A friend writes in the following:
Here’s a question that has become increasingly relevant to our family of late. How do you chose a Shadchan?
Here’s the nitty gritty of our question. We are basically a yeshivish family (kollel, chinuch career) yet have been open minded in encouraging our daughter to attend college. We have done so in part because of our awareness that it will help her make ends meet, and partly because she’s very bright and really needed to do this. She would have been a misery her whole life having a mindless job. The first encounter with a teacher in our daughter’s school who has been instrumental in helping many girls find their bashert was eye-opening. My wife and I both got the sense that since we didn’t fully “go along with the whole program” (ie. no college, only strive for a guy who wants a kollel lifestyle), the school doesn’t fully respect or understand us.
So the question is, are there shadchanim out there, who are essentially Bais Yaakov minded, who can look at a girl who has gone to college, and will continue post graduate school, who wants a guy that is quite frum and intends to earn a living from the start of the marriage, and take her seriously? Going to my past Rosh Kollel for guidance on this one is not an option for obvious reasons.
Originally Posted – June 2006