Can We Say No to Simchas?

Dear Beyond BT

Whenever we get invited to Simchas, I’m conflicted. On the one hand I know how much I like people to share in my Simchas. On the other hand, leaving my children is very hard for them and me.

How have other people handled this?


6 comments on “Can We Say No to Simchas?

  1. Steve’s sentiments are very similiar to my own. There is a tremendous feeling of achdus at a simcha, and frequently, it’s provided a great opportunity to get to know other women who I generally do not get a chance to chat with.

    When in doubt, at least try to come for the chuppah. We recently made our first wedding, and believe me, there isn’t a person there who we weren’t thrilled to see. Every smile greatly enhanced our simcha! It’s an understatement to say that we should all relish the opportunities to share good news with one another in a joyous setting.

  2. Hey Naftali, I agree with you, but IY”H when you make a simcha won’t you want people to come? What I hate about most weddings is that they blare the music and I have to shout to be heard and I come home with a sore throat!

  3. When I receive an invitation to attend a simchah, my reaction is the same as if I received a summons to jury duty:

    This is a big waste of my time. How am I going to get out of this?

    I do not want to attend simchahs, for many reasons.

    They are time consuming.

    I do not enjoy them.

    I can not afford to bring an appropriate gift.

    The chatan and kallah barely know who I am, so how does my presence at their wedding make them happy? It doesn’t!

    It takes me away from my regular maariv minyan, and instead of praying in a synagogue, I pray in a hallway with no kedushah.

    If I would Chas VeShalom attempt to speak to an attractive single girl at a simchah, it would be considered a major tragedy.

    Simchahs are a massive waste of Jewish money that would be much better spent helping Jews, and there is no shortage of Jews who need help.

  4. We like going to Simchas, but midweek treks out of NY ( to Lakewood or Monsey) are not a lot of fun. OTOH, I think that attending a simcha sends a message that you are part of the community that is celebrating the simcha, especially a chasunah, which has many elements of an event that is essesntially a communal mazal tov and vote of emotional confidence to a young couple that may not have a lot of money, etc.

    The real downtime is the 72 minutes between Chupah and when the Chasan and Kallah walk in, which a very good friend told me is the time alloted by almost every caterer for photos of the family, chasan and kallah, etc. It makes me wonder whether Rabbeinu Tam was a caterer!

  5. For weddings, one can say that you will come to chuppah only or for simchas chosson v’kallah. Leaving your kids with a babysitter is like going to the dentist, isn’t it?

  6. I try to go because I know what it is like to sit in an empty hall waiting anxiously for someone to show up but I generally don’t stay too long and yes, sometimes I do stay home. I do compensate by calling the ba’alei simcha and sending a gift

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