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Yearly Archives: 2006

The Shmuz: Great Free Torah Audio on The Web

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My wife and I listen to a lot of Torah Tapes and mp3s. This past year we’ve been introduced to one of the best, practical hashkafa speakers around, Rabbi Barry Shafier at TheShmuz.com. And it’s not just us, many people have told us how much they enjoy and learn by listening to Rabbi Shafier.

Here are some reasons why the Shmuz is a terrific listen:

1) Every shiur starts with one or more questions based on a saying of Chazal or a quote from a Rishon
2) There is lots of well researched supporting material from the disciplines of science, history, sociology, etc..
3) Practical advice on how to apply the lessons learned are always provided
4) Rabbi Shafier uses humor and emotion to captivate his audience
5) The shiur is a good length (45 minutes) and never drags
6) All of the Shmuzim are available for free for download as mp3s or podcasts

Here is a sample write-up of one of the more popular Shmuzim

#10 Questioning G-d: Finding and keeping your Bashert.
Since the time we were little children we were schooled in the idea that, “You’re not allowed to ask questions on G-d”. But is that true? Is it true that a person isn’t allowed to have questions about the way Hashem runs the world?

In this Shmuz we are introduced to the fact that no less than Avrohom Avinu, himself had questions on HASHEM, yet he wasn’t considered a heretic. Understanding what our role is, and what HASHEM’s role is, helps us to understand what is and what isn’t a legitimate question about the way that HASHEM does things.

So check out The Shmuz and let us know what you think.

A list of available Shmuzim follows
Read more The Shmuz: Great Free Torah Audio on The Web ›

Was Yehoshua In Danger of Going Off the Derech

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Rabbi Yaacov Haber, who resides in Eretz Yisroel has a great piece in which he gives us some insights into children who might walk away from their heritage:

Over the years I have worked with hundreds of these young men and women. It has been my experience that many of them are the sweetest, gentlest, most sensitive, and sometimes the brightest children around. Because of their non-aggressive nature they don’t easily say no. They don’t aggressively argue their point and sometimes don’t have the koach to stick to their guns and resist peer pressure.

Read more Was Yehoshua In Danger of Going Off the Derech ›

Putting Things in Perspective

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I recently heard of non-religious Jews in the New York area publicly complaining about observant Jews blocking the street on Shabbos, taking money away from public school funding, and not letting their kids play with the non-religious girls who wear pants.

Well frum Jews are certainly not without fault. We’re not perfect. If we were, moshiach would be here already. But let’s put things in perspective.

The secular world is plagued with unwed pregnancies, sex on the school busses, drug problems, theft, vandalism, and even an occasional child murderer. Our problems pale in comparison. We have some of the same problems as they do (their problems seep into our society) but always on a much smaller scale.
Read more Putting Things in Perspective ›

Accepting People “More Religious” Than Us

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One evening this week my wife related a conversation she had with her father. Her father told her that her non-observant brother thinks that she is “brain washed” because she now goes to an Orthodox shul and keeps kosher.

While not Orthodox himself, my father-in-law has a great appreciation for it and did not accept this criticism from his son. My father-in-law replied by telling his son that he needed to be more open-minded and accepting of people “more religious” than him.

A Simple Jew

More Lessons from Psychology

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I am currently taking a class in which the professor has been introducing several different cultural identity models. While each model was developed specific to a particular culture, they can be used more globally as well. Interestingly, while studying William E. Cross’ African-American Identity Model, I found a lot of similarities with the journey that a baal teshuvah goes through when becoming religious.

The first stage in Cross’ Model is one of accepting the prevailing attitudes of those around oneself. Not too much thought is given to the exact heritage of one’s birth, or what makes one different from everyone else.

The second stage is one of specific events or circumstances where one is pushed to reconsider their identity. This event causes an individual to look at who he or she is within the greater world and focus on how they identify and fit in culturally. I know that, for me, my first trip to Israel certainly caused me to look at my Jewish identity, which to that point had been something that I knew made me different from others, but not that different. It was something that I had accepted, but not something that made me connect to others who were similar to me in that respect. But after being exposed to the bond that ties Jews together, I had to really think about that aspect of my life and how prevalent it was in defining who I am.
Read more More Lessons from Psychology ›

Contact Your NY Congressmen to Support The Nonpublic School Employee Background Check Bill

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Frequent commentor, Sefardi Lady sent this letter from Mr. Elliot B. Pasik, Esq. urging us to email or NY State representatives regarding a bill that will allow New York yeshivas and other nonpublic schools to fingerprint their employees, and obtain their criminal histories.

I spoke to Rabbi Welcher last night and he strongly supports such legislation as does the Rabbinical Council of America, the Orthodox Union, and Agudath Israel. Please take 5 minutes to help make our schools safer for our children. Here is the letter from Mr. Pasik:

Dear Friends:

A bill that, if passed, will allow New York yeshivas and other nonpublic schools to fingerprint their employees, and obtain their criminal histories, if any, is extraordinarily close to either passage in both houses of the New York State Legislature, or, being delayed for at least another year.

The New York State Senate will vote on the bill Wednesday, June 21, 2006, and the bill is fully expected to pass, since it is supported by the leadership there.
Read more Contact Your NY Congressmen to Support The Nonpublic School Employee Background Check Bill ›

Is Tolerance a Dirty Word?

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The subject of tolerance is a tricky one. What does it mean? The standard dictionary definition is as follows: “The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others”.

We need to ask ourselves if we are “tolerant” enough of other types of Orthodoxy. I am not going to deal with other types of Judaism in this essay. That is a topic by itself. The problem with the standard definition of tolerance is how can I respect something that is against Halacha. There are 70 faces to Torah. Not everyone needs to wear a black hat, knitted kippa, etc… As long as they are keeping halacha, then they have a legitimate orthodox expression of Judaism.

With that said, what happens when a group keeps halacha in their eyes, but not in the eyes of others? That opens up a can of worms. I think the standard has to be that as long as someone is following an accepted halachic opinion then that is valid. That doesn’t mean I have to accept their view, but I must consider them “dati”. What is considered an accepted halachic opinion is a whole discussion by itself.
Read more Is Tolerance a Dirty Word? ›

Watering Down Torah – Glossing Over Issues

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By Chana

I was reading the section of last week’s Hamodia on Rav Steinman and the Gerrer Rebbe’s trip to the US, Canada, & South America. One of the many interesting responses R. Steinman made to shailas was concerning whether it is OK to distort or water down Torah for the benefit of non-religious Jews (kiruv). His response was firmly NO. He said we should not change Torah in any way when we represent it to non-religious Jews, and if that means they become disinterested, so be it; maybe they will become interested later.

I understand this as I think it is morally correct to represent Torah honestly, it is not Kavodik to do otherwise. Also, it is misleading and many baalei teshuva have complained about this. I know of a few schools that tried this approach, (stressing mainly the fun that a frum person can have) and later abandoned it.
Read more Watering Down Torah – Glossing Over Issues ›

My Take on Father’s Day

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Most of my kid’s know this song:

Today is Father’s/Mother’s Day but it’s no special day ’cause I love you Daddy/Mommy all the time.

You are so dear to me, the best you’ll always be, I thank Hashem he made you mine.

Cute. But I’m a bit torn by the lyrics. On the one hand, it’s true that we don’t need an invented holiday to show our appreciation to our parents. On the other hand, how many of us take the time out to call our parents and say thanks? If you do, then you don’t need Father’s/Mother’s Day. If you don’t, pick up the phone and say thanks!

Personal Note: A little more than six years ago, I lost my Father. A friend of mine who had lost his father fairly young told me that Father’s Day would be tough. When Father’s Day rolled around, my wife went into labor and gave me the best Father’s Day present, my daughter Atara. This year, her Birthday falls out on Father’s Day again, Happy B-Day Attie!

Ask The Shadchan – Baalei Teshuva Parents

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Gil Student points to this article by Rebbetzin Nomi Travis about Ba’alei Teshuvoh Parents in the Ask the Shadchun column from the Yated. Here is the question from the letter writer:

Dear Shadchanit,

I follow your columns and enjoy the fact that you raise issues that others ignore. I hope you will be able to handle another sensitive matter — call it a challenge . . .

My husband and I have been fully observant Torah Jews for over twenty years and we are now on the threshold of marrying off our children who are truly FFBs. The question of yichus comes up and we find ourselves at times very challenged (and hurt). We know that everyone has a right to their own priorities, yet I feel at times like echoing the words of my good friend, “Now, after all these years… l know what you really think of me…” I do not want to condemn others. I would like to be non-judgmental, I think that our community has come a long way, yet not far enough in opening itself up to “newcomers.”
Read more Ask The Shadchan – Baalei Teshuva Parents ›

Slashing Shabbaton Prices and Torah Links

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Due to the wonders of our web based community, we’re already getting some good feedback on the Shabbaton. We’re working on ways to slash the prices and to create a structure that is focused on meeting people and facilitating great discussions. If you’re even thinking of coming, please comment or email so we can start to plan appropriately.

Rabbi Dovid Schwartz has a great Dvar Torah on Remembering Miriam.

This week’s Internet Parsha Sheet was produced by Efraim Goldstein.

We’re reposting the links to R’ Yaakov Astor and R’ Yonason Goldson over on Aish, since they have a lot of great stuff on the second perek of Pirkei Avos. (And because we think the world of the both of them.)

How About a Shabbaton on Shabbos Nachamu

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We are extremely grateful to Hashem for the success of this project. Together we have created a virtual community of thousands of Jews worldwide sharing our thoughts, ideas and chizuk.

We would like to move to the next stage and create more offline activies to meet, share and strengthen one another. Frequent commentor Chana recently suggested a Shabbaton on Shabbos Nachamu, August 5th, which sounds like a great idea. We would probably hold it in Kew Gardens Hills, since we know a lot of people here who could provide sleeping accomodations. The event is open to BTs, FFBs and OnTheWays, but the program will be primarly geared toward BT issues.

We would have communal meals and hopefully a rocking Melave Malka if we can get some of the musicians in the group here. We figure the cost for the meals would be between $75 – $90 per person and about $50 – $70 for children under 16.

Updated:
We would have Friday meals at the host houses, with a communal Shabbos lunch and we’re working on low cost ideas for Shalosh Seudos and possibly a Melave Malka. We’re trying to get the cost for the meals to between $20 – $30 per person and about $16 – $24 for children under 16.

Please leave a comment or send us an email at beyondbt@gmail.com, if you would be interested and let us know how many people would be in your party.

No Atheist in a Foxhole?

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By Yaakov Grant

Come on, how often do we hear this well known maxim? Sounds good, but it struck me recently that this may be a dangerous idea for a BT to toy with. I mean that well known mindset that often takes over a BT usually soon after he first rediscovers his precious roots, which is something like “now I’m convinced let’s start on my pals/ family”.

However this is not the minefield I wish to go down as I’m sure any experienced BT has learnt this lesson to some extent. What seems to me to be a subtler issue which can land us in a similar mess is where someone close to us, but not yet observant, needs a yeshua. In such circumstances, the yetzer may try to convince us to use the “No atheist” idea and even come up with a suggestion that if our friend takes on to do something or refrain from doing something this may help give him the yeshua he needs. And if we’ve seen or heard Rav Amnon Yitzchak in action giving brachas out to the incredible sound of the thousands in the crowd shout “amen”, the Yetzer may have a field day trying to get us to copy him.
Read more No Atheist in a Foxhole? ›

What Am I Missing?

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By Chaya

I recently received a mass email from an old (non-Jewish) friend announcing that she is leaving town to start graduate school at a prestigious university. The message, an invitation to a good-bye party was filled with inside jokes and language specific to the young hipster enclave where she has lived for the past couple of years. I felt a pang of loss and resentment.

I am 25 years old. I became religious at 18, met my husband a year later, and married him four years ago. My entire adult life has been defined by mitzvah observance.

I am grateful. I have single BT friends in their forties. I know how much easier it is to make it in the frum world, and indeed the world in general when you have someone to love and support and to support you.
Read more What Am I Missing? ›

Maybe G-d Wants Me to Have a Hummer

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A few months back, on the way to work, my car started overheating big time. I pulled off the highway and into the closest service station. Since I had a meeting to attend, I called my assistant to pick me up and left the car at the shop. A few hours later, I received that dreaded call; a blown head gasket. That basically meant that I needed a new engine, not an inexpensive proposition. (I have, figuratively, blown a gasket in the past but never realized how expensive it could be!) I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to spring for a new engine since I had just replaced it aproximately a year earlier. So, I have been renting a car and mulling over the decision. Just a few days ago, I decided I should go for the new engine but I hadn’t yet dropped the car off at the mechanic.

This past Friday morning, shortly after arriving at shul, my cell phone buzzed. Now, I’m usually pretty good about ignoring my cell phone in shul. But, I saw that it was my home number and my wife knew that I had just arrived at shul so I thought perhaps it was an emergency. (One of my kids was home with a stomache virus as well)
Read more Maybe G-d Wants Me to Have a Hummer ›

Some Torah Links

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It’s week one for Pirkei Avos and you can download an English translation here.

Over at Aish there are a lot of great pieces on Pirkei Avos authored by Beyond BT contributors Yaakov Astor and Yonason Goldson.

You can download Chaim Shulman’s Internet Parsha Sheet.

We offer our condolences to Rabbi Berel Wein on the recent passing of his wife, Mrs. Jackie Wein, a”h. Rabbi Wein has a good article this week titled, Torah Works Only If…

All You Need is Love, But What Exactly is It

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A friend who had read Rabbi Brody’s latest post, thought it was Covey-esque. In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey describes a situation where a person was complaining that he was growing apart from his wife and Covey kept on insisting, well then “Just Love Her”. Covey’s point was that love is a verb and it’s totally within our power to increase our love for another person.

Rabbi Noach Weinberg gives the following definition of Love: “The pleasure of identifying people with their virtues.” This identification leads to connection and since everyone has virtues, it is possible to increase our love and connect with every person.

As I kept on rereading Rabbi Brody’s post, I saw more and more the wisdom of the advice he was giving. I was focusing on the good advice, that improvement of Dennis situation was greatly dependent on him improving his attitude and actions, and less focused on whether I shared his exact views on the value of outside counseling.
Read more All You Need is Love, But What Exactly is It ›

Judging Fast Daveners Favorably

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By Todd Greenwald

I would like to share this D-Day story.

Growing up my family davened at an orthodox shul, although we were more traditional. Every Motzae Yom Kippur, the shul asked the same person to daven maariv. Why? Because he was fast!! Back then it was great. After I became frum it bothered me greatly. We should be davening that first maariv after Yom Kippur slowly with much concentration. One Yom Kippur I remarked to my father how it bothered me. He related the following story about this gentleman:

“It was D-Day and this gentleman was off the boat and in the water approaching the beach. People from his platoon were being killed all around him. As he was moving to shore he prayed to Hashem and said, G-d if you get me out of here alive, I will go to shul every day for the rest of my life. My father told me that the man was true to his word and attends shul everyday.”
Read more Judging Fast Daveners Favorably ›

Baalei Teshuva and Aliyah

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It is no secret that the vast majority of Jews who make Aliyah by choice are orthodox. I have also noticed that Baalei Teshuva are a well represented subgroup among Olim. Of course, neither of these observations should be surprising. As orthodox Jews we know that our religious existence is incomplete while not living and serving G-d in our homeland. As Baalei Teshuva the process of Aliyah has much in common with our Teshuva process.

Like becoming frum, making Aliyah requires one to turn his life upside down and to make enormous changes based on, what is essentially, a leap of faith. Certainly, people can and will list dozens of tangible benefits as dividends of both of these endeavors. While some of these dividends may accrue to us, in the long run we know that we are doing these things simply because we believe that they are the right thing to do.

The search for truth that brings many Baalei Teshuva to Yidishkeit does not end when they become observant. Many BTs get “hooked” with a good kumsitz, torah codes, or rationalist explanations for the mitzvos. Once inside we come to understand that the bottom line is that we do what do because we believe that G-d gave us the Torah and its divine message is beyond our attempts to rationally explain it. This realization is what allows us to weather the many challenges we face. (Such as high tuition bills!)
Read more Baalei Teshuva and Aliyah ›

The Jewish Folk of Norfolk

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Hamodia started a new series this week in which they plan to feature in-depth looks at kiruv organizations around the world. The goal is to get people involved by informing their cousins, co-workers, neighbors and friends of the events going on in their area.

This week they spotlighted the Norfolk Area Community Kollel and their Director of Programming & Community Relations, Rabbi Gershon Litt, who became observant himself at the University of Texas under the guidance of Rabbi Yehoshua Sauer.

Norfolk is home to 11,000 Jews (about 5% of the total population), 120 of whom attend Shabbos services on a weekly basis at the Orthodox Shul, Bnai Israel Congregation under the guidance of Rabbi Chaim Silver.

Rabbi Litt advises us to heed the words of Harav Moshe Feinstein who enjoined us to maaser (tithe) our time and resources to Klal Yisroel. We should be constantly looking for opportunities to draw people closer. It’s a very timely problem, especially in a place like Norfolk where the intermarriage rate is 93%.