Sarah’s Place Retreat for Baalat Teshuva Women – October 31st

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A recent BeyondBT post (“How Would You Help Fellow BT’s Transition?“) drew attention to many of the dilemmas facing today’s BT – particularly the female (baalat teshuvah) who often feels less connected to her new community.

Lacking the “networking” provided by daily minyan and various learning settings, the baalat teshuvah can often go days or longer without interplay with other BT’s or FFB’s.

Parenting concerns, relationship issues, and coping with Shabbos and Yom Tov preparation – just loved the recent 3-day Yom Tov preps didn’t you? – were but a few of the issues raised.

Many women expressed interest in boosting Hebrew reading skills and building basic vocabulary – “I want my kids to know more than me – but not in kindergarten!” And so many would simply like a chance to bond and network with other women who’ve gone thru similar transformations.

All of this has been taken into account in designing an upcoming mini immersion-retreat specifically for women who have transitioned into a Torah lifestyle.

The retreat is being hosted by Sarah’s Place, a new women’s learning and retreat center in Cincinnati, Ohio. Now before you question “Why Cincinnati?” (or maybe, “Where’s Cincinnati?”) we should note that many Midwestern cities (yes, there are Jews west of the Hudson) are within easy driving range of Cinci and lots of airlines fly to Cinci (CVG) and/or Dayton (DAY). And, grant money is available to offset some of the travel costs for those who cannot find reasonable fares to either one (Note: first-come-first-served).

Lisa Aiken, author of many great books including the Baal Teshuvah Survival Guide, will be scholar in residence for the two-day retreat which begins Sunday October 31.

Sarah’s Place provides comfortable lodging, a pleasant learning environment, and hands-on learning — it even features a brand new kitchen designed for Halachah and kosher cooking classes!

Thanks to a generous sponsor the highly subsidized retreat cost can be even further reduced upon need.

Please go to www.sarahsplacecincy.org for more information.

Do You Have Advice for a Wedding for a Child of a BT

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A friend asked us to post the following:

She and her husband are making their first wedding for their son and they have no family support on their side.

The boy is marrying an FFB girl.

From a BT point of view, how have others handled the gashmius factor in frum weddings?

How have people cut costs?

What was “indispensible” (besides the obvious halachic requirements) and what wasn’t?

Are their any issues specific to BT/FFB chasuna?

Were there any surprises that arose due to not having been brought up attending frum chasunas?

Thanks in advance for your help.

I Really Have to Watch What I Say…

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I haven’t been writing recently. Both here and my regular blog. There were several reasons, including the birth of my third daughter, things getting busy at work, getting very active in a new hobby, etc. But I think the one overwhelming reason was an incident I had just before Rosh Hashana last year.

A group I belong to has an email list, and we began sending each other “Shana Tova” greetings. One person sent out “Have an easy fast!” Now let me back up a little bit here. I’m sometimes a bit of a jokester. I like making people laugh, usually with light teasing, with emphasis on the light, I never try for mean humor, demeaning someone.

So I sent an e-mail out pointing out that Yom Kippur was in 10 days, and tonight (it was the day of Erev Rosh Hashana) “I plan to Feast, not Fast!” I had just meant it as a joke in the similarity between, yet totally opposite meanings of, the words ‘Feast’ and ‘Fast.’ However, while the group I belong to is a Jewish group, I’m the only observant member, and most of them know I became observant a few years ago (I was a member before I became observant).

My friend took my message not as a joke, but as if I was scolding him about not knowing the difference between the holidays, and also protested that because he was diabetic, he doesn’t fast as it causes medical problems for him. While his message wasn’t scathing, it was harsh enough that I knew I must have really hurt him and led him to think I was telling him he needed to fast. I quickly sent him an apology, and told him I was only joking, again, about the ‘fast’ and ‘feast’ thing, I knew about his medical issues, and that I was by no means telling him what he should or shouldn’t do, nor did I have any right or desire to do so. I worried about it all during the Yom Tov, and quickly checked my email after it was over. He had replied back that he understood, and probably took it the wrong way, and there were no hard feelings.

However, it still really struck me that a casual remark, meant to be a joke, brought such a reaction. I have tried very hard to be sure I was not judging others, not making them feel they should become more observant as well, etc. But I guess there’s always the underlying feeling that someone more observant is trying to force others to be as well.

Start the Parsha Earlier in the Week

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The Yomim Tovim are past and it’s a good opportunity to increase our Torah learning. How many times are we rushing to finish the Parsha on Friday night or Shabbos morning?

Why not start early in the week so you can research some of the questions you have and do a better job of learning the Parsha.

Here’s Rabbi Rietti’s outline of Noach. You can purchase the entire outline of the Chumash here.

Noach
#6 Building Noach’s Ark
#7 The Flood
#8 Mt. Ararat
#9 Rainbow – Noach Drunk
#10 The Descendants of Shem, Cham & Yafet
#11 Tower of Bavel – 10 Generations of Noach

#6 Building Noach’s Ark
* Praise of Noach
* The Three Sons of Noach
* World corruption
* “Behold! I will destroy them utterly!”
* Build an ark
* Compartments
* 300 X 50 X 30 cubits
* Skylight – Slanted Roof – 3 Stories
* 1 Male – 1 Female of every animal – Store Food

#7 The Flood
* 7 pairs of kosher animals
* 2 pairs of non-kosher animals
* 7 pairs of birds
* Noach 600 years old when flood began (2nd month, 17th day)
* 40 days & 40 nights – 15 cubits above the highest mountain
* Total destruction
* 150 days

#8 Mt. Ararat
* 150 days till water receded
* 7th Month, 17th day, the Ark rested on Mt. Ararat
* 10th Month, 1st day mountain tops become visible
* Raven
* Dove #1, #2, #3
* 1st Tishrei Noach opened gate of Ark
* 2nd Month, 27th day, land was totally dry (exactly 365 days after the flood began).
* ‘Leave the Ark!’
* Noach built an Altar
* G-d appeased & promises never to flood the earth again
* Four seasons

#9 Rainbow – Noach Drunk
* Blessing to Noach “Be fruitful and Multiply!”
* All living creatures will fear you
* You can eat meat but not flesh from living animal
* Violation of suicide
* Death penalty for murder
* Command to be fruitful and multiply
* G-d promises never to flood entire world again
* Rainbow is sign of this promise
* Noach planted a vineyard
* Drunk
* Canaan cursed: slave of slaves to his brothers
* Blessed Shem and Yafet
* Noach died 950

#10 The Descendants of Noach
* Descendants of Yafet and Cham (Nimrod grandson of Cham & 1st world despot)
* Descendents of Canaan
* Descendants of Shem

#11 Tower of Bavel – 10 Generations of Shem
* One Language
* The Tower
* HaShem scattered them
* 10 Generations of Shem
* 11th Gen. Shem 600
* 12th Gen. Arpachshad 438
* 13th Gen. Shelach 433
* 14th Gen. Ever 464
* 15th Gen. Peleg 239
* 16th Gen. Re’oo 239
* 17th Gen. Serug 230
* 18th Gen. Nachor 248
* 19th Gen. Terach 205 – Avram-Nachor-Haran
* Haran – Lot – Milka & Yiska (Sarai). Haran dies in Ur Kasdim
* Avram marries Sarai
* Nachor marries Milka
* 20th Gen. Avram
* Terach leaves Ur Kasdim with Avram, grandson Lot & Sarai
* Terach dies in Charan

Sukkos Thoughts

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Every Shabbos Chol Hamoed Succos we read the Haftorah (Yechezkel, Chapter 38) about the final confrontation at the end of days between Gog and the nation of Israel. How does Succos connect with Gog, Magog and the end of days? It is ironic to note that after the exodus from Egypt, while travelling in the desert, a place that offers absolutely no natural security or protection, the Jewish people experienced their greatest sense of true security, protected from their enemies and entirely provided for by G-d. Every year, when theJew leaves his home for a week to eat, sleep and live in a succah; an often flimsy structure with a roof made of bits of wood, reed, bamboo, etc., he actualizes this idea that ultimate care and protection come only from G-d. By virtue of the closeness to G-d he has achieved during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, he can now experience a sense of true security. The word “Gog” in Hebrew means roof. Modern man, divorced from a belief in G-d, deeply believes that a good job, a big bank account, a solid economy, a high tech army, in short, a strong solid “roof over his head,” is the source of true security. These two world views cannot co-exist forever. We are told by the prophets that armageddon is inevitable, a final confrontation that will witness the destruction of mankind’s false faith. Succos teaches us that our apparently flimsy roofs will ultimately be triumphant over modern man’s misguided sense of security.

Rabbi Chaim Salenger from Ohr Somayach

Hidden and Revealed

The essence of Rosh Hashanah is our crowning of G-d as our “king.” A coronation, explain the Chassidic masters, is effected by two things — unity and joy: a people joyously unite to select, accept and submit to an exalted figure who embodies their collective identity and innermost strivings (if the coronation lacks either joy or unity, chassidic teaching explains, it results not in a true king, but merely in a “ruler”). But there is also a third element without which the coronation could not happen — awe. And the nature of awe is that it eclipses and mutes the joy. Sukkot, then, is simply the revelation of Rosh Hashanah. The joy and unity that are the essence of our commitment to G-d, and which were “concealed” by the awe that characterizes the first days of Tishrei, erupt on the 15th of the month in the form of the festival of Sukkot.

In the words of the Psalmist, “Sound the shofar on the new moon, in concealment to the day of our festival.” Our crowning G-d king with the sounding of the shofar on the 1st of Tishrei (“the new moon”) remains in concealment until “the day of our festival,” the full moon of Sukkot, when it manifests itself in a seven-day feast of joy.

Yanki Tauber of Chabad.org

Reality Therapy

The holiday of Sukkot is an exercise in faith. True faith is not the belief that because God runs the world, everything will turn out the way we would like it to. True faith is the belief that because God runs the world, however things turn out is an expression of His love for us and is for our ultimate good.

When we leave our houses to dwell in the sukkah, we leave behind the illusion of security fostered by our cozy homes. After all, our houses may be invulnerable to rain, but they are vulnerable to the bank’s foreclosure. All physical security is an illusion. In this sense, Sukkot is a week of reality therapy.

Instead, the sukkah offers the comfort (and joy) of dwelling within the Divine Presence. The mystical Clouds of Glory surround the sukkah, creating a place of Divine immanence. The nature of spiritual reality is that it is eternal, imperishable, and invincible.

Sara Yoheved Rigler at Aish.com

Chag Someach to All

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Have a wonderful joyful Succos.
____________________________________________

From Derech Emes

Directions of Lulav Waivings
____________________________________________

Rashi: left, right, front, back, up, down

Tur: front, left, right, back, up, down

Beth Yosef and Rema: front, right, back, left, up, down

Levush: front, right, left, up, down, back

Ari: right, left, front, up, down, back

____________________________________________

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Jewish Torah books, please go to:

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Between Yom Kippur and Sukkos – Actions to Match Up to Our Prayers

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From Days of Majesty – By Rabbi Daniel Yaakov Travis

On Yom Kippur, the Jewish people were forgiven for the sin of the golden calf and were given the second set of luchos. Yet even after this tremendous act of pardon, we still did not know if we had found favor in Hashem’s eyes. During the days between Yom Kippur and Sukkos, the Jewish people gave away much of the wealth that they had taked from Egypt, for the sake of building the Mishkan, the tabernacle in the dessert. On Sukkos Hashem responded by showing His intense love for us when He returned the Clouds of Glory (commentary of the Vilna Gaon on Shir HaShirim 1:4)

Every year from Elul until Yom Kippur, we toil to repair our relationship with our Creator. When Yom Kippur ends, although we are cleansed of our aveiros, our job is not complete. Between Yom Kippur and Sukkos we engage ourselves completely in mitzvos in order to encourage Hashem to show His deep love for us. Perhaps these four days are the most critical in the entire Jewish calendar, for they determine the true extent of our devotion to HaShem. The intense love that is meant to exist between us cannot return until our actions match up to our prayers.

In the merit of our serving HaShem with devotion, may he show His true love to us, His children, and bring us all back to His Home quickly.

Do Teshuva Out of Love This Yom Kippur

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Advantages of Doing Teshuva out of Love
In the Aryeh Kaplan Reader article titled Yom Kippur Thoughts – A Good Day for Repentance, Rabbi Kaplan points out the tremendous advantages of doing teshuva out of love versus out of fear:
1) Your sins become merits
2) You require no further atonement even though we can’t bring a Korban these days
3) You are immediately forgiven for all your sins, even those involving Koreis or Chillul Hashem

Teshuva out of Love is Very Possible in Our Generation
Rabbi Kaplan refutes the claim that many make that it is hard to reach this level with all the distraction we face these days. He believes that people today are more equipped to have a love of G-d than previous generations especially in our close-to-Moshiach times.

He points out that most Baalei Teshuva didn’t return because they had visions of Gehinnom before their eyes, but rather because they have a special love for Judaism and G-d.

Ideas on How to Do Teshuva out of Love
1) Set aside 15 minutes at the beginning of Yom Kippur and think about all G-d has done for us and the greatness of G-d’s deeds and works.
2) Recite the Shomoneh Esrai with strong kavanah on Yom Kippur, especially the first brocha which serves as a method of defining G-d to ourselves

The brocha use terms like “the great, might, awesome G-d”, If we say this brocha and all its words with concentration, carefully, slowly and thinking about the meaning of every word, will at the moment come to tremendous love for G-d.

He will think that “I love G-d so much. I want to be so close to Him. How could I have possibly sinned?” This will inevitable bring a person to Teshuva with love.

Go for It
The little skeptic inside us might be saying, “you can’t do Teshuva out of love”, but let’s use the power of the day of Yom Kippur to focus in the first brocha and to recognize G-d’s greatness which will lead to teshuva from love. We can do it and it really is what Hashem wants.

Taking Back Last Year’s Neilah

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One Yom Kippur, in his drashah right before the Neilah prayer, our rav gave a short but powerful speech. He started off with a tragic narrative of a family that lo aleinu lost a child in a fire. Then he spoke about “taking back last year’s Neilah.” If someone had been through a painful year, he/she might wish with all of his/her heart the power to take back last year’s Neilah and really daven with extra special kavanah, The rav said, “Next year we might regret doing only lip service for this year’s Neilah. So make this year’s Neilah really count. Daven with extra kavanah so that next year you won’t want to take back this year’s Neilah.”

I have tremendous respect for my shul’s Rav, a brilliant man, totally frum Jew and eloquent speaker. Yet I find the concept of “taking back last year’s Neilah” more than a little bit chilling.

I haven’t read Joan Didion’s memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, about the horrible year when she lost her husband (and later her only child). From the reviews and comments that I have read, magical thinking or wishful thinking is a kind of self-delusion that one somehow has the power to influence events through unconnected actions, sort of along the line of, “If I wear my Jets jersey to every home game, the Jets will win the Super Bowl,” or more importantly, “If I pray and give charity, then my close relative will recover from his/her terminal illness.”

Of course, an Orthodox Jew does engage in some of this thinking, it’s part of our Emunah. We’ve all heard the saying, “Tzedakah tatzil Maves,” charity saves from death; also the famous line from the Yoraim Noraim tefillos about how “Teshuva, Tefillah, Tzedakah” can cancel the evil decrees against us. But as a noted rebbetzin once said, “G-d is not a waiter to whom we can give orders.” A beloved rabbi, the rebbetzin’s husband, was diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer. Despite the outpouring of sincere prayers and tzedakah given on his behalf, the rabbi was niftar only weeks later. Should that shake our Emunah? We continue to pray and give charity when someone is ill, but don’t we already realize that sometimes we will not get the answer we want?

There is a story in the Agadita of the Gemara of two men who were about to die by hanging. (Sorry, I don’t remember the masechta and daf: if someone else can supply it, I would be grateful). Both men, about to die, offered up a prayer. One man’s prayer was granted (the rope snapped and he was saved) and the other man died. There is a machlokes as to whether the man who died offered up a “sincere” prayer, but then what is a “sincere” prayer? The Gemara seems to indicate that the man who lived had true Bitachon that his prayer would be successful. That only leads to more questions – the man who died lacked Bitachon? What does “faith in Gd” and “trust in Gd” really mean, especially to someone facing illness or death? Does he really need to believe that everything will be turn out to be Bseder and OK and wonderful?

I find the concept of “taking back last year’s Neilah” ironic because bli ayin harah, I had a very good year this past year 5770 in many important ways, yet I don’t remember having davened such a special Neilah last Yom Kippur. Maybe I should say to Gd, in a more august and respectful manner of course, “Let’s have another one just like the other one,” if only I knew how. Then those of you who had sadly not such a great past year might protest, “I davened such a meaningful Neilah last year, why did G-d give me those painful difficulties in 5770?”

In reality, there is no way to “take back last year’s Neilah,” any more than we can take back a car accident or stop a disastrous past choice. Perhaps the Rav was referring to having foresight almost as keen as our 20/20 hindsight, to be able to daven this year’s Neilah with as much Kavanah as if we really did (and do) have the power to prevent bad things from happening in our lives.

Join the Clean Team. Al Cheit 2010

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Today I did something I’d like to delete from my supernal report card. I googled the name of someone I dislike just to take him down. Yes, I’m jealous. X is an uneducated boor, crass, ostentatious, but blessed, it seems with a talent for earning easy money.

What my search turned up wasn’t the stuff of the Yom Kippur afternoon Torah reading, just some potential securities fraud, tax swindles and other practices that could fall under the general heading “sketchy.”

“Ha Ha”, I thought, “Unless X’s lawyers are really sharp he’ll soon be wearing orange. I bet he’s even got that color in his wardrobe already. Won’t that save the Feds a bundle.”

Later on though , my higher self kicked in. X’s affairs were not my business. I had no justification for my inquiry, no Toeles. Plus I was guilty of a full fledged violation of the laws of Loshon Hara, seventeen negative commandments and 14 positive ones according to the Hafetz Haim.

Why did I even go there?. Was it worth upsetting Hashem for the momentary thrill of taking X down? I could almost feel the slime droplets dripping off my soul. How would I shower myself clean? One day, I’d bring an animal to the temple but for now there was teshuva, repentence, especially now when Hashem is in our corner rooting for us.

So I’m klopping al cheit over googling sins conducted resolving not to do it again..

But that isn’t enough. For my teshuva to be good, I need to think well of X, disbelieve all that I read, and see him in a good light and that isn’t just to be nice.. Since Hashem judges me as I judge others if I come down on X , Hashem will come down on me.

Switching mental gears isn’t easy. I’m scrawling X’s name on a post it note stuck into my siddur at shema koleinu, the place for personal request so that I can ask Hashem to let me see him with “good” generous eyes.

The best way to develop those generous eyes is by counting my own blessings, realizing that Hashem isn’t just kind of X, He’s more than kind to me.

Here’s a short list of things I can thank Hashem for-not in any particular order. My eyes, my ears, my mouth, my teeth, my fillings (imagine life without dentistry) my ability to use a computer, my kids, my husband, my car, my air conditioner, regular trash collection, the food I have in my fridge (even the left over meatballs no one wants to eat) my home, even when it’s messy. And that is only a start. Since I’ve got plenty, can’t X have plenty too?

In one of her final conversations, the victims of the tragic Israeli train track van collision said that people need to rise up above their own pettiness. She said that our own small mindedness actually prevents the final redemption. With terrorism returning the New York Times reporting that the Palestinian State is on it’s way, we Jews need Moshiach badly. If cleaning up my own personal relationships will help Moshiach to come, then consider me a member of the clean team.

A Must Read for Rosh Hashana

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I think this is one of the most important articles to read in preparation for Rosh Hashana: Why Judgement – By Rabbi Noson Weisz

An excerpt:

INVESTMENTS VERSUS REWARDS

The very first point that must be emphasized is that contrary to popular belief, Rosh Hashana is not about reward and punishment. The Talmud informs us that mitzvot cannot be rewarded in this world (Kiddushin 39b). The commentators explain that the physical world simply does not have the resources to deliver the amount of joy required to compensate the performance of even a single Mitzvah.

Only people who do not have the merit to make it to the World to Come are written into the Book of Life to compensate them for their past good deeds; we certainly hope that none of us are in this position, The conclusion: when we stand before God and pray for a good life in the coming year, we are not asking Him to provide it fo rus as a reward.

But if the judgment we face on Rosh Hashana does not concern reward, what exactly is being weighed? According to Rabbi Dessler, the model we should study as an aid to understanding the deliberations of the Heavenly Court on Rosh Hashana is an economic investment model; the judgments of Rosh Hashana are the heavenly equivalents of earthly investment policy decisions. On Rosh Hashana it is decided how much Divine energy God will invest in the world in general and in our own lives in particular in the course of the coming year.

Please read the whole thing.

Prepare for Rosh Hoshana With These Great Shiurim

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Rabbi Welcher on Tekios on Rosh Hoshana 2010 – mp3 can be download here.

Rabbi Oelbaum on Teshuva 2010 – mp3 can be download here.

Rabbi Yonason Sacks on Teshuva – mp3 can be download here.

Rabbi Welcher on Selichos night from 2007 can be downloaded here.

Rabbi Welcher on Halachos of Blowing Shofar from 2007 can be downloaded here.

R’ Dovid Schwartz on Rabbi Yonah of Gerona – Guilt is Good can be download here.

R’ Moshe Schwerd on Rosh Hoshana – Why Change is Possible can be downloaded here.

R’ Moshe Schwerd on Din V’Cheshbon can be downloaded- here.

R’ Daniel Stein on Hilchos Teshuva – Chapter 2 can be downloaded here.

R’ Yechezkel Rosenberg on How Loud Can You Daven on Yomim Noraim and Other Times can be downloaded here.

R’ Yakov Haber on Rosh Hoshana davening can be downloaded here.

R’ Yakov Haber on Rosh Hoshana and Hirhur Teshuva according to Rav Soloveitchik can be downloaded here.

Some Random Thoughts on My Daughter and Son-in-law’s Upcoming Chasanah

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Tonight’s the big night and we are grateful to Hashem for this joyous occasion. Here are some random thoughts:

– It is possible to go from engagement to Wedding date in under 10 weeks

– Getting your response cards in early is really appreciated

– Sending a check with the response card, if you’re planning on giving a gift is a great idea

– Just like there is a wonderful change in family configuration on the birth of a newborn, so to there is a wonderful change with the addition of a son-in-law

– Focusing on the tremendous simcha makes the occasion even more enjoyable and many people have advised us that is even more important on the night of the Chasanah

– Every marriage is part of the continuing chain of the Jewish People, so it is a simcha everybody can share

– The time, energy and effort going into the Chasanah is a wonderful celebration of the beginning of a new couple’s dedicated service to Hashem

– Extending the family with great Machatunim is a wonderful feeling

How Would You Help Other BTs Transition?

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A fellow BT has been blessed by Hashem with great insight and great financial resources. Looking back at what was missing when he became frum, he has allocated significant funds to provide learning opportunities specifically for BT’s — at this point specifically for BT women who he feels are really under-served!

Yes, finally, someone understands that many of us – especially the newcomers – need something other than more outreach classes to help us really feel like we ‘get it’ and fit in!

He, together with the team he has hired, are interested in our input – -what we need / want /long for etc. And they’re asking two simple questions:

1) If you could spend a few days with fellow BT’s and have the perfect schedule of classes, lectures, discussions, activities, etc – what would you want included in the curriculum/schedule?

2) If you had the money and the time, what would you do to help other BTs make the transition – or maintain the transition – more smoothly?

As Rosh Hashana approaches…

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As a sometime contributor to BeyondBT, I’ll let you in on a little secret. From time to time the administrators send out emails with suggestions for written submissions. Usually these suggestions are great springboards for someone with the patience and time to write to actually come up with something meaning, relative, and thought-provoking. And then, there’s me.

I got my email from them August 10th. This week, during a casual email exchange with one the administrators very sweetly asked for a submission. The first thought that I had was basically that I have nothing to say. This is what I’ve been thinking most of Elul. I’ve attempted to become more serious about davening (read: take time to think about what I’m saying in the siddur) of the past few weeks. I’ve checked my “cheshbon hanefesh” (spiritual accounting) that I keep on a daily basis to see what areas I’ve excelled in over the past year and what area I need improvement in. I’ve been to the gravesite of a grand-child of Rabbi Yisrael Salanter and said Tehillim. I’ve given tzedaka to organizations. I’ve got my volumes of Strive for Truth by Rav Dessler and the Rambam’s Hilchos Teshuva all marked at the passages de jour. I have even have committed to 10 minutes of daily hisbodedus (speaking directly and informally with Hashem).

Without try to sound to pretentious, can it be that even with all that I think I’m doing to prepare for the Yom HaDin, I still feel like I have nothing to say? Probably, but I can only say this because I’ve thought long and hard about it, even prior to writing this. What is there to say, when I know that very soon I’m going to be having a one-on-one with the Rabbono Shel Olam (Master of the World) and I know that I didn’t do my best this year. There are times when you get caught by the principal or your supervisor at work and you just simply have “nothing to say”. Even saying that you were wrong and that you’re sorry doesn’t feel like it will make a difference.

To us, it might not make a difference. To Hashem, though, every step we take towards Kedusha (holiness) makes an incredible difference. That’s why we have Elul, the Ten days of Teshuva, and the concept that we not only return, but have an even closer active relationship with our Creator. I suppose that it’s not so much about Rosh Hashana approaching, as it might be about how I approach Rosh Hashana.

Recipes for a New Rosh on Rosh Hashanah

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With all the new food recipes available for this Rosh Hashanah . . .
it might also be good to have a Recipe for a New Rosh this Rosh Hashanah, so . . .

For 5771 and going forward I will do my best to . . .

1) only think and say nice things about a fellow Jew
or say nothing and try to minimize any negative thoughts . . .

2) remember that only G-d knows our madragas (levels)
and observe that comparisons and judgments (uttered or not) on ritual observance, hecksherim (kosher supervision), and households goods, etc. are potentially harmful to everyone
. . . and may plant the seeds that foment baseless hatred . . .

3) look at the man in the mirror, and ask him to make a torahdich change . . . e.g. deter and avoid sessions of sanctimony with myself or fellow Jews

Preparation: initially slow cook for best results then simmer for a lifetime …

– David Lichtenthal

Is Anti-Muslim Bias Acceptable when Considering the Ground Zero Mosque?

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Dear Beyond BT

I was having a discussion with a friend about the Ground Zero Mosque and he felt that the greater you associate 9/11 with Islam in general, the more likely you are against the Mosque.

He also pointed out that even President Bush said that we are not at war with Muslims, but with the terrorists, and he thereby disassociated 9/11 from Islam.

My friend agreed that showing sensitivity to the families that lost loved ones is important, but if that sensitivity is based on some degree of undeserved anti-Islam bias, then how strong is our sensitivity obligation? Would they object to a church or a synogogue built there?

He finally stressed that Freedom of Religion was such an important principal to uphold to the highest degree that it should outweigh any existing anti-Islam based sensitivities.

My feeling is the there is clearly some association of 9/11 and Islam and we need to show sensitivity, but I’m not clear whether it is enough to override Freedom of Religion considerations or to perpetuate an anti-Muslim bias.

Furthermore as Frum Jews, is there a Chillul Hashem consideration that we don’t come off looking like we have a anti-Muslim streak?

Thanks
Ben

Finding a Seat When You’re a Guest in a Shul

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On a Shabbos a few years ago, I was davening out of my neighborhood. As we walked into the Shul on Friday night, my host told me that we can sit anywhere, except in the aisle seats, because the more involved members of the Shul sat in those seats.

In the shul where I daven, we have Makom Kevuahs (reserved seating for Davening) and when people requested seats when we first move in, the aisle seats where the most requested and generally we allocated them to the more involved members. In both cases, involved members where the ones who volunteered most in the running of the Shul, or were members for the longest amount of time or were very generous in supporting the Shul.

I don’t think in either Shul, any guest would be asked to move if they took someone’s seat, whether they were involved members or not, but I think it makes sense that when you’re a guest in a Shul, not to take an aisle set unless you know the person who normally sits there won’t be there. It’s not a hard and fast rule, but it’s a rule that makes sense if you’re like most people and don’t want to unnecessarily upset a person to any degree by taking their seat.

What seat should you take? Well the best section in our shul is the one furthest from the door. As far as which seat, it’s generally a good idea to ask any member already in the Shul, informing them that you don’t want to take another person’s seat.

I think some people will respond to this idea that any Shul member should be accommodating to guests and not care that somebody is taking their seat. While that is true, I think there is also a case to be made that the guest should try to avoid taking a member’s seat if they can avoid it.

In summary, as a guest try to avoid sitting in someone’s seat and as a member if somebody does sit in your seat, don’t make them feel uncomfortable.

Being Before Hashem In Whatever We Do

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All of the Torah is holy. Every bit of it. Every letter of every word. Lists of names and the Ten Commandments are equally holy. Yet, it is inevitable that certain portions of the Torah speak to us more than others. It may be the content. It may be the circumstances or timing when it was read. It may be other things. Last week’s sedra has a פסוק/verse that I think is especially well timed for this time of year. And I think that at any time it could be a fair motto for guiding our attitudes and choices as Jews.

תמים תהיה עם י-ה-ו-ה א-להיך Be whole with Hashem your God. This mitzvah (according to Ramban it is to be counted as a positive commandment) is stated after the Torah warns us away from various manners of foretelling the future and divination. Right after this mitzvah we are told to listen only to a true prophet. Smack in the middle of this contrast is the command: be whole with your God!

Hizkuni explains the idea ‘tamim’ to be a matter of wholeness; that we shouldn’t think that we can be in awe of anything aside from God. This indeed happens, as Hizkuni points out from the Kutim who were in the Shomron, described in the book of מלכים/Kings as ‘they feared God and worshiped their deities.’ In contrast to this, says Hizkuni, we need to be a whole, unblemished vessel filled with only one thing; that means we must be wholly with God in all our actions and all our thoughts. So said King Solomon in משלי/Proverbs, בכל דרכיך דעהו – in all your ways know Him.

We marked the anniversary of the passing of our holy teacher and guide, Rav Avraham Yitzhak HaCohen Kook, this past erev Shabbat. In his book, Musar Avicha, Rav Kook explains the above idea from Proverbs (my translation).

“A person must seek the Holy One in all the ways that he acts. When he is busy with prayer he should seek the Holy One in the understanding of the issues of prayer and appropriate intent with a faith of the heart concerning those same matters of prayer. He mustn’t seek at that time knowledge of other things. Since he is presently engaged in this particular service/worship, the Holy One so to speak is present beside him specifically in this manner; and so that is how he will find Him, and not in some other place.

And when he is engaged in Torah study he must know that he will find the Holy One when he delves deeply to understand a matter in Torah clearly, and to retain and reveiw it well. In this he will know the Exalted One through His Torah, and not in another manner; because at this moment He is revealed in this way.

And so when a person is busy with an act of kindness to benefit his fellow, then he should seek the Holy One only in deepening his attempt at understanding how to benefit his fellow with some great, suitable, and lasting good.

And so in all the manners that one acts. Truly there is nothing in the world that is not for His Exalted honor. Therefore whatever one does should be His command and His will, and through those actions he should seek the Exalted Presence. When one tries with all his mind and abilities to do whatever he is doing completely and wholly in all manners of complete absorption, he will find that he knows the Holy One in all activities. The word ‘in’ means ‘within’, that in the very path or activity one can know the Holy One.”

In an additional note from one of Rav Kook’s notebooks, it says, “when someone does something wholly, whether in thought or deed, he should rejoice in his lot and not pursue anything else at that moment, because the entire universe is folded before him in that specific thing.”

Rav Kook once expressed a wish. “If only all my days could be in prayer.” The truth is, our sages seem to have taught us otherwise. We aren’t capable of only praying all the time! But the rav’s intent was that in everything, at every moment, he wanted to experience clearly that he stands in the Presence of God.

Rosh Hashanah is in a bit less than a month. That is the time that more than any other we recognize God as King in His world. But we can bring some of the holiness and wholiness of that recognition and experience into every day and every thing we do, if we are wholly and solely intent on recognizing Him in His world. In the King’s realm, everything is truly His. All that His subjects do is truly His. All that they have is a benefit of His rule and presence and grace. Nothing occurs outside His will.

The month of Elul is especially a capable time to develop the constant awareness of God’s presence. It is a time especially suited to direct ourselves in all that we do to recognizing and experiencing His presence. In all your ways know Him. In everything, everything! that you do, know Him.

May Hashem bless us that this year we will universally know His Presence, like the waters cover the oceans.