How are you Improving Your Bein Adam L’Chavero

A friend from Beyond BT once emailed us that she likes the three weeks, because the shiurim and the divrei Torah are focused on improving our relationships with other people (Bein Adam L’Chavero).

Some specific mitzvos on the Weekly Work Ons list during this period are:
– Reducing speaking Loshon Hora
– Being careful not to hurt people with our speech (Onas Devorim)
– Judging people favorable

In our Shul we read a selection from “Positive Word Power” from the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation after davening a few times each week.

What have you found helpful to work on in this period?

Are there any seforim that you recommend?

What techniques have you used to reduce speaking Loshon Hora?

What motivation techniques have you tried?

10 comments on “How are you Improving Your Bein Adam L’Chavero

  1. Ron, I know your previous comment was a joke, but in general I’m finding it difficult to untangle the twisted humor in this particular comment thread. Are you now comparing Mr. Cohen and his audience here to the Vilna Gaon and his family who lived in Lithuania in the 1700s?

  2. Nothing prevents those studying good interpersonal relations from trying to achieve them in practice. If the syllabus lacks practical exercises, make your own.

  3. I believe that for many people, the best ways to improve Mitzvot Bein Adam LeChavero are to talk less and stay away from people.

  4. I wonder how we can say we appreciate the increasing sense of loss that is supposed to increasingly permeate more correctly the time period from RC Av through the morning of the 1oth of Av by focusing on what we are supposed to be doing Bein Adam Lchavero.

    All of the above ideas are helpful, but IMO , learning about these halachos in a vacumn without any practical application can lead them to being dismissed as nice hashkafic ideas, without the same seriousness as we take other areas of Halacha.

  5. I made up a list of stupid jerks who were holding me back from further growth in this area.

    No, no, don’t worry — I didn’t approach any of them! That would not be appropriate at all.

    I just anonymously posted their names on the shul bulletin board and recommended that they shape up.

  6. The english version of Aleiynu L’shabeiyach by Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein (Rav Eliashiv’s son in law). All five books are out now.
    Aside from the incredibly inspiring stories, Rabbi Zilberstein also gives chizuk by way of his dvrei Torah, and always discusses inyanim of Bein Adam L’Chavero in a most sensitive way. Whether the subject is chinuch or married life, illness or tragedy, his approach treats a person with the utmost kovod, and it’s so hard not to relate to the feelings he mentions.

    We see that each and every person is a deep, deep world, and we are never alone in what we experience. He also gives chizuk in emunah, and gives us a personal glimpse into the worlds of Rav Eliashev and Rav Chaim Kanievsky, his brother in law. This is the stuff that the Yid in Eretz Yisroel is made of.

    To that end, also highly recommended is the In Their Shadows series by Rabbi Shlomo Lorencz. It might also make you melt.

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