By: Rabbi Shmuel Kaplan
A parent in our community, who had consulted with me over the past several years concerning the chinuch of his children, recently informed me that he pulled his children out of our local schools and chose to â€œhome-schoolâ€ them instead. When I expressed my shock over his decision, a story of woe followed. He told me that the midos of insensitivity, rigid conformity and skewed values displayed by the schools in our community were the direct cause for this decision. Though I am not in a position to confirm or disprove the assertions that were made, I felt compelled by these unfortunate circumstances to address the matter of chinuch in my drasha on Shabbos.
A Road Map for Chinuch.
The first Rashi in Chumash poses the following rhetorical question: why does the Torah begin with the narrative of creation instead of beginning with the first mitzvah of â€œhachodesh hazeh lachem rosh chodoshimâ€ (this month is for you the first of months). Rashiâ€™s answer concerning HaShemâ€™s right to give Eretz Yisroel to the Jewish people explains why the first parsha (or parshios) of Beraishis appear at the beginning, but it doesnâ€™t fully address the need to have the entire narrative of the Avos precede that first mitzvah.
One possible explanation might be that by using this particular order (the story of creation followed by the narratives of the Avos, yetzias Mitzrayim and the giving of the Torah), the Torah intends to teach us the general structure of Avodas Hashem and most importantly the paradigm of Torah Chinuch for all time.
The Baal HaTanya in the first Igreres HaKodesh (holy letters) describes the structure of the body and how it relates to Avodas HaShem. The first part of the structure is the mosnayim, the thighs, which represent emunas HaShem â€“ belief in HaShem as Creator of the world. This is the foundation of everything, as the Gemara states (Makos 24a): â€œbo Habakuk vâ€™heâ€™emidon al achas, tzadik bâ€™emunoso yichyehâ€ (Habakuk came and set it on one thing: the tzadik (righteous person) lives with his emunah). The next part of the structure is the body and the extremities. The body is the means for observance of mitzvos and the extremities (right, left and center) represent the emotions of love, awe and mercy which provide the energy that drives actions and are therefore all integrated with the body.
This structure reflects the course that the Torah follows as well. First we find the narrative of creation, which is the basis of our emunah that Hashem is the creator of the universe and controller of everything. This emunah represents the â€œthighsâ€ of the Torah, upon which all else is built. The Torah structure is laid out in the first two parshios of the Torah. This foundation is followed by the narrative of the Avos (patriarchs). The Avos are well known to represent the three primary emotions: Avraham, love; Yitzchok, awe/severity; Yaakov, mercy/praise. So once the foundation of emunah has been established, the next step is to develop the emotions of love, awe and mercy/praise of Hashem. In this way, we learn to experience the love that Hashem has for each one of us. This represents the body and the extremities. Finally, we come to story of Matan Torah, the receiving of the Torah which represents the head â€“ the study and knowledge of Torah.
This system also describes the process of Torah Chinuch.
The first step in chinuch is to inculcate emunas HaShem into the child â€“ the pure, simple belief that Hakadosh Boruch Hu created the entire universe and everything that is in it. Furthermore, we teach the child that each and every one of us was personally created by HaShem and chosen, individually, to be one of His people. This foundation (the sturdy â€œthighsâ€) must occupy the most important place in the chinuch of a child and must constantly be reinforced, as Dovid Hamelech tells us in Tehillim â€œureâ€™eh emunah,â€ feed (pasture) the emunah because it requires continuous nurturing. This is the first priority of the chinuch process.
The second step is the development of the emotions of love, awe, and mercy (praise) of HaShem. Since it is these emotions that drive action, the success of this facet of avodas HaShem determines the way an individual actually lives his daily life. This, therefore, must be the second priority of the chinuch process.
The third step is the acquisition of knowledge and the skills to engage in the lifelong affair of Torah learning. When this order of priority is properly developed, the learning (driven by love and awe of HaShem) is a joy and a pleasure, rather than an anxiety-producing experience that is avoided as soon as one is able to do so.
Unfortunately, it seems that the chinuch system we now have in place has these priorities inverted! Knowledge and skill-sets have become the supreme priority, if not the sole measure of successful chinuch. The magnitude of the problem (which is growing at an alarming rate) that we observe today with drop-outs from the system and the general disinterest of so many of our children, can be directly attributed to this distortion of the true Torah chinuch process.
Let me take this a step further.
The Gemara in Pesachim explains the posuk in Lech Lecha where HaShem promises Avrohom that ×•××¢×ª×š ×œ×’×•×™ ×’×“×•×œ ×•××‘×¨×›×š ×•××’×“×œ×” ×©×ž×š ×•×”×™×” ×‘×¨×›×” I will make you into a great nation (this is why we say in the Shemoneh Esrei â€œthe G-d of Avrohomâ€); and I will bless you (this is why we say â€œthe G-d of Yitzchokâ€); and I will make your name great (this is why we say â€œthe G-d of Yaakovâ€). I might think that we should also conclude the blessing with all three names, but the posuk states and you shall be a blessing (with you, Avrohom, it [the blessing] is sealed and not with them). Therefore, we conclude the blessing with â€œ[the] shield of Avrohom.â€
As mentioned earlier, the three Avos represent the three primary emotions: love, awe/severity and mercy/praise. These three are also in their appropriate order for the proper chinuch process. The first approach to chinuch by parents or teachers must be love. The child must truly feel that he/she is loved by the teacher/parent, and they must emphatically communicate the love that HaShem has for the child just as he/she is.
Next in sequence comes discipline. Love without discipline is destructive. However, discipline can only come after love has been well established. Otherwise, discipline can produce negative consequences. As the posuk states: â€œ(only) the one whom He loves does HaShem rebuke;â€ first love, then rebuke.
Next in sequence is praise. Praise is a critical factor for a childâ€™s development. However, praise should only be given when the child has some real achievement and success. A child must feel that he/she is succeeding and deserving of the praise that is being given. Only then is the praise genuine and meaningful. In order for this to happen, achievable goals must be set for the individual child. The posuk in Mishle states ×—× ×•×š ×œ× ×¢×¨ ×¢×œ ×¤×™ ×“×¨×›×•. The posuk uses the Hebrew singular, â€œthe child,â€ not â€œthe children,â€ and â€œaccording to his way,â€ also in the singular. Unrealistic and non-specific goals are perhaps the single most destructive force in chinuch.
Here again, our current system is often programmed for failure by establishing scholastic goals and values that are unattainable for many of our children.
Finally we are told â€œwith you (Avrohom) it (the blessing) is sealed and not with them (â€œthe shield of Avrohom.â€) Other emotions are necessary and important, but in the final analysis, love is the bond that holds everything together. A child who is convinced that his/her parent/teacher truly loves them is the child who will put in the effort to succeed, provided, of course, that the goal is attainable.
Let me share with you what the parent at the beginning of this article told me.
â€œRabbi you know how much effort I have put in to my Yiddishkeit. I wasnâ€™t brought up this way but came to it later in life. It was a real struggle to change my entire life around and make Torah the focus of everything I do. Rabbi, of what value will all of this effort be if I will not have â€˜frumâ€™ grandchildren?â€
I donâ€™t know about you but I tears came to my eyes when I heard this.
Can we, as a community, justify telling this father: â€œSorry your children just donâ€™t have the skill sets we are looking for in our schoolâ€? Can we bear the thought, as we stand before HaShem, that we are telling Him: â€œSorry, they just werenâ€™t a good fit, so we abandoned themâ€?
It is essential for us to demonstrate that the Torah way of life places its highest value on simple emunas HaShem, sincere commitment and love of HaShem with genuine, passionate fulfillment of mitzvos. In fact, the Torah teaches us that the ultimate quality that HaShem values above all others is â€œYou found his heart faithful before Youâ€ (Nechemia, 9:8). These are also the qualities to which everyone can aspire and which they can indeed attain. We also must stress the value of Torah learning, but that is a goal that has to be tailored for each person individually.
When this becomes the ideological orientation of our chinuch system, we will succeed in bringing up a full generation of Torah-committed Jews.