Yasher Koach to David & Sandy Linn on their being honored at the Jewish Heritage Center Dinner tonight. I’ll let you know how the speech went later, I’m sure it will be great.
Update: Back from the dinner. It was an amazing event. David spoke beautifully, but was too modest to plug Beyond BT. Rabbi Dovid Schwartz said a lot of very nice things about the Beyond BT community in the journal.
Yasher Koach to the entire JHC organization for all the wonderful things they do for the BT community.
There are two sayings of Pirkei Avos that come to mind this week to give us guidance, support and strength as we face the trials and tribulations of the Baalei Teshuva.
The first is that of Yehuda ben Taima, who said, “Be bold as a leopard…”, meaning that we have to be bold to do the right thing, to do what the Torah requires in every situation. It’s often difficult in that we face pressures both from where we came and from our current environment. But we have to go through the process of determining what the right thing is and then be bold and do it, no matter what the challenges. I give thanks to one of my first Rebbeim, Rabbi Tzvi Kramer, for reiterating this lesson time and again.
The second saying is that of Ben Hai Hai who said, “According to the effort is the reward.” For the Baal Teshuva many things that may be relatively easy for those born into observant homes are a real struggle. But the key to Torah Judaism is to constantly grow through our struggle. Every obstacle we face, every effort we make contributes to us fulfilling the purpose for which Hashem put us in this world. This world is one of struggle and the effort we make overcoming challenges, enables us to build our own eternity.
The entire text from Perek 5 is down below.
Here is the link for an English Translation of all six Perakim culled from Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld’s translation and commentary at Torah.org.
My parents are divorced. No one else in my family is frum. I have a lot of non-Jewish cousins. Unfortunately, but realistically, my brothers will probably marry non-Jewish women. I live very far away from the rest of my family, seeing them about once a year.
All of these things are not normative in the frum community. Therefore, they are marks against me on the “shidduch market.” You often hear people say they want a girl from a “good” family, someone who has a great relationship with their relatives, someone not from a “broken” home. So, there are times when guys are suggested for me, and after doing a bit of research, they decide they don’t want to go out with me. Based on all these things that are not me, they are my family.
I agree that having these hurdles in life is difficult, and it certainly does make an impact. But the impact it had for me was to make me a stronger person. I learned how to work through my challenges, how to face adversity and make the best of it. How to carve my own life and my own destiny in the image that I feel is the right one.
Read more Shidduch Considerations – Seeing Challenges As Opportunities for Growth
by Akiva of Mystical Paths (mpaths.com)
When I was a bit younger, a year or two from bar mitzvah age, my uncle went crazy. Or, so I was told. You see, he became ‘religious’, and the whole family told me my beloved uncle had gone absolutely bonkers. If he was coming to visit, they’d put their arms around me and say, “Akiva (though they didn’t call me Akiva back then), be careful when your uncle comes over, he’s gone crazy.” And, on a couple of occasions when I went to visit him with my grandmother, a”h, she’d carefully prep me, “Akiva (though she didn’t call me that back then), he and your cousins may act funny on Saturday or have funny food demands, don’t mind them because they’re crazy.”
Now my uncle is a man I greatly respect. He has a certain powerful presence, has done big things and is even a little famous. I respect his opinion and his intellgence, but of course didn’t respect anything about religion becase he was crazy. My cousins are close to my age, we always had fun together. When visiting, when they went to synogogue on Saturday I followed them and went with the flow. But of course, I didn’t pay much attention to what they were actually doing or what it meant, because they were crazy.
Read more Who’s Crazy Now?
I was driving home from The Shmuz (more on that in the coming weeks) last night where the topic was how chesed done by humans always has some aspect of self interest, but Hashem’s love and chesed towards us is totally pure and unbounding.
I turn the corner, and there were a bunch of police cars and a lot of people down the block from where I live. I parked the car and walked down the block and there was a bonfire, live music and people dancing in celebration of L’ag B’Omer. I danced, talked to a lot of my friends and neighbors and thought how fortunate we are to have a life like this, Hashem’s love truly has no bounds. We need to stand back on a regular basis and appreciate all the wonderful things we have.
I ran home to get my camera and there was Rabbi Lam on the answering machine wishing us a wonderful Blog D’Omer and giving a brocha that the blog should catch on fire this year.
Read more A Rockin’ Blog D’Omer in Kew Gardens Hills
My wife, daughter and I were scheduled to leave for Israel on a motzei shabbos.
Leaving home was nothing short of crazy, with shabbos ending at aprox 6:30 and our flight scheduled for 9, there was little time to spare. Little time to spare, three people needing to shower, six kids running left and right and an icy front porch, steps and driveway don’t go well. Somehow or other with the help of our good friend Meyer, we made it out the door.
Traffic moved well and we arrived at the airport with just enough time to spare. Meyer confirmed with the sky cap that we were in the right terminal for Swiss Air, helped us unload and said goodbye. The three of us, barely balancing our luggage and carry-ons, searched for the check-in counter. It just was not there. Upon inquiry we were told that the flight was a “codeshare” with American and would be leaving from a completely different terminal. Apparently, someone forgot to notify the sky cap of that fact.
Read more A Matter of Perspective
Rabbi Mordechai Y. Scher
I begin this post with a clear modaah/disclaimer: this is *not* a finished product. I know that I have not carefully thought this through. I know that a talmid chacham (that’s not me, so I’m exempt? I can’t say that, at the risk of demeaning my revered teachers) doesn’t put out something unfinished/lo m’tukan. Yet…
There have been quite a few posts over time that return to the topic of ‘how long will I be a BT?’, or ‘when do I become integrated into general frum society?’, or the like. I have found it largely difficult to relate to these posts; and I (think) I realize now that different circles really do have different social dynamics, even among observant Jews. I know I’ve gotten older, my mind a bit feeble; but I just don’t remember I or any of me chevra being concerned about such things. I don’t recall opportunities to be accepted (shidduchim, a place in a particular yeshiva/beit midrash, invitations, etc.) being limited or circumscribed.
It seems to me that some of this has to do with what are considered seminal influences in those circles, and what are perceived as ‘end-points’ in those circles.
Read more Rav Kook’s Vision of T’shuva and The Ease of BT Integration
This Monday night begins Lag B’Omer, about which Rabbi Yehuda Prero at Torah.Org tells us:
Lag B’Omer, the 18th day of Iyar, also corresponds to the date of the death of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, one of the great sages from the era of the Mishna. Although the death of a great sage is usually not marked with rejoycing, but rather with sadness, we treat Rabi Shimon bar Yochai differently. The Zohar in Parshas Ha’azinu tells us that on the day Rabbi Shimon passed away, a great light of endless joy filed the day, because of the secret wisdom he revealed to his students. That secret wisdom was written down and recorded in the holy Zohar. The happiness on that day was to him and his students like that of a groom while standing under the canopy at his wedding. On that day, the sun did not set until Rabbi Shimon had revealed all that he was permitted to. As soon as he was done, the sun set, and his soul returned to its Maker. Because of the happiness back then, we celebrate with happiness now, as well.
A friend emailed in the following:
Hi Mark: The organizers (Carlebach minyan) of the following event in Monsey have told me they welcome participants from any location. We attended last year and it was quite pleasant– many families, couples and young singles, several playing instruments and singing. The site was a private backyard with ample space, and a lake. I don’t know if you have any means of putting this on the blog somehow, but it generated such soothing feelings last year that I think many BT’s would enjoy it. If it can’t be posted, well, perhaps word of mouth, especially to the music playing crowd as they encourage anyone to bring an instrument. There is no admission fee, but contributions are appreciated.
Here are the details:
Mon, May 15: Lag Baomer Bonfire The entire community is invited to our Lag Baomer bonfire. We will be at the Schubin home, 61 Wesley Chapel Road on Monday, May 15. We begin with Mincha at 7:45 PM. Please note this is the evening of Lag Baomer. Bring a blanket or a chair and marshmallows. Questions or directions, click here to contact the organizers.
Although some commentors had suggested a desire to get Beyond Tuition, we clearly see this issue is causing much pain for the frum middle case. We thought it made sense to “promote to post” some suggestions Charnie, Tzvi, Sefardi Lady and others in the Beyond BT community have made on the tuition issue to date.
Please add any additional thoughts in the comments.
1) that all parents – baring the most extrememe circumstances, pay at least a minimum;
2) that yeshiva boards not be made up only of the wealthier end of the parent body, but have a broader representation economically;
3) that schools look to cut costs by combining facilities where it is geographical feasible;
4) that every school makes sure it is taking advantage of every possible grant out there. BYQ is a wonderful example, as anyone who’s seen their computer lab can attest;
5) accept the fact that a Rebbe or Morah’s reduced tuition is a barter – they’re making less then many of us, but they’re providing an important service;
6) we work together with other groups (Solomon Schector, Christians, Catholics, etc) to gain more in the form of vouchers &/or tax credits;
a) that also means considering political candidates positions on these issues when we go to vote.
7) scholarships should not be given out based totally on an applicant’s 1099.
8) that in NYC we learn from some OOT yeshivas that require parents to help out at a school in exchange for financial aid. Some schools might even be able to cut salaries that way.
9. Along with point #1, we must state that NO CHILD will be denied a yeshiva education because the parents can’t afford it.
10. Aside from schools “combining facilities†(a pipe dream IMO, unless the crisis — for them — becomes severe), schools should at least coordinate efforts
a) to encourage community members (including non-parents) to direct more $$ to the community’s schools,
b) to ensure that every child has a place in a school, and that scholarships are available and equitably distributed across the schools (ala Chicago’s Kehilla Fund)
c) to pool resources for expensive special programs (ala the 5 Towns / Far Rockaway’s CAHAL)
11. Yeshivos should seek help from parents and others on how to increase fundraising, especially from alumni.
12. Parents must be encouraged to take a hard look at their priorities, and be reminded that tuition (full if at all possible) must be the first item budgeted and paid, before vacations, camp, new cars, home additions, etc., etc.
13. Community members, especially those pre- or post-tuition years, and those with fewer children and more resources, should be reminded to direct their generosity first and foremost to their community yeshivos.
14. Look at the possibility of combining duplicate functions and providing enhanced functions through cooperation (a big example being the need for vocational courses and the lack of an adequate size classroom if one school where to provide such).
15. We should also look at the possibility of spreading tuition out over 12 months, instead of 10
16. Tell the schools to stop making our children the middle man when it comes to requesting money
17. Stop punishing parents who pay over 10 months with “fees.â€
This week is the fourth Perek for Pirkei Avos which includes:
1. “Ben (the son of) Zoma said, who is wise? He who learns from all people…Who is strong? He who conquers his evil inclination…Who is rich? He who is satisfied with his lot…Who is honored? He who honors others…
20. “Rabbi Yaakov said, this world is like an entrance chamber before the World to Come. Prepare yourself in the entrance chamber so that you may enter the banquet hall.”
27. “Rabbi Elazar HaKappar said, jealousy, lust and the [pursuit of] honor remove a person from the world.”
The entire text from Perek 4 is down below.
Here is the link for an English Translation of all six Perakim culled from Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld’s translation and commentary at Torah.org. Torah.org also has some of the Maharal’s commentary for Pirkei Avos. And Aish has lot’s of good articles on Pirkei Avos penned by two Beyond BT contributors Rabbi Yonsason Goldson and Yaakov Astor.
The full text in Hebrew can be found here.
Read more Who Is Wise, Strong, Rich and Honored – Pirkei Avos Week 4
Gil Student recently gave a presentation at the Rabbinical Counsel of America (RCA) convention about What a Rabbi Needs to Know about Blogs. Gil has also posted the Power Point from his presentation.
In his section on What Blogs a Rabbi Must Follow, Gil was kind enough to include Beyond BT in the Inspirational Section along with two of our contributors Rabbi Brody at Lazer Beams and A Simple Jew.
I think this supports a thought I had after seeing Aish’s Inspired movie, which is that every BT has a story worthy of being in that movie. This is mainly due to the fact that going from a me-focused existence to a Hashem-focused existence is the biggest change a person can make in their life and that story can’t be anything less than awe-inspiring.
Read more Inspiring the Inspired
Tomorrow is Pesach Sheni (the Second Pesach). Pesach Sheni takes place one month after erev Pesach, the time when the Pesach sacrifice was prepared and eaten. At the time when the Pesach offering was to be eaten in the desert, a group of men approached Moshe Rebeinu and complained that they were tameh (ritually impure) and, consequently, were unable to join in the mitzvah. They basically told Moshe that it wasn’t fair that they were unable to partake of the Pesach offering. The gemorah (Succah 25a) presents two opinions as to how these men became tameh. One is that they were the men who carried Yosef’s coffin out of Egypt and the other is that they were involved in the mitzvah of burying an unattended body they had found. (Meis mitzvah). Either way they were involved in an “important” mitzvah at the time.
Moshe brought their complaint to Hashem who responded by ordaining a new Yom Tov, Pesach Sheni. One month after erev pesach, all of those who had become tameh through contact with a corpse or who were too far away on the day preceding pesach can offer and consume the pesach offering. A second chance.
Read more Second Chances
By: Rabbi Shmuel Simenowitz
Intro – I had intended to write and submit this piece back in February when we read parashas Yisro but you know how it goes. Projects, the kids, community needs, parnassah. The list goes on. I even got a second wind during Pesach when we bentsched Tal – the prayer for dew. Precipitation, yes, but still no piece.
How fitting is it that I finally sit down to write then on the eve of Pesach Sheni – the time when those who were otherwise unable to bring the korbon pesach in Nisan were allowed to do so. In chassidic thought Pesach Sheni is the ultimate ba’al t’shuva celebration – a day which stands for the proposition that there’s always a second chance. – SHS
When my daughter Tova was little, when we would ask her how she felt about going somewhere or doing something about which she felt conflicted, she would respond “a part of me does, a part of me doesn’tâ€. As she got older we would seek greater clarification (not to mention grabbing a quick teaching opportunity) as in “Well if the parts voted, which set of parts would win?†and then again “what percentage of part A does and what percentage of part B doesn’t?†It challenged her to ascribe values to each conflicting emotion, to prioritize but most importantly, to move forward.
Read more A Part of Me Does, A Part of Me Doesn’t – Living with Conflict and Tension
Jonathan Rosenblum, the noted author and journalist has a great post about his father titled My Father My Hero over at Cross-Currents. Here’s an excerpt:
When I was a little boy, my father was my hero. When he was around, I knew nothing bad could befall me.
Rarer, perhaps, my father remained my hero even after I had reached adulthood and become a ba’al teshuva. There was no one with whom I more enjoyed talking. He drove me to the airport every time that I traveled abroad. The forty minute drive, with no outside distractions, always seemed too short.
I always told my parents that they have no one to blame but themselves for the fact that four out of their five sons became ba’alei teshuva. And they acknowledged their guilt with good cheer. My mother always told us that the most important about us was that we were Jewish. And it was natural that her sons would, at some point, come to Israel to find out what being Jewish means.
Here we stand, almost ½ a year later from the establishment of the Beyond BT blog. The question that we need to ask ourselves is “have we changed� Have we incorporated those ideas presented here that made sense to us?
I don’t want to scare anyone, but I am afraid that just like people’s “new year’s resolutions†never get fulfilled, the good possibility that many of us didn’t take the good advice offered here, is a reality.
I think that one major piece of advice given by many of the writers and commentators here has been to find for yourself a spiritual guide. A Rav/ Rebbbetzin that you feel you want to learn from & grow with. In fact, many complaints by many BT’s that I have encountered over the last 16 years has been this: “I don’t have a Ravâ€. I would venture to say that most FFB’s also don’t have a Rav to guide them. Sure, most people have Rebbeim for Kashrut questions, but what about how to really “live†their lives, help with the school issues since BT’s don’t have that frum parental and grandparental wisdom to rely on, and shalom bayit issues.
Read more Are We Self-Defeating?
Family and friends have their own agendas which may or not coincide with the values that a Torah based life demands of us. In some ways, kiruv may be easier with a complete stranger than with family or friends from one’s past. Sometimes, the past intellectual and cultural baggage is just too difficult to overcome with those who one knows the longest.
On the other hand, even strangers can react negatively over the way that certain issues are handled within our communities and the concomitant coverage in the secular media.
I’ve been reading Irvin Yalom’s book “Love’s Executioner.” It’s a collection of true stories from his experiences being a therapist. For someone who is in training to be a counselor, it’s an inspiring set of stories and points out many key points in the development of an outlook to dealing with patients and one’s own issues as a therapist.
In one of Yalom’s stories, he describes a woman who has come from a very difficult background. She discloses a lot of information about her background to him, including parts of her younger years when she did many things that she wasn’t particularly proud of. After divulging this information, Dr. Yalom asks his patient how it feels to tell him all these things. His patient says that she feels a mixture of being relieved and being afraid he will judge her and lose respect for her because of the information she has revealed. Dr. Yalom responds that she has no need to worry. He says, “The more I hear from you, the more I like you. I’m full of admiration for what you’ve overcome and what you’ve done in life.” (p. 146)
Read more Lessons From Psychology
The financial stress in the frum community, primarily caused by the tuition situation is a serious problem felt by the vast majority of the residents of most communities. But as we search for solutions it makes sense to focus on some of the beautiful aspects of our schools.
I happened to be at the local Bais Yaakov when it was my 3rd grade daughter’s birthday last week, so I came to the class party. This was not one of these heavily practiced siddur plays, just the normal half hour party that each of the 25 girls in the glass would enjoy on her special day. Mrs. S. graciously sat us in the front of the room and conducted the class as usual.
Read more An Hour in the Life of the Local Bais Yaakov
Since blogs appear to be the 21st-century diary, I would like to share with you how my husband and I have grown since I first posted on this website in January.
I started saying Tehillim when my mom went in to the hospital for a routine procedure and ended up staying there for two weeks fighting a nasty hospital-acquired infection. Given her fears and my anxiety of not being with her, I turned to Tehillim as a direct prayer to Hashem. I never said Tehillim before, and I didn’t even understand what I was saying, but reciting the Tehillim – saying something – somehow eased my fears and calmed me. Once my mom was discharged (and I flew to visit with her) I continued reciting Tehillim and I have found the daily practice to be my time with Hashem, a time when I can focus on what I want to accomplish and communicate that.
Read more Growing Step By Step
L’ILuy Nishmas Yaakov Eisenberg
A year or so ago, I drove into Manhattan to pick up my mother’s second cousin from Israel, Motty, and drive him to the airport. I had felt guilty after barely seeing him during his short trip. Even though he is only my mother’s second cousin, he treated me like his own son when I visited with him in Israel some 15 years ago (going out of his way to get kosher food, etc.). So, the least I could do was drive him to the airport.
Earlier that morning I had gone to a gemorah shiur I had been attending at the time and I must have left directly from there since my gemorah was on the back seat of the car. When Motty opened the back door, he asked “David, do you learn Tal-mud Bav-Li?†I responded “I try.†“Ohâ€, he said “I have something for youâ€. He explained that an uncle of his, the only living religious member of his family, had recently passed away. Amongst his belongings were many sifrei kodesh. The attorney administering the estate gave them to Motty and told him he should probably throw them away. Motty then said to me “I am not dati (religious) but I know what his kodesh (holy). Also, I come from a family of publishers so all books are important to me. I will send these books to you.†I thanked him as graciously as possible.
Approximately one month later, three large boxes were delivered to my home. They included an entire set of Shas (the Talmud), a set of Mishnah Yachin and Boaz (the six orders of the the Mishnah with commentary) and two sets of Mishneh Brurah (the Chofetz Chaim’s authoritative work on Jewish Law). I carefully placed the Shas and Mishnayos on my bookshelf and sent my brother one of the sets of Mishneh Brurah and donated the other to a Jewish outreach library.
This year, my son has begun learning Mishnayos in school. When we learn together, I try to use this particular set of mishnayos in the hopes that it will be of merit to this distant, distant relative that I never met.
Our sages teach that “Torah mechazeres al achsanya shelah‖The Torah returns to its lodgings–which has been explained to mean that even if the Torah leaves a family, it will return within three generations.
Welcome home, I hope you find us to be gracious hosts.
