Overcoming the Fear of Being Insignificant

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By Rucheli Manville

Shalom to everyone here at BeyondBT, my name is Rucheli. I’m a recent graduate of the University of Central Florida and I’m now spending the year at the Mayanot Seminary in Yerushalayim. Over the course of my time here, I hope to share some of the insights gained while at a school specifically designed for Baalet Teshuva, such as this one. Please leave your feedback and responses so that we can all learn and grow together!

The Mayanot girls were lucky enough on Sept. 28th to have Rabbi Shmuley Boteach join us for breakfast and Chassidus in the sukkah. Rabbi Boteach said a “quick 30 second thought” for about 30 minutes having to do with the root of all fears… the fear of being insignificant. It really hit home for a lot of us. His premise is that every true fear (not talking about phobias of spiders, etc.) that we have in life has to do with the fear of being insignificant. The fear of death, the fear of being alone, the fear of being poor; all of them stem from the insecurity generated by the fear of being insignificant.

The result of this fear is that we spend our entire lives trying to do something to prove our significance to the world. We work hard for good grades so that we can get into the best college to get the best degree to make the most money so that we can “be someone” in the financial world. We sacrifice our family lives in order to work extra hours for that promotion so that we can “be someone” in the company. We give up our own needs and wants to fulfill the needs and wants of others so that we can “be someone” that the people around us want us to be. We spend so much time doing things that we never actually get to just BE ourselves.

Something incredible happened when Rabbi Boteach was telling us all of this… a revelation of sorts about why I’m here. I worked in high school to get good grades and good SAT scores so that I could get a scholarship to go to college. I went to college on scholarship and worked hard to get good internships. I held leadership positions in countless extracurricular activities to boost my resume. I worked my butt off to get a great job when I graduated so that I could do something with my life.

The time came to graduate, and the job offer that I worked so hard to get came my way. And I turned it down.

People called me crazy. My family worried that I did so much to get to where I was and then I just let the offer sit there; they worried I would never use my degree. My friends couldn’t believe that I was turning down the kind of opportunity that we had all set our eyes on for the last five years of our lives… longer, 18 years of education! But I said “no thanks, I’m going to Israel.”

Maybe I’m crazy.

Or maybe I’m tired of doing, doing, doing.

So I bought a one way ticket to the other side of the world, to a place where I don’t have to DO anything. Here, I can just BE. I can be myself, I can return to my essential soul, to my natural state of existence. Yes, I’m still learning. Yes, I’m still “doing” things. But the reasons for my actions have changed entirely, because for once I’m not trying to do something in order to do something else in order to get something that society sees as a quintessential part of being significant. Instead, I just get to live.

I think that for the first time, I’ve finally realized what it means to be free.

Next time you’re busy doing, take a moment to think about what you need in order to just be who you really are. And if you’ve had that moment where you realize you are truly free to live your life, please share!

Originally posted here.

Quest over a Narrow Bridge: Asia, Harvard, and Shidduchim

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By Ben Clayman

I wrote my last article on the day I graduated university last summer. A lot has happened since then and I thought that Hashem’s loving kindness in showing me new insights in my life could help others in their life journey towards growth.

The Talmud says that when a baby is born, the parents have a level of prophecy when choosing the baby’s name. Benjamin is the name of the famous Jewish traveller, Benjamin of Tudela, who went around the Jewish world during the Crusades almost 1000 years ago. He chronicled most of the major centers of Jewish life.

I also set out to see the state of Jewish people on my journey. Rashi comments at the beginning of Exodus (2:11) that “Moshe saw their [Israel’s] burdens”. He focused his eyes and heart to be distressed over them. The most important lesson from my trip is the status of the Jewish people is a tale of two cities, both the best of times and the worst of times. Me, with my beard, kippa, tzizis, went around the world without a single negative incident. There was kosher food available, helpful locals, and strong communities in the farthest corners of this world. I met many converts and people wanting to convert. I met Jews from all backgrounds strengthening their commitment to Judaism. I met an Israeli who met his New Zealander wife in Laos at Kiddush in Auckland. I learned with a Swedish yeshiva student who was just in Germany for the year in Kowloon, Hong Kong. On the flip side, I got to give a small present of kosher candy to a Jew in prison in Cambodia. I saw a neglected, weatherbeaten Jewish cemetery and dying smaller communities. I witnessed missionaries preying on needy and ignorant Jewish youth.

My Rebbe, Rav Noach Weinberg ztl, said to me, Never forget how amazing it is to simply be part of Am Israel. I once got in an argument with him over whether kiruv was really focused in the right place. I argued that in my generation it is exceedingly rare to find someone who is passionate, who cares at all. All this talk about saving the Jewish people would fall on deaf ears, instead the message should be solely personal enrichment by Jewish teachings. He told me, “Make sure you can make them passionate, get them to care.” Hillel blew the famous clarion call, “If not me, then who? If not now, when?” Rav Noah expected everyone to be on the front lines and to answer the call.

I met a Jew while skydiving near the Blue Mountains outside of Sydney, Australia who taught me that no matter where you come from, all that matters is where you are going. In Hong Kong and Sydney, I bumped into a doctor (three times across continents in grocery markets, what hashgacha pratis!) who invited me to meet his wonderful family for Shabbos in Melbourne. On my return from China in Los Angeles airport, I asked the guy sitting next to me what time it was. He responded with an Australian accent and so we started to schmooze. Turns out, he is a Jew in university who lived close to where I stayed with a warm Rabbi and his awesome family and we spoke about Jewish views on business. A few weeks after my return to America, I was on the subway heading towards Brooklyn and the guy next to me said a few words in Hebrew on his phone. We started to talk and it happened that he grew up with the Aish Rabbi of Melbourne I spent Shabbos with. The world is a tiny place, do not let the size fool you.

Then after the highs of traveling, I returned to America to decide what to do next. I turned 22 on March 7th while visiting my parents in Boca Raton and the next day I got accepted to Harvard for graduate school. I was soaring, my life was exactly on course to becoming what I always wanted to be. I went back to Eretz Israel for Pesach to be by my Rosh haYeshiva, Rav Hillel Weinberg shlita. If you have not yet met the new Rosh Yeshiva of Aish, he is a Talmud Hacham par excellence and who has profoundly influenced me with his middos, advice, and sensitivity. After a month in Israel (with stories involving ruach hakodesh that I witnessed with Rav David Abuchetzera shlita, of the Baba Sali’s family and receiving brachos from Rav Elyashiv shlita), we spoke about the direction of my life. I really thought about it and decided that what I needed was at least another year in yeshiva and that Harvard could wait. If you know of someone going through the same debate or your child decides to push off higher education, I would be honored to explain to you the pros and cons and relieve any parents fears.

Which leads us to a new chapter in my life: shidduchim. I started my search for my bashert quite unprepared, thinking this was like any other competition in my life. Oh was I naive! I have never gone through such a character building, soul searching, and emotionally charged experience so far. Before exploring this part of my life, if I could not quantify it on a balance sheet or a logical flow chart, I tried to ignore it. Getting in touch with my emotions, attempting to be sensitive and nurturing for another human being, willing to give all that I have for the betterment of another is an amazingly tough time. Yes shidduchim are tough, being rejected is not walk in the park (and far worse is saying no to someone else), feeling as though you are being judged, investigated for your past (especially as a BT), and having your life questioned are part of the process. But with the right attitude, it becomes a cleansing process where you start to appreciate who you are a lot more and also what you have to offer your future soulmate. However, I have never felt more close to Hashem, feeling His guidance in all of this. I have also never fully appreciated Jewish women until now, every girl I have met so far is a diamond. Shidduchim has had me go through a paradigm shift when looking at my fellow Jews. We are all one family, and like I always look at my mother as the most beautiful woman only out for my best, I started to see the girls I am meeting as such as well. They are kind, sweet, smart, tznius, yirei shamyim, and all around phenomenal people. Mi K’Amecha Israel, Who is like you Israel?

I continue to daven that everyone single find their zivug emes very soon. Bezras Hashem, we should merit quickly the reestablishment of Beis David, our majestic capital city of our hearts and souls, and this upcoming Tisha B’Av be a day of celebration and preparation for the Tu B’Av where everyone will find their bashert!

Dealing with Lack of Promised Kosher Food

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Dear Beyond BT

I was wondering if anyone could share stories of the frustration of going to events at which they were previously told there would be kosher food for them only for it to turn out that there wasn’t.

For example

1) being told that an affair was kosher when in fact it is not
2) being promised separate kosher food that turns out to not be kosher
3) other kosher related issues

How did you or how would you handle the situation.

Thanks
Dovid

Leadership vs Isolationism

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Rabbi Micah Segelman

The Orthodox community is poised to assume the mantle of Jewish leadership in America. Demographics attest to our continued growth both in absolute terms and as a portion of the overall Jewish community. We are the most passionate and knowledgeable about Judaism and Israel and are the most willing to give of our time and money for Jewish causes. We are the stewards of the Torah’s wisdom and thus have so much to share with other Jews. But are we thinking and acting like leaders?

Klal Yisroel’s mission as the chosen people is to lead the entire world in drawing closer to Hashem (1). “Thus it became necessary that one nation be introduced into the ranks of the nations which, through its history and life, should declare that G-d is the only creative cause of existence, and that the fulfillment of His will is the only goal of life (2).” This requires that we adhere to higher standards and that to a degree we separate ourselves from the world around us (1). “Such a mission imposed upon this people another duty, the duty of separation, of ethical and spiritual separateness (2).”

While separation is required it seems to me that total isolation from the world around us is incompatible with the leadership that the Torah demands of us. If we only have the ability to relate to people within the Torah camp then we’re not fulfilling our great mission. We can’t influence a world from which we have retreated.

Jewish interests are constantly threatened. We are faced with disproportionate criticism and inappropriate censure of Israel. We are confronted by secularism, materialism, and promiscuity. Our Orthodox interests are threatened by groups of Jews who oppose Torah study and observance and we are challenged by the extreme left wing of modern Orthodoxy. We must forcefully and honestly engage our antagonists and lay our rightful claim to the moral high ground. Yet in doing so we must display leadership and not succumb to narrow parochialism. When we show disdain for other viewpoints we antagonize people who are outside of our own community. We must use calm and compelling logic and not resort to strident and intolerant language. Instead of confident and reasoned arguments we sometimes resort to shrill tones and personal attacks. We are alienating those who could become our supporters.

A friend of mine grew up in a traditional but non-frum home and the children were enrolled in an elementary school Yeshiva. One day his brother’s Rebbe told the class that “Golda Meir is a rasha” (this story happened in the early 70’s). Largely as a result of this incident all of the children in my friend’s family were transferred to public school. My friend is a fine Ben Torah and Marbitz Torah. But none of his siblings are frum.

We can learn how to effectively lead from many of the recent responses to the issue of ordaining a woman to serve in a Rabbinical role. The statements from the Moetzes Gedolei Torah and the recent letter from HaRav Shmuel Kamenetsky (3) were forceful but not strident. Many of the articles written (such as those by Rabbi Adlerstein, Rabbi Ginzberg, and Rabbi Shafan) also struck the right balance. Unfortunately, even a well formulated and constructive article written in a moderate tone can generate negativity when a few phrases are seen as unnecessarily harsh, especially when they are taken out of context (4). This too should be instructive for us.

If we fail to teach our children and students how to relate to people outside the Torah camp we are building a future Torah community incapable of leadership. We must set boundaries for our children and students in their interaction with the outside world. We correctly stress the dangers which the world around them presents. However, our ultimate intent is to equip them to make their way in the world as confident Bnei Torah. Our intent should be to prepare them to confront the outside world – not to paralyze their interaction with the world around them.

In discussing whether a ben Torah should go to college one of my Rebbeim said that he’s “Pro Torah” and not “Anti College.” This seems to me to be a much healthier message than telling people that college is “treif.” If we stigmatize secular education we are teaching people to be afraid of the outside world. Whether to pursue secular education is an individual decision to be made with great care and proper guidance. Furthermore, there are different valid Torah approaches to this issue.

However, I would hope that all agree that we can’t produce a generation of Bnei Torah who are thoroughly insulated from the world around them. This doesn’t require advanced secular education per se. But it requires a healthy attitude towards and the ability to understand and communicate effectively with the outside world.

I once returned home after being away in Yeshiva for a few months and came to shul for shacharis. Even to this day I often wear colored or striped shirts. However, on that particular day I was wearing a white shirt, dark pants, and a dark jacket. A man in shul whispered a derisive remark (which I unfortunately overheard) to the effect that, “Looks like they did a good job brainwashing him.” Clothing is fairly innocuous and yet it created a tremendous barrier, even for a person who is Orthodox. Imagine the barrier that would have been created if I truly came across as cloistered. And imagine if the other person was much further removed from Torah than my critic was.

Being comfortable in the outside world will be helpful to people in earning a living. But this isn’t the only motivation in engaging the world around us. Being overly restrictive carries the risk of alienating people who don’t want to live an isolated life. Cloistering ourselves makes us incapable of bringing other Jews closer to Torah. The inability to engage the outside world precludes us from advocating for causes that are important to us.

We have an opportunity to lead and to make a tremendous Kiddush Hashem. But are we up to the task?

Sources
(1)Seforno, Shemos 19:4-6
(2)Rav Hirsch, The Nineteen Letters (Spring Valley, NY 1988), Letter Four
(3)Five Towns Jewish Times, Letters to the Editor, July 8, 2010
(4)Jewish Week, ‘Rabba’ Appearance Stirs Up Controversy, June 30, 2010

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Sarah’s Place Retreat for Baalat Teshuva Women – October 31st

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A recent BeyondBT post (“How Would You Help Fellow BT’s Transition?“) drew attention to many of the dilemmas facing today’s BT – particularly the female (baalat teshuvah) who often feels less connected to her new community.

Lacking the “networking” provided by daily minyan and various learning settings, the baalat teshuvah can often go days or longer without interplay with other BT’s or FFB’s.

Parenting concerns, relationship issues, and coping with Shabbos and Yom Tov preparation – just loved the recent 3-day Yom Tov preps didn’t you? – were but a few of the issues raised.

Many women expressed interest in boosting Hebrew reading skills and building basic vocabulary – “I want my kids to know more than me – but not in kindergarten!” And so many would simply like a chance to bond and network with other women who’ve gone thru similar transformations.

All of this has been taken into account in designing an upcoming mini immersion-retreat specifically for women who have transitioned into a Torah lifestyle.

The retreat is being hosted by Sarah’s Place, a new women’s learning and retreat center in Cincinnati, Ohio. Now before you question “Why Cincinnati?” (or maybe, “Where’s Cincinnati?”) we should note that many Midwestern cities (yes, there are Jews west of the Hudson) are within easy driving range of Cinci and lots of airlines fly to Cinci (CVG) and/or Dayton (DAY). And, grant money is available to offset some of the travel costs for those who cannot find reasonable fares to either one (Note: first-come-first-served).

Lisa Aiken, author of many great books including the Baal Teshuvah Survival Guide, will be scholar in residence for the two-day retreat which begins Sunday October 31.

Sarah’s Place provides comfortable lodging, a pleasant learning environment, and hands-on learning — it even features a brand new kitchen designed for Halachah and kosher cooking classes!

Thanks to a generous sponsor the highly subsidized retreat cost can be even further reduced upon need.

Please go to www.sarahsplacecincy.org for more information.

Do You Have Advice for a Wedding for a Child of a BT

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A friend asked us to post the following:

She and her husband are making their first wedding for their son and they have no family support on their side.

The boy is marrying an FFB girl.

From a BT point of view, how have others handled the gashmius factor in frum weddings?

How have people cut costs?

What was “indispensible” (besides the obvious halachic requirements) and what wasn’t?

Are their any issues specific to BT/FFB chasuna?

Were there any surprises that arose due to not having been brought up attending frum chasunas?

Thanks in advance for your help.

I Really Have to Watch What I Say…

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I haven’t been writing recently. Both here and my regular blog. There were several reasons, including the birth of my third daughter, things getting busy at work, getting very active in a new hobby, etc. But I think the one overwhelming reason was an incident I had just before Rosh Hashana last year.

A group I belong to has an email list, and we began sending each other “Shana Tova” greetings. One person sent out “Have an easy fast!” Now let me back up a little bit here. I’m sometimes a bit of a jokester. I like making people laugh, usually with light teasing, with emphasis on the light, I never try for mean humor, demeaning someone.

So I sent an e-mail out pointing out that Yom Kippur was in 10 days, and tonight (it was the day of Erev Rosh Hashana) “I plan to Feast, not Fast!” I had just meant it as a joke in the similarity between, yet totally opposite meanings of, the words ‘Feast’ and ‘Fast.’ However, while the group I belong to is a Jewish group, I’m the only observant member, and most of them know I became observant a few years ago (I was a member before I became observant).

My friend took my message not as a joke, but as if I was scolding him about not knowing the difference between the holidays, and also protested that because he was diabetic, he doesn’t fast as it causes medical problems for him. While his message wasn’t scathing, it was harsh enough that I knew I must have really hurt him and led him to think I was telling him he needed to fast. I quickly sent him an apology, and told him I was only joking, again, about the ‘fast’ and ‘feast’ thing, I knew about his medical issues, and that I was by no means telling him what he should or shouldn’t do, nor did I have any right or desire to do so. I worried about it all during the Yom Tov, and quickly checked my email after it was over. He had replied back that he understood, and probably took it the wrong way, and there were no hard feelings.

However, it still really struck me that a casual remark, meant to be a joke, brought such a reaction. I have tried very hard to be sure I was not judging others, not making them feel they should become more observant as well, etc. But I guess there’s always the underlying feeling that someone more observant is trying to force others to be as well.

Start the Parsha Earlier in the Week

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The Yomim Tovim are past and it’s a good opportunity to increase our Torah learning. How many times are we rushing to finish the Parsha on Friday night or Shabbos morning?

Why not start early in the week so you can research some of the questions you have and do a better job of learning the Parsha.

Here’s Rabbi Rietti’s outline of Noach. You can purchase the entire outline of the Chumash here.

Noach
#6 Building Noach’s Ark
#7 The Flood
#8 Mt. Ararat
#9 Rainbow – Noach Drunk
#10 The Descendants of Shem, Cham & Yafet
#11 Tower of Bavel – 10 Generations of Noach

#6 Building Noach’s Ark
* Praise of Noach
* The Three Sons of Noach
* World corruption
* “Behold! I will destroy them utterly!”
* Build an ark
* Compartments
* 300 X 50 X 30 cubits
* Skylight – Slanted Roof – 3 Stories
* 1 Male – 1 Female of every animal – Store Food

#7 The Flood
* 7 pairs of kosher animals
* 2 pairs of non-kosher animals
* 7 pairs of birds
* Noach 600 years old when flood began (2nd month, 17th day)
* 40 days & 40 nights – 15 cubits above the highest mountain
* Total destruction
* 150 days

#8 Mt. Ararat
* 150 days till water receded
* 7th Month, 17th day, the Ark rested on Mt. Ararat
* 10th Month, 1st day mountain tops become visible
* Raven
* Dove #1, #2, #3
* 1st Tishrei Noach opened gate of Ark
* 2nd Month, 27th day, land was totally dry (exactly 365 days after the flood began).
* ‘Leave the Ark!’
* Noach built an Altar
* G-d appeased & promises never to flood the earth again
* Four seasons

#9 Rainbow – Noach Drunk
* Blessing to Noach “Be fruitful and Multiply!”
* All living creatures will fear you
* You can eat meat but not flesh from living animal
* Violation of suicide
* Death penalty for murder
* Command to be fruitful and multiply
* G-d promises never to flood entire world again
* Rainbow is sign of this promise
* Noach planted a vineyard
* Drunk
* Canaan cursed: slave of slaves to his brothers
* Blessed Shem and Yafet
* Noach died 950

#10 The Descendants of Noach
* Descendants of Yafet and Cham (Nimrod grandson of Cham & 1st world despot)
* Descendents of Canaan
* Descendants of Shem

#11 Tower of Bavel – 10 Generations of Shem
* One Language
* The Tower
* HaShem scattered them
* 10 Generations of Shem
* 11th Gen. Shem 600
* 12th Gen. Arpachshad 438
* 13th Gen. Shelach 433
* 14th Gen. Ever 464
* 15th Gen. Peleg 239
* 16th Gen. Re’oo 239
* 17th Gen. Serug 230
* 18th Gen. Nachor 248
* 19th Gen. Terach 205 – Avram-Nachor-Haran
* Haran – Lot – Milka & Yiska (Sarai). Haran dies in Ur Kasdim
* Avram marries Sarai
* Nachor marries Milka
* 20th Gen. Avram
* Terach leaves Ur Kasdim with Avram, grandson Lot & Sarai
* Terach dies in Charan

Sukkos Thoughts

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Every Shabbos Chol Hamoed Succos we read the Haftorah (Yechezkel, Chapter 38) about the final confrontation at the end of days between Gog and the nation of Israel. How does Succos connect with Gog, Magog and the end of days? It is ironic to note that after the exodus from Egypt, while travelling in the desert, a place that offers absolutely no natural security or protection, the Jewish people experienced their greatest sense of true security, protected from their enemies and entirely provided for by G-d. Every year, when theJew leaves his home for a week to eat, sleep and live in a succah; an often flimsy structure with a roof made of bits of wood, reed, bamboo, etc., he actualizes this idea that ultimate care and protection come only from G-d. By virtue of the closeness to G-d he has achieved during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, he can now experience a sense of true security. The word “Gog” in Hebrew means roof. Modern man, divorced from a belief in G-d, deeply believes that a good job, a big bank account, a solid economy, a high tech army, in short, a strong solid “roof over his head,” is the source of true security. These two world views cannot co-exist forever. We are told by the prophets that armageddon is inevitable, a final confrontation that will witness the destruction of mankind’s false faith. Succos teaches us that our apparently flimsy roofs will ultimately be triumphant over modern man’s misguided sense of security.

Rabbi Chaim Salenger from Ohr Somayach

Hidden and Revealed

The essence of Rosh Hashanah is our crowning of G-d as our “king.” A coronation, explain the Chassidic masters, is effected by two things — unity and joy: a people joyously unite to select, accept and submit to an exalted figure who embodies their collective identity and innermost strivings (if the coronation lacks either joy or unity, chassidic teaching explains, it results not in a true king, but merely in a “ruler”). But there is also a third element without which the coronation could not happen — awe. And the nature of awe is that it eclipses and mutes the joy. Sukkot, then, is simply the revelation of Rosh Hashanah. The joy and unity that are the essence of our commitment to G-d, and which were “concealed” by the awe that characterizes the first days of Tishrei, erupt on the 15th of the month in the form of the festival of Sukkot.

In the words of the Psalmist, “Sound the shofar on the new moon, in concealment to the day of our festival.” Our crowning G-d king with the sounding of the shofar on the 1st of Tishrei (“the new moon”) remains in concealment until “the day of our festival,” the full moon of Sukkot, when it manifests itself in a seven-day feast of joy.

Yanki Tauber of Chabad.org

Reality Therapy

The holiday of Sukkot is an exercise in faith. True faith is not the belief that because God runs the world, everything will turn out the way we would like it to. True faith is the belief that because God runs the world, however things turn out is an expression of His love for us and is for our ultimate good.

When we leave our houses to dwell in the sukkah, we leave behind the illusion of security fostered by our cozy homes. After all, our houses may be invulnerable to rain, but they are vulnerable to the bank’s foreclosure. All physical security is an illusion. In this sense, Sukkot is a week of reality therapy.

Instead, the sukkah offers the comfort (and joy) of dwelling within the Divine Presence. The mystical Clouds of Glory surround the sukkah, creating a place of Divine immanence. The nature of spiritual reality is that it is eternal, imperishable, and invincible.

Sara Yoheved Rigler at Aish.com

Chag Someach to All

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Have a wonderful joyful Succos.
____________________________________________

From Derech Emes

Directions of Lulav Waivings
____________________________________________

Rashi: left, right, front, back, up, down

Tur: front, left, right, back, up, down

Beth Yosef and Rema: front, right, back, left, up, down

Levush: front, right, left, up, down, back

Ari: right, left, front, up, down, back

____________________________________________

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Jewish Torah books, please go to:

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Between Yom Kippur and Sukkos – Actions to Match Up to Our Prayers

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From Days of Majesty – By Rabbi Daniel Yaakov Travis

On Yom Kippur, the Jewish people were forgiven for the sin of the golden calf and were given the second set of luchos. Yet even after this tremendous act of pardon, we still did not know if we had found favor in Hashem’s eyes. During the days between Yom Kippur and Sukkos, the Jewish people gave away much of the wealth that they had taked from Egypt, for the sake of building the Mishkan, the tabernacle in the dessert. On Sukkos Hashem responded by showing His intense love for us when He returned the Clouds of Glory (commentary of the Vilna Gaon on Shir HaShirim 1:4)

Every year from Elul until Yom Kippur, we toil to repair our relationship with our Creator. When Yom Kippur ends, although we are cleansed of our aveiros, our job is not complete. Between Yom Kippur and Sukkos we engage ourselves completely in mitzvos in order to encourage Hashem to show His deep love for us. Perhaps these four days are the most critical in the entire Jewish calendar, for they determine the true extent of our devotion to HaShem. The intense love that is meant to exist between us cannot return until our actions match up to our prayers.

In the merit of our serving HaShem with devotion, may he show His true love to us, His children, and bring us all back to His Home quickly.

Do Teshuva Out of Love This Yom Kippur

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Advantages of Doing Teshuva out of Love
In the Aryeh Kaplan Reader article titled Yom Kippur Thoughts – A Good Day for Repentance, Rabbi Kaplan points out the tremendous advantages of doing teshuva out of love versus out of fear:
1) Your sins become merits
2) You require no further atonement even though we can’t bring a Korban these days
3) You are immediately forgiven for all your sins, even those involving Koreis or Chillul Hashem

Teshuva out of Love is Very Possible in Our Generation
Rabbi Kaplan refutes the claim that many make that it is hard to reach this level with all the distraction we face these days. He believes that people today are more equipped to have a love of G-d than previous generations especially in our close-to-Moshiach times.

He points out that most Baalei Teshuva didn’t return because they had visions of Gehinnom before their eyes, but rather because they have a special love for Judaism and G-d.

Ideas on How to Do Teshuva out of Love
1) Set aside 15 minutes at the beginning of Yom Kippur and think about all G-d has done for us and the greatness of G-d’s deeds and works.
2) Recite the Shomoneh Esrai with strong kavanah on Yom Kippur, especially the first brocha which serves as a method of defining G-d to ourselves

The brocha use terms like “the great, might, awesome G-d”, If we say this brocha and all its words with concentration, carefully, slowly and thinking about the meaning of every word, will at the moment come to tremendous love for G-d.

He will think that “I love G-d so much. I want to be so close to Him. How could I have possibly sinned?” This will inevitable bring a person to Teshuva with love.

Go for It
The little skeptic inside us might be saying, “you can’t do Teshuva out of love”, but let’s use the power of the day of Yom Kippur to focus in the first brocha and to recognize G-d’s greatness which will lead to teshuva from love. We can do it and it really is what Hashem wants.

Taking Back Last Year’s Neilah

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One Yom Kippur, in his drashah right before the Neilah prayer, our rav gave a short but powerful speech. He started off with a tragic narrative of a family that lo aleinu lost a child in a fire. Then he spoke about “taking back last year’s Neilah.” If someone had been through a painful year, he/she might wish with all of his/her heart the power to take back last year’s Neilah and really daven with extra special kavanah, The rav said, “Next year we might regret doing only lip service for this year’s Neilah. So make this year’s Neilah really count. Daven with extra kavanah so that next year you won’t want to take back this year’s Neilah.”

I have tremendous respect for my shul’s Rav, a brilliant man, totally frum Jew and eloquent speaker. Yet I find the concept of “taking back last year’s Neilah” more than a little bit chilling.

I haven’t read Joan Didion’s memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, about the horrible year when she lost her husband (and later her only child). From the reviews and comments that I have read, magical thinking or wishful thinking is a kind of self-delusion that one somehow has the power to influence events through unconnected actions, sort of along the line of, “If I wear my Jets jersey to every home game, the Jets will win the Super Bowl,” or more importantly, “If I pray and give charity, then my close relative will recover from his/her terminal illness.”

Of course, an Orthodox Jew does engage in some of this thinking, it’s part of our Emunah. We’ve all heard the saying, “Tzedakah tatzil Maves,” charity saves from death; also the famous line from the Yoraim Noraim tefillos about how “Teshuva, Tefillah, Tzedakah” can cancel the evil decrees against us. But as a noted rebbetzin once said, “G-d is not a waiter to whom we can give orders.” A beloved rabbi, the rebbetzin’s husband, was diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer. Despite the outpouring of sincere prayers and tzedakah given on his behalf, the rabbi was niftar only weeks later. Should that shake our Emunah? We continue to pray and give charity when someone is ill, but don’t we already realize that sometimes we will not get the answer we want?

There is a story in the Agadita of the Gemara of two men who were about to die by hanging. (Sorry, I don’t remember the masechta and daf: if someone else can supply it, I would be grateful). Both men, about to die, offered up a prayer. One man’s prayer was granted (the rope snapped and he was saved) and the other man died. There is a machlokes as to whether the man who died offered up a “sincere” prayer, but then what is a “sincere” prayer? The Gemara seems to indicate that the man who lived had true Bitachon that his prayer would be successful. That only leads to more questions – the man who died lacked Bitachon? What does “faith in Gd” and “trust in Gd” really mean, especially to someone facing illness or death? Does he really need to believe that everything will be turn out to be Bseder and OK and wonderful?

I find the concept of “taking back last year’s Neilah” ironic because bli ayin harah, I had a very good year this past year 5770 in many important ways, yet I don’t remember having davened such a special Neilah last Yom Kippur. Maybe I should say to Gd, in a more august and respectful manner of course, “Let’s have another one just like the other one,” if only I knew how. Then those of you who had sadly not such a great past year might protest, “I davened such a meaningful Neilah last year, why did G-d give me those painful difficulties in 5770?”

In reality, there is no way to “take back last year’s Neilah,” any more than we can take back a car accident or stop a disastrous past choice. Perhaps the Rav was referring to having foresight almost as keen as our 20/20 hindsight, to be able to daven this year’s Neilah with as much Kavanah as if we really did (and do) have the power to prevent bad things from happening in our lives.

Join the Clean Team. Al Cheit 2010

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Today I did something I’d like to delete from my supernal report card. I googled the name of someone I dislike just to take him down. Yes, I’m jealous. X is an uneducated boor, crass, ostentatious, but blessed, it seems with a talent for earning easy money.

What my search turned up wasn’t the stuff of the Yom Kippur afternoon Torah reading, just some potential securities fraud, tax swindles and other practices that could fall under the general heading “sketchy.”

“Ha Ha”, I thought, “Unless X’s lawyers are really sharp he’ll soon be wearing orange. I bet he’s even got that color in his wardrobe already. Won’t that save the Feds a bundle.”

Later on though , my higher self kicked in. X’s affairs were not my business. I had no justification for my inquiry, no Toeles. Plus I was guilty of a full fledged violation of the laws of Loshon Hara, seventeen negative commandments and 14 positive ones according to the Hafetz Haim.

Why did I even go there?. Was it worth upsetting Hashem for the momentary thrill of taking X down? I could almost feel the slime droplets dripping off my soul. How would I shower myself clean? One day, I’d bring an animal to the temple but for now there was teshuva, repentence, especially now when Hashem is in our corner rooting for us.

So I’m klopping al cheit over googling sins conducted resolving not to do it again..

But that isn’t enough. For my teshuva to be good, I need to think well of X, disbelieve all that I read, and see him in a good light and that isn’t just to be nice.. Since Hashem judges me as I judge others if I come down on X , Hashem will come down on me.

Switching mental gears isn’t easy. I’m scrawling X’s name on a post it note stuck into my siddur at shema koleinu, the place for personal request so that I can ask Hashem to let me see him with “good” generous eyes.

The best way to develop those generous eyes is by counting my own blessings, realizing that Hashem isn’t just kind of X, He’s more than kind to me.

Here’s a short list of things I can thank Hashem for-not in any particular order. My eyes, my ears, my mouth, my teeth, my fillings (imagine life without dentistry) my ability to use a computer, my kids, my husband, my car, my air conditioner, regular trash collection, the food I have in my fridge (even the left over meatballs no one wants to eat) my home, even when it’s messy. And that is only a start. Since I’ve got plenty, can’t X have plenty too?

In one of her final conversations, the victims of the tragic Israeli train track van collision said that people need to rise up above their own pettiness. She said that our own small mindedness actually prevents the final redemption. With terrorism returning the New York Times reporting that the Palestinian State is on it’s way, we Jews need Moshiach badly. If cleaning up my own personal relationships will help Moshiach to come, then consider me a member of the clean team.

A Must Read for Rosh Hashana

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I think this is one of the most important articles to read in preparation for Rosh Hashana: Why Judgement – By Rabbi Noson Weisz

An excerpt:

INVESTMENTS VERSUS REWARDS

The very first point that must be emphasized is that contrary to popular belief, Rosh Hashana is not about reward and punishment. The Talmud informs us that mitzvot cannot be rewarded in this world (Kiddushin 39b). The commentators explain that the physical world simply does not have the resources to deliver the amount of joy required to compensate the performance of even a single Mitzvah.

Only people who do not have the merit to make it to the World to Come are written into the Book of Life to compensate them for their past good deeds; we certainly hope that none of us are in this position, The conclusion: when we stand before God and pray for a good life in the coming year, we are not asking Him to provide it fo rus as a reward.

But if the judgment we face on Rosh Hashana does not concern reward, what exactly is being weighed? According to Rabbi Dessler, the model we should study as an aid to understanding the deliberations of the Heavenly Court on Rosh Hashana is an economic investment model; the judgments of Rosh Hashana are the heavenly equivalents of earthly investment policy decisions. On Rosh Hashana it is decided how much Divine energy God will invest in the world in general and in our own lives in particular in the course of the coming year.

Please read the whole thing.

Prepare for Rosh Hoshana With These Great Shiurim

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Rabbi Welcher on Tekios on Rosh Hoshana 2010 – mp3 can be download here.

Rabbi Oelbaum on Teshuva 2010 – mp3 can be download here.

Rabbi Yonason Sacks on Teshuva – mp3 can be download here.

Rabbi Welcher on Selichos night from 2007 can be downloaded here.

Rabbi Welcher on Halachos of Blowing Shofar from 2007 can be downloaded here.

R’ Dovid Schwartz on Rabbi Yonah of Gerona – Guilt is Good can be download here.

R’ Moshe Schwerd on Rosh Hoshana – Why Change is Possible can be downloaded here.

R’ Moshe Schwerd on Din V’Cheshbon can be downloaded- here.

R’ Daniel Stein on Hilchos Teshuva – Chapter 2 can be downloaded here.

R’ Yechezkel Rosenberg on How Loud Can You Daven on Yomim Noraim and Other Times can be downloaded here.

R’ Yakov Haber on Rosh Hoshana davening can be downloaded here.

R’ Yakov Haber on Rosh Hoshana and Hirhur Teshuva according to Rav Soloveitchik can be downloaded here.

Some Random Thoughts on My Daughter and Son-in-law’s Upcoming Chasanah

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Tonight’s the big night and we are grateful to Hashem for this joyous occasion. Here are some random thoughts:

– It is possible to go from engagement to Wedding date in under 10 weeks

– Getting your response cards in early is really appreciated

– Sending a check with the response card, if you’re planning on giving a gift is a great idea

– Just like there is a wonderful change in family configuration on the birth of a newborn, so to there is a wonderful change with the addition of a son-in-law

– Focusing on the tremendous simcha makes the occasion even more enjoyable and many people have advised us that is even more important on the night of the Chasanah

– Every marriage is part of the continuing chain of the Jewish People, so it is a simcha everybody can share

– The time, energy and effort going into the Chasanah is a wonderful celebration of the beginning of a new couple’s dedicated service to Hashem

– Extending the family with great Machatunim is a wonderful feeling

How Would You Help Other BTs Transition?

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A fellow BT has been blessed by Hashem with great insight and great financial resources. Looking back at what was missing when he became frum, he has allocated significant funds to provide learning opportunities specifically for BT’s — at this point specifically for BT women who he feels are really under-served!

Yes, finally, someone understands that many of us – especially the newcomers – need something other than more outreach classes to help us really feel like we ‘get it’ and fit in!

He, together with the team he has hired, are interested in our input – -what we need / want /long for etc. And they’re asking two simple questions:

1) If you could spend a few days with fellow BT’s and have the perfect schedule of classes, lectures, discussions, activities, etc – what would you want included in the curriculum/schedule?

2) If you had the money and the time, what would you do to help other BTs make the transition – or maintain the transition – more smoothly?