It’s not uncommon for boys who are dating to have a list of girls who they are interested in. This is often because the boy’s parents get showered with resumes and a list is a good way of keeping control of the process. The list helps the boy and his parents organize the research of potential matches.

When my two married daughters were dating, I made a list of potential boys that they would be interested in dating. Many people thought I was crazy, as girls do not make lists. However, if I could give one piece of Shidduch advice, it would be to compile a list of potential dates for both your sons and your daughters.

To create such a list, you need to call whatever contacts you have in the various frum communities. You must be very persistent in this effort and call everybody you can think of, even friends of friends. Describe your son and daughter and ask the contact if they can think of anybody who might be suitable. Write every name on your list and start researching who might be appropriate, and who could arrange the shidduch. Then on a regular basis call the people who can arrange to ask about the potential date. Try to keep your list at 6 to 10 names at any time.

It’s important to be proactive in the dating process and make regular calls, and managing your list gives you a practical framework to be proactive. It makes the process much less haphazard.

Have you made potential shidduch lists for your sons?

Have you made potential shidduch lists for your daughters?

Would you consider making a list? Why or why not?

It’s Pesach time, and it’s time to start measuring the wine, matzah and maror.

Here is the shiurim links for the Star-K , Kof-K and OU. Here’s a link to a halachic discussion of the shiurim with the opinion of Rav Moshe Feinstein.

What do you do at your seder?

a) give out the more stringent measurements to each participant

b) give out a lenient measurements to each participant

c) discuss the measurements and let people take their own

d) say nothing and let people take their own

e) assume everybody at your seder knows all the halachos

f) other

Frum weddings are amazing. The energy, the joy, the dancing, the camaraderie, the segregation.

What do you like about Frum Weddings?

The Hamodia magazine ran an article titled “Whatever Happened to Kiruv? – Three Critical Changes in Today’s Outreach”.

Here are the three changes they spelled out:

1) The character of potential Baalei Teshuva has changed from someone looking to find themselves to someone looking to learn more about Judaism.

2) Kiruv is no longer the exclusive province of professionals, but is being undertaken now by “average” Jews.

3) The goal of Kiruv has changed from bringing Jews to full mitzvah commitment to simply keeping Jews identifying as Jewish.

What’s your take on the above mention changes?

What other significant changes have you seen?

Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato writes in “The Way of G-d”:

…Purim involved Israel being saved from destruction during the Babylonian exile. As a result of this they reconfirmed their acceptance of the Torah, this time taking it upon themselves forever. Our Sages teach us that “they accepted the Torah once again in the days of Achashverosh”. The details of the observance of both these festivals are related to the particular rectification associated with them.

To accept the Torah on Sinai we needed to be united as if the entire nation was “One Man with One Heart”. On Purim, when we re-accept the Torah, we once again achieved that unity in the face of annihilation.

The mitzvos of the day, charity to the poor, giving gifts of food, a meal with family and friends give us actions leading to unity. But we also need to be united in thought and emotion.

Can we commit to true unity for Purim?

Can we focus on the successes, and financially and emotionally support all our local institutions who are truly there to serve us?

Can we convince ourselves that it’s not really a big mitzvah to air every piece of dirty laundry Ad infinitum?

Can we support those dedicated to spreading Torah to our fellow Jews, without undermining them by questioning their effectiveness?

Can we commit to true achdus?

Any suggestions on small steps we can take on that path?

Dear Beyond BT Readers,

I am a 33 year old baalat teshuva. I am considering attending a study program in Israel next year, and am looking for advice about which are best suited for a women with a postgraduate education.

I’d like a seminary that is Orthodox and were I’ll be exposed to different hashkafot. I’ve met some people who have attended Midreshet Rachel (part of Shappell’s/Darche Noam) and this seemed like it would be a good fit. I wanted to consider other options though.

Any advice I could get would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Rebecca.

A few weeks ago an article about BTs came to our attention. For a number of reasons we decided not to run it, but some of our favorite BT advocates such as Rabbi Adlerstein, Rabbi Maryles and Rabbi Horowitz decided to run with the article.

Instead of us discussing what we didn’t like about the article, despite the good intentions of the author, we decided to ask our audience about the article’s main premise:

In your experience, are BTs generally treated as second class citizens in the communities you’ve lived in?

First Published on July 22, 2008

As Jews we want to improve ourselves, our communities and the world. That’s our calling. Perhaps that’s why some very fine people, including many articles and comments on Beyond BT, scrutinize our people and institutions in search of improvement.

It’s a noble cause, but the downside is that we get caught in a failure narrative. Kiruv is failing. Our communities are failing. Our spiritual connection is failing. Our educational institutions are failing. Our resource allocation is failing. We do acknowledge the successes, but it seems the overriding narrative is one of failing people and failing institutions.

Can we improve without the failure narrative?

Is finding failure the Torah viewpoint?

Can giving the benefit of the doubt and judging favorable apply to communities and institutions?

Should we emphasize the successes or is that just a rose-colored-glasses view?