In addition to writing about thoughts and issues relevant to Baalei Teshuva, we’re planning on running a current topic every week or two, providing a common focal point. We’ll sometimes be posting audio clips from shiurim and talks relevant to the current topic.
The first topic was originally title “What are the Biggest Challenges Facing Baalei Teshiva?”. When we were initially brainstorming for this project some challenges that came to mind were:
– Integrating with the observant community
– Parenting issues for younger children and teenagers
– Relationships with our non-observant friends, relatives and colleagues
– Educating ourselves and our children
– Helping our children in the marriage processes
– Plateauing in our Yiddishkeit and the need to re-ignite the growth process
I’m sure there are many others. On further reflection, I think the title should be changed to “Big Challenges Facing Baalei Teshuva”, because whether a challenge is big or the biggest is not the real focus. What we want to do is air out the issues of importance, so we can start discussing some ideas that might be helpful when facing those challenges.
Quotes About Baalei Teshuvah from
Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald and
Rabbi Dr. Walter Orenstein:
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… Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald, director of the National Jewish Outreach program [NJOP], even suggests why they [Baalei Teshuvah] leave [Judaism]:
“The greatest source of alienation,†according to Buchwald,†is the failure of baalei teshuvah to suitable mates.â€
Sociologist Danzger agrees. “Getting married and raising children is what ties you to the community,†he says.
SOURCE: Defection Thinning The Ranks of Baalei Teshuvah by David Margolis, March 17, 1989
The Jewish Week, page 36.
BIOGRAPHY NOTE: David Margolis, a Los Angeles-based writer, is a baal teshuvah.
He died on Sunday July 17, 2005. http://davidmargolis.com/article.php
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What Happened To The Welcome Mat For Baale Teshuva?
By Rabbi Dr. Walter Orenstein, September 25, 1987
The Jewish Herald, page 14
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Some of us tour Israel; others travel through Europe; still others spend their vacation time in some luxurious hotel; while families frequently choose a bungalow colony in the Catskills, to relax and unwind for a few weeks during the summer. About a dozen or so men and women, who but a year ago would have laughed at the prospect of becoming in any way involved with Judaism, are spending their precious vacation time studying Torah … and they love it!
For several years now, it has been my distinct privilege to teach in a unique setting at the Lincoln Square Synagogue in Manhattan – the Summer Torah Institute. The program meets for six weeks in June and July 9 AM to 5 PM, Monday through Thursday. Quite obviously, it is an intensive Torah study program. Classes are open to whoever might be interested in such a pursuit, regardless of age or background. We see lawyers, psychiatrists, teachers, accountants, scientists, journalists, housewives … you name it, they have been there. What they all have in common is their limited background and their strong commitment to the study of Torah. Most of them are Baale teshuvah; others are on their way to becoming such.
What is most remarkable about these people is that they could have spent their vacations fishing, traveling or simply relaxing in the sun on some secluded island in the Caribbean, but they saw fit to pursue the study of Torah instead. One tends to wonder how many of our FFBs (Frum From Birth) would even consider the prospect of spending six weeks of their vacation studying Torah … yes, on a full time basis, in some yeshivah or kollel. The truth of the matter is, that we feel we have fulfilled our obligation to study Torah by attending a shiur once a week, on Shabbos afternoon, and there are many of us who refuse to make time even for that.
Now, while I have taught in several schools and in many different settings – from the religious school to the university – and I have worked with children, teenagers, adults and senior citizens, never have I encountered such sincerity and eagerness to learn as I have in this program. The love and dedication is simply beyond compare.
But this does not really surprise me. In point of fact, it is a phenomenon most typical of baale teshuvah. Judaism is a new experience for them … a newly discovered treasure. And like a treasure, they handle it, study it and wear it proudly for all to see and admire. Much like a child with a new toy, they possess the Torah and become possessed by it – G_d help the one who dares to challenge its validity or to play down its function.
There is a whole community of Baale Teshuvah out there. They are knocking at the door of the Orthodox Jewish community, seeking desperately to be admitted. They are sincere Frum Jews and they need the comfort and encouragement that only we can offer them.
But what do they get? Many of us simply turn them away. We reject them outrightly and make no excuses for abominable behavior. Others have more finesse. While they do not outrightly reject them, they look at them with a jaundiced eye and relegate them to second class citizenship in the community. We are too elitist to accept them for what they ARE rather than what they WERE. Yes, we admire their sincerity but their coat of arms is just not up to par with ours. Yes, we are happy to know they now observe Shabbos, but we prefer that they stay with their own kind, lest they cast an eye on our son or daughter – object matrimony. My child marry a baal teshuvah? What would I say to the neighbors?
What should be said to the neighbors is as follows: My child chose a fine, upright, sincere mate of whom I am exceedingly proud, for he is a person for whom Judaism is not merely the religion he has accepted because he was born into it, but one he has chosen to return to out of personal conviction. As such he is not less observant of Judaism but actually more observant and certainly more meticulous about his observance than a great many of our yeshivah boys. And should the thought come to mind – and it very frequently does – that just as he emerged from agnosticism to commitment to G_d and to Torah, so may he emerge tomorrow to his previous way of life, hold the thought and consider this:
Who is in greater danger? Is it the assimilated Jew who came from a hedonistic, self-indulgent, morally bankrupt lifestyle that he rejected by choice only to accept upon himself the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven and the observance of Torah, or the Jew who was born into a religious home but was never really imbued with a love of Torah study and a zeal for mitzvohs, who is not really very impressed with Judaism and observes the traditions in a perfunctory manner, more out of habit than piety? Ponder this well in your mind and be honest with yourself. Then face the sad, indeed the frightening truth that a significant number of Orthodox Jews are in the later category.
I often wonder, who are committing the greater sin, the parents of the baale teshuvah, who think and act as if they would be happier if their son had joined a cult or become a Moonie, or the parents of the FFB who has chosen to marry a baal teshuvah, who treat their child as if he or she had chosen to marry out of the faith. I have personally known parents who are so self-hating that they virtually did disown their child and would see him starve to death rather than support him as an Orthodox Jew. I have also known parents who do everything in their power to discredit their child’s chosen mate and will stop at nothing to disenchant their child and sever the relationship. One would have thought that Jews were not capable of such cruelty to their own children.
I believe that the time is long overdue for our congregational rabbis and roshe yeshivah to admonish the Orthodox Jewish community for their unwholesome and dangerous attitude, and employ whatever means necessary to initiate a change. In the long run, it is a lot more important than tuna fish, vinegar or delicatessen. The time has come for us to give more than just lip service to the words of Rabbi Abahu: In the place where the baale teshuvah stand, even the wholly righteous can not stand (tractate Berachot, page 34B, 18th line from bottom of page).
This article was reprinted in Jewish Lifestyle, November 2005, on pages 85 and 86.