Many people have complained that there is not enough post-Teshuva support among Kiruv organizations. In fact, that was one of the driving forces of Beyond BT. Rabbi Shaya Karlinsky recently wrote:

My formula is that for every dollar devoted to getting someone interested in Torah, ten dollars should be devoted to nurturing and developing that interest, educating and supporting the individual towards the goal of becoming a well-adjusted, knowledgeable Torah Jew.

Some people feel that the task of BT support is more appropriate in the communities, particularly the Shuls. Obviously every Shul is not suited for BT support, but with Shuls with BT members there is a wealth of knowledge and support available within the context of the mainstream community.

In general, do you think we should encourage BTs to join and daven at mainstream Shuls as soon as practical, or do you think they should stay in primarily BT environments?

Do you think Shuls are suitable places for supporting BTs or do you think we should try to raise more money for Kiruv organizations for that task?

As BTs, many of us pride ourselves on how well we have integrated the Chol (secular) and the Kodesh (holy) in our lives. Given that Chanukah was our fight against assimilation, it might make sense to examine our integration and assimilation.

Where does integration end and assimilation begin? How do you draw the line?

How do you prioritize Torah knowledge over secular knowledge?

When do you Google for advice and when do you ask a Rav?

Are you more likely to spend time reading the online news or study Gemara, Halacha, Mishana or Nach?

How much of Western Society is still an essential part of you?

Chanukah is a great time for family get-togethers. Since BTs have smaller observant extended families, it’s sometimes hard to fill the party list.

Do you have a Chanukah Party?

Is it mostly non-observant family?

Do your kids miss not having a bigger party like some of their friends?

Helping our children find good spouses is one of the biggest issues BTs face.

The main obstacles are that we don’t have the networks that our FFB co-religionists have, and we don’t understand the system that well. Of course the problem is much more difficult for girls than for boys due to the current demographics.

Are you preparing for your upcoming shidduchim challenges?

What steps are you taking?

If you’ve already succeeded in this parsha, what advice would you give to your fellow BTs?

Dear Beyond BT

I’ve seen many people say that Torah Observance makes you happier, but I’m not sure whether it’s observable. It seems that there are many people in the Torah community who aren’t noticeably happier than their non-observant counterparts. Many Torah Jews also seem to have the same material strivings and keeping up with the Schwartz’s attitude.

Has Torah observance made you happier?
Are you always happy? If not, what leads to that state of not being happy?
What additional ingredients are necessary for Torah to make you happy?

Originally Published Feb 05, 2008

Do the elections results really matter?

Isn’t achieving the task of achdus among Jews something in our hands?

Do the politicians effect our Torah, Teshuva and Tefillah?

Does our distraction by the externals take away from our needed work on the internals?

As this post points out:

There are two blessings to choose from upon witnessing extraordinary natural phenomena—including extremely strong winds.
Those two blessings (of which only one may be said on each occasion) are:

Baruch Atah Ado-nai Elo-hei-nu Melech haolam, osay ma’asei bereisheet.
Translation: Blessed are You, L‑rd our G‑d, King of the universe, Maker of the works of creation.

Baruch Atah Ado-noi Elo-hei-nu Melech haolam, shekocho ugevurato malei olam.
Translation: Blessed are You, L‑rd our G‑d, King of the universe, whose power and might fill the world.

Hurricanes and other extraordinary natural phenomena make Hashem’s presence and control quite clear.

What lessons did you learn from hurricane Sandy?

What were you thankful for after the storm?

Were any hashkafic insights discovered?

When talking to people about the secular education our children are receiving in their schools, many people think that it’s “good enough”. But is that true? Is the average student doing well on standard tests like the SAT? Can they write well? How are they doing in Math, Science and Technology?

Do you feel your children’s secular education is really good enough?

Why?

Why not?

What can be done given the low budgets our schools are dealing with?

On Monday, Shmuel recently posted an astute comment on the Integrating the Ba’alei Teshuva post.

There is a lot of emphasis on sociology/culture in the orthodox community today. I have no idea whether this is good or bad, or whether it is even possible to change should someone think changing it would be a good idea. But it is important for a BT to be aware of this, since it can affect one’s development and self-esteem.

One may desire to fit in culturally in his chosen community, but the cultural fitting in is NOT what makes him religious. In always has to be secondary. Say a person wants to be oved Hashem and he thinks such and such community is the place he can do it best. Say that community demands or prefers cultural conformity (hat tilt angles and such), or he’ll feel more comfortable if he conforms, or some other reason that makes a positive difference in his life. So he’ll conform and his hat tipped correctly, etc. But it is important to keep in mind that that stuff is NOT avodas Hashem.

How have you navigated Orthodox Culture in your progress of Serving Hashem?

Do you feel too much time was spent?

Do you feel that you had to ever compromise your Avodas Hashem to conform?

What advice would you give new BTs in this area?

Do you remember your first Yom Kippur as an observant Jew?

How has the experienced changed over the years?

Has the fast gotten easier?

Has the daven gotten easier?

In what ways do you have a greater appreciation of the day?

What advice would you give to someone who says they can’t relate to such long davening or to one of the central themes-all the sacrifices?

10Q is a website that asks and provides a space to answer Ten Questions from Rosh Hoshana to Yom Kippur. Here are there questions from a few years back.

• What’s a significant experience that has affected you over the past year?

• What is something you would have done differently over the past year?

• What is a major milestone that affected your family in the past year?

• What global event most affected you last year, and why?

• Have you had any experiences this past year that changed the way you thought about spirituality?

• What’s one specific thing that you would like to accomplish by this time next year?

• Is there a part of yourself (physical, emotional, intellectual) that you want to work on in the coming year?

• Is there a specific person, cause, or idea that you want to learn more about in the coming year?

• Is there a fear that has limited you in the past year? Do you think you could overcome it next year?

In the BT parenting recipe post the author wrote:

Very little interest in grades at school – middos are all that matter to me on their reports.

To which Ron Coleman commented:

I cannot comprehend how one can teach children “middos” while teaching them that grades — which for most people are the best evaluations we have of how kids are doing in school, which includes the (ethical) components of diligence and responsibility — don’t matter. The acceptance of mediocrity is a major cultural issue in our community and I strongly disagree with this suggestion.

Do you prioritize either middos or grades?

How do you put grades in their proper perspective?

How about students that work hard and still end up with “C”s?

Is effort and improvement more important than grades?

When things are calm and going well, it’s easy to be a “perfect” parent, and much parenting advice seems to be directed towards that unreal realm.

Perhaps what would be even more valuable is imperfect parenting tips, when our unpolished side is on display. How do you react or recover when your irritable, angry, judgmental, non-empathetic or just say the wrong thing?

What are your most taxing imperfect parenting situations?

What are some of your imperfect parenting techniques?

In this week’s post about a BT’s Recipe for Raising Healthy Kids, the author wrote:

The frum world may be crazy, but it’s the best society we have – embrace it, but don’t buy into the craziness, maintain your independence. Better a frummer school and we parents are the open minded ones, than a less frum school and we parents are the closed minded ones.

Do you think the frum world is full of craziness or have you made efforts to understand why many things are not as crazy as they seem?

Are you making Bar Mitzvahs and Weddings below the community spending norms?

Will you be heavily involved in finding spouses for your children when the time comes?

Do you stretch your financial resources to try and pay as much tuition as possible?

Do you find that there are always significant differences between school norms and family norms?

Do you think the correct default choice is the frummer school over the less frum school?

What are some examples of craziness that you have found?

What are some examples of craziness that you have seen are not so crazy?

The first week of August 2012 is a momentous time. On Wednesday, August 1, 2012 one of the largest gatherings of Jews will take place at Met Life Stadium in NJ to celebrate the completion of the Daf Yomi Cycle. It promises to be an awe inspiring event.

The current cycle is actually scheduled to end on Thursday on the Daf calendar, but the last Daf is short and they will actually complete it at the Siyum HaShas on Wednesday. It will be completed after nightfall so perhaps technically, it will be Thursday’s Daf.

On Friday, August 3rd, the Daf Yomi will begin the new cycle with Mesechta Brochos. My Rav is a proponent of deeper learning of Gemora wherever possible, and I asked whether I should learn the Daf when I was inspired at the Siyum HaShas 14 years ago in Madison Square Garden. He told me that if I didn’t give up any of the sedorim (learning sessions) I had at that time, it would be ok.

My experience over the past 14 years is that the Daf is a very fast pace and it’s hard to retain the information. In addition, you really don’t have the time to give each Daf the mental workout it requires. However, I think it is valuable to learn the Daf because:

1) It commits you to learning Gemora every day and it’s hard to catch up when you fall behind so you usually meet that committment.

2) You get exposed to many different Gemora sugyas and structures.

3) You’re connected on a regular basis with others who are learning the same Daf. It’s nice to be able to say to your friend, did you see the Daf today. My Rav calls the NY Times OP-Ed page, the Daf Yomi of the secular world, so it’s nice to be on the same page with the real Torah thing.

4) Art Scroll can get you through any Daf. It takes about 30 minutes to learn the Daf with all the Art Scroll notes. Of course, your mileage may vary.

5) If you spend more time on it with review, you will retain more material.

6) Although in theory you can use that time to learn something else, in reality the 30-60 minutes on the Daf will certainly be among the best spiritual hours of your day.

I’m still a big proponent of deeper Gemora learning, but I think BTs (and FFBs) should at least give the Daf a try, as long as they don’t give up any existing sedorim. I know there will be some who will discourage you from starting, but show them this article and if that doesn’t work have them send me an email or call me, I’m still waiting to hear a strong general case against giving it a try.

– Are you going to the Siyum HaShas? Why? Why not?

– Are you starting Daf Yomi? Why? Why not?

In the notes from a class titled The Stunning Power of Speech a number of Strategies to Improve Our Speech are suggested. They are:
1) View Others Positively
2) Develop Humility
3) Love Your Neighbor as Yourself
4) Controlling Anger
5) View Yourself as a Soul, Not as a Body
6) Develop Constructive Speaking Habits and the Art of Silence
7) Prayer
8) Torah Study

Please take a look at the paper and let us know which strategies make sense to you and whether there are others you’ve found successful.

If you regularly read Jewish publications, you’ll see that there is a tremendous amount of criticism leveled against different communities. Although the criticisms may indeed be warranted, they’re often scathing, with little charitable understanding of other points of view.

Perhaps people feel their criticisms won’t register if they present other point of view. Or maybe people feel it’s impossible to judge favorably in many situations.

Why do you think it’s so difficult to judge favorably?

Have you be successful in presenting criticism while still judging favorably?

Are there any techniques that you would recommend?

The NY Times had an article on Hasidic dress in the warm weather. It reminded us of the days when David Kelsey used to comment here, and he would often voice his objection to inappropriate Orthodox dress in the summer in the non-Hasidic communities.

In any case, many of us non-Hasidim do wear hot black felt hats in the summer. In what hashkafic basket do you put that practice?

Do you feel the benefits of being part of a community by adopting their standard dress brings great benefits?

Do you think it’s more or less important for BTs to conform to communal dress codes?

What Should The Goal of Kiruv Be?

1) To help people become Shomer Shabbos over a period of time.

2) To help people connect to G-d without necessarily becoming Shomer Shabbos.

3) To teach people Torah without necessarily becoming Shomer Shabbos.

4) To encourage people to do more mitzvos without necessarily becoming Shomer Shabbos.

5) Something else.

A BT in the discovery phase is full of excitement, growth-orientation and optimism. However in the integration and Beyond BT phases the energy and continual improvement start to fade.

Perhaps the initial enthusiasm was unwarranted.
Or perhaps the community causes BTs to gravitate towards the norm of a status quo Judaism.

1) How have you been able to reignite the enthusiasm and optimism?

2) How can BTs bring a lasting positive influence to the Frum community?