At a friend’s daughter’s chasanah, I struck up a conversation with his son-in-law, a young and dynamic Rabbi.
Wanting to understand his approach, I asked, “Do you ever emphasize Mussar in your teaching?”
He smiled. “A Rav’s main job is to teach Mussar—but if I advertised it that way, nobody would show up.”
Later that evening, I sat next to a Rosh Yeshivah and asked him about his yeshiva’s approach to Mussar. He explained that while self-refinement is essential, excessive focus on personal flaws can be counterproductive, leading to discouragement rather than growth. Therefore, they integrate Mussar carefully, ensuring it nurtures progress rather than paralyzing self-criticism.
Even in my hometown’s Mussar-focused Yeshivah, cheshbon hanefesh is practiced cautiously to avoid overwhelming or discouraging students.
If you find introspection difficult, you’re not alone. Self-criticism is painful, even when it comes from within. Yet, without examining our actions and direction in life, meaningful improvement is nearly impossible.
The Mesillas Yesharim teaches that Hashem created human beings with natural tendencies toward self-centeredness, distraction, lethargy, and desire – not as flaws, but as challenges to overcome in the pursuit of spiritual greatness.
The Torah’s focus on Teshuvah teaches that spiritual growth isn’t about perfection – it’s about persistence: recognizing our missteps, learning from them, and moving forward.
The Derech Hashem explains that refining our character and actively shaping our spiritual reality is not just a means of self-improvement but the very purpose of creation. As Klal Yisrael, we are privileged to be chosen for this sacred mission.
When we see Mussar and cheshbon hanefesh as privileges rather than burdens, they stop feeling like obligations and instead become powerful tools for lasting growth. Instead of fearing self-examination, we can embrace it as the key to reaching our highest potential.
https://servicewithpurpose.substack.com/p/rethinking-introspection
