Rav Noah Weinberg on Happiness
1. There are many important things we all seek in life – happiness, love and success among others. Judaism teaches that a crucial tool for living is to have clear definitions for these important concepts.
People can often spend many years of life striving for something that they think will give them happiness â€“ the right job, the right girl, working my way up the corporate ladder, retirement, the new home etc, but when they actually get it, theyâ€™re still miserable!
Why? â€“ Because they didnâ€™t take the time to define what happiness really is. Instead, they simply went for what society says will give them happiness or what they might feel might bring them happiness. Defining happiness would have saved them a lot of time and unnecessary pain.
People often say â€“ you canâ€™t define happiness. Interestingly, Judaism actually gives a definition. Let me explain.
2. If I offer you a thousand dollars for your eyes â€“ is it a deal?
Howâ€™s about 10K? 100K? 1M?â€¦ As much money as I offer you, youâ€™ll turn me down â€“ right? Your eyes are worth more to you than all the money in the world.
3. So, now, imagine that Iâ€™m very wealthy, and after speaking to you for half an hour, I take a liking to you â€“ so much so, that I say to you: let me give you this brief case as a gift. You take the brief case and open it up and look inside. You see wads of $100 bills. Thereâ€™s a million dollars in there for you from me â€“ no strings attached.
How would you feel â€“ if it were really true? Wouldnâ€™t you feel like a million dollars?! Wouldnâ€™t you be doing a jig down the street?
Now, if you ask someone: You have eyes â€“ how do you feel? Most people say: â€œthe same miserable person I was before you asked me!â€ But, if our eyes are worth more to us than any money, and weâ€™d feel ecstatic for the million, shouldnâ€™t we feel even more ecstatic that we have eyes? Shouldnâ€™t we be doing that jig down the street, all the more?
4. So whatâ€™s the problem?
The problem is that we get used to things – we take things for granted. Someone gets a beautiful Porsche for his birthday. He feels grand. Come back in a couple of months â€“ heâ€™s miserable again!
Happiness is therefore defined as the emotion of pleasure that we feel when we appreciate what we have.
Misery is the reverse. To be thoroughly miserable â€“ just take all your blessings for granted, and focus on what you donâ€™t have. The fact is that itâ€™s much easier to focus on what you donâ€™t have than what you do â€“ we just slide right into it. Itâ€™s easier to get up in the morning and think: oh no â€“ another work day at that miserable jobâ€¦ and I canâ€™t believe itâ€™s raining againâ€¦and I hate that train ride â€“ especially all those weird & miserable people on the subwayâ€¦ and I wish my work-mates wouldnâ€™t be so irritatingâ€¦and my boss is so controllingâ€¦. etc
The trick of happiness is to learn how not to take things for granted.
If you can get used to your eyes you can get used to anything. Youâ€™ll get used to the new car, the new home, the new wife, the kids… If we donâ€™t appreciate what we have â€“ thereâ€™s no point getting any more â€“ weâ€™ll just get used to that too!
If you learn how to appreciate your eyes, you can learn how to appreciate all the gifts of life. Thatâ€™s why every morning in Judaism we get up and say, thank you G-d for giving me life. We appreciate that we can think, see, have clothes, can walk, and that we have all our needs both physical and spiritual. We say blessings on food â€“ to appreciate the food that we eat and not to take it for granted.
Each one of us has eyes, ears, a heart that pumps, hands and legs, friends and family – gifts worth more to us than any money. Each one of us is a walking multi-millionaire, even if we wouldnâ€™t have a penny to our names. Only by learning how to appreciate the gifts we already have, how rich we truly are, can be truly happy.