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Lashon Hara

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Refraining from the Negative in all Public Situations

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-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 11
And now, according to what we have explained, with the help of the Blessed L–rd, of the principles of apei telata, [we realize that] care must be taken that when the seven city dignitaries preside over the actions of the men of the city in matters of assessments and the like, where their judgment will be to the detriment of one and to the benefit of another, and they differ in opinion and decide according to the majority — when they leave the communal chamber, each one must take great heed not to relate thereafter his opinion or the opinion of Ploni to the effect that in the beginning of the case his opinion was to be lenient with the man involved, but his colleagues overruled him and compelled him to accept their view. And it goes without saying that if they agreed among themselves from the beginning that when they left the communal chamber they would not reveal or relate their deliberations to the man involved in the debt — [it goes without saying] that if he did so, this would be an absolute issur; but even if quite casually, without even intending to reveal anything, he happened to tell this to another in such a manner as to make it appear from his words that he did not incline to this [the majority opinion] even now, but that he could not contest it with the others, this, too, is an absolute issur. (And according to the opinion of Hayad Haketanah (Hilchoth Deoth 9) even if one relates casually that it was his opinion in the beginning to be lenient with the man involved, but it came to a vote and they decided according to the majority, this, too, is forbidden.) And there is no difference between whether one reveals this of his own volition or his friend rises against him with insults over this decision which they arrived at in a certain matter. In all instances it is forbidden to place the onus on his colleague and remove it from himself, even if what he says is true.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 12
I have also found it fitting to write of another thing explicitly, for I have found many people to be habituated to it. That is, when someone lectures in the house of study it is forbidden according to the din to mock him and to say that there is nothing to his lectures and there is nothing to hear. And in our many sins we see many people to be remiss in this, not considering this mockery as an issur at all. But according to the din it is absolute lashon hara. For through such speech it often happens that he causes monetary loss to his friend, and, sometimes, pain and shame, too. For even if it were true, lashon hara is forbidden even if true. For what benefit does this mocker and jester hope to gain by his levity? If he is a sincere person, to the contrary, he should counsel him [the lecturer] afterwards, in private, and suggest other ways to present his lecture. For in his present approach [mockery], his words are not attended to; and by this [the above] counsel [to the lecturer] he would also fulfill (Vayikra 19:18): “And you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” In any event, he should not render him a mockery in the mouths of men. And the heter of apei telata is of no avail here as I have clearly explained in the Be’er Mayim Chayim.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 13
If one revealed to his friend, in the presence of three, details of his occupation or trade or the like, things which, in general, are otherwise forbidden to repeat afterwards to another, lest this result in injury or pain to him — now, since he himself revealed it in the presence of three, it is evident that this is of no concern to him, even if it comes to be known in the end. Therefore, the one who hears it from him is permitted ab initio to reveal it to others, so long as he [the teller] does not make it clear that he is opposed to his doing so. [But none of the qualifications adduced above in the discussion of apei telata should be lacking. See Be’er Mayim Chayim.]

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Distancing from Relating Well Known Information

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 9
And all this that we have said applies to the issur of repeating it itself, but (G–d forbid) to add even one word or to “embroider” the thing before the hearer, as by saying that what was said against Shimon was very well said, and the like — this certainly is forbidden in all modes, for he thereby harms him with his words more than he would have been harmed had he himself heard [the original report] within the normal dynamics of apei telata. And, furthermore, by this [adding to the original], it is clear that he accepts the report as true, and this is forbidden by all [poskim] in all modes, as will be explained below, please G–d, in Principle VII, section 1.

And, therefore, one must take great heed, even if a man is known to have had a certain fault in his youth, but from then until now he has been conducting himself correctly; or if it is known about his forbears that they did not conduct themselves correctly at all, but he does not hold on to their ways, and all such things, where, in truth, he is not open to aspersion, it is forbidden to demean him or to shame him before his friends because of this [early fault]. And one who transgresses and speaks about these things before others, even if not in his presence, in order to shame him in the eyes of his people, even if he adds nothing to the truth, is in the class of the speakers of lashon hara, who do not behold the Divine Presence, as stated in Sha’arei Teshuvah 214. And the heter of apei telata does not apply in such an instance, even if the thing is known to all, since, in truth, he [the object of this report] bears no blemish in this, as written in Yechezkel (18:20-22): “The son shall not bear the sin of the father. And the wicked one, when he turns from all his sins which he has done… All of the sins which he has done shall not be reckoned unto him in his righteousness. In the righteousness which he has done shall he live.” And he [who does bring these things up to him] renders him a mockery in the mouths of men.

Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 10
And know also that the entire heter of apei telata applies to the speaker. But, as far as the hearer is concerned — that is, if he knows the nature of the hearer to be such that as soon as he hears the report he will accept it as the truth against Shimon, and may even add some demeaning things against him — to a man like this it is forbidden to intimate anything demeaning about his friend in any form. And one who does so transgresses (Vayikra 19:14): “Before the blind man do not place a stumbling-block,” as we expatiated above in the introduction in relation to this negative commandment. And all that we have written concerning this principle in the direction of issur applies even if this speaker did not mention the name of the first speaker, who spoke in the presence of three, but only stated that this and this was heard about Ploni. Even thus it is forbidden. And after all these things and this truth that we have explained, see, my brother, how much one must distance himself from this leniency [of apei telata], which has practically no place in reality; and, especially, even if all the conditions [for leniency] obtain, it is still to be determined whether the halachah is consistent with this opinion [of leniency], since, according to many poskim there is no source for this leniency in the Talmud (as we have written in section 4 in the Be’er Mayim Chayim). Therefore, one who guards his soul will distance himself from this.

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Revealing to Others Limited by Request and How It Might Spread

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 7
And if the speaker exhorted [the hearers] not to reveal it, even if he said it before many, the issur of lashon hara obtains for the one who reveals it afterwards, even by chance. And even if he sees that one of the hearers or two did not heed this exhortation and revealed [what “he” heard] to others, in spite of this, this third one, may not reveal the thing to others, even by chance. [See Be’er Mayim Chayim.]

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 8
There is no difference in the language of the exhortation, whether he exhorted them not to mention the subject at all anymore, or whether he said to them, “Let none of this be made known by you” — in all modes, it is forbidden to reveal the demeaning of another, even to a different person; how much more so to the person demeaned himself. For if it is revealed to another, in the end it will become known to all, and even to him [the person demeaned] through the channels of “Your friend has a friend, etc.” It also seems obvious that [the heter of apei telata applies] only if the hearers were three, as opposed to an instance of two who spoke before two, where this heter does not apply at all. [See Be’er Mayim Chayim.]

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Limitations to Retelling it Because of People Who Know and Location

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 5
It seems to me that if the recounting in the presence of three were before G–d- fearing men, who guard themselves against the prohibitions of lashon hara, then, as a matter of course, this report is not bound to be heard; and if so, it is forbidden by Torah law to repeat it afterwards to another. And even if only one of the three were G–d-fearing, guarding himself against the issur of lashon hara, the din remains the same, for there are no longer three [potential] “publicizers.” And it may be that this is the din if one of the three were a relative or a close friend of the object of the slander. The same rationale applies here. For he certainly will not go and reveal to all the taint of his relative or his close friend, so that there are not three [potential publicizers] who were present.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 6
It also seems to me that only in that city in which the report was heard in the presence of three is it permitted to reveal it on the basis of “Your friend has a friend, etc.,” but not in a different city, even if there were communication [lit., “caravans”] between the two. [See Be’er Mayim Chayim.]

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Well Known Information and the Limitations to Retelling it

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 3
There are some who say that if one speaks demeaningly of his friend before three, even though he certainly transgresses the issur of lashon hara, as mentioned before, still, if one of the three who heard this thing told it thereafter to others, he does not thereby transgress the issur of lashon hara, by reason of the fact that if three know of it, the thing has been heard and become known by all, for “Your friend has a friend, etc.,” and the Torah did not forbid as lashon hara something which is bound to be known. And [this is so] only if he relates it by chance; but not if he intends to spread it and to publicize it more.

Even if he does not relate it in the name of the one who told him [so that there is no rechiluth], but casually, to the effect that such and such was heard about Ploni, still he does not escape the issur of lashon hara.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 4
And even our heter [to repeat this to another] where there is no intent to publicize it, applies only to the first hearer, who himself heard what Reuven said about Shimon in the presence of three. But he who heard it from him is forbidden to go thereafter, on the authority of his having been told that he heard it in the presence of three, and to tell another of the taint he heard attributed to Shimon, even if he does not mention who it is that purveyed this slander against Shimon — unless the thing were publicized and became known to all. And this applies not only when this second hearer does not himself know whether the allegation itself — that Reuven slandered Shimon — is true, in which instance he certainly is forbidden to believe him [his informer] that Reuven transgressed the issur of lashon hara. But even if he knows himself that Reuven spoke demeaningly of Shimon, but he does not know if he did so in the presence of three, in spite of this, he is forbidden to rely on his words to this effect, and we fear that perhaps it was not in the presence of three and that it is not bound to become public knowledge, wherefore he [the second hearer] is forbidden to tell it to anyone.

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Worse with More People and Ambiguity Before More Than Three

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Opening Comments
In this principle there will be explained the din of lashon hara in the presence of three [apeitelata] in all its details. It contains thirteen sections.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 1
It is forbidden to speak lashon hara against one’s friend, even if it is true, even before one, and, more so, before many. And the more listeners, the greater the sin of the speaker; for his friend is more greatly demeaned thereby, his taint being publicized before several people. Also, in doing so, he makes several people go astray in the issur of listening to lashon hara.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 2, Seif 2
As to there being found a heter [a halachic permit] in the words of Chazal to speak it before three, this applies to something which is not an absolute taint and which can be understood in two ways. It is well known that such things depend on how they are said. It is such a thing that Chazal permitted to say in the presence of three, the rationale being that since he says it before three, he knows for a certainty that these things will come to his [the object’s] ears (for “your friend has a friend, etc.”). The speaker, therefore, heeds himself in speaking, that what he says will not be understood negatively. (Let one illustration serve for all cases of the same kind. If one is asked: “Where is fire found?” and he answers: “You can find it there, where they always cook flesh and fish.” This can be understood according to how it is said at the time. If he wishes he can say it in such a tone that contains no taint against his friend. For in truth, there is sometimes no fault in this. It may be that he has a large family and that the Holy One Blessed be He has blessed him with wealth, or that he is an innkeeper or the like, and that when he [the speaker] is asked where fire is to be found, he answers [quite appropriately] that there is no fire to be found now except in that house, where they always cook, etc. All of these things in the category of the “dust” of lashon hara depend upon how they are expressed at the time. But if the “tone” of his voice and movements is that he [the proprietor of the house or the inn] overindulges in feasting, even though this is not an absolute taint, Chazal has termed it the “dust” of lashon hara, and it is forbidden to say it even in the presence of three.)

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Despite Difficulty using Any Mode and Even if Including Yourself

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 7
And from this we can understand that lashon hara is certainly forbidden in an instance where only one’s personal honor is at stake. As when one is sitting in a company of men and has no way of avoiding them, and they are speaking of things which are forbidden according to the din. If he sits in silence and in no way abets them in their talk, he will be regarded as “crazy.” Of this and all such things, Chazal have said (Eduyoth 5:6): “Better that a man be called ‘a fool’ all of his days rather than be wicked one moment before the L-rd.” He must harness all of his powers at that moment to withstand the trial, and [if he does so], he may be completely confident that his reward for this from the Blessed L–rd will be without end. As Chazal have stated (Avoth 5:23): “According to the strain is the reward.” And, in Avoth d’R. Nathan: “One time with strain for a hundred times without strain.” (That is, the reward for the performance of a mitzvah or the abstention from an issur, which entails strain, is a hundredfold more than for that of the same kind, which entails no strain.) And to such a time [of trial as the above] there certainly applies the statement of Chazal in the Midrash: “For every moment that one ‘muzzles’ his mouth, he attains to such secreted light that no angel or [Divine] creature can conceive of.” (As to how one should conduct himself in respect to reproof and listening if one is “caught” in such an evil company as this one, see below Principle VI, sections 4-6, and above, in the introduction to the negative commandments, section 16.)

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 8
This issur of lashon hara obtains whether it is actually spoken by mouth or stated in a letter. There is also no difference whether he speaks it explicitly or by sign. In all modes, it is in the category of lashon hara.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 9
And know also that even if in demeaning his friend he demeaned himself with the very same slur — even if he began by railing thus against himself, he has nevertheless not left the ranks of the slanderers.

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Prohibited Regardless of Motivator or Consequences

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 5
There is no difference in the issur of speaking [lashon hara], as to whether one speaks it of his own volition or whether his friend stands over him and begs him to tell him — in either case, it is forbidden. And even if his father or his Rabbi — whom he is obligated to honor and to fear and not to contradict their words — even if they importune him to speak of a certain thing, and he knows that in the midst of the account he will perforce come to speak lashon hara or even only the “dust” of lashon hara, he is forbidden to consent.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 6
Even if one sees that if he takes it upon himself never to speak demeaningly of a Jew, or to say anything else that is forbidden, his livelihood will suffer greatly, as when he is in the employ of others who have not the faintest trace of Torah about them (and it is well known that, in our many sins, such men are steeped in this sin to such an extent that if they see one whose mouth is not open [in lashon hara] as wide as theirs, they take him for a fool and a simpleton and because of this may dismiss him from his job and deprive him of a livelihood), in spite of this, it is forbidden [to transgress], as is the case with all the other negative commandments, for which one must give up all that he possesses rather than transgress (viz. Yoreh Deah 157:1).

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Habitual Lashon Hara Loses Share in World to Come

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 3
All this, only if one spoke demeaningly of his friend by chance. But if (G–d forbid) he is habituated to this sin, like those who customarily sit and say: “Thus and thus did Ploni (so and so) do,” “Thus and thus did his fathers do,” “This and this (demeaning thing) did I hear about him” — men such as these are called by Chazal “ba’alei (men of) lashon hara,” and their punishment is far greater [than that of the former]. For in their perverseness of spirit and their malice of heart they transgress the Torah of the L–rd, and it becomes hefker to them, as explained above in the end of the introduction. And about them it is said in the tradition (Psalms 12:4): “Let the L–rd cut off all smooth-talking lips, the tongue that speaks haughtily.”

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 4
Chazal have said: For three transgressions punishment is exacted of a man in this world, and he has no share in the world to come: idolatry, illicit relations, and blood-spilling — and lashon hara over and above all. Chazal have proved this from Scripture. And the Rishonim have explained that the reference is to those who are habituated to this sin [lashon hara] and who do not take it upon themselves to guard themselves against it, the thing having become “permitted” to them.

Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Lashon Hara Defined and the Commandments Transgressed

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There is tremendous power in learning from the Sefer Chofetz Chaim each day. In this crucial time, we’re going to help encourage that effort with a few halachos a day using Sefaria’s translation (https://www.sefaria.org/Chafetz_Chaim).

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Opening Comments
In this principle there will be explained the issur of lashon hara — by mouth, by sign, or by letter — and the greatness of the punishment for one who is habituated to this sin, and the reward for him who guards himself from this bitter sin, and other details. It contains nine sections.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 1
It is forbidden to speak demeaningly of one’s friend, even if it be absolute truth. And this is termed everywhere by Chazal “lashon hara.” (For if there were in his words an admixture of falsehood, by which his friend is demeaned even more, this is in the category of “motzi shem ra” [spreading a false report], in which his sin is far greater). And the speaker [of lashon hara] transgresses a negative commandment, viz. (Vayikra 19:16): “Do not go talebearing among your people.” And this [lashon hara] is also in the category of rechiluth.

-Part One, The Prohibition Against Lashon Hara, Principle 1, Seif 2
This negative commandment which we adduced is what the Torah stated explicitly for this issur of lashon hara and rechiluth. But aside from this, there are many other negative and positive commandments that one transgresses by speaking lashon hara, as explained above in the preceding introduction.

Parshas Chukas- Step by Step

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And Moshe and Aharon gathered the congregation in front of the rock and said to them: Listen now, hamorim, from this rock, we will bring forth water for you. (Bamidbar 20:10)

The Midrash explains the word hamorim has many interpretations: 1. defiant ones/rebels, 2. fools– as that is the word they call fools in seafaring cities, 3. those who attempt to teach their teachers, and 4. shooters of arrows…

The Etz Yosef explains shooters of arrows in the Midrash
“And shooters of arrows, this is a hint to lashon hora.”

If we look at the four definitions of morim provided by the Midrash, we can see them as a progression:

1. Someone who is defiant, who is looking to rebel against proper leadership and halachah, even if they are extremely intelligent, (and perhaps specifically if they are extremely intelligent) has already set themselves down a destructive path and will find ways to rebel.

2. The singlemindedness of a rebel– someone who will generally sacrifice everything to support their preconceived agenda– will cause him to become foolish. He will begin to act in ways that are illogical and even dangerous. The nature of a fool is that they don’t realize the propriety, correctness, or consequences of their actions.

3. As rebelliousness becomes coupled with foolishness, the rebel takes a public position against leadership.Eventually, the rebel comes to “teach the teachers”, to act as they always know better and take their rebelliousness to the next level as Korach did when he rebelled agaianst Moshe.

4. The final stage of this progression is the shooting of arrows. As the Etz Yosef explains, this is the speaking of lashon hora. Here, the rebel uses the most powerful tool given to him by Hashem, and the tool that was specifically given to him to differentiate him from the rest of creation– speech– to further his rebellion. He uses it to convince others to join his ranks and to mock and attempt to destroy others who do not align with him, particularly leaders. Rabbeinu Yonah provides one of the reasons that lashon hora is compared to arrows as opposed to other weapons like a sword. If someone draws his sword on someone else and the potential victim pleads for mercy, he can return his sword to its holding place and there will be no damage. This is not the case with an arrow, once it is sent forth, it cannot be retrieved. So too with lashon hora, once the word escapes from our mouths, it is impossible to withdraw it. The words of the rebel are far reaching like an arrow and are unable to be rescinded.

The Takeaway:
Moshe called Bnei Yisrael morim. The Midrash provides several definitions of morim: rebels, fools, those who teach the teachers, and those who speak lashon hora. We can see this as a progression, once someone sets off to rebel, he will act foolishly, attempt to usurp leadership, and eventually use improper speech to recruit others and damage those who disagree with him.

This Week:
Think about how the yetzer hora works, it progresses one step at a time to entrap its prey. When you have even an inkling to speak improperly about someone, or you’re not sure that what you want to say is proper, stop in your tracks and turn away from that path of eventual destruction.

Shmirah Ba’Shavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each Parsha.
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Parshas Vayeitzei – Your are a Big Tzadik

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And Yaakov went out from Be’er Sheva and he went to Charan. (Bereishis 28:10)

And was (Yaakov) the only one that went out from there? Didn’t many donkey drivers and many camel drivers go out from there? Yet, the Torah says “And Yaakov went out”.

Rabi Azaryah said in the name of Rabi Yehudah bar Simon: at the time when a Tzadik is in a city, he is its splendor and glory, when he leaves the city the splendor and the glory vacate.

The Eitz Yosef explains “and hadara is the kavod (honor) that he (the Tzadik) gives to every person and the honor that they (in return) give to him. The impression that a Tzadik has on a community is that they, in a way, emulate his elevated behavior.”

The Midrash provides an example of this. After Yaakov worked for seven years to marry Rachel, Lavan schemed to exchange her for Leah. Lavan revealed this scheme to the people of Charan. He reminded them that before Yaakov came, Charan lacked water.

When Yaakov arrived, they received the blessing of water. Lavan explained: if we trick Yaakov into working for me for another seven years, we will be guaranteed another seven years of water.

The Midrash says:
And all of that day (the day Yaakov was scheduled to marry Rachel) they (the townspeople) would praise him (Yaakov), and when night fall came, he asked them why they were doing this.
They responded: you did chesed with us (by providing water), therefore we are praising you, they sang Ha Laya, Ha Laya (to hint to Yaakov that) Hee Leah, Hee Leah (she is Leah and not Rachel).

The Midrash is telling us that even though the townspeople had promised Lavan to keep his secret and even though they would have greatly benefitted from another seven years of water, they did not want to trick Yaakov because he had performed chesed for them. This is the impact that a Tzadik can have even on a less than stellar group of people.

Many times, we find ourselves in a situation in which we are in the role of “tzadik”. Meaning, in the eyes of others, we are more righteous. This happens commonly in the workplace where a group will be talking and someone will speak negatively about another or use inappropriate language and then catch himself and say something like “Sorry Moshe, I didn’t realize you were here” or “Excuse me Sarah, I know you don’t appreciate that type of language.”

Commonly, we will respond with something like “It’s fine” or “Don’t worry, I’ve heard worse”.

While this seems polite, it is a lost opportunity to influence others. Instead of excusing the behavior, step up and reply with “Thanks for realizing that I try to avoid speaking crassly or negatively about others. It really enhances my self-worth and the way that I value others, even those with whom I might be upset. We can all try to do that.”

Leadership is not about title, position, or authority. It’s not conferred by elections or coronations. It’s about anyone, even you, who influences others for the good. Go lead!

The Takeaway:
Yaakov made an impression on Be’er Sheva and Charan to the extent that the people who lived there acted more properly. We have the opportunity to do the same in the communities in which we live and work.

This Week:
Think about the personal and professional groups where you carry influence. Play out in your mind how you will respond when faced with improper speech within those groups.

Parshas Matos- Words are Stronger than Thoughts

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אִישׁ֩ כִּֽי־יִדֹּ֨ר נֶ֜דֶר לַֽה” אֽוֹ־הִשָּׁ֤בַע שְׁבֻעָה֙ לֶאְסֹ֤ר אִסָּר֙ עַל־נַפְשׁ֔וֹ לֹ֥א יַחֵ֖ל דְּבָר֑וֹ כְּכָל־הַיֹּצֵ֥א מִפִּ֖יו יַֽעֲשֶֽׂה

A man who takes a vow or swears an oath to prohibit himself, shall not violate his word, whatever comes out of his mouth he shall do. Bamidbar 30:3

The Ralbag comments:

ככל היוצא מפיו יעשה. למדנו מזה שאע”פ שגמר בלבו צריך הוציא בשפתיו אבל דברים שבלב אינם דברים “

… all that comes out of his mouth” We learn from this that even if someone is sure in his heart, (in order for it to be a vow) he needs for it to come out of his lips, but words that are (only) in the heart are not words.

This Ralbag has halachic ramifications regarding vows– they must be spoken in order for them to have the koach of a vow. They also provide insight into the power of words. Words, not thoughts alone, have the power to take something permitted and make it prohibited. Words can literally change the world and actually make someone chayiv a Torah commandment because he uttered certain words. That is not the case if he simply thought those words. The Midrash (in Acharei Mos) relates a machlokes regarding the conduct of Nadav and Avihu:

שֶׁהָיוּ מֹשֶׁה וְאַהֲרֹן מְהַלְּכִין תְּחִלָּה, נָדָב וַאֲבִיהוּ מְהַלְּכִין אַחֲרֵיהֶם, וְכָל יִשְׂרָאֵל אַחֲרֵיהֶן. וְהָיוּ אוֹמְרִים: מָתַי יָמוּתוּ שְׁנֵי זְקֵנִים, וְאָנוּ נוֹהֲגִים בִּשְׂרָרָה עַל הַצִּבּוּר תַּחְתֵּיהֶם. רַבִּי יוּדָן בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי אִיבּוֹ אָמַר, שְׁנֵיהֶם אָמְרוּ בְּפִיהֶם זֶה לָזֶה, בִּפְנֵיהֶן אָמְרוּ זֶה לָזֶה. רַבִּי פִּנְחָס אוֹמֵר, בְּלִבָּם הִרְהֲרוּ

Moshe and Aaron walked first, while Nadav and Avihu walked after them and all of Yisrael after them. And they (Nadav and Avihu) were saying: “When will these two elders die, and we shall assume leadership after them.”

Rabi Yudan said in the name of Rabi Ibo: The two of them said it with their mouths to one another. Rabi Pinchas said they only thought this in their hearts. This Midrash is speaking about the arrogance of Nadav and Avihu. Why would it matter if Nadav and Avihu said this prideful statement out loud to each other as opposed to simply thinking it? The answer is that thinking something and saying something are two very different things. When we speak our thoughts, they become concretized, they become real, they become entrenched. By speaking this arrogant statement, Nadav and Avihu, on their extremely high levels, became that much more arrogant.

It is improper to think derogatorily about others, but it is a whole other thing to allow those thoughts to be spoken by our lips. We have the opportunity to stop improper speech if we pause before speaking what we are thinking.

Shmirah Ba’Shavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each Parsha.
For sefer sponsorships or to sponsor the Parsha Sheet, please contact David Linn connectwithwords365@gmail.com.

Do Not Profane My Holy Name.

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וְלֹ֤א תְחַלְּלוּ֙ אֶת־שֵׁ֣ם קָדְשִׁ֔י
Do not profane My Holy Name.

This is the sixth lav relating to lashon hora set forth in the pesicha to the Sefer Chofetz Chaim. The Chofetz Chaim, in the Be’er Mayim Chaim to this lav, provides two reasons why there is a particularly intertwined relationship between speaking lashon hora and transgressing the prohibition of “Do not profane My Holy Name”.

The first reason is that lashon hora, in and of itself, does not provide a tangible benefit to the speaker or listener. The gemara in Taanis (8a) says לְעָתִיד לָבוֹא מִתְקַבְּצוֹת וּבָאוֹת כׇּל הַחַיּוֹת אֵצֶל הַנָּחָשׁ, וְאוֹמְרִים לוֹ: אֲרִי דּוֹרֵס וְאוֹכֵל, זְאֵב טוֹרֵף וְאוֹכֵל, אַתָּה מָה הֲנָאָה יֵשׁ לְךָ? אֹמֵר לָהֶם: ״וְאֵין יִתְרוֹן לְבַעַל הַלָּשׁוֹן״. In the days to come, all of the animals will gather together and come to the snake and say to him: A lion mauls its prey and eats it; a wolf tears apart its prey and eats it; but you, what pleasure do you have when you bite (a large animal or person that you are incapable of eating)? The snake will say to them: And what advantage does the speaker of lashon hora gain? A snake commonly kills prey and then slithers away without eating it. The ba’al lashon hora is the same, he kills with his words but does not gain a physical advantage. When someone receives a physical pleasure or advantage from an aveirah, it is, of course, still an aveirah, but we are not perfect beings and in weak moments we can be tempted to do something that might provide an immediate pleasure or physical benefit. When it comes to lashon hora, however, since there is generally no physical pleasure or benefit, it is considered to be a blatant desecration of Hashem and his mitzvos.

The second reason is that, due to the fact that lashon hora has become so commonplace, people often trivialize the halachah and become unable to see their speech as even possibly violating the Torah. If you are to reprimand such a person, the Chofetz Chaim says, he will bring “one thousand reasons” as to why what he said was either permitted or actually obligated. Commonly, he will double down and say even more egregious lashon hora. The Chofetz Chaim asks: הנמצא ×›×–×” בכל עונות שבעולם, למשל אם נראה שאחד נכשל באכילת חזיר בשוגג ונוכיח אם נראה שאחד נכשל באכילת חזיר בשוגג ונוכיח אותו על מהאותו על מה שעבר שעבר על תורת ×”’ ולא השגיח על עצמו שלא לבוא לזה היתכן שיקח עוד חתיכת חזיר בפני המוכיח אותו ויאכל בפניו Can you find any other sin that is like this? For example, if you saw someone inadvertently eating pig and you rebuked them because they are transgressing the Torah, would he take another piece of pig and eat it in the face of the one who is rebuking him?! When it comes to desecration of Hashem’s name through lashon hora, it is a particular affront since it commonly leads to perversion of the Torah and additional bold faced commission of the same aveirah.

The Takeaway:
Those who speak lashon hora, and particularly ba’alei lashon hora– those who habitually speak lashon hora, commit a chilul Hashem because they generally have no physical pleasure from their speech and, therefore, it appears as if they are simply and knowingly acting against Hashem and his mitzvos. Additionally, the baa’al lashon hora will find any excuse to justify his speech and even claim that it is required. This type of immunity to rebuke and twisting of halachah is an egregious affront to Hashem.

This Week:
Think about how you will act if someone tells you that something you have said is or might be lashon hora. Develop a response phrase that will ensure that you won’t fall into the trap of immediately trying to justify your speech. Some examples: “You might be right, l’m sorry, let me think that over.” “I try to be careful about my speech, so thank you for pointing that out.” “I appreciate you mentioning that, I need to think more on this particular situation.”

This twisting of Hashem’s mitzvos and rationalizing in a way that makes it seem that you don’t believe that Hashem is all knowing and seeing is an extreme level of chilul Hashem.

Shmirah Ba’Shavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each Parsha.
For sefer sponsorships or to sponsor the Parsha Sheet, please contact David Linn connectwithwords365@gmail.com.

Do Not Accept a False Report

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לֹ֥א תִשָּׂ֖א שֵׁ֣מַע שָׁ֑וְא
Do not accept a false report. Shemos 23:1

There is considerable discussion about the definition of the word שָׁ֑וְא which we have translated above as “false”. Many meforshim, primary among them Rashi and Onkelos, do translate שָׁ֑וְא as meaning false. Rabbeinu Yonah uses a modifier which would translate to something like “possibly false”. Others, such as the Yad Hekatana and Rav Wolbe, translate it to mean something closer to despised, meaning “a despised report”. The Chofetz Chaim worries that even if the thing actually happened, it is likely that some details will be added, left out or emphasized to the extent that the report becomes distorted and therefore false. The Chelkas Binyomin, one of the more prominent current commentators on the Sefer Chofetz Chaim, explains that even if the thing actually happened, when someone accepts the report as true, the person being spoken about is inevitably unfairly reduced in the mind of the lister and judged in a way that is false. The halacha brought down by the Rambam and relied upon by the Chofetz Chaim is that accepting lashon hora is prohibited, whether or not it is true.

The gemara in Pesachim (118a) relates the end of the previous pasuk, לַכֶּ֖לֶב תַּשְׁלִכ֥וּן אֹתֽוֹ it should be thrown to the dogs, to our pasuk warning us not to accept a false report: וְאָמַר רַב שֵׁשֶׁת מִשּׁוּם רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲזַרְיָה: כׇּל הַמְסַפֵּר לָשׁוֹן הָרָע, וְכׇל הַמְקַבֵּל לָשׁוֹן הָרָע, וְכׇל הַמֵּעִיד עֵדוּת שֶׁקֶר בַּחֲבֵירוֹ — רָאוּי לְהַשְׁלִיכוֹ לִכְלָבִים, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״לַכֶּלֶב תַּשְׁלִיכוּן אוֹתוֹ״, וּכְתִיב בָּתְרֵיהּ: ״לֹא תִשָּׂא שֵׁמַע שָׁוְא״, And Rav Sheishes said in the name of Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya: Anyone who speaks lashon hora, anyone who accepts lashon hora as truth, and anyone who testifies falsely about another is fit to be thrown to the dogs, as it is stated “ you shall cast it to the dogs” and afterwards it is written: “You shall not accept a false report”.

Regardless of any particular understanding of שָׁ֑וְא, the Midrash Rabbah has an insightful explanation of how the pesukim of a false report and being thrown to the dogs are related. The Midrash explains: מַה הַכְּלָבִים אֶחָד נוֹבֵחַ וְכֻלָּם מִתְקַבְּצִים וְנוֹבְחִים עַל חִנָּם, אֲבָל אַתֶּם לֹא תִהְיוּ כֵן, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁאַתֶּם אַנְשֵׁי קֹדֶשׁ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: וְאַנְשֵׁי קֹדֶשׁ תִּהְיוּן לִי. When it comes to dogs, one of them barks and then all of them come together and bark for absolutely no reason. But you (Bnei Yisrael) don’t do this because you are a holy people, as it is written: a holy people you shall be to me. The Yefei Toar expands upon this saying that the first dog might have had some reason for barking but the other dogs are barking for absolutely no reason. A person might have some rationalized reason for speaking improperly, perhaps they are in a fight with the person they are speaking about and are angry. That doesn’t excuse the aveira but at least we can figure out its source. But if others who have no “dog in the fight” repeat it, they are as senseless as the pack of dogs barking for no reason. The Midrash tells us that we are a holy nation and, therefore, we should not do this. Perhaps the end of the Midrash is giving us the solution to how to avoid falling into this trap of senselessly accepting and spreading information– remember that you, and every other member of Bnei Yisrael is holy.

The Takeaway

The prohibition of accepting/spreading a false report has several interpretations and the halacha is that we are prohibited from believing and repeating lashon hora even if it is true. Someone who accepts lashon hora as truth and/or spreads it, overlooks his own inherent kedushah, the kedushah of his fellow Jews, and is akin to acting like a mindless animal.

This Week
Focus on the concept that according to most opinions someone who believes lashon hora is punished more severely than the person who initially spoke it. If we resolve to not believe and not repeat lashon hora, then those who do speak lashon hora will be unsuccessful in the goal to disparage and damage others.

Shmirah Ba’Shavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each Parsha.
For sefer sponsorships or to sponsor the Parsha Sheet, please contact David Linn connectwithwords365@gmail.com.

Parshas Vayechi – Of Arrows and Feathers

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וַיְמָֽרֲרֻ֖הוּ וָרֹ֑בּוּ וַיִּשְׂטְמֻ֖הוּ בַּֽעֲלֵ֥י חִצִּֽים
And they piled hatred upon him (Yosef) and archers hated him. Bereishis 49:23

The Midrash explains this cryptic reference to archers in the bracha of Yosef.
וַיִּשְׂטְמֻהוּ בַּעֲלֵי חִצִּים, אֵלּוּ בַּעֲלֵי מְחִצָּתוֹ שֶׁהִשְׁלִיכוּ עָלָיו דְּבָרִים קָשִׁים ×›Ö¼Ö°×—Öµ×¥,… וּמָה רָאָה לְמָשְׁלָן בְּחֵץ מִכָּל כְּלֵי זַיִן, אֶלָּא כָּל כְּלֵי זַיִן מַכִּין בִּמְקוֹמָם וְזֶה מַכֶּה מֵרָחוֹק, כָּךְ הוּא לָשׁוֹן הָרָע דְּאָמוּר בְּרוֹמִי וְקָטֵיל בְּסוּרְיָא

“And archers hated him” these are the associates (of Yosef) who cast at him words as harsh as arrows… and why is it fitting to compare (lashon hora) to arrows as opposed to all other weapons? Because all other weapons strike in the place where they are and this (an arrow) strikes further away. So too lashon hora that is spoken in Rome can kill someone in Syria.

The Shaarei Teshuvah expands upon the analogy of lashon hora to arrows. Rabbeinu Yonah explains that one who shoots an arrow will often not know who it is that he ends up striking since they may be very far away. So too with lashon hora, when someone speaks about another person, he may be damaging not just that person but his business associates, his family members and even future generations. Rabbein Yonah also distinguishes an arrow from a sword by saying that if someone draws his sword on someone else and the potential victim pleads for mercy, he can return his sword to its holding place and there will be no damage. This is not the case with an arrow, once it is sent forth, it cannot be retrieved. So too with lashon hora, once the word escapes from our mouths, it is impossible to withdraw it.

One opinion in the Midrash that we quoted is that Yosef’s “adversaries” were his brothers. As pointed out last week, the brothers spoke about Yosef and plotted to harm him when Yosef was מֵרָחֹ֑ק far away. We see from here how their use of improper language was able to do significant harm even from a distance.

The Chofetz Chaim points out that it is often very difficult to do proper and full teshuvah for lashon hora in a case where someone does not know how far flung his words have become. According to some opinions, it is actually impossible to do teshuva for this since it would be impossible to determine who has actually heard them and, moreover, the words may continue to do future harm even to those who are not yet born. We should not look at this as a depressing statement regarding our past speech. Instead, we should look at it as an opportunity to comprehend the far reaching and devastating consequences of lashon hora so that we will be more careful with our current and future speech.

The Takeaway
Lashon hora is compared to an arrow because arrows can do harm in places far from where they are shot. Additionally, once an arrow is shot, it is impossible to retrieve it and avoid the damaging circumstances.

This Week
Analogies, moshelim and comparisons are powerful learning tools. Think about how the analogy of an arrow to lashon hora provides deep insight into the detrimental nature of lashon hora. Remember the famous story about the person who went to his Rebbe to ask him how to do teshuva for his lashon hora. His rebbe told him to empty a pillow full of feathers into the wind. Confused but willing to listen to his Rebbe, the person did so and returned to his Rebbe. His Rebbe then told him to go retrieve each and every feather. The lesson is that it is just as difficult to do teshuva for broad ranging lashon hora as it is to track down and collect feathers that have been scattered to the wind. Create your own analogy or moshel that illustrates the far reaching effects of lashon hora and share it with your friends and family.

Shmirah Ba’Shavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each Parsha.
For sefer sponsorships or to sponsor the Parsha Sheet, please contact David Linn connectwithwords365@gmail.com.

Parsha Chayei Sarah – Your Billionaire Opportunity

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וַיִּֽהְיוּ֙ חַיֵּ֣י שָׂרָ֔ה מֵאָ֥ה שָׁנָ֛ה וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים שָׁנָ֖ה וְשֶׁ֣בַע שָׁנִ֑ים שְׁנֵ֖י חַיֵּ֥י שָׂרָֽה
And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years; (these were) the years of the life of Sarah.

The Midrash brings a related incident:
רַבִּי עֲקִיבָא הָיָה יוֹשֵׁב וְדוֹרֵשׁ וְהַצִּבּוּר מִתְנַמְנֵם בִּקֵּשׁ לְעוֹרְרָן אָמַר מָה רָאֲתָה אֶסְתֵּר שֶׁתִּמְלֹךְ עַל שֶׁבַע וְעֶשְׂרִים וּמֵאָה מְדִינָה, אֶלָּא תָּבוֹא אֶסְתֵּר שֶׁהָיְתָה בַּת בִּתָּהּ שֶׁל שָׂרָה שֶׁחָיְתָה מֵאָה וְעֶשְׂרִים וָשֶׁבַע וְתִמְלֹךְ עַל מֵאָה וְעֶשְׂרִים וְשֶׁבַע מְדִינוֹת.
Rabbi Akiva was sitting and teaching, and those assembled there were dozing off. To arouse them, he asked: How could Esther rule over one hundred and twenty seven provinces? It was fitting that Esther, a grandchild of Sarah who lived to one hundred and twenty seven would rule over one hundred and twenty seven provinces.

Why did Rabbi Akiva choose to use this particular point to arouse his students from their slumbering? The Chiddushei HaRim explains that all of Sarah’s years were lived to the fullest and that for each of those years, her ancestor, Esther, merited an entire province, totalling 127 provinces. Breaking it down even further, the Chidushei HaRim says that for every day of her life that she lived fully, Sarah merited a city for Esther and for every hour of her life that she lived fully, she merited a town. Rabbi Akiva was pointing out the eternal value of every single moment. If his students appreciated this, Rabbi Akiva was teaching, they would arouse themselves and focus on every minute and every second of their learning.

Rabbi Akiva’s lesson, as expounded by the Chiddushei HaRim, has astounding impact when we apply it to shmiras halashon. Throughout the day, we are invariably faced with several situations that test the way we guard our speech. And every one of the moments is an opportunity to create unfathomable reward. The Midrash says:
שֶׁעַל כָּל רֶגַע וְרֶגַע שֶׁאָדָם חוֹסֵם פִּיו, זוֹכֶה לָאוֹר הַגָּנוּז, שֶׁאֵין כָּל מַלְאָךְ וּבְרִיָּה יָכוֹל לְשַׁעֵר
That for every moment in which a person closes his mouth, he merits the “hidden light” (a spiritual reward) that even the angels and other celestial beings cannot comprehend. The Gra, in Alim LeTerufah points out:
רְאֵה שֶׁלֹּא נִזְכַּר בַּמִּדְרָשׁ חֹדֶשׁ אוֹ שָׁבוּעַ אוֹ יוֹם אוֹ שָׁעָה, רַק רֶגַע
Notice that the Midrash did not say (that he held his tongue for) a month or a week or a day or an hour– just a moment. Every single moment that we choose to properly use our speech, we receive incalculable reward.

In 1984, it was estimated that the average person speaks approximately 860,000,000 words in their lifetime. With the understanding that this estimate was published years before the internet was launched and before email and texting became commonplace, it’s fair to assume that the average person now “speaks” close to a billion words in his lifetime. There are a billion opportunities to merit the greatest reward. That’s a jackpot much greater than the Powerball.

The Takeaway
Esther was rewarded with 127 provinces as a reward for her “Grandmother” Sarah’s 127 years of taking full advantage of every mitzvah opportunity. The Midrash teaches us that the spiritual reward for refraining from improper speech is so great that even the malachim cannot comprehend it. We have nearly a billion opportunities to earn that reward.

This Week
Create a reminder for yourself to be careful with your speech and place it on your cell phone. This can be a pasuk that you tape to your phone, a screen saver, or even just a small sticker that will remind you to be careful about your speech when you use your phone.
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Shmirah Bashavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each parsha. For sefer sponsorship opportunities or to sponsor the weekly parsha sheet, please contact David Linn at connectwithwords365@gmail.com

Parshas Ki Teitzei- Maintain Your Advantage This Elul

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This week’s parsha includes the commandment of זָכ֕וֹר אֵ֧ת אֲשֶׁר־עָשָׂ֛ה יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ לְמִרְיָ֑ם בַּדֶּ֖רֶךְ בְּצֵֽאתְכֶ֥ם מִמִּצְרָֽיִם Remember what Hashem your G-d did to Miriam on the way out of Mitzrayim. This mitzvah, which references the sin of Miriam when she spoke lashon hara about Moshe which resulted in her punishment of tzaras, is among the seven that we are obligated to remember every day. There are scores of lessons to be learned from this mitzvah as laid out by nearly all of the major meforshim. The Chofetz Chaim speaks about it at length in both the Sefer Chofetz Chaim and the Sefer Shmiras Halashon in addition to an entire sefer dedicated to it known as the Kuntres Zachor LeMiriam.

It’s difficult to choose which of the hundreds of ideas to focus on, but there is a nuance that the Chasam Sofer points out that is highly relevant to Elul. The Chasam Sofer references the gemara in Sotah (9b) which explains מִרְיָם הִמְתִּינָה לְמֹשֶׁה שָׁעָה אַחַת שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וַתֵּתַצַּב אֲחוֹתוֹ מֵרָחוֹק לְפִיכָךְ נִתְעַכְּבוּ לָהּ יִשְׂרָאֵל שִׁבְעָה יָמִים בַּמִּדְבָּר שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְהָעָם לֹא נָסַע עַד הֵאָסֵף מִרְיָם Miriam waited for Moshe one hour, as it says: And his sister stood from afar. Therefore the nation waited for her seven days in the desert, as it says: and the people did not travel until Miriam returned (from the quarantine that was imposed upon her as a result of the tzaras she suffered from in punishment for speaking about Moshe). This gemara teaches that Miriam was rewarded midda keneged midda for her chesed in waiting for Moshe when he was a baby.

The Chasam Sofer asks on this gemara. He explains that there are two ways in which we can look at what Miriam was doing when she was watching Moshe. The first way is to view her as if she was simply a sister watching her brother to see what happens to him in a dangerous situation. The second way is to understand that Miriam had prophecy and therefore knew that Moshe was destined to become the leader and redeemer of Klal Yisrael. As such, her intention in watching him was because she wanted to see if there was something she could do “to assist” Hashem’s chosen leader. This second possibility is clearly on a much higher level as it would have been carried out not simply because of the love of a sister for her brother but lekavod shamayim. The Chasam Sofer points out that we are commanded to give others the benefit of the doubt and, therefore, we would have to say that Miriam watched Moshe for the second, more holy reason. However, that is not the case. We see from the fact that Miriam was rewarded in this world, by having Klal Yisrael wait for her, that Hashem viewed her as waiting for Moshe on the lower, albeit still very lofty level, — as a sister might. Because if she was waiting for Moshe on the higher level, her reward would have been so much greater that it would have been reserved for the next world.

In addition to our obligation to judge favorably, the gemara in Shabbos (127b) tells us: הַדָּן חֲבֵירוֹ לְכַף זְכוּת — דָּנִין אוֹתוֹ לִזְכוּת Everyone who judges his friend favorably, he himself is judged favorably. That means that Hashem also judges favorably. So why was it that Miriam was not judged favorably? The Chasam Sofer answers his question as follows. Miriam made a presumption relating to how Moshe was acting vis-a-vis his wife, and she did not give Moshe the benefit of the doubt. Therefore, because she did not give Moshe the benefit of the doubt, she was not given the benefit of the doubt by Hashem. The converse of the gemara is true: anyone who does not judge his friend favorably, is not judged favorably by Hashem. The Chasam Sofer concludes: וזהוּ מוּסר למספּרי לה״ר This is the lesson to those who speak Lashon Hara.

All throughout Elul and the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, we are seeking rachamim from Hashem. We’re asking Him to give us the benefit of the doubt, even when He knows our exact intentions were sometimes less than stellar. And this is something that Hashem actually “wants” to do. However, if, during this same time period, we are not judging others favorably, we are forfeiting the right to ask Hashem to judge us favorably. There are halachos that determine when we must give someone the benefit of the doubt and when we do not need to. During these special days when we want Hashem to tip the scales toward our benefit even when we really don’t “deserve it”, we should be granting others the benefit of the doubt lefnim meshuras hadin.

The Takeaway:
Miriam was not given the benefit of the doubt by Hashem because she did not give Moshe the benefit of the doubt. Hashem judges us in the way that we judge others. When we are asking Hashem to overlook our flaws and see what’s good and focus on the potential within us, we must do the same for others or lose that opportunity ourselves.

This Week:
Assume good intentions on the part of those around you. When something occurs and you have the impetus to create a story about why someone did something, create a story that is positive and gives the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Parshas Balak – Everyone Knows, Except Me

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וַיַּרְא בָּלָק בֶּן צִפּוֹר. And Balak ben Zippor saw.
The Midrash asks what was it that Balak saw? מַהוּ וַיַּרְא. רָאָה בַּפֻּרְעָנוּת הָעֲתִידָה לָבֹא עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְשׂוֹנְאָן הָיָה יוֹתֵר מִכָּל שׂוֹנְאִים. שֶׁכֻּלָּם הָיוּ בָּאִין בְּמִלְחָמוֹת וּבְשִׁעְבּוּד שֶׁהֵן יְכוֹלִים לַעֲמֹד בָּהֶן. וְזֶה, כְּאָדָם שֶׁהוּא מוֹצִיא דָּבָר מִפִּיו לַעֲקֹר אֻמָּה שְׁלֵמָה. What Does it mean “he saw”? He saw the punishment that would come upon Israel in the future. And he hated them more than all other enemies. For they all would come with war and subjugation and they (Israel) were able to withstand them. And this one (Balak) was like a man that that which came from his mouth (his speech) could uproot an entire nation.

Balak saw that the power of the Bnei Yisrael was its speech. When all of the nations of the world, even those who seemed mightier, would attack, the Bnei Yisrael prevailed. But Balak knew that this was not due to military acumen or the strength of numbers. It was because of that which came out of their mouths — their Torah study and tefillos to Hashem — that they prevailed. That’s why the Midrash here highlights that Bilam was the perfect enemy for the Jewish people, because he could uproot nations with his speech.

Two pesukim later the Torah says וַיֹּאמֶר מוֹאָב אֶל זִקְנֵי מִדְיָן. And the Moabites said to the elders of Midian… The Midrash asks why were the Moabites going to the Midianites in regard to their desire to conquer Bnei Yisrael? מַה טִּיבָם שֶׁל זִקְנֵי מִדְיָן כָּאן. שֶׁהָיוּ רוֹאִים אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל נוֹצְחִין שֶׁלֹּא כְּדֶרֶךְ הָאָרֶץ. אָמְרוּ, מַנְהִיג שֶׁלָּהֶם בְּמִדְיָן נִתְגַּדֵּל, נֵדַע מֵהֶן מַה מִּדָּתוֹ. אָמְרוּ לוֹ זִקְנֵי מִדְיָן, אֵין כֹּחוֹ אֶלָּא בְּפִיו. אָמְרוּ לָהֶם, אַף אָנוּ נָבֹא כְּנֶגְדָן בְּאָדָם שֶׁכֹּחוֹ בְּפִיו. What is the relevance of the ziknei Midian here? It is because they (the Moabites) saw that the Bnei Yisrael were conquering in an unusual way. They said (to themselves), their leader grew up in Midian, let’s find out from them what his defining character is. The elders of Midian told them: his singular strength is his mouth. They (the Moabites) said to them (the Midianites): We will also bring against them a man whose power is in his speech.

The nations of the world, their prophets, and their leaders all understood the true nature of the power of Bnei Yisrael– the power of speech. Unfortunately, in our history, we seem to have often forgotten that about ourselves. As we enter the Three Weeks and turn our focus to the sins of sinas chinam and lashon hora, we have to not only focus on the potentially devastating consequences of improper speech, but also on the positive power of our words. By realizing how precious speech is, and how pure speech brings purity to our learning and our tefillah, we will be ensuring the strength necessary to withstand golus and our enemies and achieve the final geulah.

THE TAKEAWAY: Both Balak and the Elders of Midian understood that the koach of Bnei Yisrael is in the mouth– torah learning and tefilah. We sometimes forget this, and we can get better at remembering by focusing not only on the potential damage that speech can cause but on the tremendous positive impact it can have.

THIS WEEK: Each day, review one of the statements highlighting the positive nature of pure speech found on the second page of this parsha sheet.

Yom Rishon/Sunday
There is an extremely awesome aspect of guarding one’s speech, and that is that he begins to repair Hashem’s mizbeach which was destroyed hundreds of years at the time of the churban which was brought about by baseless hatred and loshon hora.
-Chofetz Chaim, Kuntres Chovas HaShmirah.

Yom Sheini/Monday
Every word of a prayer or of any brocha, ascends to great heights carried by specially appointed angels. Each word has an effect on the upper roots of Creation. In this way, the person saying the prayer becomes a partner with Hashem in Creation, since he is able to build and influence many upper worlds. That is why the Sages refer to prayer as “devarim (things or words) that stand in the highest worlds” (Brachos 6b). In other words, the devarim themselves, the words of the prayer, stand at the highest point of the worlds. -Nefesh HaChaim

Yom Shlishi/Tuesday
According to Rabbeinu Yonah, if one guards his tongue and is careful about what he says, then his mouth is considered to be a holy vessel. Just like a holy vessel confers holiness upon whatever [non-holy] item is placed in it, so too all words that are issued from such a mouth are holy.
-Shem MiShmuel

Yom Revi’i/Wednesday
Although it is commendable to try to minimize your speech, if you see someone sad and distressed, it is a great mitzvah to raise his spirits by speaking with him.
-Sefer Shmiras HaLashon

Yom Chamishi/Thursday
Since man was created as a physical being and not simply a pure, disembodied soul, his pure soul, by itself, is not his complete essence. Rather, the essence of man is his power of speech, which is expressed by the physical organ of the tongue. For man is composed of both physical and soul. Speech is unique to man, since no animal can speak. Speech is rooted in the soul (and yet is found in a physical organ) and therefore is the essence of man (since it combines the physical and the spiritual).
-Maharal, Nesivos Olam

Yom Shishi/ Friday
Midah keneged midah is a foundational principle in all things. Therefore, if one suppresses himself and keeps his mouth from speaking disparagingly against his fellow man and arousing strife against him, so too, above, the Prosecutor will not be able to open his mouth to speak accusingly against him.
-Sefer Shmiras HaLashon

Shmira Bashavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each parsha. For sefer sponsorship opportunities or to sponsor the weekly parsha sheet, please contact David Linn at connectwithwords365@gmail.com

Parshas Korach – Give it Up

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וְאִם הוּא מַחֲזִיק בַּמַחְלֹקֶת עַל יְדֵי סִפּוּרוֹ עוֹבֵר עוֹד עַל לָאו דְּ”לֹא יִהְיֶה כְקֹרַח שֶׁהוּא אַזְהָרָה, שֶׁלֹּא לְהַחֲזִיק בְּמַחְלֹקֶת ×›.
And if he gives strength to a dispute through his own speech, he has also transgressed the prohibition of “You shall not be like Korach and his followers”, this (commandment) is a warning to not strengthen a dispute. (Sefer Chofetz Chaim Chekek Alef, pesicha, Lav Yud Beis).

The Chofetz Chaim, on this lav, references the gemara in Sanhedrin (110a). ויקם משה וילך אל דתן ואבירם אמר ר”ל מכאן שאין מחזיקין במחלוקת דאמר רב כל המחזיק במחלוקת עובר בלאו שנאמר ולא ×™×”×™×” כקרח וכעדתו And Moshe got up and he went to Dasan and Aviram, Reish Lakish says from here (we learn) not to strengthen a dispute, as Rav says: anyone who strengthens a dispute has transgressed the prohibition of “You shall not be like Korach and his followers”. Rashi points out why it is that we learn this concept from the actions of Moshe: שמחל על כבודו והוא עצמו הלך לבטל מחלוקת (Moshe) was mochel on his honor, and he himself went out to nullify the dispute.

There is a fairly common misunderstanding that the prohibition of being mechazek a machlokes is limited to those outside the actual machlokes. In other words, it’s telling us not to get involved in other people’s disputes. Yes, this is certainly prohibited, but this issur is not limited to that. The gemara is telling us that even those involved in the machlokes itself, and even those who are absolutely correct should do what they can to dampen or uproot the machlokes. We learn this from the actions of
לרפואה שׁלמה חיה גיטל בת מלכה

Moshe who was on the side of Hashem, had been personally attacked, and was הֶחָשׁוּב שֶׁבְּיִשְׂרָאֵל the most important person in klal yisrael. Nonetheless, he “got up and went” to Dasan and Aviram in order to do what he could to quell the dispute.

The Midrash says that because Moshe went to the tents of Dasan and Aviram, four tzadikim were saved from Gehenom– the three sons of Korach and On ben Peles. The Chofetz Chaim in Sefer Shmiras HaLashon emphasizes the extent to which we need to go to seek peace. He explains the pusek in tehillim בַּקִּשׁ שָׁלוֹם וְרָדְפֵהוּ Seek peace and pursue it as: Seek peace among your friends, pursue it among your enemies; Seek peace in the place where you are, pursue it in other places; Seek peace with personal efforts, pursue peace with your financial resources; Seek peace when it concerns you, pursue peace even when it only involves others; and Seek peace today, pursue peace even for tomorrow (if your efforts at peacemaking don’t bear fruit today, try again tomorrow).

THE TAKEAWAY: We have an obligation to avoid machlokes and to actively and incessantly pursue peace. Moshe, the greatest prophet to ever live, was willing to forego his honor in order to attempt to make peace.

THIS WEEK: Start building or working on the muscle of giving in. Give up on something that you feel is due to you in order to avoid or deepen a conflict.
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Shmira Bashavua will be published as a sefer containing several lessons from each parsha. For sefer sponsorship opportunities or to sponsor the weekly parsha sheet, please contact David Linn at connectwithwords365@gmail.com