Inconsistencies in the Process of Growth

While I was in the process of becoming frum I found that many of my friends and family suddenly became big Talmidei Chachomim (Torah Scholars). They started noticing and commenting on discrepancies in my religious behavior. They never said it explicitly, but the implication was that I was being hypocritical. I fielded such questions as, “Why don’t you wear your yarmulka at school like you do at home?”, “How can you eat in the restaurant if they serve x, y, and z also?”, “How come you walk to shul and then come home and watch TV?”, etc.

As we know, for most of us becoming observant is a process. It’s not like upgrading a computer to a new operating system where suddenly you have all of this new information and features. (Actually, that can be a tough process too, but you get the idea.) There is a lot of information to assimilate and major behavioral changes to implement. In retrospect it can be amusing to look back on some of the inconsistencies we exhibited as our growth unfolded.
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Passaic Melave Malka With Rabbi Brody

About 40 people were in attendance at the Melave Malka in Passaic last night, despite the fact that it is a vacation week for the schools and there was another Melave Malka in the community. We want to thank the Passaic Torah Institute for their hospitality. We want to thank Rabbi Brody for taking the time to speak and insipire us and his cousin Rich Lenner for helping out.

Here are some photos of Rabbi Brody taken by Akiva at Mystical Paths.

Here are the mp3’s from Rabbi Brody’s drasha last night. I broke it up into 6 parts of about 19 minutes each. Rabbi Brody started the evening with a niggun which runs from 1 minute 45 seconds to 3 minutes and 20 seconds in part 1.

Here is part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6. Enjoy!

Rav Eliyahu Lopian on Equilibrium

From “After the Return” – P. 112
by Rabbi Mordechai Becher with Rabbi Moshe Newman

Rav Eliyahu Lopian is quoted as saying ‘Every person looks at himself as though he is on a tightrope; half the world is on the ground to his right and the other half on the ground to his left.” He continues, ‘Why a tightrope? Because there is only room for one.” Rav Lopian was describing a common human condition. People consider anyone ‘more religious” than themselves to be a fanatic, and anyone ‘less religious” tha themselves a heretic. Every individual believes that only he walks the tightrope of normalcy, while everyone else has fallen to one side or the other.
Read more Rav Eliyahu Lopian on Equilibrium

Reminder – Rabbi Lazer Brody speaking this Motza’ei Shabbos, 1/21 at 8:30 PM in Passaic

Just a reminder that

Rabbi Lazer Brody will be speaking

…at the first Beyond Teshuva Melave Malka in Passaic (the pizza is already ordered)

…on this Motza’ei Shabbos, January 21st at 8:30 PM

…at the Passaic Torah Institute – 441 Passaic Avenue

…on the topic of “Facing the Challenges of Growth with Tranquility and Joy”

…Admission is $5

We are really looking forward to seeing you there!

The Pierced Teen and I

I hardly ever sleep on airplanes. So after an eleven-hour Thursday night flight to Eretz Yisroel, I arrived Friday noontime, jet lagged and exhausted.

I came to spend Shabbos with my daughter, who is studying in a seminary in Yerushalayim. Together we walked through the winding streets of the Jewish Quarter and enjoyed a beautiful, spiritual Kabbolas Shabbos at the Kosel. After the conclusion of the tefilos, we returned to our hotel, which was almost exclusively occupied by Shabbos observant guests, for the evening seudah (meal). I ate rather quickly and was in my hotel room getting some much-needed sleep by seven o’clock. By midnight, I awoke, already having had a full night’s sleep. I quietly left the room and made my way down to the lobby with a sefer, some reading material, and an assortment of roasted nuts that my daughter had purchased for me.

Sitting in the deserted hotel lobby, I looked up and noticed a teenage young man sauntering through the lobby. He was wearing jeans and a tee shirt, sporting a spiked, Israeli-version- of-a ‘mushroom’ haircut and several body-piercing ornaments. Not your average yeshiva bachur.
Read more The Pierced Teen and I

Bridging Backgrounds

It’s very natural to try to insulate yourself with those who are as similar to you as possible. As a BT, we often form bonds with those who have gone through the same experiences as us – those who have also changed the direction of their lives to include Torah. This is a comfortable enclave; there are similar stories to share, others can appreciate the world we came from and can empathize with the current struggles to balance between non-religious familial obligations and our new lives.

The problem is, insulating ourselves with those who have gone through the same experiences as we have leaves out a lot of people – and many who we can learn an enormous amount from. And it also splinters a world that is broken in enough pieces as it is – just in the Orthodox world, there are divisions between Hareidi and Modern, between Chasidish and Litvish. Not to mention the huge divide that occurs between “frum” and “non-frum” Jews, a gap that many often believe to be unbridgeable.
Read more Bridging Backgrounds

Learning as a Mother

I was reluctant to post on the topic of learning because the obligation is so different for women. I’m pretty sure that that’s when Mark posted the topic “Practical Ideas to Increase Learning,” he was looking for men’s advice about how to arrange daily sedarim in their busy lives. I have no advice on the matter, so men, feel free to ignore this post. I’m gearing this toward women.

The teshuva process is as much intellectual as emotional. Most of us spend a few intense years attempting to make up for a religious education that FFB’s receive in twelve. And then, just like with tefilla, kids enter the picture and learning is by necessity pushed to the back burner. Some women might miss it immediately while others are too busy with new responsibilities to think of other things. Sooner or later, though, we all begin to miss learning. And while many women I know opt for babysitters and periodic shiurim, on a day-to-day basis, I live on Torah tapes.
Read more Learning as a Mother

Maybe We’re Supposed to Have Bad Manners?

I was sitting recently with a BT who mentioned that he noticed how many frum people lack the “manners” of secular Jews. After a few moments discussion he finally said, “But maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe all this stuff about manners isn’t right.”

Although I had heard attitudes like this in Yeshiva many years ago, I was still surprised to hear him say it now. It’s been a long time since I’d heard statements like this.
Read more Maybe We’re Supposed to Have Bad Manners?

BT Vertigo

בס”ד

Vertigo is a term that jet pilots use to describe spatial disorientation. When a pilot approaches the sound barrier, strange things can occur, especially on a clear-day’s flight over water. The pilot is liable to become disoriented, and to confuse the blue of the sea with the blue of the sky, and vice versa. Some pilots become dizzy and others elated; in any event, vertigo can make a pilot think that up is down and down is up.

The laws of the material world apply to the spiritual world as well. The best of the Baalei Tshuva resemble jet pilots: Thirsty for Hashem and His Torah, they cruise at supersonic spiritual speeds. A good BT’s takeoff in Yiddishkeit – let’s say his or her initial thrust and climb in spiritual altitude – would make even a strong FFB’s head spin. But, as in jet flight, the faster a BT ascends and cruises, the more critical any tiny mistake in judgment or spiritual navigation becomes.
Read more BT Vertigo

Camp Nowhere (A True FFB Litmus Test)

Imagine this scenario:

You’re sitting with a bunch of your friends at a Shabbat dinner. Everything is going fine until across the table—

“Hey, Yosef, remember when we did that skit at Moshava for color war?”

“Yeah, and Jacob sang the theme from ‘Gilligan’s Island’”

“And us girls on the red team totally had more ruach, but the judges were biased and you guys won”

“And then Adam raided our cabin afterwards…”
Read more Camp Nowhere (A True FFB Litmus Test)

Working Towards Achdus

Achdus exists on many planes. It is as simple as a group of Jews uniting for Tefilah. It is as complicated as asking why there are so many different variations of Torah observant Jews. I don’t pretend to have any answers but I will pose some observations on how to promote achdus .These comments are meant as my observations on the state of the current Orthodox scene. Others may disagree, but they reflect my observations over a long period of time.
Read more Working Towards Achdus

On Relating to Our Non-Religious Family

By Gail Pozner

My family and I recently arrived back from a family “simcha” – the bas mitzvah in a reform temple of our niece. Being frum for 20 years and having made no dent at all in the religious interest of our respective families, I have come to the realization that the most my husband and I can hope for in terms of impacting them is making a Kiddush Hashem; and that is no little thing. It is one of the reasons why we were created. So for those out there who share the inability to be mekarev our families: how to create a Kiddush Hashem in the midst of non-religious family and old friends? I’ll share a few experiences we’ve had over the years.
Read more On Relating to Our Non-Religious Family

You Used to Be So Much Fun – Part 2 – Audio Post

Today we are posting the audio file for Part 2 of Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg’s lecture at the Life After Teshuva conference, titled “You Used to be So Much Fun – Relating to Non-Religious Family and Friends”.

Click on the link to listen to Part 2. Here is the link if you missed hearing Part 1. (To download either audio file to your computer, click with the right mouse button on the link and select Save Target As)

Here is a summary of Part 2, but please take the time to listen to the audio file.
Read more You Used to Be So Much Fun – Part 2 – Audio Post

Springing into Spirituality with the Shovavim

When I was in seminary, I would spend hours pouring over Torah. But once I left sem and got married I found it harder and harder to take the time I needed to focus on my growth. Married women have much less time than I’d ever imagined as a single in sem. I’m not sure of the answer in order to find more time but one of the things that has been organized in my city in the past is a one week summer camp for women. Its 5 days of intense learning usually offered in the summer when those with kids may send them to summer camp. While 5 days might not seem like a lot, it’s enough to recharge one’s spiritual and intellectual batteries. “I’m not sure if anything like this exists in other cities but if it does I’d be very interested to hear from people who have been to such a camp.
Read more Springing into Spirituality with the Shovavim

Connecting to Others Through Davening

Growing up in a Reform Jewish congregation, I grew up with religious services conducted overwhelmingly in English, with great musical accompaniment. They lasted about an hour, included an organ and cantor with a wonderful voice, and some responsive readings, again mainly in English. On High Holidays, our synagogue employed a professional choir, featured a violin solo and also highlighted several other impressive performances. Going to services was like going to a concert, and only done on occasions.
Read more Connecting to Others Through Davening

One Billion Chinese Can’t be Wrong

My visit to mainland China in 1981 left me saturated with images. Luminescent green meadows transected by bales of razor wire along the border. Meals comprising endless courses that, in my pre-kosher days, could have been anything from dog to silkworm. And bicycles. Thousands and thousands of bicycles. All of them the same make, the same model, and the same color — black.

“How do you tell them apart?” we asked our host. He laughed at the question. “One may have a ribbon around the handle, a scratch on the fender, or a bell on the handlebar”. In other words, although they were all the same, they were all different.
Read more One Billion Chinese Can’t be Wrong

Rabbi Lazer Brody to Speak at the First Beyond Teshuva Gathering in Passaic on 1/21 at 8:30 PM

Here’s some great news! Rabbi Lazer Brody will be speaking at the first Beyond Teshuva gathering in Passaic on January 21st – I”YH. Here are the wonderful details:

Join Us for a Shiur for Men & Women (Separate Seating)

Rabbi Lazer Brody
Author of The Trail to Tranquility

“Facing the Challenges of Growth with Tranquility and Joy”

Motza’ei Shabbos – Parshas Shemos
January 21st – 8:30 PM – Admission – $5

Passaic Torah Institute – 441 Passaic Avenue

Brought to you by Beyond Teshuva

If you live in Passaic and can get a flyer up in your Shul or shopping venue, please email us at beyondbt@gmail.com.

Educating Our Children – Where Did We Go Right?

Allen A. Kolber
Monsey, NY

After 15 years as a ba’al teshuva and seven years of marriage, the crisis finally came. It wasn’t over my non-frum family, which shul to daven in, whether to wear a velvet or knitted yarmulke (I had settled long ago on the black knitted compromise). No, the crisis finally came when we had to choose a school for our first born son.

Our first mistake was thinking that we would interview the schools. The reality is that the schools interview you. And, in any interview situation, the reality is that you are being judged, in a very short period of time, and relative to the other parents who are hoping to have their boy admitted in to the same yeshiva. I don’t envy any Rosh Yeshiva who has that responsibility.
Read more Educating Our Children – Where Did We Go Right?

The Power of the Group Hug

In the age old Jewish blogging tradition of referring to the Jewish and Israeli Blogging (JIB) Awards with the utmost humility, we hereby declare that we neither deserve nor seek any nominations or awards.

However, we do want to gather as many BTs as possible together, so we can learn, grow and give to each other, and to all Jews. And the awards have successfully brought quite a number of people to Beyond Teshuva.

So before you click any other link, please help by clicking on the following links and voting in the categories of:
Best New Blog
Best Designed Blog
Best Jewish Religion Blog

The rules allow voting every three days, so please do your small part. Thanks.

Ok, if you voted, please click on the more link below to read some beautiful words about The Power of the Group Hug.

Read more The Power of the Group Hug

Heaven to the Right, Hell to the Left, One Size Hat Fits All

What often happens in the frum world is everybody is forced to pick sides, or so it appears. Can you imagine you just gave up eating shellfish, pork, and watching cartoons on shabbos and you now feel like you are on a holy journey to serve the creator of the universe and boom, you are pressured to define yourself: black hat, knitted kipa, jean skirts, stockings or bandanas. Sounds frustrating but we all felt the pressure somewhere along the way.

Does it really mean who you are because of your hat or lack of it? Because your skirt goes to your ankle but it is a jean shirt? I think Hashem laughs at anyone who believes that is Yiddishkeit. Now, with that said, what should we be thinking? How do we define what a good Jew is?
Read more Heaven to the Right, Hell to the Left, One Size Hat Fits All