Remedies for Spiritual Freeze

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Dear Rabbi Brody,

I don’t feel any kind of emotion when I go to synagogue. Praying seems to be a drag, and I feel nothing. I want to be a proper BT, but I just can’t seem to pray. What should I do?

Thanks, FR from New Jersey

Dear FR,

The old Novardok Yeshiva remedy for firing up a person with your problem is to say the prayer “Nishmas kol chai” from the Shabbos morning service; you can say it at any time or at any place, and it works wonders. Say each word slowly, loudly, and with fervor, as if you’re counting one-hundred dollar bills. If you don’t understand the Hebrew, say the translation from an English prayer book, then go back and say the Hebrew. Contemplate every word. By the time you’re through, you’ll have thawed out. Normally, when a person says “Nishmas” like he/she should, he/she kindles a bonfire of love for Hashem in their heart.
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A Baal Teshuva’s Father’s Daughter’s Perspectives

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Last week we had a wonderful post by Mr. David Shub, in which he shared his perspectives as a Baal Teshuva’s father. We also had the benefit of Rabbi Yaakov Menken sharing some of his insights on this subject.

Today we have the pleasure of hearing from Yael, the daughter of Mr. Shub as she shares her thoughts on the subject of Parent – Baal Teshuva relationships.

By “Yael Shub”

I don’t generally write postings espousing my philosophy on life, but since my father’s recent posting received such a positive response, I figured I would take the opportunity to share some quick thoughts I have developed over the last 20 years.
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Expressing the Music in my Heart

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A long, long time ago I was forced to go to Sunday school and Friday night services in order to learn for my bat mitzvah, just like the majority of Reform youth. I always resented it then, and even now I wonder if anything valuable came out of those 7 years of Jewish education. I always thought Judaism was that boring thing your parents made you do because their parents made them back all the way to Abraham. That is until I started NFTY- the Reform youth group.

At my first event we had a few song sessions and services, and much to my surprise, everyone was singing and having fun. And I started learning all of the songs, and I started to connect to prayer through the beautiful melodies that we used.
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Rabbi Label Lam on Personal Growth Lessons from Tu B’Shevat

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Tonight begins Tu B’Shevat and Rabbi Label Lam gave a wonderful Drasha earlier this month where he looked at the Mishna in Pirkei Avos which states “Rabbi Yaakov said, one who is walking along the road and is studying [Torah], and then interrupts his studies and says, ‘How beautiful is this tree! How beautiful is this plowed field!’, the Scripture considers it as if he bears the guilt for his own soul.”

In questioning what is the great crime here and why the cases of a tree and a plowed field is chosen, Rabbi Lam uncovers some powerful personal growth lessons that we can glean from the holiday of trees.

Click on this link to listen to Rabbi Lam on Personal Growth Lessons from Tu B’Shevat. (To download the file to your computer, click with the right mouse button on the link and select Save Target As)

Correcting the Negative, Necessitates Starting from the Positive

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In leading a life of Torah there are two pursuits: eliminating the negative and increasing the positive. These two avenues apply both to the individual and the community. On Beyond Teshuva the primary focus has been on the problems we have, the negative situations we face, and the ways that we can cope and change them. The risk we run by focusing on the problems is that we might start to view our friends, communities, institutions and life situations through a negative lens which is contrary to Torah. In her article on What Destroys Societal Trust, Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller makes the following point regarding Loshon Hora:

Loshon hara is so terribly destructive because it conditions those who speak it and those who hear it to frame reality negatively. The cumulative effect of a lifetime of speaking loshon hara are the kinds of elderly people who are so miserable and embittered that they don’t have a good word to say about anyone, including themselves, their bodies, and their lives. We all know such people. When you ask, “How are you?” they reply, “How should I be?”

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HaShem, This Wasn’t Part of the Deal!

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Rabbi Yaakov Menken
Cross Currents

The post that appeared here several days ago from the father of two Baalei Teshuvah fits nicely with a concept that I have explored recently with a relatively-new BT. Indeed there should be no power struggle, no “right” or “wrong,” but parents may not see it that way.

All parents attempt to bring up their children in their own image. This is only natural — while they expect their children to explore their own careers and “play to their own strengths,” they also have certain basic expectations. A Jewish family belonging to a Reform Temple naturally expects their children to become and marry Reform Jews. Whether the child brings home a non-Jewish significant other or becomes observant, either way it can be a disappointment — and as “David Shub” intimated, often it is the latter option that is more disturbing. And in both of these cases, the children themselves may have no idea how upset their parents will be.
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JIB Awards

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The JIB Awards are over and we want to thank Aussie Dave at Israelly Cool and the Jerusalem Post for organizing and hosting them. We didn’t finish in the top 3 in any categories, but the awards certainly accomplished their stated purpose of bringing new readers to the participating blogs.

We would like to congratulate all the winners, with a special shout out to Rabbi Lazer Brody at Lazer Beams, Rabbi Gil Student at Hirhurim and Rabbi Yaakov Menken and his contributors (including a bunch of Baalei Teshuva) at Cross Currents.

Coming off the heels of his strong showing, we have the privilege of having a guest contribution from Rabbi Menken today.

Tachlis-Where Do We Go From Here?

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I have to give my “hats off” to the people who decided to start this website. I wish that the Baalei Tsheuva world would have just melted and mixed with the FFB world to the point where you wouldn’t know the difference between any Yid. However, we all realize that that isn’t true.

I see the number one problem of BTs is that they don’t have a Rav, thereby having no guide through the process of life. Many BTs studied somewhat in Yeshiva or seminary but then once they moved on they never kept in “real” touch with their Rebbaim or Rebbetzins (I am not dealing with who’s to blame, that’s not the purpose of the article). Then there are those who never learned in Yeshiva. What’s a Yid supposed to do? Many times the local shul where you daven doesn’t have a Rav who can handle the issues of the FFBs, let alone the BT whom he doesn’t really understand.
Read more Tachlis-Where Do We Go From Here? ›

Fleishig Bagel Shop?

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My father stood in front of the counter perplexed why he could not order a corned beef sandwich at the bagel shop for lunch. Other “Jewish” delicatessens that he had gone to offered bagels, cream cheese, and lox and corned beef sandwiches. The bagel shop in his area even has corned beef sandwiches on a bagel. I explained to him that while there was nothing wrong with putting corned beef on a pareve bagel, this establishment could not offer such a sandwich because it was a strictly dairy restaurant.

Although my mother has slowly come to understand what keeping kosher entails, it seems to be much harder for my father. Many times he asks questions about the halachos of kashrus as if trying to find a loophole in the whole system that would permit a Jew to eat a Philly cheese steak.
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Fresh Bagel

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I heard a story once of a group of scholars who had gathered together and all but one had an illustrious rabbi for a father. As they went around the table each one said over a dvar torah in the name of his father. When they finally got to the one without a rabbi for a father he said the following, “My father was a baker, and he taught me a very important lesson: Sometimes a fresh bagel is better than a stale challah.”

It can’t be overstated how important it is to know that nothing is an accident. This is a portion of belief in God. It is the first commandment. The Almighty runs the world and there’s a reason for everything. If He wanted you born into a traditional family He would have. Why did you grow up the way you did? What benefits of your upbringing can you share with the society you are now a part of?
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Inspiration Winter Retreat – A Workout for the Soul – For Women Only

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Our contributor, Dina Mensch, is an organizer of an Exceptional Three-Day Torah Learning Experience for Beginning and Intermediate Learners.

on Presidents Weekend Shabbos-Mon February 17-20, 2006. Sunday learnng program begins 9:00 AM.

at Congregation Beis Torah U’Tefila
218 Aycrigg Ave, Passaic NJ in the Downstairs Simcha Hall.

For Reservations and information contact
Mrs. Dina Mensch at (973) 458-0059
Mrs. Laurie Baum at (973) 773-4413
Mrs. Rina Kasper at (973) 778-3636
or email dmensch -at- optonline.net

Space is Limited. All meals and classes for one low price of $175.00.
Home hospitality offered for out-of-town participants.
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Rabbi Label Lam’s Hilarious and Inspiring Life Story

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The Melave Malke was great. We had about 45 people and everybody enjoyed the good food, good friends and good time. The regular and guest contributors in attendance included Ayreh Leib Ecker, David Kirschner, David Linn, Rabbi Dovid Schwartz, Kressel Housman, Mark Frankel, Michael Salzbank, Steve Brizel and of course Rabbi Label Lam. We were glad to welcome many new and old friends and faces to our growing Beyond Teshuva community.

Rabbi Lam was fantastic and he shared his story with us and had the room rolling on the floor laughing for much of his presentation. In the last third of the lecture he left us with a number of practical tools and techniques to continue on our path of Teshuva.

Here is Part 1 – Life Story, Part 2 – Life Story and Part 3 – Tools for Continuing Growth of Rabbi Lam’s speech. Enjoy!

Financial Squeeze

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We all feel as if we are taxed to death! It seems for most people that we spend more than we earn. I recently landed a great job and couldn’t believe how much I would be making especially after living in eretz yisroel and earning not even a fifth of that. But when I got my first pay cheque I cried!! I couldn’t believe how much of my $ went to taxes. I soon got over the initial shock but then once you take away mortgage payments or rent, insurance fees, car loans, clothing, food and travel expenses, what is left? For many of us, not much.
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Beyond Teshuva – Melave Malka – February 4th at 9:00 PM with Rabbi Label Lam

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Rabbi Label Lam will be speaking on “Increasing Altitude: Continuing on the Growth Path” at the Kew Gardens Hills Melave Malka this Motza’ei Shabbos, Parshas Bo, February 4th at 9:00 PM at Congregation Ahavas Yisroel – 147-02 73rd Ave. Admission is $10 per person and we’ll be serving Cholov Yisroel Milchik (ziti, lasagna, eggplant, salad, etc…).

The initial response is very nice and if you don’t have plans already, please join us. There is 1 car coming from Monsey and 1 from Passaic. If you need a lift, send us an email at beyondbt@gmail.com.

I want to thank Phyllis Hochberg and the Jewish Press for running a free paragraph in their Queens and Long Island Community News for the event.

What’s in a Name – Matisyahu?

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One gratifying moment in my Baal Teshuvah life was when I legally changed my “American” first name to my Jewish first name. I have tremendous pleasure every time I have to spell out my name to someone official: “M A T I S Y A H U.”

Many BT’s would gladly change their legal first name, however, they do not do it, due to the hassle involved with possible court proceedings, changing the social security, passport, car registration and driver license, credit cards, etc.
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An Orthodox Jew with a Tattoo

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When I was 18 years old, before I knew anything about Orthodox Judaism, I got two tattoos. It was the thing to do – I was in college and a bunch of my friends were doing it. As well as the fact that it was an excellent opportunity to upset my parents. I didn’t know that halacha said you are not allowed to get tattoos, I wouldn’t have known what halacha was anyway.

As the years went by, and I became frum, it was a problem. One of the tattoos is in a place where no one sees it, but the other is on my ankle. I had three options – get it removed, either cover it up all the time, or deal with Orthodox Jews seeing (and possibly commenting on) my tattoo.
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Becoming Observant in the Land of the Nittany Lions

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If I were to give one piece of advice to a couple engaged in the process of becoming more observant, I suggest this: move to a remote, slightly rural location with few Jews and an even fewer observant Jewish community. It has become apparent to me, since this is what my husband and I did, that not being in a Jewish community has had a direct correlation to our thought process and decision-making regarding our observance. We live in State College, PA – home to Penn State University and the Nittany Lions, and located within 3.5 hours of Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and Baltimore. Nittany Valley is home to football-crazed fans, about 40,000 undergraduate students, and more pizza shops than one can count. It is also our home since we got married 2.5 years ago, and remarkably, I can’t think of a better place to become more observant in Judaism.
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Rabbi Label Lam at the KGH Melave Malke – February 4th at 9:00 PM

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In the chapter on Inspiration and Disappointment in Living Inspired, Rabbi Dr. Akiva Tatz discusses the natural pathway of all life experiences as one that begins with inspiration and often fades to disappointment. He applies this pattern to the Baal Teshuva with the exciting and inspired initial phase followed by the “hard work required for growth” phase. He explains that a person who understands this pattern and realizes that the first phase was artificial while the second phase yields real development, can begin to enjoy the phase of work.

Rabbi Label Lam will be speaking on “Increasing Altitude: Continuing on the Growth Path” at the Kew Gardens Hills Melave Malka this Motza’ei Shabbos, Parshas Bo, February 4th at 9:00 PM at Congregation Ahavas Yisroel – 147-02 73rd Ave. Admission is $10 per person and we’ll be serving Cholov Yisroel Milchik (ziti, lasagna, eggplant, salad, etc…).

Updated: The initial response is very nice and if you don’t have plans already, please join us (an RSVP would be helpful). There are at least 2 cars coming from Monsey and 1 from Passaic. If you need a lift, send us an email. If anybody else is coming from outside KGH, please let us know at beyondbt@gmail.com.

Following the Kiruv Tradition of Avraham

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I am a baal tshuva of 10 years living in Jerusalem. I have spent time in a number of different yeshivas and kollel’im in various different communities in and out of Jerusalem. I have met and know a plethora of baal tshuvas like myself who have married and integrated into the frum communities in which we live. I know many baal tshuvas that doven neitz, learn all day, behave like menchen and who are raising their FFB kids to be good Jews and are sending them to well established schools. But, I am beginning to think that as utopian as all this seems, something is wrong, something is missing.

Lately I have been doing something that for quite a while I have to admit I have managed to avoid doing. I have actually been listening to the Torah that I am learning. As crazy as this may sound, this has been a life shocking experience for me.
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Getting Your Money’s Worth

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I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that money is very often uppermost on my mind. Between basic living expenses, house expenses, two major yom tov seasons per year, and tuition, keeping up with the cost of Jewish living can be quite stressful. But Hashem does send chizuk in various forms, and I hope the following story will inspire you as much as it did me.

This year, my husband and I changed our children’s yeshiva to an excellent but rather pricey one. The Gemara in Beitzah 16a (thanks to my husband for finding the reference) tells us that all the money we spend on chinuch comes back to us. Besides this, we also receive the nachas of frum children. Clearly, schar limud is a worthwhile investment. But again, making those payments does not come easily, at least not for me.
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