in a very anti-religious way. This isn’t a new decision, it’s normative halacha. The paper just jumped on the chance to create more problems between secular-reform and religious.
Actually, since so many of us who read/post here are BT’s, most of us have had our own preconceived notions about Orthodoxy. Come on folks, share ’em…
This is such an amazing post; thank you!
Charnie,
Thanks for sharing the post with your non-frum friends and relatives. Please let us know what they say!
To be honest, I was a little cautious at first to write this post, because having the misconceptions spelled out online could reinforce them in the mind of a non-frum person who comes across them. But hopefully enough good will come from the post and the discussions here to overcome any small amount of negative response.
Bob Miller-That was my point with DK, especially considering his own identification with the liberal-left. Many who identify with that POV also “see red” whenever there is any common venture between Charedim and MO.
(that should be #28, not #27)
Steve, while you are basically on the right track as regards Chareidi/MO collaborations for mutual benefit, your WW2 parallel (#27) is strange.
The CPUSA in the 30’s and 40’s consistently chose its friends and enemies exactly as its boss, Stalin, ordered (based on his perception of his own interests). Their policy zigzags followed his exactly. They had checked their critical thinking skills at the door when they first joined the Party.
DK-WADR, sometimes, your logic reminds me of the post 1939 and pre Pearl Harbor American communists. Despite the fact that Hitler Yimach Shmo vZicro had conquered all of Europe and was blitzing the UK, that was a battle between capitalists that the US had no business being involved in until June 22, 1941, when the Nazis Yimach Shamam decided to invade Mother Russia. At that point, the 1939 Molotov-Ribbentrop NOn Aggression Pact ceased to have any “validity” and the need for a “Second Front” suddenly became of maximum importance, without regard to whether the Allies could achieve that goal or the two ocean war that the US was fighting in the Pacific.
Like it or not, kiruv and decisions over intra Orthodox unity are not made in the sense of finding partners with the most ideal hashkafa. It is sad but your experiences have blinded and rendered you hostile to the possibiliy of any cooperation between the MO and Charedi worlds on this and other issues where a sharing of resources is possible.
DK-Did you look at the programming content? It is Judaism 101. What is so sinister about the contents of the progam?
DK-I haven’t the foggiest idea about how this OU/Aish joint venture was entered into betwen the parties or why NJOP wasn’t considered. Why don’t you ask the OU if you are so upset about it?.
Read it and we do!
Chaim G,
Please readd my magnum opus below because I think I succeeded in accurate repressenting myself, which doesn’t always happen. Thanks.
I think we are in agreement. A while back, Rav Shimon Schwab spoke at the Agudah Convention. He stated (I am paraphrasing) that nearly all the non-frum were to be viewed as tinokos sh’nishbu, with the exception of maybe a few thousand l’hachis anti-religious folks. Meaning even people that had grown up frum but left due to the war etc, were not to be looked at as reshaim. It was something of a revelation to the very frum, very ffb tzibbur. Rabbi Avigdor Miller would often talk about “reshaim” as a general term for non-religious people. Rav Wolpe and others use the mashul of different Torah / mussar concepts being like different medicines. Each choleh has to know which medicine he needs to take. If one takes the medicine that is appropriate for another, big problems can result. It often seems to me that baalei t’shuvah tend to overly take medicine that is not intended for them. Even if the big madreigos of valueing each Jew that you described in the Rabbes are actual p’shat (and I beleive they are), they are still big madreigos. One cannot take a shortcut from being frei to loving non-frum Jews, without first coming to love frum Jews. And if one does that, their depth of love for the non-frum is suspect. One cannot hate Lakewood and love Syossett.
And then there are articles like this one that confirm a non-observant Jew’s worst nightmares regarding what frum Jews think.
Michoel #7
We have a right and a responsibility to assume that shore mitzvos are going to get rewarded in the next world and ovrei aveiros are going to get punished.
100%. This is one of our Ani Ma’amins. Otherwise what would be the sense of the whole Kiruv undertaking? Why bother encouraging others to increased observance without the utter conviction that it will enhance their temporal and eternal lives? Still, the kiruv balancing act (and I don’t mean “act†as in playing a fictitious role) is to do so with humility and without a sense of superiority. This is not just tactics. It is IMO the truth because, again based on the Rambam I quoted, identifying shomrei mitzvos and ovrei aveiros gets dicey in a world of Tinokos Shenishbu and underachieving Jews who ought to know and perform better. Only the Kail Deos knows for sure who and how much the true “shomer” really is.
And we have a similar right and responsibility to identify, for ourselves and our children, which is which.
We must have paradigms and role models and keep on growing primarily to hedge our bets. (See the Rambam in Pirush HaMishnayos on Rotzah HKBâ€H l’zakos es Yisrael.) It gets really difficult with children. Maybe it’s best not to involve children in Kiruv projects for the danger of them erring on either the side of superiority and spiritual-snobbery or on the side of moral-relativism. I really don’t know, nor do I know which is the lesser of the two evils.
Spiritual riches are the only kind that cannot be diminished by generosity. FWIW IMO Kiruv has been histories most successful wealth redistribution scheme because it’s enjoyed the voluntary participation of the â€haves.â€
Larry–Speaking for myself here (because that’s all I can do, right?!) I thought frum Jews would look down on me if I popped in to an Orthodox shul because (1) I didn’t know what to do and might be a distraction to the other people there, and (2) I thought frum Jews had a negative opinion of Jews who were not observant. I think most non-frum Jews are “scared” of frum Jews not necessarily because of a previous bad experience (I didn’t know any Orthodox Jews to have a bad experience with), but because it is intimidating to be around people who know a lot more than you do and have a lot higher standard for themselves than you do. I think it’s natural for people to perceive that if you’re a Jew and I’m a Jew but you think Jews need to be doing X and I’ve been doing Y that you are going to think I’m a bad Jew.
That was my perception of Jews from a completely unaffiliated perspective, NOT the way I view things today. That was often the way young people viewed things in the “hippie era”.
First, there’s the misconception that religious Jews look down on non-religious Jews, judging them to be less holy or less of a Jew. So therefore why would a non-frum Jew ever want to walk into a room full of frum Jews, thinking that everyone in the room is judging him?
As far as my own pre-BT perspective, it was the feeling that Judaism was solely about materialism, judging from the jingling of jewelry at the conservative synagogue in my neighborhood, and what did any of that have to do with spirituality.
I don’t know, where would they get the idea frum people were judging them?
Thank you, Bob (#17).
My first reaction upon reading this great post was the idea of sharing it with some of my non-frum friends and relatives, to get their viewpoint, from which, perhaps we could get additional insight. Don’t worry, I’m close enough to them for them not to be offended, or should I say, they’re used to me. However, the spin of the comments here is precisely what I wouldn’t want a non-frum Jew to experience. So I’ll just cut and paste the article, rather then send a link.
As far as my own pre-BT perspective, it was the feeling that Judaism was solely about materialism, judging from the jingling of jewelry at the conservative synagogue in my neighborhood, and what did any of that have to do with spirituality. There was the feeling that religious people were living in some other century, somewhat like the Amish. Little did I know!
Every conceivable permutation of this “don’t fraternize with those Chareidim” pitch has been made here by now. Shall we move on?
Steve,
Why did the OU choose Aish over NJOP?
And would you allow as well for the OU to choose, say, the UTJ as a partner provided they could agree on a curriculum of Basic Judaism 101 that was devoid of hashkafic differences? I don’t think you would, and I wouldn’t blame you.
ain huchi nami. Whay is the OU’s logo doing next to Aish?
This only confirms that the RWMO can absolutely not be trusted when it comes to clearly offering a different, distinct, and alternative vision of traditional Judaism to BT’s. They are too close to the charedim, and too accepting of the charedi platform of stringency and maximum halachic compliance for newly observant Jews. Once again, they have one standard for their own, and another for potential BTs.
It’s very disappointing.
DK-WADR, the content of this program consiste of elementary and universally applicable concepts. IMO it is Basic Judaism 101-I think that a joint venture by the OU and Aish on this type of program should be applauded, and not condemned .
DK-We talked about this towards the end of the summer. It is a sharing of resources-not organizational hashkafos , etc. I don’t see anything objectionablbe to the program as an introduction to the subject,
While I was pleasantly surprised to find that many frum Jews are not judgmental of non-frum Jews, I think it’s a little bit disingenuous to say that because the Torah and other Jewish texts forbid a holier-than-thou sttitude that such an attitude doesn’t exist in reality.
Some frum Jews are snobs and not the best example of what it means to be Torah observant. On the other hand, many, many frum Jews are wonderful, loving people who would never think of looking down on a non-frum Jew. I would think that knowing what you’re getting yourself into would be much more appreciated than fluffing everything up which is just setting the potential BT for disappointment.
I’ve been puzzling over this connection between the Four Tops and kiruv.
Maybe it’s “Reach Out I’ll Be There”
I agree with your comment in 9. Take care.
got to go now. Hope to conyinue the shmooze a little later.
What I was asking was rhetorical. I was actually stating an opinion. IMO just as one should not say (and presumably not think) this sugya in Torah is beautiful is beautiful (implying that other sugyyos may be cholilah unattractive) so too one should strive for a consciousness (which I believe the e great Rebbes possessed) that does not appreciate the beauty of one neshoma in K’lal Ysiroel by either implicitly or explicitly ugly-fying another.
Chaim G,
Regarding my question of you in #5. Did I sugges that we should say “mah noeh” about any Jew? Chas v’shalom.
Chaim G,
“But who’s to say that a drunkard might not be greater a non-self-conscious conduit of bracha?”
He taka might be. But that does not give us license to just say “Therefore this is a complete misconception…” We have a right and a responsibilty to assume that shomrei mitzvos are going to get rewarded in the next world and ovrei aveiros are going to get punished. And we have a similar right and responsibilty to identify, for ourselves and our children, which is which.
Chaim G.:
“In Oiraisa saying “mah noeh shmua zu†is a no no. Why should it be any different in Oiraisa’s alter-ego, Yisrael?”
I don’t follow what you are asking.
Michoel(#3)
“Go to” absolutely! That’s what we call “ain l’dayan ella mah sheinav ro’os†and a Chezkas Kashrus, which is magnified in the case of Talmid Chochom who even possesses a Chezkas T’shuva. But who’s to say that a drunkard might not be greater a non-self-conscious conduit of bracha?
Our working assumption, in halacha and in normative Torah hashkafa, is that frum is better, higher, superior, holier than non-frum.
I agree with you in halacha. So the next time we are confronted with prioritizing who to save from a burning building or sinking ship we must operate under that assumption. But why must we assume or presume ANYTHING at all in hashqafa.
I see the (limited) need for a stratified social hierarchy but fail to see the need for an unknown and, absent gadlus in Kabbalah, unknowable stratified spiritual hierarchy.
The Tzidkus and gadlus of so many of the Rebbes that generations of Chasidim sought ought for their brachos manifested itself in a “colorblind†kind of Ahavas Yisroel that discerned sub-surface ineffable Kedusha and gadlus in every “drunkard†and Shlimazel they encountered. In Oiraisa saying “mah noeh shmua zu†is a no no. Why should it be any different in Oiraisa’s alter-ego, Yisrael?
Fluff yes. Chasidic folklore no. Do chasidim go to drunkards for brachos or to Rebbes? So clearly they know that the Rebbe is a holy person were the drunkard is to assumed to not be.
Nice Rambam but it there are lots of other Rambams. Our working assumption, in halacha and in normative Torah hashkafa, is that frum is better, higher, superior, holier than non-frum.
The OU is working with Aish? This is awful, awful news. Shame on the OU!
the non-frum Jew is truly on a higher level
For those of you who think that this is the stuff (and fluff) of Chasidic Folklore (maybe Michoel?) Please see: Rambam Laws of Teshuva 3:2. Here is my admittedly amateur translation:
And this weighing (of Mitzvah and Aveiros) is not quantitative but (instead is) qualitative. There can be one merit/mitzvah that weighs equal to many sins in that a (great) good inheres in it. And there is one sin that weighs equal to many merits. As the posuk says: “And one sinner can lose much good.†This balancing/weighing occurs only in the mind of the L-rd of all knowledge/minds. And He (alone) knows how to calculate and assess merits vis a vis sins.
Michael,
I like the piece a lot and I am not looking for argument for the sake of argument.
“Alcoholic bum… Chofetz Chaim, … we don’t know who is holier etc etc…complete misconception…could be the non-frum Jew is truly on a higher level and closer to G-d that his religious brother!…”
We DO know that the Chofetz Chaim is holier. True that we cannot shoot the bum based on that knowledge.
It might be that a particular non-frum Jew is closer to G-d in some ways. But our working assumption should be that frum Jews are closer to G-d than non-frum Jews. And apologizing for that is not the way to make more people frum and it is not the way to keep people frum.