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Charlie Harary and Brevedy Help You Move from Inspiration to Change

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I recently had the good fortune to find Charlie Harary’s 10 part Audio Course on Change. I listened to it twice because it is packed with so many powerful ideas to help you realize change. I mentioned the series to David, and suggested that perhaps we could make a 3 minute Brevedy video to highlight the key concepts and enable better internalization of the material.

David thought it was a good idea and I emailed Charlie to ask what he thought about the idea. He liked it, so we listened to the series again a number of times to pull the key components and concepts to move from inspiration to change.

We suggest that you watch the Brevedy video first, so you know the key concepts and then listed to Charlie’s Audio Course.

Here’s the link to the Brevedy video, 3 Minutes to Grow, Change, Be Great and the link to Charlie’s Change audio course.

Let us know what you think.

Hip Health and Spiritual Growth

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A few months ago in a post called From Healing The Hip To Strengthening The Soul, I discussed a secular friend’s desire to develop his spiritual side. I mentioned that I can’t identify a tried and true path for Jewish people who want to grow spiritually, but are not necessarily on a path to full Torah observance in an observant community. This is the second 3-minute-read post of the series I mentioned there.

Let me explain the hip connection. I’ve been a 3-4 times a week, 40 minute runner, for most of my adult life. About 5 years ago, I was getting pains in my hip joint area. I went to my medical doctor and his recommendation was to take over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medication. This is a standard medical response for chronic joint pain. And it worked. I was able to function and even run on the medication.

About 18 months ago, I took two of my kids to an amusement park with roller coasters. The next day, before Shacharis, I had an intensely sharp shooting pain in my hip joint which caused me to buckle over my car. I hobbled to Shul and the intense pain would come back periodically. I mentioned this to David (Linn) and he said there was a PT in Great Neck who had done wonders for a number of people in our neighborhood. I went to see him.

Dr. Weisberg said my hip was so lacking in mobility that I was headed straight for a hip replacement. He took me off anti-inflammatories and taught me the proper way to use icing. He gave me 10 minutes of stretches to do twice a day. I’ve done the stretches religiously, and I haven’t taken an anti-inflammatory in 18 months; I no longer need icing; and my hip is gradually getting stronger and stronger.

What I’ve learned is the power of proper repetition over time. And proper repetition will strengthen our spiritual side as well. Saying Berachos, Shema, Shomoneh Esrai and doing mitzvos repetitively are meant to help us develop a deep spiritual connection to G-d. However it’s clear that the vast majority of observant Jews don’t have such a deep connection. Certainly Torah Observance leads to some connection, but it’s not a deep spiritual connection because we’re not doing the mitzvos properly with mindfulness, focus and kavanna.

If I’m going to help my friend really develop his spiritual side, I need to work on using the mitzvos properly to develop a deep spiritual connection to G-d. (End of part 2)

The Chanukah Growth Project

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Chanukah is a great opportunity for spiritual growth. So it’s a great time to unveil the Spiritual Growth project which can transform our service to Hashem. It involves things we already do and it won’t take more that 1-2 minutes extra a day.

Premises:
The goal of mitzvos is to develop a deeper connection to Hashem.
If we perform mitzvos with more attention they will have a bigger impact on our connection.

Process
Track your progress for 8 days in the following    1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8
1) Say one Birchos HaMitzvot with Kavanna
2) Say one Shema with Kavanna
3) Start one Shomoneh Esrai with Kavanna
4) Say one Birchos Hanehenin with Kavanna

1) Say one Birchos HaMitzvot with kavanna before washing, tzitzis or tefillin.
Have in mind:
a) Hashem is the One who commanded this mitzvos
b) You are the one who was commanded
c) With this act that you are about to perform you are fulfilling this command

Baruch Atah Hashem – Hashem, the Master of all (who always was, is, and will be), is the Ultimate Source of all blessing
Elokeinu Melech HaOlam – Hashem is the source of all powers in this world, and He is the Ultimate Authority of the World
Asher Kid’shanu B’mitzvosav – Hashem separated, elevated and sanctified us by obligating us with His commandments
V’tzivanu Al – And He particularly commanded us with the mitzvos I am about to perform regarding…

2) Say one Shema in the morning or evening with kavanna.
Have in mind:
a) You are going to perform the Mitzvos of reciting the Shema
b) You are going to perform the Mitzvos of accepting Hashem as the Ultimate Authority over you
c) Think about the first 2 commandments of “I am Hashem your G-d,” and “You shall have no other gods.”

Sh’ma Yisrael – listen, hear and understand, individual Jews and the Jewish People
Hashem – Master of all (who always was, is, and will be), upon Whom all existence is dependent
Elokeinu – Is the source of all powers and the Ultimate Authority of the world
Hashem – Master of all guides the world to its ultimate purpose
Echad – Everything comes from Hashem, and some day this will be recognized by all and we will reach our ultimate purpose

3) Start one Shomoneh Esrai with kavanna.
Have in mind:
a) You are standing before Hashem and are about to begin your prayer to Him
b) Hashem is the Source and Authority over everything in the world
c) You are small in comparison to Hashem

4) Say on Birchos Hanehenin, before food or drink with kavanna.
Have in mind:
a) Hashem is the creator of what you are about to eat
b) You are thankful to Him for creating and providing this food for you

Baruch Atah Hashem – Hashem, the Master of all (who always was, is, and will be), is the Ultimate Source of all blessing
Elokeinu Melech HaOlam – Hashem is the source of all powers in this world, and He is the Ultimate Authority of the World
Shehakol Nihyah Bidvaro – everything was created through His word and power

In a brocha, we can focus on:
1) Hashem is the sole source of existence
2) Hashem created everything in existence
3) Hashem continual supervises everything in existence
4) Hashem is the absolute authority over everything in existence

The 60 Second Guide to Chanukah

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The Battle of the Spiritual vs the Physical
To understand any Jewish Holiday it is helpful to restate the foundation of Judaism, which is that there is a G-d, who is completely spiritual who created a world with physical and spiritual parts. Man is the only creation with both a spiritual side (the soul) and a physical side (the body). The Jewish people’s role is to lead mankind to an integration of the physical into the spiritual. We accomplish that by filling our lives and the world with G-d focused thoughts, speech and actions.

Physical Orientation of the Greeks
After the destruction of the First Temple in Jerusalem, the presence of G-d in the world was much less evident. Even though the temple was rebuilt, man’s spiritual awareness of G-d was greatly diminished in the Second Temple period. Concurrent with the diminishment of G-d awareness was the rise of Greek thought and culture with its focus on man and the physical universe.

The Spiritual Battle Against the Jews
The initial conflict of Chanukah pitted Jews who had assimilated into Greek culture and abandoned all spiritual orientation, against Jews still focused on the Jewish mission of integrating the spiritual into the physical. Eventually the Greek government joined the anti-spiritual fight and the Talmud mentions three decrees: no Shabbos because it is a testimony that G-d created the physical world, no Bris Milah because it signifies that even the most physical aspect of man must have a spiritual orientation, and no declaration of the new month (Rosh Chodesh) because it shows that even time is spiritually sanctified by the Jews.

The Military Victory
A small group of Jews decided to fight against the Greek spiritual oppression. Although badly outnumbered, the spiritually oriented Jews led by Mattisyahu eventually succeeded in expelling the Greeks from Jewish areas in Israel and from the Temple in particular. The fact that the victory was a miracle was not overwhelmingly apparent, because it sometimes happens that the weak overpower the strong in military battle.

The Miracle of the Oil
When the Jews reclaimed the temple they wanted to perform the temple’s daily Menorah lighting with spiritually pure oil, which would take eight days to prepare. They found one container of sealed purified oil which would last for only one day. They lit it and it miraculously burned for eight days. It was thereafter instituted that every Jewish home should light candles for the eight days of Chanukah in celebration of this miracle and our success in defeating our spiritual enemies.

Appreciating Miracles
The Hebrew word for miracle is Nes which means a sign. A miracle is a sign that there is a force beyond nature, namely G-d. Although G-d is in reality always present, He is often hidden in our world. In fact the Hebrew word for world is Olam, comes from the same root as the Hebrew word for hidden: the physical world hides the presence of G-d. When we learn about the spiritual realities of G-d’s world or do spiritual acts such as lighting the Chanukah Menorah we increase the G-d awareness in ourselves and in the world and continue to march towards the fulfillment of the Jewish people’s spiritual mission.

How the Internet Effects Our Davening and Our Learning

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Over the past view years, I’ve met more and more people who admit that they’re very distracted and find it hard to focus during davening and throughout the day.

One of my favorite technology-oriented writers, Nick Carr explains in his new book, “The Shallows” that the Internet is effecting our ability to concentrate and think deeply.

In an interview in the Atlantic, Carr explains how he became interested in this topic:

You write that the Internet encourages a mental ethic of speed and, in effect, distraction. Tell us a little about how you arrived at this idea.

It was originally spurred by my own personal experience. Like a lot of people, I had been using the Net heavily for more than a decade. In fact, every time the Web gained some new capability, I used it more. What I started noticing around 2007 was that I seemed to be losing my ability to concentrate. Not just when I was sitting at a computer. Even when the computer was off and I tried to read a book, to sustain a single train of thought, I found it difficult.

Carr is a deep thinker and it’s worth spending a few minutes reading what he has to say on the subject.

When I was at a Torah U Mesorah convention, an out of town principal whose students spend a reasonable amount of time on the Internet, watching videos and playing video games said the level of focus and concentration for his students is very low.

I think there are two things we can do to address this problem:
– Decrease our usage of high distraction technologies
– Make an increased effort to increase our focus during learning and davening.
– Start small with a few words or a single brocha and catch yourself and try to refocus.

When we started Beyond BT, we were caught up in the distraction producing high-frequency updates, but over time we have decrease the pace.

Deep thinking and focus are essential components of Judaism, so let’s try to fight the trend towards distraction in any way we can.

Originally Posted on June 15, 2010

Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach’s Spiritual Growth Prescription

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In a previous post titled, “Getting Better Mileage From Our Mitzvah Observance”, I suggested that those interested in continued spiritual growth, which I assume is most readers of this site, should try to say their Brachos with more mindfulness. I’ve been following my own advice and it is indeed a powerful, accessible way to connect to Hashem.

But don’t take my word for it, here’s a story adapted from the Introduction to Meah Brachot Ki’hilchata, by Ner Lelef Resources in the The Concept and Practice of Berachot class of their amazing Morasha Syllabus:

One of our greatest leaders in the last century, Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, was visited daily for advice, blessing, and encouragement by people from all walks of life. One day a man who was suffering a deadly illness approached Rabbi Auerbach to ask his advice on how to invoke Divine mercy to spare his life.

“I am unworthy of advising definitively on such a serious issue,” he replied. “However, I will tell you what I would do in such a situation. I would strengthen myself in the reciting of Brachot, making sure to enunciate each word carefully and clearly and with the proper concentration. If I were to succeed in that,” concluded the sage, “that would be for me a great accomplishment.”

Now, it is well known that Rabbi Auerbach was always particularly careful with his Brachot and said them with much concentration and mindfulness. So much so, people would come just to observe him utter a Bracha and would be duly uplifted as they watched this holy man connect with his Creator in a deep, meaningful way. Nevertheless, he would still strengthen himself constantly in this area. Even in the last year of his long life (which is when this incident happened) he felt that there was room for improvement and growth.

It seems there is no limit to the levels of perfection and growth in the purity of heart and mind that can be attained in the recitation of a simple Bracha.

A Burial Highlights Our Collective Spiritual Sensitivity

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Divisions have always been a factor among the Jews, and our times are no different, but at our core we’re all children of Abraham, partners in the covenant, possessing spiritual sensitivity, and destined to help the world unite and collectively connect to Hashem. An event last week brought this message home.

Through Facebook, I keep in touch with friends with whom I grew up. Our neighborhood synagogue was Conservative, but many people intermarried, although they have not lost an awareness of their Jewish heritage. Last week, a friend’s mother passed away and they asked me to officiate at the funeral. The oldest son recently had a conversation with the mother about whether she preferred a cremation or a burial. I’ve seen this before, and Rabbis have told me that the main reason that they consider cremation is because it is less expensive and because they were never taught the reasons behind Jewish laws and customs. When the spiritual concepts behind a proper Jewish burial are explained, many will pay the extra money to provide this for their parents.

At the advice of my Rav, my focus was to provide a proper burial for the mother, which primarily included a Tahara, a pine box casket, and the actual burial performed by the immediate family and myself. I emphasized the tremendous final act of loving-kindness they were performing and that struck a very deep spiritual and emotional chord.

In the eulogy, I spoke very briefly about the body, the soul and its immortality. I pointed out how the strong loving-kindness traits of the mother shaped her soul, and paralleled the primary spiritual traits of Sarah and Abraham. Every word was true and they clearly saw the spiritual connection between them, their mother and all the Jewish people. And this message can be made clear to almost all Jews that I know, observant or not, since they are spiritually sensitive and full of loving-kindness.

The collective soul of the Jewish People is the second highest of the five levels of the soul. Every Jew is a part of that collective soul and we immeasurably improve as individuals and as a people when we sensitize each other to our spiritual traits, specifically loving-kindness. In the merit of the loving-kindness of the deceased and her family, may we internalize this message a little more and help each other grow spiritually and connect to Hashem.

The Real Response to the Pew Report – Spiritual Proactivity

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A FFB friend emailed me recently because he was very disheartened by the Pew Report and the potential loss of so many thousands of Jews. He wanted to know how I thought Kiruv played into the picture. I told him I thought that Kiruv has been very successful with the 60,000 – 100,000 families that have become observant. In fact many of us who read Beyond BT have been beneficiaries of that success. However I don’t think that our existing mindset will be successful at reaching out to the millions of Jews who are far from Torah and mitzvos. Let me explain why.

The primary role of the Jewish people is to be the spiritual leaders of the world. We’re here to lead the entire world towards connecting the physical world to Hashem. We lead by example. When the world sees clear evidence of the Jewish people’s connection to Hashem, we will assume our primary role as spiritual leaders.

However the vast majority of Jewish people have little spiritual connection to Hashem. How can we lead the world, if we as a people are not spiritually connected. It seems clear that Jews that are spiritually connected need to lead in connecting the Jews as a nation to Hashem. The problem is that even Jews who are regularly observing mitzvos are not achieving high levels of connection.

Let’s look at ourselves. We keep Shabbos, daven, learn, say 100 brachos a day, and observe many mitzvos, but can we honestly say that we and our peers are really connected. That fact becomes clear when you talk to a truly connected person. We’re doing the mitzvos, we’re fully observant, but we’re not achieving great results. It’s scary, but it’s true.

So let’s stop blaming this group, or these community deficiencies, or whoever is the scapegoat of the day or week. Let’s each look inside and take charge of our own spirituality. The purpose of the mitzvos is to connect us to Hashem, let’s focus on connecting as we do our mitzvos, pray, learn Torah and say our 100 brachos a day.

If we become spiritual proactive, and deepen our connection to Hashem through our Torah and mitzvos, the Pew Report will have served its real spiritual purpose.

Getting Better Mileage From Our Mitzvah Observance

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Rabbi Yitzchok Kirzner zt”l used to tell a story of an observant Jew who was not motivated to grow further. He told Rabbi Kirzner that he was in the top 10% in terms of observance, and when the other 90% of Jewry caught up, he would go further.

The Mesillas Yesharim in the chapter on Acquiring Watchfulness says that the majority of observant Jews have this attitude. He says that the average person says regarding the world to come that “if we do not have a larger portion, we will have a small one”.

From one perspective this attitude seems justified. After all observant Jews keep Shabbos, do mitzvos, learn Torah, daven, etc.. Aren’t we doing what G-d wants from us?

The Mesillas Yesharim in the chapter on Man’s Duty in this World points the way to our mistake. We are confusing the ends with the means. Observing mitzvos are indeed the means, but the goal is to continually growing in our connection to Hashem. If we don’t notice progress in that goal of closer connection, then we’re not getting the appropriate value from our mitzvah observance.

The Mesillas Yesharim also tells us what we’re doing wrong, we’re not focused on improving our performance of the mitzvos. We need to be more careful in their observance, and more mindful when we perform them. If we follow the Torah’s prescription in mitzvah performance, we will achieve the goal of continuous growth in our connection to Hashem.

Let’s try a simple experiment for one week. Once a day let’s make a brocha on coffee or water with more focus and mindfulness. At the end of each day mark down whether you made the brocha with more focus.
Here’s a standard understanding of the brocha you can use to increase your focus:

Baruch Atah – You are the source of all blessing
Adonai – Master of all (who always was, is, and will be)
Eloheinu – The source of all powers
Melech HaOlam – King of the World
Shehakol Nihyah- everything was created
Bidvaro – through His words

In a brocha over water we can focus on
1) The reality of Hashem’s existence
2) His creation of everything in existence
3) His continual supervision of everything
4) His absolute authority over everything
5) His transformation of the spiritual into the physical

Let’s hope this a week where we can start to get more mileage from our mitzvos.

Spiritual Growth Through the Reading of the Weekly Parsha

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In Derech Hashem, the Ramchal explains that G-d created man for the purpose of connecting and cleaving to Him through mans own efforts. In the the whole universe, only man was placed between perfection and deficiency with the power to earn perfection. The process of earning that perfection is what spiritual growth is.

In order that G-d’s goal of man earning his perfection be best achieved, G-d decreed that man should consist of two opposites, a pure soul inclined towards the spiritual and an unenlightened physical body inclined toward the material and away from the spiritual. Even though man is immersed in the physical, he is able to rise to perfection through his physical activities. The activities which enable man to rise to perfection are the mitzvos.

The Ramchal describes the categories of mitzvos and describes in greater detail the learning of Torah. In addition to learning Torah to know how to perform the commandments, Torah study in and of itself plays a very large role in bringing man to perfection. The Ramchal describes two means of fulfilling Torah study, through the reciting of the words of the Chumash, and through understanding of Torah.

Chazal (the sages) instituted a weekly spiritual growth mechanism which takes advantage of the power of Torah learning called Shnayim Mikra V’Echod Targem, which is reading the weekly Torah portion twice in Hebrew and its translation once.

The Shulchan Aruch and Mishna Berurah describe different levels of performing Shanyim Mikra, but let me recommend the easiest way, which will enable you to perform it and achieve its spiritual growth benefits:

1) Read out load the Parsha in Hebrew during the week to fulfill the first Hebrew reading.
2) Read out loud the Art Scroll translation in English during the week. This fulfills the translation component.
3) On Shabbos, during the public leining read along out loud quietly to fulfill the second Hebrew reading.

Each week counts as a separate mitzvah so don’t fret if you didn’t start this year with Bereishis and Noach. You can start this week with Lech Lecha.

The Two Types of Prayer and the Two Types of Teshuva

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According to Rav Yosef Ber Soloveitchik, Chazal saw prayer as a an audience between the King and a prominent individual thus requiring us to stand straight, dress in good clothes and address Hashem directly. Hashem has given us this special privilege to approach him three times a day, only because we have a precedent from the Avos who approached Him this way.

In Selichos, we approach Hashem, not from the greatness of a man before a King, but from the opposite assumption, based on man’s weakness, loneliness and helplessness. Selichos are filled with one idea, how can lowly man possibly approach G-d? Our right to approach Hashem in Selichos is based on the Gemora in Rosh Hashanah (17b) where it is recorded that Hashem told Moshe that “Every time that Israel sins, let them perform this service (13 Attributes of Mercy) and I will pardon them.” .

These two approaches to prayer perhaps provide another answer to the question of why we don’t say viduy (confession), which is an essential component of Teshuva (along with regret and commitment to avoid transgression in the future) on Rosh Hoshana. Three of the approaches to this question are 1) on the Day of Judgement, we don’t want to mention our transgressions; 2) on this day we practice Hirhur Teshuva, which is a preparation for actual Teshuva; 3) we are actually performing the commitment to the future aspect of Teshuva. But at the end of the day, this is one of the ten days of Teshuva, when Hashem is especially accessible to grant atonement for our sins, so why don’t we take advantage with full Teshuva?

Another possible answer is that based on the two types of prayer, there are actually two types of Teshuva. The first is a general return to the ways of Hashem, the Teshuva mentioned in Parsha Nitzavim. The theme of Rosh Hoshana is that Hashem is King and He has a plan from the beginning of creation through the giving of the Torah at Sinai and culminating with the coming of Moshiach. The mitzvah of the day, the Shofar, is to tell us to pay attention to the plan, just as we were notified of the plan with the Shofar at Sinai and will be notified with the coming of Moshiach. This is our day to choose to be an integral part of the plan, to approach G-d from our potential greatness, just as we approach the King in the Shemoneh Esrai.

The second type of Teshuva is the atonement for the mistakes of the past. To achieve this atonement we need the full battery of viduy, regret and future committment. We must come to Hashem and admit that we have serious deficiencies as a result of our thoughts and actions and we are asking Hashem to help eliminate the stains we have created. This Teshuva requires the prayer of Selichos with our admission of weakness and helplessness, and the turning towards Hashem for help, as He directed us when he gave us the 13 Middos.

On Rosh Hoshana we are focused on the coming before the King, the positive commitment to Teshuva, drawing on the potential greatness of man. We sing and pray about the King, His plan and our commitment to our role. On the rest of the days of Teshuva we have to clean up our deficiencies, it’s the Teshuva of atonement, with its Viduy, regret, commitment, and Selichos.

As Baalei Teshuva we are well aware of these two types of Teshuva. We know we have many deficiencies in areas such as Torah knowledge, Torah non-compliant acts, and the many character traits we must work on. But at the same time we have all had the opportunity to explicitly sign on to the plan. When we decided to accept the yoke of Mitzvos and change significant parts of our lives, we demonstrated our striving for greatness in our service of the King.

When we held the Beyond BT Passaic Shabbaton many years ago, I mentioned these two aspects of Baalei Teshuva, our many deficiencies and our growth orientation and commitment to Torah. One speaker, a Baal Teshuva, jokingly remarked that until today he didn’t realize he had so many problems, while another speaker, who is frum from birth, remarked that the reason he came to the Shabbaton and “religiously” reads Beyond BT is because he wants to be part of a group that is so committed to their own and each other’s growth.

As we approach the Yomin Noraim we need to focus on both types of Teshuva. We have to accept and understand that we have our deficiencies, our stains, our areas to improve – and here we need the Teshuva of viduy and of atonement. We also have to realize that although we may have signed up for the plan many years ago, we have to re-enlist on a yearly basis.

Rosh Hoshana is the day when we get a clear picture and the need to strive for the greatness that the picture offers. We must try to work up to the same enthusiasm we had in our original commitment. These dual messages of Teshuva have the potential to unite all Jews as we are all Baalei Teshuva when we commit to our potential greatness, while at the same time recognizing, admitting and continuing to work on our deficiencies.

May we all have a Kesiva V’Chasima Tova.

The Unity Principle for Our Time

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I’ve felt a little besieged recently because of my hashkafic affiliation which is with Chofetz Chaim, headquartered in Kew Gardens Hills, Queens, NY. In the old classification system of LWMO, RWMO, LWUO, RWUO, Chofetz Chaim was in the Left Wing Ultra Orthodox segment, almost indistinguishable from the Right Wing Modern Orthodoxy of much of Yeshiva University, with perhaps a few differences in halacha and hashkafa. But in the new classification system you’re either Charedi or not, and in the blog and social media world that I mostly inhabit, Charedi is a pejorative word.

But then comes Sunday morning and a group of YU and Chofetz Chaim guys gather for our weekly Halacha and Machshava shiur which has been going on for over 10 years. We’ve been fortunate to have Rabbi Daniel Stein (currently of YU and Passaic) and Rabbi Yakov Haber (of Darche Noam) from YU among our distinguished teachers.

On Sunday morning, clarity sets in when we get together and learn. It’s an intermediate level shiur and when we delve deeper there’s often something to incorporate in our understanding of Torah or practice of halacha. We hock and we debate and we clarify, but we’re there to learn and it’s clear to all that when we’re involved in spiritual growth there’s no significant difference between the RWMO of YU and the LWUO of Chofetz Chaim.

That’s the unity principal for our time. Learning and growing spiritually is what unites us as one people under G-d. I see it on Sunday, I see it when I learn with my non-Observant chavrusa, and I see it when I learn with any of my chavrusas.

It’s Elul, a time when we push a drop harder on the growth pedal. It might also be a good time to reflect that our growth and our fellow Jew’s spiritual growth is what’s important, it’s what unites us, it’s what we should continue to focus on.

The JHC After 25 Years – These are the Things Which Have no Shiur

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This past Shabbos my wife and I had the pleasure of celebrating the 25th Anniversary of the Jewish Heritage Center (JHC) of Queens & Long Island with 300 people at a Shabbaton in Sommerset, NJ. Many of the people there have been close friends over the years. Some have moved from the JHC’s home base of Kew Gardens Hills, to other BT centers like Passaic, the Five Towns or West Hempstead, but on Shabbos it felt that we’re still all together. Twenty five hours of Shabbos was way too short to appreciate and enjoy the bonds we’ve built over these past 25 years.

The JHC was initially the idea of Dov Wollowitz. He wasn’t hampered by resource allocation questions, to him it was clear that bringing people back to Judaism is something that must be done, and he convinced three of his friends to pony up some serious money to bring that idea to fruition. He approached two young Smicha graduates from Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, Rabbi Moshe Turk and Rabbi Naftoli Portnoy to co-direct the endeavor. And as they put it, the rest was just not normal, event after event, miracle after miracle, Hashem clearly shined His countenance on this holy endeavor.

When I looked around the dining room at the couples and families, who are only a fraction of the 1800 people the JHC has worked closely with over the years, it became even clearer that there is no way to measure the ROI (return of investment) that the founders, and the JHC staff, who have dedicated their lives to helping people like us, have received. When it comes to matters of the spirit, and the spiritual accomplishments of entire families, there is no measure. There is no exchange rate from the physical to the spiritual.

On the BT side, this BT crowd had no buyer’s remorse. That doesn’t mean it’s been easy. Everybody has had trials and tribulation in at least one of the major areas of finance, health or raising children. And the lack of a family support network and the inevitable plateuaing has made things even harder. But as a close FFB friend said during Shabbos, it’s not really a sacrifice that we’ve made, these struggles themselves are essential to our spiritual accomplishments.

A final point that became clear is to step back when evaluating our Kiruv coaches and mentors. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to encourage more pro-active follow up, or treatment as true first-class citizens, or more resources for later stage BTs. What it does mean is that we have to look beyond the less than perfect aspects, and see the individuals who have literally invested a piece of their souls in us. They have often sacrificed their own growth to water ours. They care about us more than we will ever know and for that we owe them a spiritual debt which can’t be repaid in this world.

So on behalf on my wife, myself and the collective souls of any BTs that wish to participate, WE GIVE THANKS TO THE JHC and ALL THE KIRUV PROFESSIONALS for all you’ve done and continue to do for us!

The Mindsets of Not Frum, Being Frum, and Becoming Frummer

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A few weeks ago, on Shul Politics, I wrote about the valuable role our friends serve as both active and passive spiritual growth coaches. I feel fortunate to have a few offline friends that serve that role, including David Linn, with whom I’m working on an exciting new project. Between our Pomodoros we often discuss general and specific growth issues.

Through the years, especially when commenting was heavier here on Beyond BT, there have been a number of people who have been spiritual growth coaches, whether they realized it or not. One of them, who I’m still in contact with, (mainly through email) is Neil Harris who often recommends seforim, shiurim and secular books. In a post last month, discussing growth, Neil referenced a book, called Mindset, by Stanford and Columbia researcher Dr. Carol Dweck.

Mindset discusses two different lenses in which we view life, one in which our characteristics and situations are seen as fixed and the other in which we look at growth and improvement in every characteristic and situation. Dr. Dweck illustrates in many different fields and situations the detriment of the fixed mindset and the tremendous value of the growth mindset.

The book gave me an insight in to the plateauing or spiritual stagnation that many BTs and FFBs experience. For BTs, after our initial interest is awakened we work towards a goal of being Frum. The end state of being Frum consists of keeping Shabbos, family purity, davening regularly, keeping other mitzvos and learning Torah. When we’re in the process of becoming Frum, we’re in a growth mindset, but when we actually reach the observance level of Being Frum, we tend to enter more of a fixed mindset which slows (or stops) growth.

Perhaps the solution is to see Torah Observance in a mindset of always trying to become Frummer, i.e. growing spiritually, as opposed to being Frum, a fixed mindset. The difficulty is that we often talk about where people are (i.e. not Frum, Frum, Very Frum), and not they’re going (or growing). Thanks to Dr. Dweck for her important research and insights, and for giving us the opportunity to reframe from a fixed mindset of being Frum, to a growth mindset of always becoming Frummer.

From Healing the Hip to Strengthening the Soul

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What do spiritual side development, learning pedagogies, a post high school year in Israel, and hip pain have in common? Perhaps you can come up with an answer, but for me it’s sparked the development of a set of useful ideas, strategies and specifics in a number of areas.

I’d like to present these ideas, strategies and specifics in short ~400 word segments. You can read 400 words in anywhere from 1 to 4 minutes, depending on whether your reading for skimming (400–700 wpm), comprehension (200–400 wpm) or learning (100-200 wpm), so it won’t take much of your time.

Let’s start with spiritual side development, since ultimately that’s what we’re here for. Over the past 2 years I’ve reconnected with a number of childhood friends, from my old non-observant neighborhood, via Facebook. Facebook has many advantages and pitfalls, but it’s re-connection enablement, has proven very valuable for me.

One of the friends, with whom that I’ve shared a number of dinners, is a non-religious family oriented, close-to-retirement teacher. He lives a full, simple, good life, having the time to do the things he enjoys most, including his fondness of reading, emailing and face-booking all things political. During one of our dinners he lamented that he felt that he had not sufficiently developed his spiritual side. He is not alone among this group of friends in this recognition and desire to develop a spiritual side.

I thought about his comment. Like most Baalei Teshuvas and Torah observant Jews, I have spent a significant portion of my life developing my spiritual side. I also knew where he was coming from, having been there myself, and I’m aware of the similar paths that many Baalei Teshuva have taken in their spiritual development. But it’s very clear to me that reading Strive for Truth in the subway, or spending a Shabbos in Monsey or Kew Gardens Hills, like I did back in the pre-BT day, is not what he, or most of my old neighborhood friends, need to develop their spiritual side.

I’ve been thinking about this question for well over a year. Despite the advances in “Jewish spiritual side” development tools and techniques spawned by the Outreach Revolution over the past 40 years, I can’t identify a tried and true path for Jewish people who want to grow spiritually, but are not necessarily on a path to full Torah observance in an observant community. (End of part 1)

BTs Rediscover an Ancient Secret – Continual Spiritual Growth is Hard

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Perhaps you’ve been there. After many many years of Torah observance, you’re still committed to improving your davening. You review Derech Hashem on the Shema, where the Ramchal explains in a fairly straight forward manner that you should have in mind:

1) Hashem’s existence is not dependent on anything, which is unique in all creation
2) Hashem is the One Unique Authority and nothing can function without His giving it the authorization
3) In His Goodness, Hashem relates to us as a king relates to his subjects, and our job is to accept the yoke of His Kingdom and subjugate ourselves to Him

It’s only 6 words and it will take a mere 10-20 seconds to have in mind
1) Shema Yisroel – Hashem is teaching the Jewish people, including myself
2) Hashem – only His Existence is unique
3) Elokenu – He is the One Unique Authority
4) Hashem Echad – I accept His Kingship and one day everybody will accept His Kingship

You’re committed to doing it, after all it’s only 6 words and 3 thought’s: G-d’s Existence, G-d’s Authority, G-d’s Kingship. You’re all set…and then it happens…a stray thought enters your head…and before you know you’ve said the 6 words without the intended intentions.

You think, “How did I blow that? I was ready to go. It seemed so much easier back when I started. After all, within a few short years I was keeping Shabbos, keeping Kosher, davening three times a day, observing the laws of family purity and much much more. And now, I’m having trouble consistently focusing on 6 words.”

But we have to tell ourselves: Don’t despair! The reality is continual spiritual growth is difficult. Hashem wants us to keep on growing and we are constantly hitting our walls. We hit our davening wall, our learning wall, our emunah wall our “insert mitzvah here” wall, but walls we will hit.

Even the greatest generation that received the Torah hit their walls. They ran away from Sinai like school children, they rejected the spiritual bread from heaven, they complained because it was difficult to accept the requirements of continuous spiritual growth. We’re not alone – spiritual growth is hard. If it was easy, the reward for higher levels of growth would not be so great.

The solution is that we need to keep on trying. Growth happens slowly and if you try to say the 6 words of Shema with intention everyday, you will fail often. But over time there will be less failures and more successes. You don’t scale the wall in one shot, you climb up in inch by tiny inch. Eventually you will succeed and you will be faced with a new group of walls representing your higher spiritual level. And the climb continues day in and day out.

The lyrics that come to my mind are:
You can get it if your really want it
You can get it if your really want it
You can get it if your really want it
But you must try, try and try
Try and try, you’ll succeed at last

Appreciating Healthy Torah Values

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Rabbi Avraham Edelstein, a founder and director of Ner LeElef has recently written a good article titled Between a Good Living and a Good Life about the many positive attributes of the Israeli Haredi community.

It should be pointed out that even the staunchest American Yeshivish communities in Lakewood and Monsey differ in many ways from Israeli Haredi society. However many BTs and FFBs across the Modern and Yeshivish spectrums share the values that Rabbi Edelstein highlights, such as the valuing of spirituality over materialism:

As far as values go, the Haredi community gets it right. It is family, and it is the spiritual that count. Seen in this light, the high level of scholarship of the Torah is a part of a healthy and admirable core. In a world where the millionaire is king, we ought to be finding out some of the secrets of a community which seems genuinely disinterested in materialism.

The second major area where BTs share Haredi values are in their appreciation of Torah. We came to Judaism because of the Torah and we continue to work hard to learn and live a Torah life. Here’s Rabbi Edelstein on Torah:

But, in the midst of all of this change, let’s not lose sight of the true values that Haredim bring to the table. Haredim truly believe in the Torah as the central force upholding the Jewish people. On that, we are a part of a broad consensus. Ben Gurion (not usually seen as sympathetic to Judaism) says in his memoirs that there are three pillars of the Jewish people: the Torah, the land and the Hebrew language. The number of secular Israelis who engage in at least weekly Torah study, numbers in the many tens of thousands. Haredim are not unique in adhering to this value. They are unique in the lengths to which they are willing to go to achieve this and what they are willing to give up in the process.

Unfortunately, there is currently much divisiveness among Jews, and it’s very helpful to constantly recognize the common spiritual values most Torah Observant Jews share. Please read Rabbi Edelstein’s article for his thoughts on how to approach some of the issues facing Israeli society.

The Primacy of Torah and Mesorah

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In line with my work at my School Management Software company, InfoGrasp, I had the privilege of attending the Torah Umesorah convention at the Split Rock Resort in the Poconos this past Shabbos. It was a wonderful experience of learning, shmoozing, sharing meals, davening and spending Shabbos with 1,800 Torah-first Jews.

I had the pleasure of spending some time with Rabbi Horowitz, one of Beyond BT’s Rabbinic Advisors, who mentioned that the second volume of the Bright Beginnings series was just released. Among the many hats that Rabbi Horowitz wears, is his dedication to help Jews learn Torah, by giving them tools for skills based learning. He related an anecdote of a BT who had tried to learn Hebrew for many years and was helped tremendously by the first Bright Beginnings sefer. Although the BB series is geared for children in the younger grades in Yeshivos, there was a special sparkle in his eye in the fact that these efforts were also helping BTs thirsting for Torah.

The whole convention is focused on helping Jews learn, understand, embrace and live a life of Torah. The majority of participants are Rebbeim and Morahs who are constantly looking to improve their learning, avodah and chinuch. Many of the the leading Roshei Yeshiva of America, including Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky, Rabbi Malkiel Kotler, Rabbi Yaakov Perlow, Rabbi Mattisyahu Salomon, Rabbi Aharon Feldman, Rabbi Avrohom Chaim Levin and Rabbi Dovid Harris addressed the critical issues of the day including teaching reponsibility, individualizing chinuch, showing love, being careful when rebuking, and just about every other chinuch issue you can imagine.

To highlight the fact that today’s students have to be treated much more carefully then in the past, a well-respected Rabbi and Teacher related a story about his high school graduation. The valedictorian was the student with the best grades who gave a serious dvar Torah. The salutatorian was chosen by his peers and gave a humorous portion followed by a dvar Torah. The speaker, who was the salutatorian, related that in the middle of his humorous section the Rosh Yeshiva shouted out, “Smith, I had higher expectations for you”. Can you imagine the effects of such a comment today? He finished his salutatorian speech with a strong Dvar Torah to which the Rosh Yeshiva gave a hardy Yasher Koach.

This year the guests from Eretz Yisroel included Mrs. Rena Tarshish, a former American, who is now the head of the Mesores Rochel Seminary in Yerushaliyim. My wife said she mesmerized the women with her explanations of how to approach Medrashim and how to properly channel your emotions, among other topics.

Another guest from Eretz Yisroel was Rabbi Yaakov Hillel, one of the leading Kabbalists of our generation. Rabbi Hillel has written Faith and Folly: The Occult in Torah Perspective, a clear and concise guide explaining Kabbalistic practices and what is sanctioned and what is forbidden today. He also has a sefer, Ascending Jacob’s Ladder, which has essays on Shabbos, Yom Tov, Prayer, Teshuvah, Torah Study, the Jewish home and the Wisdom of the Kabbalah. It’s a personal favorite, so it was a special treat to hear him speak.

He included a thought, that he had related at the Siyum HaShas, from Rabbi Chaim Voloshin. It says in the Chumash that at the giving of the Torah the Jewish people heard what was seen and saw what was heard. Seeing refers to what we can experience through our senses, while hearing refers to what we can’t sense, but can only understand by way of a moshol. Normal we can physically sense and see the physical world, but we can only understand the spiritual world through mosholim. At the giving of the Torah, there was a reversal and the Jewish People could sense the spiritual world as if it was physical, and could only understand the physical world through mosholim. He stressed that one of the things we need today, is to try to view the world through a spiritual lens, and we need truly learned people to guide us on that path. We must be careful to not fall prey to the Pop Spirituality that is prominent in our time.

As BTs we gave up many secular pursuits to live a Torah-first life. It’s encouraging to know that there are thousands of students, teachers, Rebbeim and Roshei Yeshiva who are focused on a Torah-first life of growth, learning, teaching and serving Hashem, like we are. And they’re available here to help us and our children live a life of Torah and Mesorah.

Why Not Get Yourself an Internet Parsha Rebbe

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Many observant Jews believe in the primacy of Torah and the necessity to never stop learning and growing. However, it’s often hard to find the right class at the right time by the right teacher. If you’re looking to learn the Parsha, your problem is solved. You can find yourself an Internet Parsha Rebbe.

I’ve been listening to Rabbi Ari Kahn for over a year. I love his breadth of sources, his choice of topics, his development of the shiur and the fact that his New York sense of humor is still intact many years after leaving the American shores for Eretz Yisroel. I also really appreciate that he makes his shiurim easily accessible for free on his web site.

Even though I don’t commute to work, I get to listen to 2-3 of Rabbi Kahn’s shiurim a week on the way to and from Shul and while stretching and getting dressed in the morning and evening. I’ve also added Rabbi Daniel Feldman and Rabbi Herschel Schacter who have many free shiurim available on that treasure house, known as YUTorah.org. There are 10s of speakers there, each with their own style, delivery and approach to teaching parsha.

If you like a fast paced, Chassidish sourced shiur, you might want to try Rabbi Sitorsky. Another good free source with a variety of speakers is Torah Anytime. Google will direct you to many other free Torah mp3 sites, as well as sites that still charge.

Hearing a parsha shiur from a teacher is a fantastic way to learn and with the great availability and affordability of audio on phones and other portable devices, why not sample a few shiurim to find your personal Parsha Rebbe.

Strengthening the Spiritual Side – A Place Between Latitudinarianism and Orthodox or Bust

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Professor Jack Wertheimer recently penned a good article in Commentary Magazine called The Outreach Revolution. Although he clearly read the Klal Perspective’s issue on the subject, he adds much worthy information to the discussion and his extremely positive assessment of the Kiruv enterprise was a refreshing change from KPs gloomier editorial assessment.

By fully including Chabad in the Outreach Revolution, Wertheimer states that 5,000-7,000 Kiruv workers in the US, lead an estimated 2,000 Jews to Orthodoxy each year, which comes to about 1 Orthodox person for every 3 kiruv workers. He also makes the point that Chabad and many other Kiruv professionals don’t consider Orthodoxy the goal of Kiruv, and by assuming that each Kiruv worker reaches about 100 people a year, outreach touches 500,000-700,000 Jews a year, an impressive figure.
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