The 2010 election campaign is over, but many more will come. I’ve often seen Jews encouraged to vote solely to bring back the goodies (funding, favorable policies…) to our own communities. The general welfare becomes a minor consideration, if that.

What do our sources say about this?

What do you think about this?

Sincerely,
Bob Miller

Dear BBT

I am wondering if you could help me answer a question.

In a class I gave this evening, a woman told us of an incident that happened to her that upset her very much. She was in a store and the worker behind the counter, a chassidishe gentleman, would not take her credit card from her hand, and indicated that she should put it down instead. She is a BT and was upset about this. She felt that he “embarrassed” her in public over what she felt was a “super chumrah”.

I wonder if you could please give me any background information regarding this halacha/chumra/whatever, so that I can show her where it is coming from.

Thank you
b’chavod,
Chana

A recent Torah-oriented email newsletter discussed the fact that BTs are often exposed to a beautiful life of harmonious family life, Tzinius dress and festive Shabbos meals but are not informed of the food, clothing, tuition and other costs involved.

What are the things you wish you were told?

And would knowing those things have affected the path you took?

One of the reasons we started Beyond BT is because we felt that BTs needed more support and that we can provide some through this forum.

It has been a limited success given the limitations of an online community/forum and the limited available resources, but perhaps we can use today’s question to brainstorm how we can provide more support for BTs.

Here some common issues below and their obstacles.
Please suggest how perhaps we can overcome any of the mentioned obstacles.

Providing Classes of All Types for BTs.
Obstacles: Attendance is usually sparse.

Getting Mentors for BTs.
Obstacles: Good willing mentors are hard to find. There is no mechanism for BTs to request mentors. BTs are hesitant to request mentors.

Getting Rebbeim for BTs
Obstacles: Good BT-oriented Rebbeim are hard to find. Rebbeim are usually paid for their time through their shuls and there is no other normative structure to pay good Rebbeim for their time.

Providing Live Support Meetings for BTs
Obstacles: It does not seem that BTs want to get together to discuss their issues.

Dear Beyond BT

I was wondering if anyone could share stories of the frustration of going to events at which they were previously told there would be kosher food for them only for it to turn out that there wasn’t.

For example

1) being told that an affair was kosher when in fact it is not
2) being promised separate kosher food that turns out to not be kosher
3) other kosher related issues

How did you or how would you handle the situation.

Thanks
Dovid

A friend asked us to post the following:

She and her husband are making their first wedding for their son and they have no family support on their side.

The boy is marrying an FFB girl.

From a BT point of view, how have others handled the gashmius factor in frum weddings?

How have people cut costs?

What was “indispensible” (besides the obvious halachic requirements) and what wasn’t?

Are their any issues specific to BT/FFB chasuna?

Were there any surprises that arose due to not having been brought up attending frum chasunas?

Thanks in advance for your help.

Twenty four hours before Yom Kippur, two tornados hit Queens, Brooklyn and Staten Island tearing down and uprooting over 2,000 trees.

What lessons did you learn or hear from you Rav after this awesome display of Hashem’s might right before the day of judgment?

A fellow BT has been blessed by Hashem with great insight and great financial resources. Looking back at what was missing when he became frum, he has allocated significant funds to provide learning opportunities specifically for BT’s — at this point specifically for BT women who he feels are really under-served!

Yes, finally, someone understands that many of us – especially the newcomers – need something other than more outreach classes to help us really feel like we ‘get it’ and fit in!

He, together with the team he has hired, are interested in our input – -what we need / want /long for etc. And they’re asking two simple questions:

1) If you could spend a few days with fellow BT’s and have the perfect schedule of classes, lectures, discussions, activities, etc – what would you want included in the curriculum/schedule?

2) If you had the money and the time, what would you do to help other BTs make the transition – or maintain the transition – more smoothly?

Dear Beyond BT

I was having a discussion with a friend about the Ground Zero Mosque and he felt that the greater you associate 9/11 with Islam in general, the more likely you are against the Mosque.

He also pointed out that even President Bush said that we are not at war with Muslims, but with the terrorists, and he thereby disassociated 9/11 from Islam.

My friend agreed that showing sensitivity to the families that lost loved ones is important, but if that sensitivity is based on some degree of undeserved anti-Islam bias, then how strong is our sensitivity obligation? Would they object to a church or a synogogue built there?

He finally stressed that Freedom of Religion was such an important principal to uphold to the highest degree that it should outweigh any existing anti-Islam based sensitivities.

My feeling is the there is clearly some association of 9/11 and Islam and we need to show sensitivity, but I’m not clear whether it is enough to override Freedom of Religion considerations or to perpetuate an anti-Muslim bias.

Furthermore as Frum Jews, is there a Chillul Hashem consideration that we don’t come off looking like we have a anti-Muslim streak?

Thanks
Ben

Do you have any strategies to make your Teshuva more effective this year?

Do you draw on your early Teshuva days for inspiration?

Do you have actuals tools and techniques and processes or do you just try to be generally better?

Any other Elul thoughts to share?

Should we be more tolerant of non-observant Jews.

What are your post Tisha B’Av thoughts?

Appreciation of food?

Listening to music again tomorrow?

Vacation time?

Commitment to do your part in rebuilding the Bais Hamikdash?

Less Loshon Hara and Sinas Chinam?

Countdown to Elul?

Glad the 3 weeks are over?

What else?

In public situations is it wise to give Baalei Teshuva kibbudim (honors) at the risk of embarassment?

Situations include

– Leading the bentching

– Saying a beracha at a Sheva Berachos

– Saying a harachamim at a Bris

– Getting an Aliyah in shul

– Getting hagbah or gelilah

– Opening the aron

In what cases and situations do you think it would be appropriate or inappropriate to give the honor to a relatively new BT?

What’s it like raising FFB kids as a BT?

How do your kids feel about it?

In what ways do you feel deficient?

In what ways do you feel being a BT makes you more qualified?

How do your kids feel about it, are they glad they have BT parents or do they wish their parents were FFBs?

What advice would your FFB kids have for BT parents?

I met a friend recently and he told me he was reading through his Jewish Publication Society Bible presented to him by his Hebrew School at his Bar Mitzvah.

He had two specific questions at the tip of his tongue:

Wasn’t the conquering of Eretz Yisroel and the wiping out of the inhabitants genocide?

Wasn’t the death penaltly meted out to Nadav and Avihu for their improper service excessively harsh?

How would you suggest handling these questions?

Thanks
Steve

Do you feel that “fitting in” is one of the biggest challenges facing BTs?

What factors have you seen contribute to being successful in this area?

What are some strategies if you’re committed to Torah Judaism, but feel the “fitting in” goal is too difficult?

Is it a fair goal to expect a baal teshuva to strive for a level of Greatness?

Is that realistic?

Or should we be content thinking, “we know what we know, which is a heckuva lot more than the average Jew and it’s a world different (if not two!) than how I myself used to be, and I am content with the fact that I am radically different than how I was growing up.”

Or should the approach be, now that you are a frummeh Yid, you carry all the obligations of a regular frum Yid and that means working toward greatness in mitzvah performance and greater levels of middos tovos.

From a guest contributor

My wife is in her late forties and finds that she has no one to relate to.

We have a 3, 5, 7 , 11 , 13 and 15 year old.

She finds that all of the ladies her age are grandmas and all of the ladies in her situation are much younger.

How do women deal with the special challenges and difficulties of the BT Mommy and housewife?

In addition, how do you deal with the difficulties of coming from a small secular family to trying to raise your own large orthodox family?

Thank
Dovid

Are you planning to stay up all night to learn on Shavuos?

Do you usually start to nod off during davening on Shavuos morning? If so, at what point of the davening?

I recently received the e-mail below from a friend, asking for my thoughts on how he should allocate his time for a certain aspect of what he feels is perhaps his “life’s work,” the reason why he was placed on this earth. If you can, think about his question and my response to him. Perhaps you would have answered differently. Is there anything you would like to add? How do you approach the issue in your own life?

Here’s his question:

Recently I have been giving a lot of thought to whether I am spending enough time each day working on [a certain] project. On one hand, I am working on it at least 30 minutes a day/5 days a week. However, on the other hand, if this project is one of the reasons Hashem put me on the earth, then 30 minutes is certainly not enough.
Any thoughts?

And here was my response:

I don’t know know if there’s any connection between the thoughts that if something is one of the reasons one is created that one necessarily has to spend more than half an hour a day on that thing. Is it ratzon Hashem for you to spend more than 1/2 an hour a day on it? Well that would depend. What are the alternatives? If you did spend more time, would you not have enough time to be ma’avir sedra or to learn Gemara or halacha or whatever your other sedorim are? If spending more time on it would mean doing something that you have reason to believe is against ratzon Hashem, then that would imply that spending “only” 1/2 an hour a day on your project is ratzon Hashem.

And also, what do you mean by saying that the project is “one of the reasons why Hashem put you on earth?” If you mean that on its literal level (that it is one of many reasons why Hashem created you), then what about the example of politely smiling and thanking the check-out person at the grocery store? If it’s ratzon Hashem for you to do that at the moment you finish your transaction with her, then that too is “one of the reasons Hashem put you on earth.” Does that mean that you should davka spend more than 1/2 an hour smiling at check out girls? Obviously not.

Everything that it is ratzon Hashem for one to do at any given moment is “one” of the reasons why Hashem created him. But the amount of time one should spend on that thing depends on what ratzon Hashem says is the appropriate amount of time to be spent on that thing. For pleasantly thanking check out clerks, that’s probably about 1 second. For learning kitzur shulchan aruch yomi, it’s probably the amount of time it takes to learn that, let’s say 10 minutes.

For your project, my personal opinion on how to “divine” what the amount of time is that Hashem wants you to spend on it is: See how much time you have after all of the other things you have to do. And then ask yourself where you would get the time from if you increased how much time you spent on it. (e.g., some other learning seder, sleep time, family time, work time…) Then ask yourself whether, in the aggregate, you’d be failing to fulfill what Hashem wants of you in those other areas of life. If so, then perhaps 1/2 an hour a day *is* what Hashem wants from you. If not, then you know you should increase the time since it sounds like you feel a pull to increase the time.

Make any sense?

Originally posted here.