Many of you know the accomplished talmid chachim, Rabbi Yitzchok Adlerstein as the co-founder of the popular Cross-Currents web site.

Rabbi Adlerstein will be traveling to the East Coast to be the
Scholar in Residence at
Congregation Ahavas Yisroel 147-02 73rd Avenue on this coming
Shabbos, Parshas P’kudei, March 7th-8th.
Rabbi Alderstein will be speaking three times and we invite anybody in the neighborhood next Shabbos to please come and listen. Here is the schedule:

“Orthodoxy and Orthodopraxy – Deed and Creed in the Light of the Rambam’s Ikarie Emunah”
Friday Night, March 7th, 2008 – 9:00 PM

Shabbos Morning Drasha (Shacharis begins at 8:30 AM)

“Maharal and Rav Kook’s Views on Aggadah”
Shalosh Seudos – (Mincha begins at 5:10 PM)

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In anticipation of his visits, we took the opportunity to ask Rabbi Alderstein a few questions:

Q) Why did you originally start Cross-Currents?

[RYA] While he may be surprised for the credit, Cross-Currents owes itself to the vision of the Novominsker Rebbe, shlit”a. Jonathan Rosenblum and I are kindred spirits in many ways. We were both involved in different ways in trying to change the way media looked at Torah and Torah Jews. It happened that I was visiting Har Nof the same time the Novominsker was there, and Jonathan and I decided to go over and lobby for his support for a dedicated effort at frum hasbara. It didn’t take much lobbying. The Rebbe was ahead of us. He felt that it was important for Torah Jews to correct misconceptions, even if such attempts would convince no one. Kavod HaTorah itself, he said, required that we polish up the luster lost to those who tried to cheapen it. Am Echad was really born at that meeting. Among other ideas, he suggested a regularly published English language journal of creative and topical Torah thought whose target audience would specifically lie outside the traditional boundaries of the “insider” community. Both Jonathan and I wound up campaigning against that idea as too costly in terms of both money and investment of man-hours. The idea remained in limbo until the ubiquitous use of the internet changed much of the calculus. Yaakov Menken kept pushing me to get involved in a blog. At the time, I was self-publishing a listserv-based e-magazine on items of interest to the Torah Jew appearing in general literature. It occurred to me that if I changed my publication into a group blog, we could accomplish what the Rebbe had suggested, essentially cost-free. Yaakov and I put together a tentative list of invitees. We were interested only in people who had already written enough that they had some name recognition in the general Torah public, and we quickly got together a list of what today are considered senior contibutors. The rest is history. We are certainly not one of the largest mega-blogs, but we know that thousands are reading us, and many of them are passing along our material to secondary and tertiary markets. Reuters religion page has us listed as a permanent link; influential people in several non-Jewish communities are regulars, along with movers and shakers in the non-Orthodox Jewish world.

Q) What has changed as a result of your experience?

[RYA] I am far more conscious of the capacity of the e-published word to cause massive chilul Hashem, and zeh le’umas zeh, for incredible kiddush Hashem. It boggles the mind that intelligent frum people are not conscious of what they are saying when the entire world is listening, and any remark displaying the slightest bit of prejudice or narrow-mindedness becomes quick cannon-fodder not only for those who mock us, but even for those who wish to annihilate us, c”v. On the kiddush Hashem side, I realized that diversity would stand us in much better stead than sameness, so it became important to me to try to recruit accomplished writers from a broader segment of the Orthodox world. We brought in people further to the right, and people in the center. We have also struggled with guidelines for comments. We are among the strictest in what we will dismiss outright or edit, and we still make mistakes in letting too much through. On the other hand, when we have asked the question, the Torah voices we’ve consulted have urged us not to turn Cross-Currents into an e-magazine with either no comments, or a small handful. They felt that part of the message that we are trying to convey is that we are confident enough in our emunah and our reasoning to be able to handle criticism and disagreement. We’ve steered a middle course between the muzzles imposed by some print publications, and the anything-goes attitude of some of the blogosphere. I’ve also had to yield partially on my concept of the purpose of the blog. I wanted – and still want – all pieces to contain a mixture of creative reaction to current affairs and some Torah content. I’ve argued with colleagues that if a piece could have been written by someone who did not learn in a yeshiva or seminary, it doesn’t belong in Cross-Currents. Not everyone agrees with me.

Another change occurred as I saw how many people were looking for a forum for intelligent discussion of current affairs within the parameters of the Torah community. As Cross-Currents grew, so did a parallel movement in the opposite direction. For a variety of reasons, there is a strong push in some circles (for reasons that have much validity in those circles) for greater and greater insularity. Baalei Teshuva – not all, but certainly significant numbers – are negatively impacted by this. Many of them had and continue to have important ties to the larger world. Part of what made Torah attractive to them was the promise they were given that Torah has something to say about each and every issue that Man faces. These baalei teshuva were starting to see that many of the people around them not only had nothing to say about these issues, but they were completely unaware of them, and when informed about them did not deal with them with any great insight – Torah or otherwise. I believe that it is important to show such people that there are people in the Torah community (closet Hirschians, lots of RWMO and LW haredim, and iconoclastic bnei Torah of all stripes and descriptions) who do share and live by the vision that enticed them to join the ranks of the Torah committed in the first place. This has become a large goal, at least of mine, for CC: giving chizuk to those who for whatever reason are somewhat connected with general thought and issues, and view this involvement positively.

Q) How has the Internet positively or negatively effected Torah observance?

[RYA] It has done both. It has put more Torah material into the hands of people, more opportunities to meet and engage a larger circle of Torah friends, more chances at gaining chizuk from others. On the other hand, it has added many levels of transparency to the Torah world. Faults and deficiencies are not only quickly exposed, but even magnified. This means that some old techniques of community control (not a bad thing in and of itself when done well) and of kiruv are going to fail more quickly. I was always an opponent of using iffy and even false methods to attract people to Yiddishkeit, even when the supposition was that the ersatz would soon be replaced with something of greater value. I was, and continue to be, opposed to the use of the so-called Bible Codes for this reason, as well as ill-founded and poorly conceived “proofs” that won’t hold up to scrutiny. In the internet age, kiruv organizations that use superficiality even as temporary bait are flirting with disaster, as their falsehood will be quickly observed and held out for ridicule. It is yet another reason that the “mass-production” of kiruv is bound to lead to much heartache and personal tragedy, and that parts of the kiruv world need a mid-course correction.

Rabbi Adlerstein is the Director of Interfaith Affairs for the Simon Wiesenthal Center. He holds the Sydney M Irmas Chair in Jewish Law and Ethics at Loyola Law School. He is a co-principal in Jewish Mediation Service, which applies a Jewish ethical approach to problem solving. Rabbi Adlerstein received his ordination from the Chofetz Chaim yeshiva in New York. His translation of Be’er Hagolah, the classic defense of rabbinic Judaism by Maharal of Prague, was published by Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, whose new edition of Ramban he is currently assisting in editorial review.

By “Reuven”

About a month ago I posted The Parental Shidduch Crisis. It was a candid sharing of the crisis I was going through as we searched for our eldest son’s soul mate. The commenters, by and large, were very sympathetic and encouraging. Many also appreciated my insights into this monstrous obstacle for those not raised Orthodox. Suddenly, in the midst of the growing discussion, my sob story radically changed. It looked like we had a shidduch! The joy and suspense of our son’s first “date” was shared with the forum and by the time we announced the Vort there were calls for a sequel. The following article is it.

Now the interesting thing is that just as I was putting the final touches on this post, including the title, I spotted the following comment on Can Beyond BT Be More Inclusive?:

UO = Ultra-Orthodox

This can mean a group that:

1. takes traditional Judaism seriously enough to believe and do it without compromise,

Or:

2. one wants to stigmatize as fanatical or quaint.

On the whole, the UO term is frowned upon by UO people. It’s also frowned upon by others who think the term is not pejorative enough!

Two days later came a full fledged post on this topic, entitled: Ultra Orthodoxy: Not So Inclusive Just Yet. Well, talk about Providence! Apparently there’s much more here than just my personal story.

***********

In The Beginning we were spry and pure hearted, drawing unbelievable inspiration from finding our Creator within some of the most unorthodox of places. Then we discovered Torah. And Orthodox Judaism. The latter were obviously means towards the former. Authentic, time-honored, holy means – but still means. My wife and I respectively made our ways to the Holy land, determined to live an unadulterated life of fulfilling our Creator’s Will.

That’s when we met. Love at first sight.

Our first post marital aim was to find a place where I could learn without towing a party line; where there would be models of genuine Torah wisdom accessible to us both; where it would be understood that we were in search of truth and not Orthodoxy, per se. Certainly not ULTRA Orthodoxy, for G-d’s sake!

With tremendous, humbling guidance from above, we found an exceptional Orthodox Rav who was at ease across the traditional Jewish spectrum. I had the subsequent privilege of learning tons from him, his community, Kollel and home over the next six years. But there were blips. A few very painful ones. We emerged bruised in our view of the integrity of Orthodoxy.

So I returned to university and studied education and psychology. I went on to become an educator among the secular and marginally Orthodox while plugging away at instilling core Torah values within my family. Thank G-d I succeeded in both, but especially the latter. Far more than I could have dreamed of! Especially with our first child, who proved to be quite gifted, (not to tempt the evil eye!), including matters of emuna {faith}. He taught me so much. Thus began a fabulous journey of learning together “what the Torah r-e-a-l-l-y means” as I meditated awestruck on that famous messianic verse:

And he (Eliahu) will return the hearts
of the fathers (back to G-d)
by way of the sons

Slowly but surely my enthusiasm for Orthodoxy returned. And then some. As I was getting progressively familiar with the more esoteric literature and seeing how well my son gained by my filtering it his way, I began to identify with those, um, er, hate to say it, but yes… Ultras. By the time our little tsaddik reached 7th grade we shipped him off to a special chassidic cheider in the next town, donned the garb, I dropped my non-Orthodox teaching career and returned to intensive Torah learning.

Yep. We had become bona fide Ultras.

A few years later, with the encouragement of our new Rebbe, shlit”a, the entire family moved to the community. As much as there were many awkward aspects of trying to integrate into such an insular communal life in midlife, including my utter befuddlement about how to earn a living without compromising on all the newfound spiritual ideals, the nachas we gained from the kids’ progress made it worthwhile. Every day brought new heights of excitement in helping them grow in chochma, kdusha and emuna.

And then came Shiduchim {the time for matchmaking}.

I honestly can tell you that “crisis” barely describes the experience. My heart sunk into places no man has ever gone before. All this talk about people as schora tova {good merchandise}, about sleuthing information from shadchanim, teachers and friends, about nosing into each other’s yichus {lineage}. What can I say? It just didn’t fit my picture of what a life dedicated to G-d was all about. In fact, it felt more like placing my son into a sub-cultural coffin and inviting the community to rejoice over the pounding in of each nail!

And that’s not to mention my dreams of his finding his soul mate as clearly and vibrantly as I had found mine.

*

In Elul the phone calls started. He had just turned 19. We sat our beloved firstborn down for a few long talks. Was he sure he’s ready? Well, he accepts with complete faith that he should try, if this is the norm of such a holy community. Did he know who she should be? Yes… mostly. Are you clear on the life you want to lead? Yes… mostly.

So we swallowed hard and started answering those calls… mostly. At first we played the hush-hush game. Not even the potential groom was to know who was calling. But soon the kids were hopping and giggling with each new ring and we were finding that our heads were spinning with all the non and dis and simply inappropriate information. There were grand offers, creepy offers and a lot of blur in between. How to know? No one was asking about his character nor telling us about her dreams. It was more like why not this or how about that. Like when you’re putting a puzzle together during a cheery vacation laze. Let’s see now, does this one fit? Maybe that one. Well, if not, let’s force it a bit…

My kishkes turned.

Then, one girl from a very reputable family was suggested. Everything about her values and intelligence fit our son. But when we saw her picture and my wife interacted with her in Shul… we just couldn’t connect. The look. Ugh! But is that a reason? Aye-aye-aye. So I asked the Rebbe. He said, before I could barely get the words out: “Trust her. Your wife’s intuition is reliable.”

Pshhh. So much for the proverbial fanaticism of those Ultra-Orthodox Rabbis!

About a week later, the rumors spread like wildfire. They were engaged!! Mazal To…. Oh, really? They’re NOT? Oops. Some friends explained: This can be a tactic to get parents to reconsider.

Double kishke turn. Apparently not all the Ultras are as pure as the Rebbe…

Finally, a couple of months later, just as he was rounding 19 1/3 (the supposed ideal time) we started involving our son in the process. He had always taught us so much, maybe he’d pull through here as well. It was uncomfortable for him, to be sure. It certainly disturbed his learning. But nebach – what could he do. His poor parents needed help!

And so our spirits re-lifted as we observed how deftly he deciphered the wording behind this suggestion and questioned the tones behind that one. He filled us in on the character of this family and the scholarship of that one. It was starting to feel a little fun! Like putting a puzzle together…

Then we heard the spectacular suggestion that led me to write “Shidduch Crisis.” She was perfect. A genuinely modest girl with a noble personality and, most importantly, an aim in life that fit his like a glove. And she didn’t have that weird look. She actually appeared quite charming. So what were we waiting for? Well, hmm, the Shadchan stammered. Her mother, you see, has this thing for yichus {noble lineage}.

Nu-nu. We’ll get around that one, we told ourselves with “perfect” faith. The Rebbe himself, after all, so often emphasizes what an exceptional bachor he is. And her father is gung-ho. And, and, and.

But no. The Ultra-mother wouldn’t budge. She refused to even speak with us.

Ugh, ugh, UGH! Horrendous waves of sadness began to flow. Then came the outrage. Towards G-d! How c-o-u-l-d He? Why bring us all this way and drop us like a sack of potatoes? Why, why, WHY! No. COULDN’T be. It must be “them.” All those twisted, devious Ultras…

*
Our Kallah was suggested a couple of weeks later. I knew something was up by the way the Shadchan sheepishly approached me. He had been actively involved in trying to make that yichus case go. He knew I was broken. So walking over on egg shells, he gently asked if he could suggest something… perhaps… as a friend………. and son?

Son?

Yes. You see, his father, who had hosted us for a number of Shabbos meals during our transition into the community, had mentioned a few times that he’d love to see a match for our son with one of his granddaughters. So if we happen to be “available,” would we consider helping him do this kibud Av {honoring of his father} and hear an offer about the daughter of his brother?

Pshhhhh. THIS was pure. STRAIGHT from Above. For the first time in four months, I could feel my whole system calm down. Soon it would break out in prayer:

ki lo khalu rakhamekha;
ki lo tamu khasadekha

for Your compassion is unending;
for Your kindness has never ceased

The Vort {declaration of intent to engage} was three weeks later. The Tnoiim {official engagement} is scheduled for Sunday, iy”H’. As much as I’d love to share with all of you how exactly the meetings went, I don’t have permission to do so. But I can share a crucial lesson that I humbly admit took me way too long to learn: ULTRA-ORTHOS ARE NOT ALL FANATICS!

Rather, they are ordinary folk who strive to live according to the highest Torah principles. Some succeed, many don’t. What can we do? Serving G-d is h-a-r-d. The hardest thing in the world. But it beckons everyone.

The term ultra, in itself, is actually quite beautiful. According to Webster it means “beyond the range of; on the farther side of.” Don’t you see? That’s what we ALL should be striving for. It’s not the ultra that is the problem but the orthodoxy. The complacency with any one way of thinking. Once we realize how “orthodox” we all are in resistance to our Creator, then we can begin to climb down from our high horses and follow His lead. As the Proverb chides (19:21):
Abundant are the thoughts of man
but the advice of G-d
will prevail

The Holy Zohar explains: What is Divine advice? The 613 Mitzvos. Advice for what? Dveikus, cleaving to your Creator.

Paradoxically, then, Ultra-Orthodoxy is really the most liberating of all traditional Jewish orientations. For people who subscribe to this are devoting their lives to the blessed eternal One. What can be more liberating than that? To be sure, just mouthing or dressing this belief doesn’t do it. In fact, many who merely play the part are greatly suffering and causing others to suffer due to their tremendous pangs of conscience for leading a life of the worst hypocrisy. But this shouldn’t detract from the truth of the aim: “to get beyond the range of, on the farther side of” Orthodoxy.

The side of G-d.

I know this transition is possible if at the least because of what the Rebbe, shlit”a, told me at the end of this whole ordeal. I had asked him about all the Ultra-talk of tying the knot with her family “like everyone does.” He said, in his inimitably sobering way:

“G-o-o-d and s-p-e-c-i-a-l people often DON’T do what everyone does!”

Quote unquote.

He went on to encourage me to stand up for some unusual requests. Like not rushing the Vort immediately upon the couple’s readiness to marry. It’s important for everyone’s yishuv Ha’daas, presence of mind, he stressed, that one comes to such a point after all the issues are settled. Similarly, he supported my interest in writing into the legal agreement that in contrast to all other holydays, her parents should have no expectations of the couple spending Pessach Seder with them. As per the verse (Ex 13): “You should tell it to your son on that day, saying: because of this that G-d did for me in my exodus from Egypt.”

Whoa. Isn’t that extreme? Fanatic? Unfairly imposing on a family to forgo being with their daughter at such a special time? No. It’s a matter of truth. Deep, soul truth. Father-son truth. Truth like I knew way back then, when I was spry and pure hearted; when I was seeking something like the light that’s now dancing within the eyes of my wonderfully Ultra-Orthodox son and new daughter-in-law.

Mazal Tov !

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