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What to Do on a Long Shabbos Afternoon?

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Hi,

I would like to just post a simple question to pose to the BT blogosphere:

What is a young, single BT girl to do on a long Shabbos afternoon?

I live in a small, heimish Jewish community where most girls are either married, or single and living with family.

There is usually about one class held per week, but afterwards I’m left without anything to do. Shall I start a chavrusa?

I feel bad bothering families and hanging out until Shabbos is over, so I need something to do rather than being an uninvited guest in some peoples’ homes when they would rather be napping on Shabbos afternoon. I do like taking their kids to the park while the parents nap.

I cannot sit in my apartment all day and do nothing!

Your ideas, please.

Thanks,

Devorah K. =)

This Cannot Go On

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By Chaya Houpt

Around the time Y.B. and A.N. turned two, they started to Talk. Not just words, but sentences, and then plans and games and conspiracies. Where they had previously been mostly indifferent to each other’s presence, suddenly they were partners in crime. They would stay up for most of the night, chatting and laughing and playing.

I placed them in their cribs at 7 PM as usual, but now, instead of quietly thumbing board books and sleeping until 7 the next morning, they would party.

My husband and I would go to sleep around 11 or 12, lying in bed with clenched teeth as we listed to our daughters carry on from the nursery down the hall. The next day, they were miserable company: cranky, short-tempered and whiny. Each day, the cumulative sleep debt was worse.

And naptime was a problem, too. They wouldn’t nap at all in a room together. We set up a pack-n-play and carried Y.B. down to the laundry room each afternoon, where she would often be woken early by the doorbell.

This cannot go on, I said.

So we sought the advice of our parents, mentors and friends. We tried bribing, threatening and all kinds of parental trickery. There were staggered bedtimes, later bedtimes and I can’t even remember what else. It was frustrating. Infuriating, even. We felt so powerless.

Some of the things we tried helped a little. But mostly, the girls just grew out of it. They gradually got used to the wonder of verbal communication, and they learned to be quiet roommates.

How long did it take before they started going to sleep quietly at an early hour? Oh, about A YEAR.

. . .

Another story, this one about mornings:

I have encouraged my girls to be independent and self-sufficient from the youngest age. When they entered the “I do it by self” phase, I was thrilled. I watched in wonder as my tiny children performed more and more of their morning routine by themselves: getting dressed, brushing teeth.

And then, sometime around last November, it just stagnated. They started dawdling, protesting, refusing to do anything by themselves. Mornings became a nightmare.

This cannot go on, I said.

I wrote an email to Jenny. “I don’t want to start every day with a battle,” I wrote. “Here is what I have tried.” And I listed all the tricks and strategies I had employed.

Jenny empathized and offered some ideas and suggestions, which I implemented. It helped a lot, but A.N. was still having a lot of trouble getting out in the morning.

This cannot go on, I said, and in January I wrote Jenny again.

She helped me through the situation, and said, “If things are still terrible Purim-time, let’s rethink.”

Purim came and went. Pesach rolled around, and then Yom Haatzmaut. Last Sunday was Lag B’Omer. And even this morning, it was a battle to get A.N. dressed and out of the house.

And you know what? I’ve accepted it. I don’t feel the urgency to change or fix the situation. Maybe this CAN go on. Maybe I don’t need a solution, or maybe our family isn’t ready for a solution.

One day last week, my neighbor Leah observed that my kids have a hard time with the morning transition. It was good to get objective confirmation, because Leah is no stranger to the challenges of a house full of young children.

“Is it always the same kid?” she wanted to know.

“Nope,” I said, because though A.N. might present the most challenges, Y.B. and B.A. have been known to get into the elevator howling and refusing to put on shoes as well.

And then she said something like, “You are always so calm with them.” I don’t remember her exact words, because of all the noise from the choir of angels.

. . .

So that’s the thing. Every meltdown, every dragged-out journey to nursery school, every impossible morning presents a challenge: how can I fix this? How can I get this family running like a well-oiled machine?

But that’s not always the victory Hashem has in store for me. Maybe I am simply meant to try my best to help the situation, and when nothing works, I can accept reality as it is and know that I am growing stronger, more patient, more calm in the process.

This cannot go on? Why not? Here’s another one: this too shall pass. But not on my timeline.

Chaya blogs about parenting and life at All Victories.

I’m Getting Married in the Morning…

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By Charnie

Many of you might recall that line from the song “Get Me to the Church on Time” from the show and movie “My Fair Lady”. Allow me to clarify what’s going on here. I’m not getting married, B”H I’ve been married for over 20 years. But two good friends of mine from way before I became frum have daughters whose weddings are on Shabbos. Finally, I had thought I’d be able to celebrate simchas with some of my pre-BT friends children marrying Jews, B”H, but Shabbos weddings seems to be the newest way that the secular community is disengaging themselves from Judaism.

This is about one of those couples, who are getting married at 11:30 on a Shabbos morning. We’ll call them “Jane and John”.

When I went to her engagement party, Jane asked me if “I’d help her with the Jewish part of her wedding”, which was a prospect that delighted me. One of the things she asked for was a book, and after much hesitation, I sent her what I consider to be the best book on what a Jewish marriage represents, “Made In Heaven” by Rabbi Areyeh Kaplan zt”l. Although it clearly speaks from the viewpoint of observance, ultimately I felt it got across the point of how significant a Jewish wedding is better than any other book I’d seen. I also included Herman Wouk’s “This is My G-d”, since I think that’s a nice, easy to read introduction to Judaism.

Jane’s background is basically to the left of Reform. But she did go on Birthright while in college, and after that had a Bat Mitzvah and made a firm decision to only date Jewish men. B”H, John is Jewish. They’d already selected a venue where they wanted their wedding to be, and I was able to track down a Rabbi who might be willing to marry them at that place. Since I’d been told originally they were going to get married in June, I went on that premise.

Now I’ve learned that, yes, they are getting married on a morning. At 11:30 on a Shabbos morning, right after Tisha B’av. Jane’s dad (who could care less about religion) tells me that it was the only date that the venue was available.

I’m trying to decide how, if at all, I should pursue things from here, since I did take helping her seriously. My gut feeling is leaning towards trying to communicate to her why someone who calls him or herself a “rabbi”, and yet performs a wedding on a Shabbos morning is probably a charlatan, and they therefore, may not have a “real” Jewish wedding. Perhaps, since they’ve already booked the place, they should go ahead and have a party, to be followed shortly thereafter by a small Jewish marriage ceremony?

She’s a school teacher, doing a masters degree, so she’s quite busy. Of course, as is the norm these days, they’re living together. They were supposed to join us for Purim Seudah, but never showed up. Jane tells me she’s too tired to do anything on the weekend (when I tried to invite her for a Shabbos) and the community they live in has virtually nothing to offer vis a vis Orthodox synagogues or outreach, so I can’t work that angle either.

Just last week I received an invitation for another couple, this time the wedding is a 7 PM on a Saturday night in June. It’s in Manhattan, and by the time I would get there, it would probably be over. It’s very sad because at my daughter’s wedding, the mom asked me to have this daughter in mind under the Chuppah, and called me up enthusiastically some months later to tell me “my blessing had worked”.

The good news is that both of these couples are “marrying in”. The bad news is that these pseudo rabbis will probably perform a ceremony that isn’t even remotely kosher.

I’d love some feedback from the Beyond BT community.

A Quest for a New Type of Yeshiva

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Rabbi Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer is in the process of starting a new Yeshiva based on the principles of Torah Im Derech Eretz and ideas addressed by Dr Nathan Birnbaum.

Below is a 1927 address by Dr Birnbaum with comments by Rabbi Bechhofer regarding how he hopes to implement these ideals.

Organized Orthodoxy is obliged to come together and create societal tools that will teach:
1. How to deepen our awareness of Hashem out of love for Him [Da’as].
2. How to dedicate ourselves to love our fellow human beings [Rachamim].
3. How to pursue modesty [hatznei’a leches] as a manifestation of the glory of our Hashem [Tiferes]…

We must admit that cold intellectualism has penetrated our relationship with Hashem. Following through with that metaphor, Ha’Olim cannot remain at ease with this frigidity. They must toil until within their societies, within each of their groupings and within each of their members there arise divine hislahavus and inner spiritual feeling.

To achieve aliya in Da’as Hashem there float before my eyes the following ideas:

1. Torah study in a more profound manner: Every “Oleh” is required to expand and deepen his knowledge of Torah and Chochmas Yisroel. Before all else, if he does not possess basic knowledge, he must acquire it upon entering the society. The society must constantly supervise its members to ensure that they are fulfilling this obligation. It must provide the opportunity to learn and grow through shiurim that it will conduct within its circle. The society shall campaign among its members, their children and their students to convince them to embark upon a term of study in a yeshiva or under a renowned talmid chacham for one to three years.

[Rabbi Bechhofer’s comments:
Although this first clause was primarily directed at the German-Jewish milieu for which it was written, it is readily translated to address the crying contemporary need of the day.

Good boys, who may do well in other subjects in high school, are often miserable when compelled to learn Gemara. They may have never had a Rebbe who gave them a geshmack in the profound analysis of a Rashi, the minute dissection of a Rambam, the intellectual challenge of a Tosafos, the scientific approach of Reb Chaim, or the philosophical profundity of Reb Shimon.

Some yeshivos teach from an axiomatic religious imperative; others from “subject among other subjects” – albeit, under the best circumstances, a “first among equals” – approach bereft of specialness. And so fine talmidim can go through twelve years of traditional Chinuch with but the most fleeting glimpses of the areyvus of Gemara, of its hod v’hadar, of that which makes one exclaim: Ma ahavti Torasecha!

Particularly in the T.I.D.E. milieu that Yeshivas HaOlim promotes, a solid one to three years Kodesh la’Hashem out of Simchas HaTorah, is an essential cornerstone for life-long exciting and uplifting pursuit of Talmud Torah k’neged kullam.]

2. Festive gatherings of Charedim, for spiritual purposes (such as the introduction of the Eastern European Shalosh Seudos, etc.).

3. Special instruction in the history and development of Hislahavus and Dveykus in Israel and its practice.

[Rabbi Bechhofer’s comments:
The davening in many contemporary yeshivos needs improvement. In some places, there is somewhat more of a sense of tzurah, of decorum. But ha’tzad ha’shaveh is that for all too many talmidim, davening is “down-time” – for shmoozing, at best for sleeping and/or sleeping.

Yeshivas HaOlim will strive to make davening meaningful and uplifting, and to ensure a talmid is not just “acting,” but knows and means what he is saying. This can be accomplished by shiurim and va’adim in Emunah, in the power of davening, and biurei tefillos.]

4. Great emphasis must be placed upon a stipulation that every Oleh to refrain from any excesses or immodesty in speech, clothing, deed and from any competitive sport or gambling.

5. The development of a pure esthetic that will free the architecture of our Shuls and the nature of our music from the influence of other religions…

To achieve aliya in bein adam l’chaveiro I consider:

1. Instruction in the issues of bein adam l’chaveiro and guidance in expanded practical applications. Both modern and classic texts should be employed, with a particular stress on current situations. To develop a greater sense of belonging to Orthodox society as a whole.

2. The obligation of every Oleh to engage in Cheshbon HaNefesh at least once a week, to ascertain if, and to what extent, he has fulfilled mitzvos and refrained from aveiros according to the instruction and guidance provided to him.

3. An outright ban on certain material pursuits.

4. Substantive and apolitical common counsel to resolve Jewish societal problems in the spirit of Torah and Mesorah.

Even if the manner in which we display the public image of our lives does not currently convey our glory as the Chosen Nation, even if we are uncertain how to properly become the glory [pe’er] of the world, Ha’Olim cannot allow the status quo to continue. They must attempt to rectify as much as possible.

To achieve aliya in the manners of creating public lives, I depict to myself:

1. Instruction in issues concerning glory [Tiferes] and its correlation to religion and Mussar… [and] practical guidance in the application of these principles to the creation of appropriate public lives.

2. The development of an independent Jewish social structure following Judaism and Mussar.

3. The development of arts, especially architecture, music and poetry, rooted in the spirit of true Jewish Mesorah, and the establishment of competitions in these areas.

4. The previously mentioned (in the section on Da’as Hashem) ban on excesses.

[Rabbi Bechhofer’s comments:
The Internet is here to stay. There is no way the bulk of Yahadus HaTorah can hide their collective heads in the sand. And if that means that a bachur today – even a “good” bachur – is exposed to pornography, we have to deal with it.

If it means they will be texting constantly, acting inappropriately on blogs and on Facebook, we also have to deal with it. Many of our talmidim are into “goyishe music,” are up on TV and movies (even if we have no TV’s in our houses! even if we have extensive web filters – amazing, right?! Are you aware, for example, of the existence of a site which helps yeshiva kids get around filters!!).

So we have to deal with it. Moreover, but we have hid our faces to our detriment for far too long from the problem that many bachurim with the prohibited behavior that we can delicately call ni’uf b’yad. So we must deal with it.

Part of the problem is that many of our talmidim find a certain sippuk in these pursuits that we are not giving them (in no small part because 75 years ago we failed to implement the vision of Dr. Nathan Birnbaum).

Yeshivas HaOlim will deal with it. (This is not the place to explain how, od chazaon la’mo’ed.)]

As a means of ascent in all three aforementioned areas I consider:

Involvement in the education of young men and young women according to the demands of Ha’Olim – an involvement that will become especially substantial when it will be possible to arrange such education among large groups of Ha’Olim or in their respective communities…

[Rabbi Bechhofer’s comments:
Maharal, Be’er Ha’Golah, end of Be’er 7 (free translation):
When an individual does not intend to scoff – rather only to state his belief – even if these positions stand against your belief and system, don’t say to him: “Don’t talk, seal your mouth!” For then the system will not be clarified. On the contrary, in such matters we should say: “Speak as much as you want, all that you want to say, so that you will not be able to say that were you granted permission to expand you would have spoken further and convinced me with your beliefs.” If, however, you do close the questioner’s mouth and prevent him from speaking, that points toward a weakness in the system.

This approach is the converse of the general impression, which is that it is not permitted to discuss the system, and that thus the system is strengthened. On the contrary! That approach undermines the system!…

It is only by inviting questioning that a person comes to the inner truth of matters… For any hero that comes to compete with another to demonstrate his might wants very much that his opponent muster as much strength as possible – then, if the hero overcomes his opponent, he proves that he is the mightier hero. What might, however, does the hero display if his opponent is not permitted to stand strong and wage war against him?…]

The Challenge of Introducing Young American Jews to Torah

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Ben Moshe’s comment on ‘The ABCD of Young American Jews’.

There are no shortcuts to solving this problem. No matter how one tries to position it, Judaism is prescriptive. It teaches that there are things that one must do, and things that one cannot do; things that are permitted, and things that are off-limits. These constraints do not sit well with a generation that grew up in a multicultural environment, free of social pressures that kept previous generations of Jews in the fold.

As I once heard a Rav say, “In America, every Jew is a Jew by choice.” The only way to get excited about Judaism is to have positive role models who instill love and enthusiasm for mitzvot from an early age, or, like many members of this blog, to acquire the taste later in life.

In previous generations (including my own), American Jews who looked for an alternative to the yoke of the mitzvot tried to find it in political and social movements such as support for Israel, Holocaust commeration, rescue of Soviet Jewry, etc. (see reply #2 above).

These binding ties were “Jewish” because they addressed the plight of fellow Jews and could be presented in the context of Jewishly-rooted concepts such as “tikkun olam” or “tzedek, tzedek tirdof” or “kol Yisrael areivim zeh ba-zeh”.

Today, Israel is somewhat more secure, the Holocaust is for many found only in movies and in the Diary of Anne Frank (that some read only because it was a school assignment), and the Soviet Union is history.

Although there are still many fellow Jews who need help, today’s generation tries to define Judaism in the context of causes that are remotely connected to Jewish ideas and to Jewish communities, if at all: Darfur, the environment, homosexual rights, immigrant labor, etc. When there is so little difference between Temple Beth (fill in the blank) and any other “social justice” organization, it is no wonder that young American Jews feel little affinity davka to Judaism.

Goodness More Than Gracious

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By: Rabbi Yehuda Horowitz,
Mashgiach Ruchani, Mesivta Ateres Yaakov

In last week’s parsha we are taught the halachos of a metzorah. The tzoraas was a skin disease which wasn’t due to the physical deficiency of the body, rather it was a heaven sent message of the spiritual shortcomings of the one who was tamei. He would have to leave the entire camp of Bnei Yisroel and remain alone until he was purified. Our Chazal relate that tzaraas was due to the aveirah of lashon harah and that since this person separated people through his behavior, he must now remain isolated.

Rav Avraham Pam zt’l would comment that Baruch Hashem our generation has made great strides in shemiras hadibur. The campaign against lashon harah has educated us to be careful of speaking improperly. However, we should actually focus more on the root of this aveirah. The person who speaks lashon harah is perceiving things in a negative fashion and his heart is filled with bad feelings. We must train our eyes and heart to see the good in everyone we come into contact with, so that the battlefield will never come to our lips.

The Nesivos Sholom explains that a metzorah sees things in a negative manner, as the word metzorah implies “ERWCM,” everything is found to be bad. Therefore, the metzorah can’t go to just any rabbi to determine his status. Only a Kohen can rule on the tzoraas. The tendency of Aharon HaKohen was to love peace and harmony, and to see the goodness in every Jew. He can teach the metzorah how to be an optimistic, positive person who radiates joy and encouragement to others.

Rav Yitzchok Hutner zt’l would say that our face is actually for others and therefore without a mirror we cannot even see our face. It has enormous potential to bring cheer to everyone else. HoRav Binyomin Kamenetzky shlit”a adds that it’s interesting to note that the main thrust of our heart’s ability to pump life and warmth into our bodies is on the left side of a person. Being that our right side is always considered to be more vital, this seems surprising. He explains that we must utilize our hearts to warm and encourage others and therefore our heart is situated facing the right side of those that we encounter.

The ability to have a positive effect on others depends very much on being optimistic and joyful. Rav Yonasan Rosenblum shlit”a relates that at his Shabbos table in Eretz Yisroel he had a couple who were Baalei Teshuvah. The husband was very prominent in the world of Hollywood shows and Rabbi Rosenblum asked him how he was inspired to be chozer biteshuvah.

He responded that on a Shabbos morning in Hollywood he and two Jewish friends were sitting in a restaurant when they noticed a couple and their children walking home with remarkable togetherness and happiness. One of the young men asked, “What’s their secret?” Another one answered that they’re Orthodox and are returning from Synagogue. This really touched him and that night he contacted an organization that offers learning partners on the telephone. Eventually, all three became religious and are raising beautiful families. One is in Yerushalayim spending time in Mir Yeshiva, another is in Baltimore near Ner Yisroel, and the third one returned to L.A. after having studied in Mir Yeshiva. The remarkable thing is that the family that is responsible for generations to come doesn’t even know how much they accomplished by just being so joyful and united!

Let us truly find the good in everyone, and use that as a foundation for friendship and inspiration against the terrible effects of tzoraas. May we be zoche to use this friendship as a path towards the geulah shleimah, bimheirah biyameinu.

Originally Published in Ateres HaShavua, a Weekly Torah Publication from the Students of Mesivta Ateres Yaakov

Parshas HaChodesh

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By Yered Viders

What’s “new” and why is it so important? So focal that Rosh Chodesh is the very first mitzvah given the Jewish nation? So critical that Hashem could have “cut-and-paste” so-to-speak the opening words of the Torah and in place of “In the beginning,” begun the Eternal Word of Emes with “This month (i.e., Nisan) shall be for you the head of all the month”? Of such magnitude that it ushers in the two-week crescendo to leil Seder and Chag Ha’Pesach? Who ‘knew’ what’s the big deal about ‘new’?

One answer lie in the undeniable truth that the excitement of virtually every experience in life wanes after time. Time, as the Vilan Gaon, put it, has a decaying effect. Relationships cool off. Vacation spots become old hat. Part and parcel of our human hard-wiring is the magnetic draw to newness. And while there is much to be said for being satisfied “with our lot,” the Torah wants us to seek out and incorporate newness (“chiddush”) into our lives. For newness has the capacity to propel us forward. To infuse us with enthusiasm. To galvanize our ambitions. To prevent complacency with what was. To stave off despair that it will always be so.

No, my friends, what the world needs more of (in addition to Boston parking spaces) is inspiration. And while our surroundings and stimuli are constantly providing opportunities for inspiration – be it Beethoven’s Fifth for the ears, a dazzling sunset to the eyes or some friend, mentor, book or locale that can jettison our senses and shake us out of the quiet, lonely and desperate path towards ordinariness. For very, very few (if any) find simcha there.

No says the Torah! What will propel you forward lies within! You are charged with the awesome task of becoming the world’s greatest expert in (of all things) – yourself. Know what makes you tick. Know what makes you ticked off. And, above all, know what inspires. For when you can infuse yourself with enthusiasm. When your get-up-and-go isn’t tied to outside sources (who may very well have gone-up-and-left) then you can tap into deep well-springs of simcha. You can strike that oh-so-delicate balance between contentment and yearning. You can draw on the old and make it new – everything – your relationships (namely with Hashem, with yourself and with your loved ones), your learning, your davening, your profession. For the one with chiddush, with freshness, there lies simcha and for the one with simcha life is one giant, beautiful world for me and you to create.

May we always share good “news”

Stop Playing G-d

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By Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier

Eighty percent of our emunah problems and ninety percent of our questions on HASHEM stem from one mistake — we play G-d. Playing G-d means I know exactly what I need. I need to marry that woman. I need that job. I need my child to get into that school.

I’ve talked to HASHEM about it. I’ve explained it Him. I’ve even brokered deals with Him. “If You grant me this, I’ll …”

Yet for some reason, He just won’t listen.

“HASHEM, what’s the deal? Are you angry with me? Are You punishing me? Why do You insist in making my life so difficult? This is what I need. It’s so clear. Why won’t You just grant it to me?”

And I go on asking questions. “It’s not fair. It doesn’t make sense! HASHEM, what do You want from me?”

The problem here is quite simple – I am playing G-d. I know exactly what I need, and now I have figure out how to get HASHEM to understand that. The simple reality that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t good for me never seems to cross my mind.

Historical Perspective

The strange part of this is that I have lived through situations that didn’t exactly turn out as I thought they would. I absolutely had to have that job; it was just what I needed. I could earn a living, support my family, and still have time to learn. It was the perfect fit. In the end, I didn’t get that job, and I had major questions. “HASHEM, why?! Why aren’t You there for me?” Then five years later, I find out that the entire industry is being shipped over to India. Oh…

I tried to marry that woman. She was perfect. Great match, good family. She would make a fantastic wife and mother for my children. And it didn’t go. “HASHEM why have you abandoned me? This is what I need!” She married someone else, and two years later, I find out that term “mentally unstable” is a mild description of her situation. Mmmmm….

Another time, my son absolutely, positively had to get into that class; it was just right for him. Great rebbe, good atmosphere – it was perfect for him. And the menahel wouldn’t let him in. “HASHEM, why? Where are You?” Then, two months later, I find out that there’s a child in that class who would have been the worst possible influence on my son. It would have been devastating. Hmm…


Part of Human Nature

And, we do this all the time. We act as if we truly know what is best for us. We run after it. We hotly pursue it for all we’re worth. “No obstacle is going to get in my way. Nothing will prevent this from coming about.” And when lo and behold my efforts are thwarted — the questions begin. “But, why? It’s not fair! I am a good person. HASHEM, why won’t You just help me?”

The problem here is quite simple; we are playing G-d. We act as if we know exactly what we need; we try to convince HASHEM to give it to us. And when it doesn’t go — the questions start.

And while it’s easy to see the folly of this when other people do it, when it happens in my world, then the real challenge begins. To break out of this, we need to change two perspectives. The first one is easy to grasp. The second one is far more difficult.

Perspective #1 – HASHEM Loves Me

The first perspective is that HASHEM loves me more than I love me. HASHEM is more concerned for my good than I am. HASHEM has my best interests at heart to an even greater extent than I do.

While this concept may sound lofty, it isn’t that far removed from us. To see it in action, all you have to do is study your life. Look back on the strange twists and turns of fate that brought you to where you are today. Every Jew has a story. “I met that person, who just happened to mention…” “I ended up in that that course, where it just so happened that….”

When you look back on the events that have shaped your life, you see the hand of HASHEM. You see HASHEM orchestrating the occurrences that shaped your life. And now in hindsight, you see that HASHEM was taking care of you, guiding you, leading you. While you were living through it, it looked “bad” It appeared that HASHEM didn’t care. However, after the fact, you understand that it was done out of love, and concern for your ultimate good.

Perspective #2 – HASHEM Knows Better Than I

However, knowing that HASHEM loves me is the easy part. The second concept, which is far more difficult, is knowing that HASHEM knows better than I what is best for me. And understanding that HASHEM knows better than me what it is that I need.

HASHEM created the heavens and all that they contain. He wrote the formulas for quantum physics and molecular biology. He views the entire universe with one glance. He sees the future as the past. And He has the wisdom to see far-reaching results. What will this bring to ten years from now? What will the consequences be twenty years from now?

I, on the other hand, see about two inches in front of my face. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning. I make mistakes. I blunder. I get confused and caught up. As much as I think I know, I am often wrong. That which I think will be so good for me, is so often just the opposite. And, I forget. I forget lessons. I forget facts. I forget results. I forget consequences.

HASHEM doesn’t. HASHEM remembers every event since Creation. And HASHEM made me. He is my Creator, and He knows me even better than I do. And so HASHEM understands my needs better than I do.

While this may sound obvious, it is —until it comes to the thick and thin of life. In the busyness of doing, and going, and accomplishing, this simple reality fades from my sight. I need that. I must have this. I have to accomplish that. And, when I face the brick wall blocking my path – I push on, bucking against everything in front of me. And I ask questions: “HASHEM, where are You? Why aren’t You helping me?”

The idea that maybe, just maybe HASHEM is telling me something. Maybe HASHEM is saying no – never seems to cross my mind. Maybe it’s not going, because it’s not supposed to go. Maybe HASHEM knows better than I what is for my best. “Hmmmm…. Never thought about that.”

Putting It Into Practice

When I fully embrace these two ideas — that HASHEM loves me more than I love me and that HASHEM knows better than I what is best for me — I approach life differently. I still try. I still put in my effort. I use my wisdom, reach decisions, and then pursue them but now it’s different.

I have my part, and HASHEM has His. My role is to go through the motions; HASHEM is responsible for the outcome. And if I try and it doesn’t go, and I try again and it still doesn’t go, I don’t kick. I accept. When opportunities don’t present themselves despite my best efforts, I turn my eyes to heaven and say, “HASHEM, You know best. I trust in You.”

And finally I understand life and my place in it. I am the creation, and HASHEM, You are my Creator. I am but an actor on the stage; I have my part to play, You direct the play, and You alone write the script. I know that you love me and take care of me. My job is to do; and You take care of the rest.

This is an excerpt from the new Shmuz on Life book: Stop Surviving and Start Living. The book will be in seforim stores beginning April 2011. Pre releases copies are available now at www.TheShmuz.com.

Where Do You Put Your Old Time Rock and Roll?

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The death of Michael Jackson was a shocker to some of us, since we all grew up with his music.

For me, I was very taken aback and felt compelled to follow some of it for awhile. I realized that integrating my cultural and societal priorities, then with now, was a continuing process, and that much of the “then” still lurks in the”now”.

For BTs the interaction with celebrity culture and music is not as simplistic as the “chazerish goyim” approach of many FFB’s.

How have people dealt with integrating their musical pasts with their current self?

– Esther

Originally Posted June 30, 2009

Rambam and Ramban on the Purpose of Korbonos

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Rabbi Shaya Greenwald – Ohr Yerushalim
Read the entire article here.

In Parshas Vayikra we are taught about the Mitzvah of Korbanos (sacrifices). The Rambam, in the Sefer Moreh Nevuchim (3:46), suggests that the reason for the Mitzvah of Korbanos is that a person has a drive to worship Avodah Zarah. The nations in whose midst the Jewish people had dwelled actually worshipped sheep, goats and cattle, and the Jews also exhibited such leanings (Moreh Nevuchim 3:32). The Torah commands us to negate those tendencies by showing that we can slaughter these animals with impunity, for they are not deities, and by channeling this desire for sacrifice toward service of Hashem and not idols.

The Ramban on this week’s Parsha vehemently disputes this idea. He argues that the Rambam has taken an important mitzvah and relegated it as a mere sop to the Yetzer Hora. The Torah says that the Korban provides a Reiyach Nichoach, a sweet fragrance, implying that the Korban evokes a favorable response from Hashem. In addition, the Ramban argues that offering these animals to Hashem may actually not negate the reverence that the aforementioned nations had for the sheep goats and cattle; rather this Mitzvah enhances the status of those animals in the eyes of those who commit Avodah Zarah.
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In summary, according to the Rambam, the idea of Korbanos is merely to negate the concept of Avoda Zara, and to channel to Avodas Hashem our desire for sacrifice. In contrast, according to the Ramban, a Korban has an intrinsic value, bringing one closer to Hashem.
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The Meshech Chochma offers a compromise between the opinions of the Rambam and Ramban. We must first define a Bama which is a Mizbeach located outside the Beis Hamikdash location, and permitted to be used only during the time prior to the first Beis Hamikdash when there is no Mishkan or Mikdash (such as Shilo) standing. Rav Meir Simcha ( Meshech Chochma) suggests that the opinion of the Rambam is correct when one brings a Korban on a Bama, as the Mishna (Zvachim 113) records “ayn Reach nichoach B’Bamah Ktana” which can be interpreted to mean that the unique positive attributes of a Korban are only found in a Korban that is brought in the Beis Hamikdash, but on a Bama one merely accomplishes a Harchaka (distancing) from Avoda Zara. In the Beis Hamikdash itself, however, the Meshech Chochma assumes the approach of the Ramban.

Dealing with Non-Frum Family Summary

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A fellow BT has written a good summary about Dealing with Non-Frum Family based on some posts and comment threads on Beyond BT so we’re reposting it here with permission.

There’s a lot of discussion about dealing with non-frum family in the Beyond BT site. It’s a hot topic for all baalei teshuva’s because we all go through it to some degree. It’s also a very sensitive topic as everyone has different types of relationships with their parents and families to begin with.

Here’s some tips other Baalei Teshuva have provided:

– Almost every BT has to resolve conflicts with their parents, it is a normal process.

– Obviously every parent and every situation is different, but it does need to be pointed out.

– There is an emotional factor of rejection that the parent often feels when the BT chooses a (radically) different lifestyle.

– There is also an implicit (and sometimes explicit) statement that what I’m doing is right and what you’re doing is wrong.

– One general approach is to be as accommodating and accepting as possible and over the long term expose the relatives to the depth and beauty of Torah.

– Another approach is to encourage mitzvos observance (positive and negative) whenever possible in a reasonable manner.

– We generally should set the rules in on our own houses, but we should consider which rules to set and how to gently enforce them.

– When our children are negatively effected by non-Torah behaviors we have to weigh that factor in heavily.

– We need to internalize the truth that our non observant relatives are good people and impart that understanding to our children. Non-observance is generally due to a lack of knowledge in our generation.

– If we focus on growing together, perhaps there will be less conflicts (oops, thats from the next Mussar post).

– BT conflicts with parents can be shalom bayis issues and a rav should be consulted.

– Every time you do or say something think whether it will create a Kiddush Hashem or Chillul Hashem.

– Most important word that summarizes this entire thread – tolerance!

To read more visit these popular posts & comments:

1. Dealing with non-observant parents

2. Alienating family & breaching values

You’re Covered: God’s Presence is Closer Than You Think

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By Allison Josephs

With four kids, ages seven and under, my husband and I have been exhausted for basically seven years straight. We’ve found that the best way to manage our sleep deprivation is by taking shifts and fortunately, the division of labor comes naturally in our house.

When darkness falls on nights that he has nothing in particular to do, the moment my husband stops moving – and this can literally be while he’s standing – the man will fall asleep. If left alone – and I must confess, I have a hard time leaving him alone if it’s before, say, 9pm – he will fall deeper and deeper asleep until he reaches a land that’s far, far away.

In other words, I take the night shift. This works out well, since the sound of a door opening or a kid coughing is enough to stir me. My nighttime duties these days involve nursing a newborn every couple hours, but also sometimes include rocking a toddler back to sleep, getting medicine for a sick five year old, and comforting a seven year old with a bad dream.

By the time morning comes, I dread wakefulness, so my dear husband takes over. The morning shift can sart as early as 5AM at times. Nowadays it often begins something like this: “Daddy, Mommy, I need yaw help…Mommy, Daddy, I’m stuck.” My husband will then stumble down the hall and open our two year old son’s door at which point he’ll declare, “I wanna watch Dora.”

During the periods that I’m nursing a baby, my morning sleep is almost always pierced by the distant sound of crying. At that point I’ll call out to my husband to let him know that I’m awake and that he can bring me the baby.

Many times when this happens the baby is cold to the touch, and there’s nothing I love more than taking my cold, crying baby under my covers and enveloping him in the warmth and the comfort that is his mommy.

While nursing him in bed like this the other day, I started thinking about God’s feminine traits. In Judaism,we believe that God is gender neutral, but has attributes that we can relate to from both genders.

We talk about God as a King when we try to conjure up images of power and majesty in our relationship with Him. But God has a feminine side as well which we refer to as the Shechinah. The Shechinah is the mother-like presence of God that is said to dwell upon us.

The wording used in conjunction with the Shechinah is usually resting “upon us” or being “spread over us,” which I used to picture as having God’s presence be above us like a ceiling. And to tell you the truth, such imagery has always been a bit disappointing to me.

Don’t get me wrong, to merit having God’s presence as close as my ceiling would be a huge deal, but having God’s presence rest only above me seems to lack the nuturing aspect that I assumed would come along with the maternal side of God.

When I brought my baby into bed the other day, though, I realized that my blankets were “spread over” him and “rested upon” him. Suddenly, my ceiling imagery came crashing down and turned into a warm, enveloping blanket.

The next time we are crying out from one of life’s challenges, may we feel God’s comfort and embrace, like a baby snuggling up close to his mother. And the next time a baby snuggles up close to his mother, may that baby let his mother sleep.

Reprinted with permission. Allison writes at Jew in the City.
Allison Josephs was raised as a proud Conservative Jew in a small town in Northern New Jersey, but due to an existential crisis she had as a child, she spent years searching for the meaning of life. At the end of high school she started looking into Judaism more deeply and saw that there was tremendous depth and beauty within Orthodox Judaism, but realized that it was an option that so few Jewish people ever considered, as public opinion of Orthodox Jews is so negative.

Allison has begun a campaign to change the public perception of Orthodox Jews and traditional Judaism through her videos, blogs, and articles. She’s also editing an anthology debunking the most common myths and misconceptions people have about Orthodox Jews. Allison has been involved in the field of Jewish Outreach for over a dozen years, teaching and lecturing, and has worked for Partners in Torah, Sinai Retreats, NCSY and Stars of David.

What Should Baalei Teshuvah Do To Increase Their Chances of Acceptance?

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Acceptance and Rejection are big concerns of Baalei Teshuva.

What should Baalei Teshuvah do to increase their chances of acceptance?

What should Baalei Teshuvah avoid doing to minimize the chances of rejection?

Is it even possible for Baalei Teshuvah to increase their chances of acceptance?

Submitted by Derech Emet
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DerechEmet/

Three on Kiruv and Ba’alei Teshuva

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By Jonathan Rosenblum

This year’s Association of Jewish Outreach Programs (AJOP) convention included a broader than usual spectrum of kiruv workers across the Orthodox spectrum. For instance, Hart Levine, a recent graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, described in one session a project he initiated while an undergraduate at the University of Pennsylvania of Orthodox students on the Penn campus inviting fellow Jewish students for Shabbat meals, Sedarim, to learn Hebrew and text study. Since graduating, Levine has worked to spread this initiative on nine other campuses with a significant cohort of modern Orthodox students, with day school backgrounds and often one or two years of post-high school learning in Israel. As campus kiruv becomes an ever larger slice of the overall kiruv budget, Levine’s initiative raises the question of whether and how the student efforts could be combined with those of full-time kiruv workers on campus.

One of the featured speakers at the AJOP convention was Rabbi Steven Burg, the national director of NCSY. He told a story of tracking down a blogger who was consistently posting highly critical remarks about Orthodox kiruv. The young man was thrilled that anyone had taken note of his complaints, and told Rabbi Burg that he had once been a student in a ba’al teshuva yeshiva. As long as he learned in the yeshiva, he related, all he heard from his rabbis was how great he was. But when he decided to leave because he was not yet prepared to take on a life of full observance, he was dropped like a sack of potatoes (or at least that’s how he perceived it.)

As far as that young man was concerned, the message was: You are only of interest as long as you seem headed in the desired direction. The effect of such an attitude is to turn the would-be ba’al teshuva into the chafetz shel mitzvah (the object with which the mitzvah is performed) of the one who seeks to draw him close to Torah. No one wants to feel like someone else’s chafetz shel mitzvah.

Even with the best of intentions it is possible for kiruv professionals to slip into such a mindset. Campus kiruv workers, for instance, who are constantly pushed by funders’ demands to enroll new students in programs, may find themselves shortchanging those who have already gone through programs and denying them the ongoing attention they need.

Whenever one hears the ugly phrase, “I made so-and-so frum,” one should beware of the attitude that those who become frum are notches in the gun of those who helped them along their path. No one can “make” someone else frum, just as there are no formulas for mass producing ba’alei teshuva.

When someone in whom one has invested much effort and developed a relationship does not become fully observant, disappointment is natural. But that does not mean that the efforts were worthless or that one is a failure. For one thing, one never knows what the impact of that investment will prove to be years later. NCSY, for instance, works primarily with Jewish public school students from non-observant homes. Historically, no more than forty percent of those students will become shomrei Torah u’mitzvos. But beyond the fact that it is impossible to know in advance which ones will fall into which group, it is a mistake to feel that nothing was achieved with respect to the other sixty percent. As Rabbi Burg pointed out, NCSY graduates will rarely be found among those Jewish students leading campus coalitions against Israel.

Of course, as in every other field, there are those who are more successful in facilitating growth and those who are less. But the key determinant, over the long run, is likely to be the commitment to sharing Torah with one’s fellow Jews and the ability to establish deep personal attachments.

I once asked a ba’al teshuva from Detroit what was the secret of the phenomenal success of Rabbi Avraham Jacobowitz in drawing close so many Jews over the years. He replied, “It’s simple, he loves every Jew.” Recently, I had the opportunity to spend five days in the home of two others who have that quality of loving every other Jew, Rabbi Doniel and Esti Deutsch. Rabbi Deutsch founded Chicago Torah Network (CTN), together with Rabbi Moshe Katz, over twenty years ago.

CTN is not so much a kiruv organization as an extended family, and like a family those who enter through any of its various portals are members forever. CTN deals in individuals, not numbers. Over the years, I have spent a number of Shabbos meals at the Deutsch’s overflowing Shabbos table. The recent Shabbos meal included a young widow and her high school age daughter, a recently married couple just back from a few years of study in Eretz Yisrael, and two university students at different stages of their religious development and in need of a religious family with which to connect. By the time I returned on Motzaei Shabbos, the Deutschs were already working on their Shabbos list for the next week, just as parents figure out which of their children will be with them the next Shabbos.

It is comforting to know that at least with respect to Chicago there is always an address to which any newcomer to the city can be sent with confidence that they will receive all the love and attention they need.


http://www.jewishmediaresources.com/1422/parashas-terumah-5771-three-on-kiruv-and-baalei
Originally Published in Mishpacha Magazine

The Challenge of Learning Time Allocation

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By Ilene Rosenblum

Compared with 2009, in 2010 I was a total Torah study slacker. On the one hand, I know that I need to, well, cut myself slack. I’m a working woman, and a kallah at that! It would seem though, that now, more than ever, would I need some structure and guidance that I’ve found in the past from the wisdom of tradition.

Part of it is also burnout. At the end of a long day in front of a computer screen, I don’t want to stress my brain more by pulling apart some text, or listen to a shiur. In fact, even when reading an interesting novel or non-fiction book in English, I find myself dozing off, usually after no more than 10 minutes. Blame it on insufficient sleep or an inability to sit in front of a book and concentrate on that one task, in the age of internet interactivity, but it’s my reality.

There’s another issue at stake too. Given the time crunch and lack of focus/sleepiness, what do I do with my limited resource for printed media consumption in my spare time. Part of me feels that I should study some more Torah, as part of my wanting to become more knowledgeable about Jewish practice and being able to make educated decisions about what I do or don’t do. Another part of me says די כבר, enough already. You went and made some pretty drastic lifestyle changes and live in an environment with mostly observant Jews. Shouldn’t you learn about something else?

The question is “why?” My secular, liberal arts education would tell me that it’s important to understand and appreciate people of different cultures, who live differently than you do, and to have a working knowledge of politics, literature and science. But, day-to-day, it doesn’t matter to me much whether I can tell you about the British government or have read One Hundred Years of Solitude (I tried, but boy was it difficult keeping track of multiple characters with the same name!)

If I want to study Torah, and only Torah, why not? In fact, there are those who claim that the knowledge and wisdom imparted in the Torah is so vast that it is all-encompassing. That is in part why ultra-Orthodox men will sometimes not learn more than a rudimentary level of mathematics, science, foreign languages, and so on (Women are not obligated to learn Torah and some need to learn secular work skills in order to find jobs to support the family.) Learning something else would be bittul Torah, wasting time better spent in Torah study.

To what extent do we learn something new from reading the Torah through each year and bring something new to it ourselves? And to what extent should we be spending time spreading our reading wings to texts never encountered before?

Our sages teach that there is endless wisdom in the Torah. A section of the Talmud, Pirkei Avot, Ethics of Our Fathers, says that you can find countless chiddushim in the Torah.

בן בג בג אומר הפוך בה והפוך בה דכולה בה (פרק ה משנה כב)א

It’s true that many of the laws and stories encompassed in the Torah’s teachings, particularly in the Gemara, seem to impart a much more advanced level of knowledge about human biology, psychology, and even hard science than contemporary documents and that they might be considered even “progressive” by the standards of non-Jewish cultures at the time they were penned. But are we not supposed to explore God’s creation for ourselves?

There is so much Torah I wish to study. I haven’t even gone through what I consider to be the very basics of studying the books of the Tanach. But at the same time, delving into minutiae of halachic debate or reading ancient stories doesn’t always seem like the most valuable use of my time. Were I to only study Torah, I would be ignorant of a lot of the world around me. Some would find that to be a good thing.

I’ve wondered quite a bit how much the experience of growing up in Israel is different than growing up in the United States. For one thing, how is it that all of your schoolmates and neighbors are Jewish? If you study Judaism all day long, are around Jews all day long, and you’re hardly exposed to other types of people, or at least people of other races and religions, what happens when you go abroad? What happens to your intellectual development and decision making? Is your religious faith and observance strengthened or weakened?

I’m really grateful to be living in a country and a more specifically a city where I can easily meet friends for a kosher lunch and the buses wish you a Purim Sameach during the month of Adar. It’s hard to ignore the Jewish cycle here. But I’m also thankful for having the experience of having to make a real sacrifice in order to find kosher food, go store-to-store hunting down candles, and to incorporate Judaism into my life when the world around me doesn’t stand still on Friday night.


Ilene writes at www.ilenerosenblum.com/blog.

What Can We Learn from the Sephardim Regarding BT Acceptance?

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David Landau, year 1993, in his Piety and Power in Chapter 28, page 247:

Since the Sephardic society is less rigidly categorized in its observance than Askenazic, the teshuvah phenomenon triggers far less social and familial tension. Most Sephardic families are traditional to some degree, and so Chazara BiTeshuvah does not entail quite so sharp a break for the penitent. The rest of the family does not look upon its newly Haredi member so ambivalently. There is less of the skepticism, cynicism and resentment that Chazara BiTeshuvah often stir among the Askenazim. Sephardic families are usually proud of their Baal Teshuvah relative.

What can we learn from the Sephardim regarding categorization?

Is part of the acceptance due to the fact that the Sefardic BT is less judgmental about the lack of observance than his Ashkenazic counterpart?

Topic submitted by Mr Cohen.
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Light to The Jews

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We as Jews are failing our own people. Many people’s experiences with Judaism have clearly not been warm or inspiring enough for them to seek out more than a superficial level of involvement in Judaism. I believe that BTs especially need to be comfortable enough in their choice to become observant so as not to depict Judaism as a set of rigid rules. I think FFBs, due to more confidence, are generally better at showing others the beauty of Yiddishkeit.

IMHO, in dealing with secular (or Reform or Conservative) Jews, the focus must be on hashkafa and not necessarily halacha. We must be shining examples of mitvot bein adam l’haveiro, kindness, chesed, yashrut, etc. I cannot count the number of Jews (American & Israeli) who had negative preconceived notions of frum Jews, who told me “I’ve never met a religious Jew like you before”.

Our unique look (kippah, modest dress, etc.) makes us stand out and we are held to a higher standard by the general public because of it. We are walking advertisements for Observant Judaism; we must not ever forget this. If anything comes out of this thread, I hope it’s that.

– A Recent Comment By Susan

Some Thoughts About Shabbos Shira

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Rabbi Dov Ber Weisman – Torah from Dixie:

This Shabbat is one of the few throughout the year that is given a special name. The day we read Parshat Beshalach is called Shabbat Shira (the Shabbat of Song), commemorating the glorious and awe-inspiring event when, after the miraculous deliverance from the Egyptians at the Red Sea, the Children of Israel simultaneously burst forth into a song of praise to Hashem. However, beyond giving praise to Hashem for miraculously saving us, the concept of shira (song) has a far deeper significance in correlation to our mission and goal in life.
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After our earthly abode, we will ascend into a purely spiritual dimension to give an accounting of ourselves before the heavenly court. Did we fulfill our mission, our unique potential during our transmigration on earth? At that time, each individual will give his shira, song. This shira is the accomplishment that each of us made in our lives. Each of us will have to give an accounting of how we contributed to the sanctification of G-d’s name and the spread of His glory in this world.

Ironically, those very aspects in our lives that we looked upon as misfortunes and handicaps, whether in personality or in physicality, will be our crown of glory when we get to the world of truth. For example, a blind or slow-witted person will be asked, “What was most precious to you on earth?” That person will amazingly answer, “My blindness or dull-wittedness – because even though I had these handicaps, I didn’t question Your ways.” I did not complain, I did what I could with what I had. I understood that sometimes one need not understand. Some people are born rich, while others are not; some people are more attractive, intelligent, and talented than others. But life is fair, and I recognize that my G-d given attributes are what I needed to serve You, Hashem; and to have someone else’s attributes would only cause me harm and truly handicap me.

This is why our individual shira is so precious and unique; because each one of us has our own unique handicaps, our own little mix of problems. And if despite all that, we don’t give up and we do serve Hashem to the best of our abilities, then these very same handicaps will became our most prized possessions, our crown of glory, our song to Hashem.

Name That Tune or God’s Memory Is Better Than Ours
By Rabbi Pinchas Winston:

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The Torah (and Haftorah) speaks about Shira (song), the specially composed tribute to God for the miracles He performs to save the lives of His people. If anything, Shira takes the focus off our own military prowess, and focuses our attention instead on God, and how, with His help and guidance, we were able to overcome great odds, and to stand up against the world.

How important is saying Shira? The gemora says that had King Chizkiah, during the time of the First Temple, sang praises of God for the miracle that occurred for him (in his war against the massive army of Sancheriv), he would have been the Moshiach (Sanhedrin 94a)! But he did not, and the rest is history, our history, and all that occurred since then.

It’s not that God yearns for a pat on the back from us. It’s more that He desires to elevate us to a higher spiritual plain in order for us to be able to have an even greater experience of Him, the most sublime pleasure possible and purpose of life. Shira exhibits how much we are able to tear away the “veils” of nature from over our mind’s eye, and see the soul of the matter, the hand of God orchestrating all the events of daily life towards an ultimate goal that supercedes any events of current historical importance. Such a recognition serves to “purify” the world, and lead to a period of history of miracles even greater than those such as the splitting of the sea, or the overcoming of tyrants.
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The ‘ABCD’ of Young American Jews

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Notes from a talk given by Prof. Steven M. Cohen at the Institute for Jewish Policy Research, London, UK, December 2 2009.

Young people are distancing themselves from aspects of the Judaism of their elders, and responding to what they see as its shortcomings. Embodied within the endeavors outlined above is both a widely held, albeit unevenly shared, critique of conventional Jewish life. The Jewishly engaged but institutionally unaffiliated harbor four objections to the commonly available opportunities for affiliation, objections that may be encapsulated in the mnemonic “ABCD.”:

A = Alienating: The young people leading these initiatives feel alienated from the more conventional Jewish world, and wish to challenge many of its perceived norms by offering far more independence of thought and action.

B = Bland and Boring: This is how they view the Jewish lifestyle choices of the older generation. They see conventional leaders as too homogeneous, and disturbingly closed to diversity in social class and family status. The Judaism they seek is stimulating, upbeat, passionate and happy.

C = Coercive: The younger Jews find established Jewish institutions implicitly coercive – aiming to induce younger Jews to marry each other, to conceive Jewish babies and to support Israeli government policies of which they are ambivalent. By contrast, the initiatives they are creating are characterized by an emphasis on autonomy and the respect for individual growth.

D = Divisive: They find conventional Jewish institutions divisive, in that they are seen as dividing Jews from non-Jews, Jews from each other, Jewish turf from non-Jewish turf, and Jewish culture from putatively (and artificially defined) non-Jewish culture. In contrast, they seek diversity in people, culture, and geography. They tend toward the post-denominational. Similarly, they like to open up the boundaries between Jewish and non-Jewish, borrowing freely from non-Jewish culture to create new forms of Jewish culture, and demonstrating clear preferences for activities that happen in non-Jewish spaces, rather than exclusively Jewish ones.


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