Dear Beyond BT
I am just starting out on the BT path. How does one focus on making a particular step successful without feeling overwhelmed by everything “non-kosher†in their life? Would such tension be alleviated by jumping in head first and just dealing with issues as they come? Or is it really best to stick with one thing at a time?
-Regina
Read and comment about the The Role of the Rabbi in Increasing Shul Membership. Share your thoughts at Shulpolitics.com.
In a post this week Ron included a bridge “On The Road Back”.
We’ve always pictured the Beyond BT bridge as moving ahead to a new and improved world.
Which bridge do you see yourself traveling on?
Do you see yourself as coming back or moving beyond?
Did you ever see yourself as coming back or is that the viewpoint of the FFB world towards BTs?
Is shushing worse than talking in Shul. Tell us what you think at ShulPolitics.com.
Although no one is claiming their community is perfect, many BTs seem very happy in their communities.
What are the keys to being happy in a community?
a) Focusing on the strengths of the people and institutions
b) Being involved in the community
c) Understanding the communal norms
d) Keeping under the radar
e) Finding a good shul and/or Rabbi
f) Other
Beyond Prayer – A Fountain of Chesed, on Shul Politics.
One of the leader’s of the positive psychology movement Dr. Martin Seligman states that there are three distinct kinds of happiness: the Pleasant Life (pleasures), the Good Life (engagement), and the Meaningful Life. The first two are subjective, but the third is at least partly objective and lodges in belonging to and serving what is larger and more worthwhile than the just the self’s pleasures and desires.
Has Torah Observant lead you to a more meaningful life?
Has this made a major difference in your happiness?
Is a meaningful life a promise that Torah Observance can consistently deliver on?
Just like Beyond BT moments happen, so do Shul Politics moments.
Here’s a recent happening: The Kindness of Seat Eviction.
We’re (Mark & David) speaking at the AJOP conference this Sunday, January 15, 2011, at two sessions. There’s also an “Inreach” inspirational conference going on for only $36 at the same location and time which you might want to attend.
We’ve been doing a lot of thinking and discussion among ourselves and with Kiruv professionals about reasonable goals for our sessions.
Through our thinking and discussions we’ve seen and heard the following:
– The Baalei Teshuva we know in the offline and online are mostly very thankful to their teachers for all they’ve done for them
– Supporters of Kiruv understandably want to invest their money in higher impact areas, where people adopt a Shomer Shabbos lifestyle
– Although there are between 3,500,000 and 5,000,000 Jews in America who are not Shomer Shabbos, very few adopt a Shomer Shabbos lifestyle each year
– Kiruv professionals correctly believe that the most or all non-observant Jews will greatly benefit if they bring Torah significantly into their lives
– It is impossible to have all the information available about what adopting a Shomer Shabbos lifestyle entails
– When Baalei Teshuva hit bumps in their spiritual progress they are often bothered by the fact that they didn’t have all the information available at the beginning of their journey
What can Baalei Teshuva do to help this situation?
Keep in mind that most observant Jews correctly believe:
– Torah is true and extremely beneficial when observed properly
– Not all paths of observance are equal
– As human beings, we do not have answers to every question
I don’t remember whether anyone told me that it’s hard to pray when I first got involved in Torah.
Over at ShulPolitics.com there’s a new post called Judaism’s Little Secret – It’s Hard to Pray. Give it a read and leave a comment over there if you’re so inclined.
We (David & Mark) will be speaking at this year’s AJOP Conference sharing what we’ve learned from and through the Beyond BT community over the past six years.
Our sense is that most BTs are very thankful to the people who have taught them and helped in their Teshuva process, but there’s always room for improvement.
If you could offer one or two pieces of good advice to outreach professionals, what would it be?
We want to create cards (business card size, front and back text if necessary) to hand out to tell people about Beyond BT and encourage BTs, Kiruv professionals, Rebbeim and those interested in BT issues to give us a visit and a read.
a) Title: Should the title of the site be referred to as Beyond BT or Beyond Teshuva?
b) Graphic: Should we include a graphic of the bridge? Some other graphic?
c) Tag Line: Our tag line currently says “Beyond Teshuva – learning, growing, giving”.
Should we use that or something else?
d) Purpose: Should we include “Beyond Teshuva is focused on providing ideas, connection and support for Baalei Teshuva in their continuing quest to learn, grow, and give” or something else?
e) Information: Should we include anything informative on the card like “5 Categories of BT Support”?
f) Should we include anything else?
We’ve recently discussed some of the generalities of which Shuls are right for which people.
Perhaps a sometimes overlooked benefit is sharing in the joy of others and the positive character development that brings in its wake.
There’s a nice story about a “Shlishi to Remember”, on Shul Politics in which shul members experience spontaneous communal joy on a December Shabbos morning.
Check out Steve Brizel’s Parsha Round Up.
–The Ramban on Vayishlach (Translation From Parsha Parts)
This Parsha was written to make known that HaKodosh Boruch Hu saved his servant Yaakov and redeemed him from a power mighter than he. Hashem sent an angel and saved him. We also learn from this Parsha that Yaakov did not rely on his own righteousness to save himself. He tried to save himself with all his abilities. Furthermore, this Parsha hints to us that everything that happened with our forefather and Aisav his brother will always happen to us with the children of Aisav. It is fitting for us to take hold of this Tzaddik’s ways and prepare ourselves in the three manners that Yaakov prepared himself: prayer, appeasement through a gift, and saving ourselves by means of a war to flee and be saved.
Here’s Rabbi Rietti’s outline of Vayishlach. You can purchase the entire outline of the Chumash here.
Vayetze
# 28 Yaakov’s Dream
# 29 Yaakov Marries 4 Wives
# 30 Birth of Tribes & Yosef
# 31 Yaakov Flees from Lavan
# 32 Yaakov Enters Erets Yisrael
# 28 Yaakov’s Dream
* Yaakov goes to Haran
* Dream – Ladder
* Yaakov Builds an Altar
* Yaakov’s Promise
# 29 Yaakov Marries 4 Wives
* Yaakov removes stone from well
* Yaakov Marries Leah and Rachel
* Leah childs: Reuven-Shimon-Levi-Yehuda
# 30 Birth of Tribes & Yosef
* Yaakov angry with Rachel
* Bilha childs: Dan-Naftali
* Zilpa childs: Gad-Asher
* Doodayim
* Leah childs: Yisachar-Zevulun-Dina
* Rachel childs Yosef
* Yaakov wants to leave
* The Maklot
* Yaakov’s vast wealth
# 31 Yaakov Flees from Lavan
* HaShem tells Yaakov to return to the land of his fathers
* Yaakov confers with Rachel and Leah in the field
* Yaakov escapes
* Rachel stole Lavan’s idols
* Lavan in hot pursuit
* HaShem warns Lavan not to harm Yaakov
* Lavan rebukes Yaakov
* Yaakov’s response
* Lavan “everything you have is mine!”
* Treaty of Gal Eid between Yaakov and Lavan
# 32 Yaakov Enters Erets Yisrael
* Lavan returns home
* Yaakov enters Eretz Yisrael
We mentioned 5 categories of support for BTs a few weeks ago:
1) Teachers of fundamental and advanced Torah topics
2) Rabbis who can rule on halachic questions
3) Mentors who act as surrogate parents and help with major topics like Shidduchim, Parenting and Shalom Bayis
4) Friends who act as spiritual coaches and tell us to slow down and inspire us to move up
5) Spouses who are soul mates on our spiritual journey
The one category that is rarely found in abundance are mentors who act as surrogate parents.
Have you seen any mentoring programs be successful?
What was the key to their success?
Why do you think mentoring programs aren’t successful?
a) Not a lot of qualified people to be mentors
b) It takes a lot of time to do the role correctly
c) BTs are hesitant to rely on a mentor
d) Other
#28 Yaakov’s Dream With the Ladder
In Chapter 28 it says
20) And Yaakov made a vow, saying: ‘If G-d (Elokim) will be with me, and will guard me on this path that I am going, and will give me bread to eat, and clothing to wear,
21) and if I return in peace to my father’s house and Hashem will be my G-d (Elokim),
22) and this stone, which I have set up for a monument, will become a house of G-d and all that You give me, I will surely give the tenth to You.’
The commentators ask are the words in pasuk 21) “and Hashem will be my G-d (Elokim)” a part of Yaakov’s request or are they a promise by him?
If this is a request, what does it mean?
If it is a promise, why should he make a promise conditional on the request he made in 21-22?
#29 Yaakov Marries 4 Wives
In Chapter 29 it says
25) And it came to pass in the morning that, behold, it was Leah; and he said to Lavan: ‘What have you done to me? did I not work with you for Rachel? Why did you deceive me?’
26) And Lavan said: ‘It is not so done in our place, to give the younger before the firstborn.’
Points on this chapter include:
Why did Yaakov choose the younger Rachel over the older Leah?
Lavan’s statement of not giving the younger before the first-born is brought down as the basis for halacha by a number of rishonim and achronim?
What the exact trickery of Lavan was is a discussed among the commentators.
#30 Birth of Tribes & Yosef
#31 Yaakov Flees from Lavan
In Chapter 31 Yaakov says:
6) You know I served your father with all my strength.
The Rambam, the Tur and the Shulchan Aruch learn directly from this Pasuk and not from a Chazal in the Gemora that one has an obligation to work for his employer will all his might.
In Chapter 31 it says:
19) Now Lavan was gone to shear his sheep. And Rachel stole the teraphim that were her father’s.
20) And Yaakov stole the heart of Lavan the Aramean, by not telling him that he had fled.
The commentators question why Rachel stole the teraphim and what they were.
The commentators are also bothered by the use of the term “stole the heart. Should Yaakov have told Lavan he was fleeing? And if he didn’t tell him, was that “stealing the heart”?
(See Studies in the Weekly Parsha by Yehuda Nachsoni for more discussion of these points.)
There has always been discussion in the BT and Torah Observant communities about mainstreaming.
Baalei Teshuva Oriented Shuls
1) are sensitive to the needs of BTs
2) make it easy for BTs to fit in
3) keep BTs segregated in a comfortable environment
Mainstream Orthodox Shuls
1) are not focused to BT needs
2) require more effort to fit in
3) integrate BTs with the larger observant community
Which do you think is a better path? Why?
What are some other characteristics that differentiate between mainstream and BT institutions?
Check out Why You Need Shul Bylaws on Shul Politics. There’s even some great sample bylaws to get you going if you need them.
Here’s the opening paragraph from the post:
You can hear the sound of a collective eye roll when you mention Shul bylaws. They’re usually found only in democratic shuls or independent minyanim. Like legal contracts, they can be boring to the non-lawyers among us, but they’re very important for a Shul’s functioning, especially when critical issues come to the forefront. If you don’t have bylaws, it might be a good idea to create them now.
What issues will you be confronted with on Thanksgiving?
Kosher food issues.
Inappropriate discussions.
Inappropriate dress.
Hostility towards Orthodoxy.
General discomfort.
Everything is fine.
Read more What Issues are You Confronting This Thanksgiving?
