Slashing Shabbaton Prices and Torah Links

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Due to the wonders of our web based community, we’re already getting some good feedback on the Shabbaton. We’re working on ways to slash the prices and to create a structure that is focused on meeting people and facilitating great discussions. If you’re even thinking of coming, please comment or email so we can start to plan appropriately.

Rabbi Dovid Schwartz has a great Dvar Torah on Remembering Miriam.

This week’s Internet Parsha Sheet was produced by Efraim Goldstein.

We’re reposting the links to R’ Yaakov Astor and R’ Yonason Goldson over on Aish, since they have a lot of great stuff on the second perek of Pirkei Avos. (And because we think the world of the both of them.)

How About a Shabbaton on Shabbos Nachamu

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We are extremely grateful to Hashem for the success of this project. Together we have created a virtual community of thousands of Jews worldwide sharing our thoughts, ideas and chizuk.

We would like to move to the next stage and create more offline activies to meet, share and strengthen one another. Frequent commentor Chana recently suggested a Shabbaton on Shabbos Nachamu, August 5th, which sounds like a great idea. We would probably hold it in Kew Gardens Hills, since we know a lot of people here who could provide sleeping accomodations. The event is open to BTs, FFBs and OnTheWays, but the program will be primarly geared toward BT issues.

We would have communal meals and hopefully a rocking Melave Malka if we can get some of the musicians in the group here. We figure the cost for the meals would be between $75 – $90 per person and about $50 – $70 for children under 16.

Updated:
We would have Friday meals at the host houses, with a communal Shabbos lunch and we’re working on low cost ideas for Shalosh Seudos and possibly a Melave Malka. We’re trying to get the cost for the meals to between $20 – $30 per person and about $16 – $24 for children under 16.

Please leave a comment or send us an email at beyondbt@gmail.com, if you would be interested and let us know how many people would be in your party.

No Atheist in a Foxhole?

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By Yaakov Grant

Come on, how often do we hear this well known maxim? Sounds good, but it struck me recently that this may be a dangerous idea for a BT to toy with. I mean that well known mindset that often takes over a BT usually soon after he first rediscovers his precious roots, which is something like “now I’m convinced let’s start on my pals/ family”.

However this is not the minefield I wish to go down as I’m sure any experienced BT has learnt this lesson to some extent. What seems to me to be a subtler issue which can land us in a similar mess is where someone close to us, but not yet observant, needs a yeshua. In such circumstances, the yetzer may try to convince us to use the “No atheist” idea and even come up with a suggestion that if our friend takes on to do something or refrain from doing something this may help give him the yeshua he needs. And if we’ve seen or heard Rav Amnon Yitzchak in action giving brachas out to the incredible sound of the thousands in the crowd shout “amen”, the Yetzer may have a field day trying to get us to copy him.
Read more No Atheist in a Foxhole? ›

What Am I Missing?

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By Chaya

I recently received a mass email from an old (non-Jewish) friend announcing that she is leaving town to start graduate school at a prestigious university. The message, an invitation to a good-bye party was filled with inside jokes and language specific to the young hipster enclave where she has lived for the past couple of years. I felt a pang of loss and resentment.

I am 25 years old. I became religious at 18, met my husband a year later, and married him four years ago. My entire adult life has been defined by mitzvah observance.

I am grateful. I have single BT friends in their forties. I know how much easier it is to make it in the frum world, and indeed the world in general when you have someone to love and support and to support you.
Read more What Am I Missing? ›

Maybe G-d Wants Me to Have a Hummer

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A few months back, on the way to work, my car started overheating big time. I pulled off the highway and into the closest service station. Since I had a meeting to attend, I called my assistant to pick me up and left the car at the shop. A few hours later, I received that dreaded call; a blown head gasket. That basically meant that I needed a new engine, not an inexpensive proposition. (I have, figuratively, blown a gasket in the past but never realized how expensive it could be!) I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to spring for a new engine since I had just replaced it aproximately a year earlier. So, I have been renting a car and mulling over the decision. Just a few days ago, I decided I should go for the new engine but I hadn’t yet dropped the car off at the mechanic.

This past Friday morning, shortly after arriving at shul, my cell phone buzzed. Now, I’m usually pretty good about ignoring my cell phone in shul. But, I saw that it was my home number and my wife knew that I had just arrived at shul so I thought perhaps it was an emergency. (One of my kids was home with a stomache virus as well)
Read more Maybe G-d Wants Me to Have a Hummer ›

Some Torah Links

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It’s week one for Pirkei Avos and you can download an English translation here.

Over at Aish there are a lot of great pieces on Pirkei Avos authored by Beyond BT contributors Yaakov Astor and Yonason Goldson.

You can download Chaim Shulman’s Internet Parsha Sheet.

We offer our condolences to Rabbi Berel Wein on the recent passing of his wife, Mrs. Jackie Wein, a”h. Rabbi Wein has a good article this week titled, Torah Works Only If…

All You Need is Love, But What Exactly is It

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A friend who had read Rabbi Brody’s latest post, thought it was Covey-esque. In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey describes a situation where a person was complaining that he was growing apart from his wife and Covey kept on insisting, well then “Just Love Her”. Covey’s point was that love is a verb and it’s totally within our power to increase our love for another person.

Rabbi Noach Weinberg gives the following definition of Love: “The pleasure of identifying people with their virtues.” This identification leads to connection and since everyone has virtues, it is possible to increase our love and connect with every person.

As I kept on rereading Rabbi Brody’s post, I saw more and more the wisdom of the advice he was giving. I was focusing on the good advice, that improvement of Dennis situation was greatly dependent on him improving his attitude and actions, and less focused on whether I shared his exact views on the value of outside counseling.
Read more All You Need is Love, But What Exactly is It ›

Judging Fast Daveners Favorably

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By Todd Greenwald

I would like to share this D-Day story.

Growing up my family davened at an orthodox shul, although we were more traditional. Every Motzae Yom Kippur, the shul asked the same person to daven maariv. Why? Because he was fast!! Back then it was great. After I became frum it bothered me greatly. We should be davening that first maariv after Yom Kippur slowly with much concentration. One Yom Kippur I remarked to my father how it bothered me. He related the following story about this gentleman:

“It was D-Day and this gentleman was off the boat and in the water approaching the beach. People from his platoon were being killed all around him. As he was moving to shore he prayed to Hashem and said, G-d if you get me out of here alive, I will go to shul every day for the rest of my life. My father told me that the man was true to his word and attends shul everyday.”
Read more Judging Fast Daveners Favorably ›

Baalei Teshuva and Aliyah

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It is no secret that the vast majority of Jews who make Aliyah by choice are orthodox. I have also noticed that Baalei Teshuva are a well represented subgroup among Olim. Of course, neither of these observations should be surprising. As orthodox Jews we know that our religious existence is incomplete while not living and serving G-d in our homeland. As Baalei Teshuva the process of Aliyah has much in common with our Teshuva process.

Like becoming frum, making Aliyah requires one to turn his life upside down and to make enormous changes based on, what is essentially, a leap of faith. Certainly, people can and will list dozens of tangible benefits as dividends of both of these endeavors. While some of these dividends may accrue to us, in the long run we know that we are doing these things simply because we believe that they are the right thing to do.

The search for truth that brings many Baalei Teshuva to Yidishkeit does not end when they become observant. Many BTs get “hooked” with a good kumsitz, torah codes, or rationalist explanations for the mitzvos. Once inside we come to understand that the bottom line is that we do what do because we believe that G-d gave us the Torah and its divine message is beyond our attempts to rationally explain it. This realization is what allows us to weather the many challenges we face. (Such as high tuition bills!)
Read more Baalei Teshuva and Aliyah ›

The Jewish Folk of Norfolk

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Hamodia started a new series this week in which they plan to feature in-depth looks at kiruv organizations around the world. The goal is to get people involved by informing their cousins, co-workers, neighbors and friends of the events going on in their area.

This week they spotlighted the Norfolk Area Community Kollel and their Director of Programming & Community Relations, Rabbi Gershon Litt, who became observant himself at the University of Texas under the guidance of Rabbi Yehoshua Sauer.

Norfolk is home to 11,000 Jews (about 5% of the total population), 120 of whom attend Shabbos services on a weekly basis at the Orthodox Shul, Bnai Israel Congregation under the guidance of Rabbi Chaim Silver.

Rabbi Litt advises us to heed the words of Harav Moshe Feinstein who enjoined us to maaser (tithe) our time and resources to Klal Yisroel. We should be constantly looking for opportunities to draw people closer. It’s a very timely problem, especially in a place like Norfolk where the intermarriage rate is 93%.

Creating Unity and Harmony Instead of Reacting to Strife and Conflict

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B”H

Creating Unity and Harmony Instead of Reacting to Strife and Conflict
A Singular Approach for Common BT Challenges

Whether you are dealing with family, struggling with secular influences vs. Torah values, observing Judaism in the workplace, deciding which parenting methodology is most effective, finding the balance between “being machmir” [strict observance of Jewish law] or “being maykel” [permitted leniencies in Jewish law], discussing Israeli politics or the Arab/Israeli “conflict”, the roles of men and women in Judaism, identifying with a particular Jewish sect, etc. – there seems to be no shortage of issues which finds the BT under the gun and under fire. What often starts for the BT as an exploration of spirituality, happiness and Jewish identity turns into a three ring circus of hopping from one confrontational issue to the next.

Consider the following scenarios:

You’re frum and your family isn’t (yet). Thanksgiving is coming. How do you deal with the “issues”? Your uncle is “married” to a non-jew (G-d forbid) and they are throwing a “bar-mitzvah” for their son or perhaps your younger sister is having her bas-mitzvah in a Reform Temple – do you attend? You start being challenged by your relatives on issues regarding Judaism – in addition to the issues of Shabbos, shomer negiah and kashrus – Reform vs Conservative vs Reconstructionist vs Orthodox get thrown into the fray – do you feel a burning drive to “stand up” for the honor of the Torah? Your parents want you to finish your college degree whereas you want to go to Yeshivah or seminary – what do you do? Are you bound and determined to show everyone “the light”?
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Hakaros HaTov for D-Day

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Today is D-Day the commemoration of the Allied attack on Europe that established a literal beach head for eventual Allied victory. It is a day of importance to all Americans. As Jews, it is of additional import as it set the stage for the eventual liberation of the concentration camps some six months later. Many of our brave soldiers that stormed the beaches on D-Day liberated the camps. Whatever the failures, and they are many, of our government in regard to turning a blind eye to the atrocities being committed by the Nazis, blame cannot be laid at the feet of our soldiers.

Here are the words of Staff Sergeant John N. Petro who liberated Dachau with the 42nd “Rainbow” Division, 232 Infantry, E Company:

Initially, the prisoners thought they were dreaming. “They could not believe it was true that after so long, they were finally being liberated.” The liberated looked like the dead. “They were skeletons,” he told me. It was only later that fear gave way to joy.

We salute Staff Sergeant Petro and all of his brethren.

Blood of Milah: Why are You Waiting?

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By David Geltzer

I am forty-one but I am like a fifteen year-old. I had my tipas dom bris (the blood drop of a bris) after becoming frum and learning in yeshiva for five years. No one told me to do it but when I read that a bris milah impinges on one’s ability to learn Torah I made my decision. I got my milah Erev Shavuos by a respected mohel and that year I was admitted to a Yeshiva Gedolah that same year. My parents had a reconstructionist (I didn’t know they existed in the sixties) perform my bris.

For several years when I brought up this topic it was always dismissed. I eventually took Hillel’s words to heart, “If your not for yourself who will be for you and if not now when” This is one of the two positive commandments that when unfulfilled gets kores (spiritual excommunication), so why risk transgressing this commandment – it is not expensive, it doesn’t hurt and they don’t do metzitza b’peh! I don’t recommend doing it yourself, as I was originally told to do, as there are halachos how to do it. As one could imagine, I was discouraged from sharing what I did with others but I remember now Hillel’s other statement, “If I am only for myself who am I.”

Note: Our Rabbinic advisors advise that people should consult an Orthodox Rabbi to determine what, if any, action to take in this regard.

Answers About Questions – A Primer on Seeking Rabbinical Guidance

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We’ve seen a few posts and comments here and elsewhere in recent weeks on when it is appropriate to ask a Rav a question outside of the halachic (does this dairy fork need to be koshered?) realm. We decided to repost this article by noted Menahel, speaker and Beyond BT Advisor, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz which strikes a nice balance between developing your own Torah wisdom and asking for advice.

Dear Readers:

As so many posts and comments on this site relate to the importance of finding a rebbi/rebbitzen/mentor who can offer direction (and one who understands Ba’al Teshuva issues), I would like to share with our readers an article that I wrote on this complex subject which was recently published in the Jewish Observer.

A few points, please:

1) The article was written for the general Torah Observant community, not particularly for Ba’alei Teshuvah.

2) I find that getting poor advice – or not having a clear understanding of the mechanics and hashkafa (Torah philosophy) of seeking such guidance – is often worse than getting no advice at all.

3) In the article, I did not touch upon the issue of halacha vs. chumrah (what is halachically mandated as opposed to what would be considered to be ‘above and beyond the call of duty’ as far as halacha is concerned). I think that this is an important issue that probably deserves an entire article. These distinctions are especially critical for ‘newer’ Ba’alei Teshuva who may not yet be attuned to the nuances between halacha and chumrah.
Read more Answers About Questions – A Primer on Seeking Rabbinical Guidance ›

Should BTs be Doing Kiruv?

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One thing I have learned from reading Beyond BT for approximately five months now is that it is impossible to box all BTs into one group or category and make generalizations about them. Some of our bloggers and readers have been frum 1 year or less, some are not yet completely Shomer Shabbos but are interested, some are past their 20-year point; some have settled into a modern-Orthodox community, some are black-hat yeshivish, some chassidish, some dati leumi, some in-between; some are rabbonim or in klei kodesh, some are struggling in the world of commerce, some are busy wives and mothers, and some are working at jobs paying a high-level parnassa.

To answer the question, therefore, should BTs be Doing Kiruv, and how much, would of course depend on which group of individuals one is addressing. However, there is one advantage to doing some amount of kiruv that everyone (BT or FFB) can benefit from, and that is that it reinforces in oneself, and teaches one’s children, the answers to the larger questions of Yiddishkeit which newcomers inevitably ask, such as “Why be Jewish (or Orthodox),” “How do I know it’s true,” and so on.
Read more Should BTs be Doing Kiruv? ›

Rabbi Brody on the BT Blues – The Uncooperative Spouse

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Rabbi Brody posts the following question and answer from a reader and thought it would be of interest to the Beyond BT audience.

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I’ve been a Baal Tshuva for almost a year and a half now. Before I made Tshuva, my relations with my wife were shaky at best, and tense most of the time. Now, they’re even worse. She doesn’t want to hear about Torah or tshuva. All she seems interested in is fun and games – DVDs, tennis, girlfriends. I see no hope in this marriage; when I’m in shul, she’s playing tennis with a girlfriend. We’ve tried marriage counseling, but it hasn’t done anything other than depleting my available cash. Luckily, our three-year old son is not in school yet, but that’s the next potential battle down the line – how to educate him. Both her parents and my parents are against me. I need some urgent advice. Waiting to hear from you as soon as possible, Dennis C., Southern USA.

Dear Dennis,

Your wife isn’t against Torah – she’s against you and anything you represent. If you started playing tennis, she’d probably start horseback riding. The first thing you have to do is to learn how to be a loving and considerate husband. For that, you need emuna.

Don’t despair, and don’t fall into a self-pity mode. Now’s that time to mobilize and take positive action. If you play your cards right, everything will fall into place. This is a classic test of faith. Stop wasting money on marriage counseling, for if the counselor doesn’t help you strengthen your emuna, then nothing will change.

With emuna and patience, you’ll have just the home you want. From this moment on, do the following with no excuses and no compromises:
Read more Rabbi Brody on the BT Blues – The Uncooperative Spouse ›

A Family Simcha

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We recently attended a Bas Mitzvah of a very close family relative. The family is traditional, does not work on Yom Tov attends shul on Shabbos and belongs to an Orthodox shul, despite the fact that they are not what we would call Shomer Torah U Mitzvos. The Bas Mitzvah attends a prominent coed yeshiva in Manhattan.We spend Thanksgiving, Chanukah and one meal together during Chol HaMoed Sukkos and celebrate family simchos together.

We spent Shabbos in the immediate vicinity of an Orthodox shul where we attended and enjoyed wonderful davening and fantastic meals that were catered by a very prominent Glatt caterer for both Shabbos dinner and lunch for all attendees. This shul’s mispallelim range from MO of all kinds to Chasidishe to Yeshivish to interns and residents who are working at a nearby prominent hospital . One of the highlights was hearing a Chasidishe Chazan daven Kedusha to Yerushalayim Shel Zahav!
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Often Overlooked Internet Issues

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Michoel, a regular contributor on Beyond BT, posted a comment on Kressel’s Cutting Connections post which we felt deserves attention.

I am, bli neder, going to take a haitus from personal web use. If anyone sees me on this site in the next 3 months, please tell me to get off immediately. I am going to list here some problems with web use as I see it. Understood, many don’t see these things as problems or manage to deal with the problems easily. So please don’t post to upshlug all my kashes. If you have advice as to how to deal with the kashes, please post them. Thank you to Mark and Dave for hosting a site where I have learned a lot and hopefully shared a few ideas that others have benefitted from.

1. Bitul z’man. A very big subject with lots of implications
2. Feelings of depression or mental sluggishness resulting from the media of interent use, regardless of content.
3. Weakening of gidrei tzinus in male – female communications
4. Reading apikorsis which weakens emunah
Read more Often Overlooked Internet Issues ›

Remembering Where You Came From And Where You Are Going

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Several weeks ago, on Shabbos, my 6 year old son said, “Abba, I’m bored. What did you do for fun when you were my age on Shabbos”? I wasn’t sure what to say.

To answer my son truthfully, when I was 6 years old, I had no clue what Shabbos was. I wasn’t exposed to a true Shabbos until I attended an NCSY shabbaton in 8th grade. My son’s question made me think back to what it was like for me when I started my Teshuva journey. Like everyone, I had challenges and struggles along the way towards my current level of observance. I started keeping Shabbos right before I entered 11th grade. As the only frum teenager in my city, I kept Shabbos pretty much by myself until I graduated high school and went on to yeshiva.

My son’s question really got to me. If he associated Shabbos with being bored, then in some way, I felt it was a reflection on my own personal level of yiddishkeit. Had my life as a frum Jew become mundane? My wife and I have given our children what we hope is a nurturing home full of Torah and Mitzvos. We want our kids to have positive memories of growing up frum, not the opposite. This is one of those things that I, as a BT, feared…becoming like “everyone else” whose Mitzvah observance is on cruse control.
Read more Remembering Where You Came From And Where You Are Going ›