By Gregg Schwartz
For me personally, the most difficult part of becoming religious was all the dogma associated with it. I always considered myself a “spiritual” person, but have had trouble connecting to all the ritual whose purpose I couldn’t find. I know we are told that when our ancestors received the torah, they said na’ase v’nishma. We will do, and then we will hear; but in truth, this concept doesnt work for everyone.
I was and continue to be stubborn. You couldn’t get me to eat my vegetables, even if you said G-d told me too, simply because I didn’t like them. I’ve tried my whole life to be different, and not conform, and conforming to a group and rules is very trying for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I HATE wearing suits, and I will be the ONLY one in shul not wearing a suit.
So now, getting back to spirituality and orthodox dogma, I made a conscious decision not to take anything on unless I can make it meaningful to me, and marry it to my spirituality. I know that the sages say that it is better to go through the motions, than not do anything at all, but my approach is on the stubborn side. It took me years to take on mitzvahs, and I’m talking about simple ones, not because I couldnt do them, rather I needed to find meaning in them first. I recently heard a lecture from Rabbi Jacobson, and he gave a parable that hit me like chulent at 2PM (if anyone uses that phrase, give credit to Big G).
Here is how the parable goes:
The nightingale goes to hashem and says “thank you g-d for giving me such a beautiful voice that allows me to sing all night for your creatures, but this beautiful voice also makes me a target for your creatures to eat me, while I’m perched on a branch”. To this hashem replied I will give you a big beak to scare the creatures away. To this the nightingales replies “A beautiful voice shouldn’t come out of such a frightening instrument. Hashem then tells the nightingale that it will have huge claws. The nightingales responds by telling hashem that “I am not a predator, and my feet shouldn’t frighten others away from me”. To this hashem tells the bird that he will give him wings. The nightingale responds by saying “I don’t want anymore flesh on my back. I have enough trouble escaping predators. This flesh will surely slow me down” G-d tells the nightingale “these wings; they are used to fly. When a predator gets close to you, simply spread our your wings and fly away”
G-d gave the Jews this extra “flesh” on its back, it’s called the Ttorah. Adhering to the orthodox lifestyle sometimes does seem like a bag of rocks on our back. It adds much weight to our already heavy lives, by putting rules on restrictions on everything. It is our job to turn this bag of rocks on our back, to a bag of diamonds.
May all of us use this month of Elul turn our rocks into diamonds.
Shana Tova.
I also have a really hard time with rituals and tend to be more spiritual…this is probably why I am reform. I am debating about the different Jewish sects and practices at Jewish Connection, about their personal beliefs and being “stiff necked” does seem to be a trait shared by one person. I find that finding smaller ways to make your faith important, like the mitzvahs you took, will allow you to appreciate your roots and faith even more.
Love the diamonds metaphor,great imagery and concept , quick question though , are the rocks in the given parcel, Cubic Zirconia , Semi Precious or Precious stones.I hope all my rocks turn into sparkly pink diamonds (and before I get too scratched and scruffed up from the rough edges and suprisingly splintered facets).
But is it ok to just polish /smooth out the rough edges and focus exclusively on the splintered facets of the precious stones like rubies/ sapphires and diamonds (preferably pink) . And or the semi precious stones like Jade/ Rainbow Quartz/ or Pink Tourmaline.Do we have to work on the Cubic Zirconia stones also, which are possibly the heaviest in addition to being artificially manufactured with man made materials .Sometimes they just weigh everything else down and make things so much more cumbersome and stuff . Or is the given parcel like Forest Gump’s proverbial ” life is like a box of chocolates you never know what ure gonna get”.If you think about it though ,eating all the chocolates in the box cuz you dont know which one has the good rum filling is just a little excessive bordering on uneducated and then there’s the possiblity of reverse peristalsis which would make all the chocolates and all the stones precious /semi precious and fabricated just go away by default.
Nice post Gregg.
I was almost your exact opposite–I always considered myself an intellectual, but when it came to taking on mitzvot, I always had to take on the mitzvah before I could find the meaning in it. As of today I feel lots of meaning in, and connection to, the mitzvot I keep, but I took all of them on without any feeling of connection. To each their own.
Great post. Thank you
Gregg-
It was great seeing you at the Shabbaton and even greater to see you posting and getting involved.
Stubborn is actually a good and characteristically Jewish trait. The Maharal of Prague, when explaining the Biblical term “a stiff-necked people†and the Prophet Jonah’s reluctance to bring a T’shuva message to Nineveh, says that the Jewish people, vis a vis other nations of the world, are more about form (Tsura) and less about material (Chomer). Materials can shed and adopt new forms all the time (think un-kilned clay) but for something that is intrinsically form to change its very essence is much harder, but, more permanent. More simply put-for a stubborn people or individual it may take longer to do T’shuva but once a T’shuva makeover is achieved it is more permanent.
Also, I’ve never met a true Masmid (diligent, intoxicated by Torah, student of Torah) who was not also a stubborn son-of-a-gun. Now that you’ve found a metaphor that speaks to you I hope that you will embrace Mitzvah Observance and Torah Study with the same stubborn tenacity that marked your resistance to them (and veggies) up until now!
Gregg,
Awesome posting. It refreshing to hear your words as Rosh Hashana approached. Thanks.
Great moshel, thanks for sharing.