Home › 2010 › Page 4

Yearly Archives: 2010

Chelsea, Marc and Gitel – Studies in Dark and Light

Posted on by — 73 Comments ↓

Like millions of others this morning I opened my browser to photographs of Chelsea Clinton clad in a rhinestone studded Vera Wang gown embracing her new husband investment banker Marc Mesvinsky clad in tuxedo, yarmulke and tallis.

According to news sources, Mesvinsky who attended Hebrew school as a child, is a halachic Jew, from both sides. It was he who insisted on the interfaith ceremony incorporating elements from two faiths and his bride, the former first daughter, herself a baptized Methodist agreed.

While all know too much about the ensuring traffic snarl ups and which A list celebrities did and didn’t attend, the media will never capture the real meaning of this event. To any Jew steeped in Torah, what happened last Sunday in Westchester was a disgrace. In front of several hundred of his closest friends and paparazzi cameras streaming his face all over the globe, Mesvinsky committed spiritual suicide separating himself and his future generations from the Jewish people for all eternity.

What is even more disturbing is that no one said a word in protest. Once upon a time, not so many years ago even non religious Jews were distressed when their children married out . They cried and wailed, boycotted the ceremony, some sitting shiva and cutting ties with their beloved children sometimes for life.

But in multi-cultural, multi-ethnic America we have so called rabbis who are eager to officiate at these ceremonies and. Jews like Mesvinsky who feel that by donning kipa and talis they are honoring their Jewish roots.

The ludicrous farce of the Clinton-Mesvinsky wedding is emblematic of the Olam HaSheker, the world of lies in which we dwell. One can take some consolation in the fact that many intermarriages fail..The odds of Chelsea and Marc ending up at opposite ends of a courtroom are quite high. In the meanwhile though any believing Jew must shed tears for this couple and the others following in their example.

As to the triumphant feelings this event certainly evokes in some assimilated Jews intermarried can hardly be regarded as a solution to anti Semitism. Jewish history proves over and over again that whenever we Jews fail to “make Kiddush” (sanctify our lives according to the Torah’s dictates) the non Jews “make havdala” (divide us from them through anti Semitic attack).

While the media glare of the Mesvinsky nuptial increased the quotient of global darkness, the world has other simple unknown people who leave a legacy of light. Consider, Gital Schwartz the 93 year old Aushwitz survivor who died last February leaving an estimated 2000 Torah observant decendants. From one lonely orphan emerged an entire dynasty, which even the New York Times described as a “fist in Hitler’s eye.”

Becoming Selfless

Posted on by — 3 Comments ↓

By Rabbi Micah Segelman

Rav Dessler made a number of important contributions to Jewish thought. One of the ideas that he helped to popularize and develop is that there are two powerful and opposing forces which motivate human action – the impetus to give and the desire to take. He writes that, “These two forces – giving and taking – are at the root of all character traits and all actions (1).” Taking can lead to great evils while giving is an essential trait of Hashem which we are enjoined to emulate.

The act of taking can appear in many different forms – accumulating possessions or enhancing social status are obvious examples. But even many seemingly generous acts are motivated by self interest. The common thread is that the motivation is to address a personal need. There is a void which we are trying to fill.

Giving is the opposite. For a person to give he must first feel complete. He (or she) feels no unmet needs – and from this position of strength reaches beyond himself to address the needs of others. In Rav Dessler’s words he is “like a river whose waters increase and overflow the river’s borders (2).” The distinction between giver and taker isn’t necessarily based on any objective difference in what they have – only in how they relate to what they have.

I’d like to focus on what I believe is an extremely important application of this idea. The need to feel good about oneself is almost as basic as eating and drinking. When a person’s need for self esteem is unmet he looks outside of himself for validation, usually in one of two ways. One way is to seek the approval and esteem of others. And the second is to try to find validation through achievement – I can feel good about myself if I’ve accomplished enough. When a person seeks outside validation he is taking instead of giving.

When a person looks to other people for validation he isn’t able to give to them because he’s too busy trying to take from them. Furthermore, a person who is dependent on other people’s approval is under a lot of pressure to conform to their expectations and is focused on the need to impress them rather than on doing what is most constructive in any given situation.

The tendency to allow our self esteem to depend on our accomplishments is common in our society where the prevailing mentality equates our worth with our achievements. This is counterproductive and will result in accomplishing less, since it’s very difficult to handle setbacks if they bruise our fragile ego. Our achievements will be limited and our judgment will be distorted by this conflict of interest. And as long as a person seeks to feel worth through his accomplishments, he is focused on meeting his own needs and is unable to selflessly give of himself for the sake of a larger purpose.

So how do we move past these unhealthy patterns? Leading psychologists advocate not allowing our self acceptance to depend on our accomplishments. Albert Ellis writes, “For when you do badly, or think you do badly, or think that others see you as doing badly, you denigrate your whole self and feel worthless . . . your conditional self acceptance often leads to self damning . . Unconditional self acceptance works much better than conditional self acceptance. It consists of your decision to accept yourself independent of your performances – whether or not you do well and whether or not you earn approval by others (3).” David Burns writes in a similar vein, “If you insist your worth is determined by your achievement, you are creating a self esteem equation: worth = achievement. What is the basis for making this equation? . . . You can’t prove the equation because it is just a stipulation, a value system (4).”

What I have found perplexing is how to reconcile these powerful and useful ideas with a Torah perspective. The Torah certainly doesn’t suggest that we look to the approval of others to feel worthwhile. But doesn’t our religion stress the importance of achievement? Don’t those who achieve more, or at least achieve a greater share of what they are capable of, have greater worth than those who don’t? Furthermore, how do we reconcile our insistence on doing what is correct and condemning sin with a perspective of unconditionally accepting ourselves when we may feel significant regret for things we have done? Doesn’t sin diminish our worth?

I believe there are powerful Torah ideas which can help address these questions. Ultimately the Torah provides a strong and resilient basis for self esteem while simultaneously giving great meaning to our achievements and life struggle to choose right over wrong.

Basic to Torah thought is that the G-d given mission of each individual person and the mission of mankind as a whole are of profound importance. The Torah’s basis for self esteem thus comes from the fact that we are worthy of the attention and interest of Hashem Himself and that we can give meaning to our lives and fulfill our mission by making good choices (5).

We must realize that our mission in life is to do our own individual best. Who among us thinks that their life will have the impact of Rebbe Akiva? Of Rashi? Of the Chofetz Chaim? Others are greater than us. But so what? My own individual mission has great meaning. Comparison to another person of greater talents is irrelevant. This idea is expressed in many places including in Rabbeinu Yonah’s explanation of the Mishna which tells us that “The work is not upon you to complete it (6).” He says that even if we are of modest intellect our Torah study is of great significance. And the Mishna in Sanhedrin (37a) teaches that the creation of the world was worthwhile even for a single person. This doesn’t only apply to the greatest among us – it applies to each of us. So our self esteem shouldn’t suffer even if we feel that we haven’t achieved everything we wanted to.

But what if we have squandered opportunities to achieve by making poor choices? In reference to the Mishna in Sanhedrin (37a) cited above, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel explains that the creation of the entire world is justified in order to provide an opportunity for a single person with free will to choose to fulfill Hashem’s commandments. Rav Finkel stresses that this applies even to a wicked person. Even the rasha can choose to change direction in life and thus his life decisions have great significance to Hashem (7).

My life continues to have great significance in spite of mistakes that I’ve made. Is it unfortunate that I may not have realized 100% of my potential and that perhaps others have done a better job actualizing themselves? Yes, of course. But does sin diminish our worth? If we go through our entire lives without utilizing life’s opportunities for positive and meaningful activity then our life will have had little value. But throughout the course of life our lives have deep meaning and worth because of the choices we can still make. Rabbeinu Yonah tells us that we should never be discouraged by the mistakes we have made. We shouldn’t be burdened by the weight of our sins. Becoming despondent is unhelpful and we should instead focus on the fact that Hashem desires that we improve ourselves (8).

The Torah approach to self esteem differs, not surprisingly, from the secular approach. But the common ground is that we must not be discouraged when our achievements fail to measure up to those of others or when we realize our failure to have fully achieved all that we can. Common to both approaches is also that dependence upon the approval of others is unhelpful.

As long as we look to our achievements or to outside approval for validation our interactions with the outside world will be circumscribed by our restrictive perspective. When we no longer have this dependence we’ll be able to look beyond ourselves. If we can focus on achieving greatness with our ego removed from the equation then our actions won’t be tinged with self interest. We will become selfless and will be emulating Hashem who is the quintessential giver. Our actions will emanate from loftier motives and we will achieve much more profound success.

Sources
(1)Rav Dessler, Michtav M’Eliyahu,Vol 1: Kuntras HaChessed, chapter 1
(2)Rav Dessler, Michtav M’Eliyahu,Vol 1: Kuntras HaChessed, chapter 8
(3)Ellis, Albert, Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better (Atascadero, CA 2001) page 24. See also Burns, Dr David, Feeling Good (New York 1999) chapters 11 and 13, and Twerski, Rabbi Dr Abraham, Ten Steps To Being Your Best (Brooklyn, NY 2004), chapters 2 and 3
(4)Burns pages 331-332
(5)See the writings of Rabbi Dr Twerski and Dr David J Lieberman
(6)Rabbeinu Yonah, Avos 2:16
(7) Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel (The Alter of Slobodka), Ohr Hatzafun, Sefer Toldos Adam: Part B
(8)Rabbeinu Yonah, Yesod Hateshuva, and Rabbeinu Yonah, Avos 2:1

All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce this essay only in its entirety including this statement.

Selected Pirkei Avos From Chapter 5

Posted on by

4. “Our forefather Abraham was tested with ten trials and withstood all of them. This shows the love our forefather Abraham had [for G-d].”

9. “Seven things apply to an uncultured person (Heb. ‘golem’), and seven to a wise person.
A wise person does not speak before one who is greater than he in wisdom or years;
he does not interrupt his fellow;
he is not rushed to respond;
he asks relevant questions;
he answers accurately;
he discusses first things first and last things last;
on what he did not hear, he says ‘I did not hear;’ and he admits to the truth.
The opposite of these is true of the golem.”

13. “There are four character types among people.
One who says ‘what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours’ is of average character, and some say – this is the character of Sodom.
[One who says] ‘what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine’ – is unlearned (lit., [of] the people of the land).
[One who says] ‘what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is yours’ – is pious.
[One who says] ‘what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine’ – is wicked.”

14. “There are four types of temperaments.
One who is quick to become angry and quick to calm down – his gain is outweighed by his loss.
One who is slow to become angry and slow to calm down – his loss is outweighed by his gain.
One who is slow to become angry and quick to calm down is pious.
One who is quick to become angry and slow to calm down is wicked.”

15. “There are four types of students.
One who is quick to understand and quick to forget – his gain is outweighed by his loss.
One who is slow to understand and slow to forget – his loss is outweighed by his gain.
One who is quick to understand and slow to forget – this is a good portion.
One who is slow to understand and quick to forget – this is a bad portion.”

19. “Any love which is dependent on something, when the ‘something’ ceases, the love ceases. Any love which is not dependent on anything will never cease. What is a love which is dependent? The love of Amnon for Tamar. What is a love which is not dependent? The love of David and Yehonasan.”

20. “Any dispute which is for the sake of Heaven will ultimately endure, and one which is not for the sake of Heaven will not ultimately endure. What is a dispute for the sake of Heaven? This is a debate between Hillel and Shammai. What is a dispute not for the sake of Heaven? This is the dispute of Korach and his assembly.”

23. “Yehuda ben (son of) Taima said, be bold as a leopard, light as an eagle, swift as a deer, and strong as a lion to do the will of your Father in Heaven.”

25. “He (Yehuda ben Taima) used to say,
at five [one should begin the study of] Scriptures;
at ten, Mishna;
at thirteen [one becomes obligated in] the commandments;
at fifteen [the study of] the Talmud;
at eighteen the wedding canopy;
at twenty to pursue;
at thirty strength;
at forty understanding;
at fifty counsel;
at sixty old age;
at seventy fullness of years;
at eighty spiritual strength;
at ninety bending over;
at one hundred it is as if he has died and passed on from this world.”

26. “Ben (son of) Bag Bag said, turn the Torah over and over for everything is in it. Look into it, grow old and gray over it, and never move away from it, for you will find no better portion than it.”

27. “Ben (son of) Hai Hai said, according to the effort is the reward.”

What mourning taught me

Posted on by — 7 Comments ↓

My father A”H passed away in early June. It wasn’t sudden-sudden, but it was sudden enough. He wasn’t young, but he was certainly not old enough. We loved him and we let him know it, and that we were going to be okay, and he shouldn’t worry about us as he approached his end . . . but that probably wasn’t enough either, for he cared and worried about us so much. Yes, it was tough. It is tough. I miss him so much. I wrote a little bit about this, for a general audience, here, but it’s a sliver of the crust of the matter.

I’m not posting this to eulogize my father here, or even to write at length about how he, who was not religious, and never became religious, did so much good in raising his children as Jews that he has left behind so many frum descendants K”EH. Part of the reason for that is that it is too painful, though I do think it would be a good topic down the road here. So many of our parents need to know how it is that, contrary to how some of them feel, frequently BT’s are not rejecting their values: Many of us have made the choice we did because we were acting on those values in ways they did not have the opportunity to do, given their time, place and situations.

For now, though, I wanted to share a few thoughts about something really kind of neat — yeah — that I learned over the course of shloshim — the thirty day period of intense mourning following a close relative’s passing. Mainly, it’s this: The Torah is amazing.

Amazing!

The Torah is amazing in many ways, but if chas v’sholom [Heaven forfend] it gave us nothing but instruction in how to mourn (which are by and large rabbinical enactments), it would still be phenomenally brilliant.

Here are some of the things I didn’t know that I know now, because of how Chazal [the Sages] arranged the Jewish way in mourning:

  • People who extend themselves to comfort a mourner by traveling long distances or taking time off from work or otherwise inconveniencing themselves to attend the funeral or to make a shiva call are seen by the mourners as having expressed a statement of love and caring that is so exquisite, so precious, that … I can’t really describe it. But it is very, very great.
  • Observing shiva in as close to the halachically prescribed way as possible, under the circumstances, does not make the hurt go away, but it is a phenomenally powerful tool that actually “makes” mourners focus, not on “cheering up” or distraction from their pain, but on a full, complete and evolving appreciation of the person they loved and lost.
  • Shiva is utterly exhausting. And there will be repetition. But the “story” we each told on the last day of shiva, while entirely consistent with what we said in the hespedim [eulogies] and on the early days afterward, was so much richer, deeper and logical than when it started. It was stunning to me to be part of, and yet to observe, this process as we listened to each other and embroidered each others’ respective narrative threads into our own thematic focuses. We came to understand, in a week’s time, so much we didn’t know that we knew about who our father was, why his life mattered so much and how his death teaches so much. We came to understand our responsibility as his survivors.
  • The way in which our community coalesces across “political” religious lines and springs into action to support a mourner’s needs during this period is a wondrous and Godly sociological phenomenon. For BT’s, who feel so “left out” so often while others in our communities enjoy the support of large extended families and lifetimes networks developed through school and other experiences we don’t have, this experience can be very uplifting indeed.

    • The main thing I kept wanting to say — and, being me, I finally did say it — was that, “This is so amazing… it would just be so perfect if Dad could be here with us to experience it.”

    And yes, we truly believe he was. And he is.

    Thank you.

    What’s Kosher, Mate?

    Posted on by — 2 Comments ↓

    Melbourne, Australia is not New York City. This may seem to be stating the obvious, but, shortly after moving here from Brooklyn I would discover in a myriad of ways just how this was so. For instance, say the words ‘shlep’ or ‘shmatte’ or ‘shlamiel’ in mixed company in New York and everyone, even the Chinese, the Latinos, and the Afghanis, all know what you mean, more or less. Say those same words here in Melbourne, Australia and, they are met with curious raised eyebrows. “Is that Swedish?” they might say.

    Not that Australians are not worldly, indeed they are. Most of the young people travel around the world before settling down, and Australians love being exposed to other cultures of all kinds. Diversity holds much charm here, being tucked away so far off in this remote corner of the planet. Australians often crave and seek out multicultural education and experiences. Mention a foreign food of any kind, a tradition, a religious practice, or an exotic art form, and most Australians show immediate interest, almost like curious children encountering something new and magical that sparks their imagination. There is a certain endearing naïveté that Australians have managed to maintain in their society that allows them to welcome foreign cultures with friendly ease. While there are narrow minded individuals here, as is so in any place, for the most part, this is an extremely tolerant and non-judgmentally accepting country.

    Being a jaded somewhat hardened New Yorker when I arrived, I often misunderstood my new countrymen because I perceived them through my own cultural lenses. During my early days here thirteen years ago, I often misinterpreted the strange reactions I would get from Australians when I mentioned anything related to my Jewish practice. The curious glances I misinterpreted as intolerance. I wondered why they looked at me so funnily, as if maybe they thought I was a freak for being Jewish. It took me sometime to realize that their reaction to meeting me was not out of prejudice, but for many of these people, I was the first openly Jewish person they had ever encountered before. The simple direct questions they asked me I initially misinterpreted as ignorance. I wondered if they were mocking me. It took me quite some time to shake off my defensive New York style Jewish paranoia and pseudo-sophistication. What I discovered was that these Australians were actually wanting to know what my life was all about and what I represented.

    Australia is a fantastic modern lovely country, but one cannot exactly describe Australian culture as very spiritual. This is a land where nature, sport, and the good easy life is treasured and enjoyed. This is called ‘The lucky country’, as most of us who live here cannot help but feel fortunate to be living in such a beautiful, bountiful, friendly, easy going, and laid back place. People work only hard enough here but, not too hard, and most are able to enjoy some of life’s frills without too much struggle. Melbourne is one of the friendliest cities in the world. In Melbourne, not only will people stop and give you directions with a nice smile when you ask them, but often they may even take you there. I often tell people I moved from the rudest and coldest city in the world to the friendliest. Nevertheless, Australians as a whole are not particularly religious or spiritual, and certainly not as religious as Americans. Australian culture is a bit like ancient Hellenism in which sport and the pleasures of the body and the material are paramount.

    Working in the business world here is also very different from New York as it is extremely social. Australians expect everyone in the workplace to be good friends, or ‘mates’, as they call it, and that means going out together to restaurants and pubs. The emphasis put on the value of Australian ‘mateship’ cannot be overestimated. For Australians, often when they call you a ‘mate’, it is not just a word, they actually mean you are their friend. This mateship bond is sealed with a meal, or better yet, a drink of alcohol, specifically beer, their national drink of choice. After all, it’s the Aussie way, mate!

    One can only imagine the difficulty in navigating one’s Torah observance in such a culture as compared to New York. I found myself having to turn down many invitations to many social occasions, and this did not go a long way to give me my mateship points. Frequently I was asked what I could eat, and why I couldn’t eat this, or that, or the other. At first I would give these questions short shrift. I just thought it would be too complicated to explain the intricacies of keeping kosher to these Aussie work mates of mine. I knew they often felt snubbed by me, but I was stuck in my brazen defensive New York posture and, it took some time to break that down and try a different approach.

    After a while, because I can be a slow learner when it comes to social situations, it dawned on me that I had been approaching this all the wrong way. Instead of making myself aloof from my fellow countrymen, I would find ways to answer all their questions clearly and in a way that would satisfy their curiosity. So a typical conversation would often go something like this:

    “What’s ‘ kosher ‘, mate?”

    ‘Did you ever read the Bible?” (typical Jew, answering a question with a question).

    “Yeah, I went to church and Sunday school.”

    ‘Well, you heard of the Five Book of Moses?”

    Now sometimes here they would tell me they either went to Catholic school, or they never read it, or they saw the movie with Charlton Heston, and that latter one usually got a good laugh. Whatever their answer, we now had some basis upon which we could define where I was coming from as a Jewish person.

    “Moses gave the Jewish people a set of Laws from G-d to live by. These laws cover every aspect of a Jewish person’s life, how to sleep, how to pray, how to dress, and even how to eat.”

    By this point in the conversation I have grabbed their interest. What really amazes me is that before when I would just say, ‘It’s my religion and it’s too complicated to explain it” they would look a bit disappointed that I wouldn’t tell them anything about it. But after I began to explain it clearly, every single time I would see their faces light up with real delight that I was actually taking the time to let them in on what we mysterious Jewish people were all about. And they appreciated it. Now is when I go into the short but comprehensive explanation of what keeping kosher means:

    “ The laws of keeping kosher means that Jewish people are not allowed to eat meat with milk together, not allowed to eat any creepy crawlies, not allowed to eat any animal unless it has cloved hoofs and chews its cud and has been ritually slaughtered according to the law. Jews can also only eat fish that has fins and scales so that means no shell fish at all. Now, all of this becomes quite complicated in today’s modern world with food technology being the way it is, so we rely on a whole structure of chemists and Rabbis to help us and we can only eat the food that they certify for us. This means all things touching the foods, all utensils and vessels also have to be entirely dedicated to kosher.”

    That entire explanation takes under half a minute. Sometimes they may ask me a bit more, but they don’t go into it too deeply because I gave them just enough information to satisfy their curiosity and to make them realize that is is so super complicated that they prefer not to delve any further. Often I get replies like this:

    “No shrimp on the Barbie! That’s rough, mate”. A barbie is a bar-b-que and barbequed shrimp is an intrinsic part of the national cuisine. Not being able to partake in such an indulgence is enough to make most Australians pity me greatly. Or else they say something like, “ Oh, thanks so much for telling me all that. Now I understand why you can’t come out with us. It must be so hard…..does the Rabbi bless the food?…..etc” I see that they feel so glad that I had enough regard for them as a person to take the time and make the effort to actually demystify a small part of our elusive Jewish way of life.

    Once I started to come up with short non-threatening, clear, and thorough answers to the questions my fellow Australians asked me, without being condescending or making them feel foolish, I felt I gained their respect, not only for me, but for all Jews.

    Originally posted on the Repenting Jewess.

    Giving Kibbudim to Baalei Teshuva

    Posted on by — 25 Comments ↓

    In public situations is it wise to give Baalei Teshuva kibbudim (honors) at the risk of embarassment?

    Situations include

    – Leading the bentching

    – Saying a beracha at a Sheva Berachos

    – Saying a harachamim at a Bris

    – Getting an Aliyah in shul

    – Getting hagbah or gelilah

    – Opening the aron

    In what cases and situations do you think it would be appropriate or inappropriate to give the honor to a relatively new BT?

    Forks in the Road: Old Divisions, Modern Ramifications

    Posted on by — 29 Comments ↓

    Forks in the Road: Old Divisions, Modern Ramifications
    Rabbi Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer
    We Might Be a Little Late!
    Originally published here .

    This essay is some one hundred and fifty years late. Events since, some fortunate, most unfortunate, have blurred the differences between the great schools of thought that developed in the late eighteenth and early nineteenth century.

    Doubtless, the Satmar Rebbe (R. Yoel Teitelbaum) had this blurring in mind when he is said to have remarked that he himself was the last true Chasid, and that the Brisker Rav (R. Yitzchak Ze’ev Soloveischik) had been the last true Misnaged.[1] It is said that the Satmar Rebbe explained the devolution of both Chassidus and Misnagdus with the following parable:[2]

    Once there was a woman whose husband would only eat fleishig (meat dishes), which she dusifully prepared for him. Their daughter came to marry a man who would only eat milchig (dairy dishes). Not wanting to deprive her son in law, the mosher in law prepared for him, as well, the food he craved. For several years this practice continued, with father and son in law eating in separate rooms.

    Now, it came to pass that the family became impoverished and could afford neisher fleishig nor milchig. The woman was compelled to cook potatoes for both her husband and son in law. Nevertheless, the two continued their custom to eat in separate rooms. After several years elapsed in this manner, the two realized that there was, indeed, no point in their remaining separated and finally came to dine together.

    Nevertheless, as we all strive to enhance our individual and collective Avodas Hashem (divine service), it is worthwhile – perhaps essential – to know what we might choose as our goal or aspiration.

    The Great Divide

    The nature of that goal has been the subject of a debate that has raged since the middle of the eighteenth century, when Eastern European Jewry erupted into the controversy surrounding Chassidus. Henceforth, the Ashkenazic Jewish world divided along the lines of Chassidus vs. Misnagdus. To be sure, there are other, significant trends in Judaism, including the (Hirschian) Torah im Derech Eretz school and, of course, many rich variations of Sephardic Avodas Hashem. The most blatant divide, however, is along the Chassidic/Misnagdic fault line. It is this line that we will attempt here to delineate.

    But before we really begin: Caveat emptor! It would be the epitome of presumptuousness to purport that a short (or even long) essay might succinctly and precisely capture the distinctions between these schools of Avodas Hashem. We intend to examine a relatively narrow bandwidth of the differences, focussing more on exemplary thinkers and Ovdei Hashem (paragons of Avodas Hashem) who grappled with these distinctions in their personal struggles to formulate their own pathways in the hope that the reader will use these distinctions as a springboard for contemplation and understanding. In this effort, we follow in the footsteps of R. Dessler, the Michtav Me’Eliyahu, (in a recently published essay[3]) and others who pursued a simplified definition of differences, for reasons R. Dessler eloquently expresses.

    We must begin our conversation with a definition of the “newer” Chassidic model of Avodas Hashem. The reason for this is simple: Existing philosophies are often forced to articulate their defining characteristics only when faced by a new challenge. This seems to be the case with Misnagdus. Despite its earlier origin, it was only forced to define itself as a philosophy when it came to battle the revolutionary Chassidic movement. The very term Misnaged can only be understood if one knows the context of Chassidus. Its meaning, “Opponent,” is only intelligible if one realizes toward what the opposition was directed.

    “Mainstream” Chassidus and Chabad

    Chassidus itself divided into two significant camps, that of “mainstream” Chassidus, and that of Chabad. Each side argued that its respective derech (pathway in Judaism) was the most accurate reflection of the Ba’al Shem Tov’s (R. Yisrael, the founder of Chassidus, also known as the Besht – an acronym for Ba’al Shem Tov) novel approach to Avodas Hashem. What was that approach and what did each side represent as the means of implementing that approach?
    Read more Forks in the Road: Old Divisions, Modern Ramifications ›

    Unity in Diversity in Ramat Beit Shemesh

    Posted on by — 12 Comments ↓

    In the US, and I suspect in other Jewish areas such as England as well, the Jewish community in any given area tends to be rather monolithic. For example in New Jersey, Passaic is Litivish Ultra-Orthodox, so is Lakewood. Morristown is Chabad. Monsey (ok, NY but just outside of NJ) is majority chassidic, some parts of town pretty exclusively one chassidic type or another – other parts a mixed bag. Teaneck, Elizabeth, and West Orange.

    Yet I up and moved to Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel. For those who don’t know, Ramat Beit Shemesh has become, outside of Jerusalem, the premier destination for people moving to Israel from English speaking countries. (And there’s a nice contingent of French speakers there also.)

    While Jerusalem somewhat follows the standard monolithic pattern above (again just substitute in neighborhood names to find the chassidic neighborhoods, the Litvish, modern orthodox, sephardic, etc), Ramat Beit Shemesh tries to perform the same exercise on a single street or two at a time. This leads to a level of intermingling that other areas lack.

    Walk across the street and go from a more modern area to a litvish area. Another street and it’s chassidic. As an example, on my nearby street corner there’s a litvish shul, a mizrachi (modern-ish) shul, a sephardi shul, and a Chabad shul. There’s even a street of non-religious Jews that drive, slowly and carefully, in and out of the neighborhood on Shabbos.

    Ok, people aren’t davening together on Shabbos – everyone has their preferred nusach, Shabbos songs, siddur, etc. But when walking down the street the guy in the shtreimel and gold stripped long coat (Jerusalem bekeshe) says Good Shabbos to the guy in the suite and tie.

    Achdus, unity, isn’t becoming the same. It’s respecting each other. And in Ramat Beit Shemesh, that’s a good point.

    (For some Torah from Ramat Beit Shemesh, check out Yesh Ma L’asot’s Emunah Institute at http://YeshMaLasot.org )

    Akiva blogs at Mystical Paths.

    Message to the World – The Power of Prayer

    Posted on by

    Imagine you’re in a room full of Jewish addicts. And you’re volunteering to lead a group on Tuesday evenings. The group is called “Spirituality.” What would you talk about?

    This week I decided to ask them what they would talk about. I tossed out a question that I had heard a rabbi ask at the time the Super Bowl was happening, about creating one’s own super bowl ad. “What message would you want to give to the world in thirty seconds if you had a chance to speak to 100 million people?” I asked. They loved it!

    With my arm outstretched into a closed fist (a mike), I walked around holding it in front of each resident of the Jewish Women’s Recovery House, as she spoke. Leslie, twenty-four, had been in the recovery house for almost four months since she got out of jail after her last DUI. She was very eager to respond. “Here’s what I’d say!” she exclaimed enthusiastically. “If you radiate positive energy into the world, that’s what you’ll attract. If you give off negative energy – that’s what you’ll attract!” I told her she had a few more seconds before her thirty seconds would be up, so she elaborated just a little bit more, and just as excitedly.

    Next Rosie wanted “the mike.” Rosie, thirty-five, and a registered nurse, had only been in the recovery house for a week and a half after being released from a local psychiatric hospital. “I started reading a book I found by a Rabbi Twerski. Here it is!” she said, picking it up from the couch, right next to her. “It’s called Angels Don’t Leave Footprints: Discovering What’s Right with Yourself. And I only started it, but it says that we are really better than angels because we can change and grow. We each have a piece of G‑d inside of us. It just gets covered up, but there’s always hope that we can come to recognize who we really are.”

    Ellen, forty-one, a publicist, had come from a detox facility after getting clean from heroin. She had also not been in the house for a full two weeks yet. Ellen waited patiently for everyone else who wanted to speak to go before her, but when her turn came, she was just as ready to share her message as were all the others. “I’ve learned that G‑d hears us. The answers G‑d gives us in life, they may not be the ones we wanted to get, but who are we to know what’s ultimately good for us? It can sometimes be a very long road until we really accept that.”

    Then, I don’t know how or why, but all of a sudden it hit me! “I just realized something! I practically shouted. Your words – the words that each of you just spoke here – they really did reach 100 million people – but they reached even more than 100 million people!” They were all looking at me like I was nuts. “They reached everybody in the whole world!”

    “Your words, your messages to the world … they sounded like prayers to me,” and my voice started cracking. “You have so much. You are such enlightened souls from all you’ve been through.”

    I had to keep going. “You’ve heard of the butterfly effect, right? In the physical realm, the flapping wings of just one butterfly can create tiny changes in the atmosphere, but those tiny changes can end up eventually altering the path of something like a tornado! In the spiritual realm, our individual prayers travel far and wide – they don’t stay put within these walls – prayers don’t care about walls – they go right through them! A tiny prayer’s vibrations travel all around the world, way faster than the speed of light! So your words, your prayers, really could havereached everybody in the whole world already.”

    There was complete stillness, and a glow in the room. “Yeah,” smiled Rosie. “I guess they really could have.”

    Did you get the messages that these women sent you last Tuesday night? I’m sure you did, in some way. It could have reached you in a ray of hope you felt in one flash of an instant.

    But just in case the flapping of their beautiful fragile wings was imperceptible, now you have this.

    Bracha Goetz is the author of twelve Jewish children’s books including Remarkable Park , The Invisible Book and The Happiness Box.

    The content in this page is produced by Chabad.org, and is copyrighted by the author and/or Chabad.org. If you enjoyed this article, we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you do not revise any part of it, and you include this note, credit the author, and link to www.chabad.org. If you wish to republish this article in a periodical, book, or website, please email permissions@chabad.org.

    Some Approaches to Judging Others Favorably

    Posted on by

    We’re in the midst of the Three Week period leading up to Tisha B’Av and the Avodah (work) of this period is on Bein Adam L’Chaveiro (improving relations between man and his fellow). Here are some short thoughts on how to judge other people favorably. If you have any thoughts or ideas that have worked for you, please share them in the comments.

    Focus on the Overall Good

    Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz in Sichos Mussar points out that the Pasuk in Koheles says “There is no Tzaddik who only does good and doesn’t sin”. He takes this a step further and points out that even a positive act has some bad in it, yet nonetheless we can judge the overall act as good. We should try to identify and focus on the positive aspects of the actions people perform and judge there overall acts as positive.

    There’s a Part of You in Every Jew

    Rabbi Moshe Cordervo in the Tomer Devora describes the level of soul conceptualized as the collective Jewish soul. Every person has a piece of that soul so in reality there is a spiritual piece of every Jew in every other Jew. The mitzvah to love your fellow Jew is really self-love, for one’s fellow Jew is oneself on the collective soul level. As each of us contains a piece of each other’s soul, when my fellow Jew is better off so am I. This framework can help us love our fellow Jew.

    Other Peoples Mistakes are More Accidental

    In his Iggeres, the Ramban writes “Consider everyone as greater than yourself. If he is wise or rich, you should give him respect. If he is poor and you are richer — or wiser — than he, consider yourself to be more guilty than he, and that he is more worthy than you, since when he sins it is through error, while yours is deliberate and you should know better!” Less observant Jews don’t understand the obligations of the Torah to the degree we do, so relatively, their sins/mistakes are by accident, while ours are done on purpose. Knowing this should help us humble ourselves and judge others more favorably.

    The Essence of All People is Good

    In the third Bilvavi sefer, the author book points out that our souls are pure and our bodies are just garments. Identifying with our pure souls as opposed to our stained garments is at the root of true self-esteem and enables us to work on removing our stains from a healthy perspective. In the same way we can view ourselves from this aspect of purity, so to we can view our fellow Jews from this perspective. At their root, every Jew has a pure good soul and that is their essence, even when their acts or personalities are negative.

    Mishnayos Yomi – It’s a Great Idea

    Posted on by — 4 Comments ↓

    The new Mishanayos Yomi cycle start on Sunday July 4th with Masechta Berachos.

    You learn 2 mishnayos a day and you can finish all of Shas in 5 1/2 years.

    It’s not hard and it’s a great accomplishment.

    There are audio files here which take only 5 minutes per day.

    Rav Grossman also has audio files of the entire Mishna.

    And here’s the schedule for the remainder of 5770.

    The http://www.mishnahyomit.com/ site also has some good resources.

    You can download the entire Blackman translation of the Mishnayos at HebrewBooks.org.

    Here’s the entire Mishna online in Hebrew.

    Why not start now, you won’t regret it.

    How to Answer Difficult Questions

    Posted on by — 24 Comments ↓

    I met a friend recently and he told me he was reading through his Jewish Publication Society Bible presented to him by his Hebrew School at his Bar Mitzvah.

    He had two specific questions at the tip of his tongue:

    Wasn’t the conquering of Eretz Yisroel and the wiping out of the inhabitants genocide?

    Wasn’t the death penaltly meted out to Nadav and Avihu for their improper service excessively harsh?

    How would you suggest handling these questions?

    Thanks
    Steve

    Where is G-d?

    Posted on by — 7 Comments ↓

    By Michael Freund
    First published in The Jerusalem Post on May 27, 2010

    Yesterday at 11 a.m., air raid sirens sounded across the country. Emergency crews went into position, security forces entered a heightened state of readiness and thousands of people made their way to public shelters.

    It was a chilling scene, as schoolchildren were shepherded to safety, and the innocence of our nation’s youth was disrupted by the din of the alarm. Thankfully, it was only a drill.

    As Col. Chilik Soffer of the IDF Home Front Command bluntly noted: “Every country trains for emergency scenarios like earthquakes and fires. Here in Israel we train for those as well as for enemy attacks.”

    Living in the Middle East, it would appear, like any tough neighborhood, requires taking all sorts of precautions, however unpleasant.

    And while the government tried to calm the country’s nerves, assuring us that this exercise was routine and bore no relation to the dire state of the region, it was hard to escape the feeling that something ominous is in the air. Indeed, the headlines of late have been filled with all sorts of warnings and threats, as our foes dispatch daily reminders that their intentions are anything but peaceful.

    In the past few days, Syrian dictator Bashar Assad spoke openly of war and embracing the “resistance option,” while Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad reasserted his determination to bring about Israel’s demise. To our north, Hizbullah is busy rearming, and its thug-in-chief Hassan Nasrallah boldly declared that Israeli commercial and civilian shipping could come under attack.

    Meanwhile, to the south, rocket-fire emanating from Gaza resumed, and Palestinian terrorists sought to attack soldiers guarding the frontier. In every direction, it seems, our enemies are gearing up for a war of extermination, each one trying to outdo the other in a frenzy of blood-curdling intimidation.

    The arc of iniquity that stretches from Beirut to Damascus, and from there to Teheran and all the way back to Gaza, is not just rattling its saber, but may be getting ready to unsheathe it.

    IN THE meantime, our closest ally, the United States, has increasingly turned hostile to us and our interests, badgering us to make still more concessions to the enemies gathering at the gate.

    Like it or not, we are very much a nation that is dwelling alone.

    In the face of all this, there is a knife-like question piercing through the fog of fear: Where is G-d?

    Some might take this as a challenge to divine justice, but that is not what I intend. I am a man of faith, and I believe our deliverance will assuredly come.

    What I mean to say is: Where is G-d in our public discourse? Why aren’t we turning to Him in this hour of need?

    Sure, diplomacy and military readiness are crucial, and we must continue to invest our efforts in these areas, even as we hope for the best. But the piercing siren sounded yesterday brought to mind the wailing of the shofar on Yom Kippur, penetrating the serene obliviousness that characterizes much of our daily lives. This was a spiritual wake-up call, sounding to arouse us and jolt us into action. We can choose to ignore it, but we do so at our peril.

    Each night, our generals and defense officials grace the television screens, insisting that “Israel is strong” and “we are ready.”

    I’m glad to hear it and hope it’s true. But as we have seen in the past, overconfidence can breed arrogance, which is a recipe for disaster.

    A dash of humility and a healthy dose of faith are just as critical to ensuring success. That’s why I’d like to see our leaders projecting a little less conceit and a lot more conviction.

    How refreshing it would be to hear them invoking some reliance on the Almighty and putting G-d back into the national conversation, injecting the sacred into their public discourse – and ours.

    This is more than just semantics; it goes to the very heart of the challenges we face. Belief in a higher power and in the justness of our cause is our spiritual ammunition, giving us the strength and determination to turn back any foe.

    The great hassidic leader, Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk, once asked a student where G-d could be found. The surprised young scholar offered the seemingly obvious answer: Rabbi, He is surely everywhere! “No!” said the Kotzker, with fiery certitude. “G-d is only where we let Him in!”

    Now, more than ever, would be the perfect time to do so.

    A College Education?

    Posted on by — 117 Comments ↓

    A blast from the past. Originally posted on June 13, 2006.

    I’ve seen many comments in response to “Sam Smith’s” “Financial Realities in the Frum World” that talk about the undesirability of sending one’s kids to public schools. Specifically, part of Alter Klein’s comment #169 stood out to me:

    “If we send our kids to public school it is like offering them up as korbonot (sacrifices). Yes, they could turn out ok, however odds are against it. Don’t stand by while your brother’s blood is being shed. The so called colleges that many kids are going to are also destroying many of those kids. ”

    While I do not have kids (nor am I even married), and am therefore not yet thinking about educating them, I’d like to offer an opinion from the “other side.”
    Read more A College Education? ›

    The Benefits of Buy In for the Newly Observant

    Posted on by — 6 Comments ↓

    Originally Posted on Orthonomics.

    My husband brought home some reading material for me on Shavout. One of the pamphlets available at our shul was from a well known Kiruv group. The first column was regarding setting priorities. The scenario set up is as follows: A man’s tefillin are stolen and he decides to replace his tefillin with a $900 pair. Later that week he receives a call from an outreach yeshiva asking him to sponsor a pair of tefillin for a newly observant Jew through a subsidized program at the cost of $250. The man asked to sponsor the tefillin does not have extra ma’asser funds and if he were to sponsor the tefillin at $250 it would come at the expense of his own purchase.

    I’m not interested in reprinting the methodology used to reach the conclusion that perhaps the man would indeed have a responsibility, or privilege, to underwrite his fellow’s first pair of tefillin even at the expense of his own higher level of performance.

    The choice that was not given or discussed, is the choice that I think would be the best choice: enabling a newly observant man of limited means to purchase his own (discounted) tefillin.

    I don’t believe I’ve ever dedicated a post to kiruv, but I do know that there is both kiruv and a kiruv industry. I’m not sure if it is a recent trend in kiruv to offer so much up “free of charge” or if it is a more recent development (when I was in college, the community kollel charged a small price for the lunch part of the lunch ‘n’ learns, today I am aware that there are incentives offered to students who attend courses), but I’m not sure that it is a particularly productive trend.

    Now certainly I would expect a strapped student or even a strapped young professional who is just starting out to have the funds available for a pair of tefillin, especially where becoming more observant comes with some other costs. As such, it is obviously necessary that he have tefillin to don in the meantime. However, from a psychological standpoint, there is something extremely healthy about “buying in”. Chazal recognized this discussing na’am dekisufa [bread of shame] in which it is assumed that a free handout is enjoyed less than what is earned by one’s own labors. I’ve read more than one biography/autobiography of a competitive athlete who believes that taking ownership of his/her career (i.e. footing the bill) has been a great motivation and very transformative. In other words, there is a psychological difference between how something “tastes” when it was handed to you, gifted to you, or purchased by you through the “sweat of your brow.”

    While I do believe that the reason a wedding band needs to be owned by the chatan is a legal issue, as opposed to a psychological issue, I think there is great value in a man giving something of value that he worked for and saved up for to his bride. Tefillin is symbolic of a marriage and I think there would be great value to the wearer of the tefillin to pay for his tefillin, perhaps through some sort of work-study or even a loan (yes, I did use the word loan although that wouldn’t be my personal preference).

    To sum up this post, I do believe that all things worth striving for, religion especially, requires “buy in”. I have heard it argued that one cannot ask [American students] targeted for kiruv (for lack of a better term) to help share in the any of the costs of dinners or events, and that sometimes you have to attract them with other incentives. And perhaps that is true if you are looking to attract large quantities of students. But, I think that when the line has been crossed from experimentation to growing commitment, helping to facilitate “buy in” would be the best choice of all.

    When given two options, I’ve been known to choose the 3rd option.

    Making Choices

    Posted on by — 1 Comment ↓

    R’ Micah Segelman

    The Mishna in Sanhedrin (37a) teaches that the creation of the world was worthwhile even for a single person. The Alter of Slobodka explains the Mishna that the creation of the entire world is justified in order to provide an opportunity for a single person with free will to choose to fulfill Hashem’s commandments (1). Rav Hirsch describes the “sublime mission and lofty purpose of man” that “The Law to which all powers submit unconsciously and involuntarily, to it you shall also subordinate yourself, but consciously and of your own free will (2).”

    Rav Soloveitchick writes that “Halakhic Man is engaged in self creation, in creating a new “I” . . . Choice forms the base of creation . . . then man becomes a creator of worlds (3).” The Ramchal tells us that Hashem created man to give him ultimate goodness and perfection. Yet Hashem didn’t simply grant this to man. Only by actualizing himself through making choices could the goodness be perfect and Hashem’s will fulfilled (4).

    It is commonly known that the Torah teaches us that the purpose of our existence is to strive for perfection in our service of and connection to Hashem. These sources emphasize that only through people freely making choices can this purpose be realized.

    However, the ability to make decisions is not automatic. Rav Dessler writes that only a person who has successfully overcome his natural tendencies perceives his power to make choices. Someone who has never exercised self control has learned from his experiences to think that he is controlled by outside forces (5). A person must learn, as Stephen Covey writes, that “between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose (6).” We must discover that freedom.

    We can sometimes feel powerless against external forces. There are many things which are, in fact, outside of our control or influence. Yet we often don’t perceive the opportunities we have to be proactive and exert our influence. I’ll cite seven illustrations of this principle which I hope people will find meaningful.

    We often blame other people for problems that exist. Blaming other people is natural and easy. It is also self defeating. When we take responsibility for ourselves and our decisions we are empowered because we’ve put ourselves in control. Rachel Imeinu turned to Hashem in prayer only when she saw that she couldn’t rely on Yaakov to pray for her. Relying on Yaakov to take the initiative and then blaming Yaakov stymied her whereas by taking responsibility for herself she was able to come closer to Hashem (7).

    When we have difficulties in interpersonal relationships we again often blame the other person. It is often possible, however, to unilaterally change the dynamics of the interaction by changing the way that we act and react. This is particularly true for parents and teachers. Changing our attitude and approach can dramatically impact our relationships.

    People can feel overwhelmed by emotions. Many psychologists maintain that our emotions result from the way that we think. We can become more aware of our own thinking and thus exercise greater control over the emotions we experience. This requires becoming aware of our inner dialogue and examining the way in which we look at the world. In the words of Aaron Beck, a person “is generally aware of the following sequence: event or stimulus — affect. He must be trained to fill in the link between the stimulus and the affect: stimulus — cognition — affect.” (8).

    Exposure to an outside value system can rob us of the ability to truly make decisions. For example, our attitudes to money and career are influenced by our exposure to the prevailing mentality which equates our worth with our achievements (9). We’re not truly free to make decisions until we shape our own world view. Otherwise we are pressured to conform to norms which are imposed on us.

    Similarly, people who strongly depend on the validation of others curtail their own freedom to choose. The pressure to conform to other people’s expectations precludes free choice. Growth requires one to learn not to depend on the approval of other people (10).

    As Torah Jews, there are aspects of our Jewish contemporary culture that can hamper our ability to make choices. Young people, especially, can feel pressured by communal expectations to conform and thus be stifled. Rav Wolbe writes, “Both planting and building are essential to the development of our children and students. We must build them. We cannot rely exclusively on their spontaneous, independent growth . . . However, if we only build our children by inserting behaviors into their personality, without providing time and space for them to sprout, then their ability to grow on their own degenerates and they turn into robots . . . they will lack initiative. Initiative flows from vivacity, but that quality rotted away long ago (11).” When we block legitimate avenues of self expression for our children or students we interfere with their proper development. And we ourselves need to develop the ability to think issues through carefully and seek the appropriate guidance where necessary. And we must learn to do that which is right because it is right – not because of what others will think.

    We are justifiably proud of our Torah weltanschauung. But when improperly understood our ideology can interfere with people assuming proper responsibility for their decisions. We legitimately emphasize the importance of consulting Talmidei Chachamim when making decisions. People must, however, develop their own independent judgment. We should never relinquish responsibility for what we do. We don’t cede control of our medical decisions to our doctors though we seek to benefit from their expertise. We are the ones affected by the results of our decisions and we must be willing to stick with our choices when the going gets tough. To do this we need to feel ownership of our decisions. In the final analysis we must answer for ourselves.

    There are two sources that essentially make this point. Rabbeinu Yonah says that ultimately we bear responsibility for our own spiritual growth. Receiving advice and inspiration from others is valuable. “But if we don’t inspire ourselves – what will mussarim accomplish (12) ?” Only we can change ourselves. And the Seforno explains the pesukim in Netzavim that teshuva is unlike other mitzvos. Recognizing the way to move forward in our personal growth doesn’t require the input of great scholars (13). We ourselves can and should determine where we need to improve and how to approach Hashem– it is “within our own mouths and within our own hearts to do.”

    Fundamental to Slobodka Mussar is that only by appreciating our potential for greatness are we empowered to achieve greatness. Only by understanding that we have the capacity to grow can we truly grow. Let us all feel empowered to make the necessary choices.

    Sources

    (1) Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel (The Alter of Slobodka), Ohr Hatzafun, Sefer Toldos Adam: Part B

    (2) Rav Hirsch, The Nineteen Letters (Spring Valley, NY 1988), Letter Four

    (3) Rav Soloveitchick, Halakhic Man (Philadelphia 1993), Part Two: IV

    (4) Ramchal, Derech Hashem, 1:2

    (5) Rav Dessler, Michtav M’Eliyahu,Vol 1: Kuntras Habechira

    (6) Covey, Stephen, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (New York 1990), page70

    (7) Ramban, Pirush al HaTorah, Breishis 30:2

    (8) Beck, Dr Aaron, Depression: Causes and Treatment (Philadelphia 1967), page 322. See also Burns, Dr David, Feeling Good (New York 1999)

    (9) see Burns chapter 13, and Twerski, Rabbi Dr Abraham, Ten Steps To Being Your Best (Brooklyn, NY 2004), chapter 2

    (10) see Burns chapter 11, R Twerski chapter 3

    (11) Wolbe, Rav Shlomo, Planting & Building (Jerusalem 1999), page 16

    (12) Rabbeinu Yonah, Shaarei Teshuva 2:26

    (13) Seforno, Devarim 30:11-15

    Fitting In

    Posted on by — 28 Comments ↓

    Do you feel that “fitting in” is one of the biggest challenges facing BTs?

    What factors have you seen contribute to being successful in this area?

    What are some strategies if you’re committed to Torah Judaism, but feel the “fitting in” goal is too difficult?