Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller on Friendship, Parenting, Ayin Tova, Making Changes

Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller came to Kew Gardens Hills on May 6th and 7th and we (Mark and his wife) were priviledged to host her for part of her stay. She is one the most clear thinking people in the Orthodox world as well as a wonderful speaker and writer.

Please download these mp3s and avail yourself of her wisdom.

Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller on Friendship – can be downloaded here.

Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller on Parenting – can be downloaded here.

Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller on Ayin Tova – can be downloaded here.

Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller on Making Changes – can be downloaded here.

Bringing People Closer vs Opening Kiruv Files

There is a Mitzvah to bring people closer to Hashem whether they are observant or not. Many observant Jews feel that most if not all Jews would benefit greatly in this world and the next if they were Torah observant. On the other hand it seems unhealthy to view people as a target for your Kiruv files.

So how do you strike the proper balance of trying to bring a person closer to Hashem without turning them into a Kiruv file?

Rav Henoch Leibowitz, 1916–2008

By: Rabbi Yair Hoffman – 04/17/2008
Reprinted by permission from the Five Towns Jewish Times.

Naflah ateres rosheinu. On Tuesday of this week, Klal Yisrael lost one of the last great rashei yeshiva and ba’alei mussar of the previous generation, Rav Alter Chanoch Henoch Leibowitz, zt’l. The loss is indescribable.

Rav Leibowitz was the only son of his saintly father, Rav Dovid Leibowitz, zt’l, founder of Yeshiva Rabbeinu Yisroel Meir HaCohen, commonly known as Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim. The yeshiva was first established in 1933 by Rabbi Dovid Leibowitz, a nephew of the Chofetz Chaim. On December 7, 1941, Rav Dovid Leibowitz passed away, and his son would take over at the helm of the yeshiva.

Rav Henoch Leibowitz molded the yeshiva in the image of the great yeshiva of his father’s rebbi, the Alter of Slabodka. Indeed, Rav Mordechai Shulman, zt’l, a rosh yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael who had intimate knowledge of the Slabodka Yeshiva, commented, “Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim is Slabodka.”

Slowly but surely, Rav Henoch Leibowitz shaped and molded his talmidim to be talmidei chachamim as well as mentchen. He imbued them with a sense of mission to do and work for Klal Yisrael. The greatest achievement for one of his talmidim was to merit to be a marbitz Torah in Klal Yisrael.

And harbatzas Torah they did. Rav Henoch Leibowitz’s talmidim opened up high schools across the nation and beyond—in Miami, Los Angeles, Rochester, Milwaukee, and Ottawa, to name just a few. Rav Leibowitz nurtured his talmidim and the mosdos they set up. Soon, Chofetz Chaim became a major force in American Judaism. Entire Torah communities were to spring up around the Chofetz Chaim branches. These communities yielded fruit. Many graduates of the Chofetz Chaim schools entered harbatzas Torah themselves, in every capacity. The attitude of Rav Henoch’s talmidim created a major turning point and shift in the field and in the public perception of Jewish education, which affected all other yeshivos, as well. A career of harbatzas Torah became a lofty profession, something that the elite should aspire to achieve.

Rav Leibowitz focused his efforts on developing his students in three major areas.

He felt that mechanchim—indeed, everyone—should strive to achieve the highest level of iyun (in-depth study) possible. Toward this end, Rav Leibowitz spent countless hours with his students, teaching them how to unfold the latent processes of reasoning in a Talmudic text. He taught them to highly esteem the words of the Maharsha and to home in on the essence of an argument between the Maharam and the Maharsha. And he taught his talmidim to appreciate the words of the Acharonim, too.

He taught them to focus very closely on the shift between a text’s initial supposition and the turning point in its final conclusion. “What is the shift between the havah amina and the maskana?” was a question he often asked. Most importantly, he taught his students the notion of “muchrach”ism, that each and every piece of Torah they spoke had to be both textually and logically compelling. He eschewed the methodologies of baseless chakiros (logical inquiry and differentiation) and the standard use of “reid” when understanding Torah texts. The yeshiva was well known for the thorough manner in which the talmidim examined the texts they were learning. Shiurim were not just heard once; they were worked on for days and sometimes weeks, so as to understand and appreciate every nuance. (This slow pace, however, was limited to the morning iyun seder. Indeed, for the afternoon and evening bekiyus sedarim, the rosh yeshiva instituted a quota system, where a minimum number of blatt had to be learned each week.)

The second area in which Rav Leibowitz “grew” his talmidim was in the area of mussar thought and texts. Talmidim were taught how to develop a genuine mussar insight, either in psychology or midos or some other area of Torah growth. Such insight, of course, also had to be logically and textually compelling. The true “Slabodka shmuess” was not a d’rush-filled exposition of any Torah thought that comes into the talmid chacham’s mind; no—it had to be derived from a previous Torah text: a Ramban, a Seforno, a Rashi, a Midrash. Otherwise, the integrity of Torah could be compromised, if people’s own ideas were read into the text and represented to the world as Torah.

Thirdly, Rav Leibowitz imbued his students with a sense of mission toward Klal Yisrael. His talmidim were in the forefront of chinuch and the revitalization of Torah throughout North America. His students opened Torah institutions and branches in many cities, including Los Angeles, San Diego, St. Louis, Cherry Hill and Manalapan (New Jersey), Cedarhurst, Huntington, Monsey, New York City, Vancouver, Ottowa, Phoenix, and Dallas—and in places in Eretz Yisrael, too.

He personified the midah of emes, as well. Once, for example, a wealthy individual gave a $10,000 donation that was doubled by his corporation’s matching-funds program. The problem was that the donor’s check did not clear. Rav Leibowitz promptly refunded the corporation’s money. Any behavior otherwise was sheer anathema to him. He was a genuine Torah sage in every way, and he would never countenance any form of dishonesty, chalilah.

Rav Leibowitz had a warmth and a smile that conveyed his love for each member of Klal Yisrael. He also had a great sense of humor, which he utilized to connect with talmidim, baalei batim, and other members of Klal Yisrael. Once, when my mother, aleha ha’shalom, met him, she asked him to compile the Kabbalistic writings of her father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. For the next four weeks, he playfully teased me about it, but it was a loving, playful tease that served to connect. When I, a boy from California with no family in New York, had surgery during my first year in yeshiva, he and his rebbetzin put me up in their house to recover. His rebbetzin, zt’l, served me her nurturing kasha, chicken soup, and kosher jello, and Rav Leibowitz patiently sat and learned with me.

Rav Leibowitz personified the idea of sensitivity toward others and making sure that people realized what it means to cause anxiety to others. A typical shmuess of Rav Leibowitz involved examining Rashi’s comments regarding the person who cursed the name of Hashem, found at the end of Parashas Emor. The pasuk says, “Vayanichuhu ba’mishmar,” they placed him under guard. Rashi comments: “Alone—and they did not leave the person who gathered [sticks] with him.” Why? Rashi explains that even though they both committed their sins during the same time period, one of them, the gatherer of sticks, incurred the death penalty; they just did not know which particular death penalty. But regarding the one who cursed G-d, they did not know what his punishment was to be at all.

Rav Leibowitz asked, how does this difference explain why these two prisoners were housed separately? He answered that they were placed in separate locations to avoid the additional anxiety that the one who cursed G-d would feel if he observed that they housed him with someone who incurred the death penalty. How sensitive we must be to each tzelem Elokim, if even a criminal deserves this sensitivity. The lesson is even more profound when we examine the words of the Da’as Zekeinim. From there we see how particularly heinous the blasphemer who cursed Hashem actually was. And yet we see that we should be sensitive to his anxieties.

Rav Leibowitz, zt’l, was one of the gedolei ha’dor who personified the highest ideals of the Torah—in his words, deeds, teachings, and actions. His impact on Torah in America will be felt for centuries to come. The loss to all of us is most profound.

Petira of Alter Chanoch Henoch Leibowitz ZT”L

We regret to inform you of the petira of Alter Chanoch Henoch Leibowitz ZT”L of Yeshivas Rabbeinu Yisrael Meir HaKohen, also known as Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim: Rabbinical Seminary of America (RSA), and often referred to as just Chofetz Chaim.

The levaya will take place Wednesday at 1:30 PM at the Yeshiva in Kew Gardens Hills.

There will be a phone hook-up to the levaya. The number to call is 218-936-1600 and the code is 7601147.

What’s Your Biggest Seder Issue?

The Seder is less than a week aways so we thought it is appropriate to ask What’s Your Biggest Seder Issue? If anybody has any solutions to some of the problems it would be greatly appreciated.

1) Not enough extended family

2) Hard to give the second half of the seder its due after the third cup and the meal

3) Finding the right balance between vortloches, keeping the kids interested and inspiring ourselves to get the most out of the night

4) Trying to fulfill the mitzvos in the best possible way leads to eating a lot of matzoh and maror

5) None of the Above

Should We Hide or Expose Our Imperfections?

When trying to show the beauty of Torah, we are faced with a dilemma: should we reveal or hide the imperfections of the Torah Observant community?

From our feedback here at Beyond BT, we know that many people feel we should hide the imperfections. They tell us quite clearly that they would never send a potential or new BT to this site. Their valid point is that people will focus on the imperfections of its adherents and not see the truth and beauty of Torah.

On the other hand the Torah and the Gemorra make it quite clear that the Jewish People have many blemishes that need to be corrected. Hiding this fact is not truthful and often leads to disillusionment down the road when the truth is discovered.

What do you think: Should we hide our imperfections or expose them to the non observant?

In Light Of Klal Yisroels Current Situation: Kol Koreh From The Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah of America

In Light Of Klal Yisroels Current Situation: Kol Koreh From The Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah of America

We are in the wake of a terrible destruction, Jewish blood spilled like water in the Holy Land, of precious sons of Zion who fell in sanctification of Hashem’s name in their Beis Medrash – nations have entered the estate of Hashem and turned Yerushalayim into heaps of rubble. And all that is besides the frightening danger to the nation of Hashem from enemies from without who threaten to obliterate it – may it never come to pass, and may Hashem have mercy.

And then there are other heartrending tragedies that have suddenly afflicted our community. We are all enveloped in mourning over the calamities borne by Jews in every land.

We therefore call and encourage the entire community to gird and strengthen itself in what the Jewish people relies upon, the pillars of the world: Torah, avodah and gemillus chasodim – and to gather in shuls and botei medrash to pour out prayers and pleas before our Father in Heaven, through recitation of Tehillim and the Yom Kippur Koton service on Thursday, 27 Adar II, may it arrive bringing blessings.

May our entreaties be pleasing to the Master of all, and may He listen to our cries, accept our prayers in mercy and quickly bring us the Redeemer without delay.

Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah of America

24 Adar II, 5768

Special Address

Horav Aaron Feldman, Rosh Hayeshiva of Yeshivas Ner Yisroel and Chaver Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah, will be delivering divrei hisorerus b’ inyana d’yoma on the eve of Yom Kippur Koton, this Wednesday evening, 27 Adar II 5768/April 2, 2008, at 8:45 PM.

The Rosh Hayeshiva’s address, which will take place at Agudath Israel of Baltimore, will be broadcast live nationwide by TCN – The Torah Conferencing Network. You can also hear Horav Feldman’s shiur by calling 718-705-5555, and punching in access code 2626.

What Were the More Difficult Mitzvos For You to Take On?

Everybody has a unique path in Torah Observance with their own victories and challenges. It’s often helpful to see what other peoples challenges were. So tell us in the comments:

What were the more difficult Mitzvos for you to take on?

What made it difficult?

What were the keys to success?

Here are some Mitzvos to think about:

Kashrus
Davening
Berachos
Taharas Mishpacha
Tzinus Dress
Regular learning
Reading the parsha twice with explanation
Not wasting time
Knowing there is a G-d
Loving G-d
Fearing G-d
Don’t go after your heart & eyes
Yom Tovim
Trust in G-d
Loving your neighbor as yourself
Loshon Hara
Giving the benefit of the doubt
Helping Others

Bris Info for Baby Boy Ecker

Mazal Tov to Beyond BT contributor Aryeh Leib Ecker and his wife Anna on the birth of a boy today. The Shalom Zachor will be held in Rabbi Savitsky’s shul in KGH after 9:30 PM.

Aryeh Leib invites everybody to the bris this Thursday at Machzikel Hadas (Rabbi Savitsky’s shul) 147-30 73rd Ave. Davening will begin at 8:00 with the bris to begin at about 8:45.

Thinking of relocating? – Emerging Jewish Communities Event on April 6

Observing that picking a new community comes up often on Beyond BT, Charnie emailed us this upcoming OU event.

Thinking of relocating?
Looking for an affordable Jewish community?

On Sunday, April 6, 2008, at New York’s Grand Hyatt Hotel, 12-6 pm, the OU will showcase fourteen growing Jewish communities from around North America where you could relocate. You will meet community representatives and learn directly from them about:

* synagogues, day schools and yeshivot
* kosher stores and other Jewish communal resources
* exciting and lucrative job opportunities
* affordable housing
* close-knit and warm communities
* Torah atmosphere in which to raise children
* rewarding retirement opportunities

Register online!

Meet these communities face to face!

* Bay Area: Oakland
and San Francisco, CA
* Charleston, SC
* Columbus, OH
* Dallas, TX
* Denver, CO
* Edmonton, AB, Canada
* Houston, TX
* Indianapolis, IN
* Memphis, TN
* New Orleans, LA
* Omaha, NE
* San Diego, CA
* Seattle, WA
* Vancouver, BC, Canada

More info here at the OU Events:Emerging Jewish Communities

Rabbi Yitzchok Adlerstein – Scholar in Residence in KGH this Shabbos

Just a reminder that the accomplished talmid chachim and co-founder of the popular Cross-Currents web site, Rabbi Yitzchok Adlerstein will be the

Scholar in Residence at

Congregation Ahavas Yisroel 147-02 73rd Avenue in Kew Gardens Hills

this Shabbos, Parshas P’kudei, March 7th-8th.

Rabbi Alderstein will be speaking three times and we invite everybody to please come and listen. Here is the schedule:

“Orthodoxy and Orthodopraxy – Deed and Creed in the Light of the Rambam’s Ikarie Emunah”
Friday Night, March 7th, 2008 – 9:00 PM

Shabbos Morning Drasha (Shacharis begins at 8:30 AM)

“Maharal and Rav Kook’s Views on Aggadah”
Shalosh Seudos – (Mincha begins at 5:10 PM)

How Do We Handle This?

In the past, we’ve had some discussions here about former-BT bloggers and we’ve often discussed how to deal with “skeptics”. Now, the issue has taken an unexpected turn, we are being addressed by a stand-alone-blog, Unmasking Beyond Teshuva, aimed directly at us.

We have considered writing a polite email to the bloggers. Or maybe we should just ignore it?

What are your thoughts on how to best handle this?

How Does One Determine Appropriate Parental Control?

Many BTs were brought up in an environment of very permissive parenting and have witnessed the perils of such an approach. In the Torah world, there are clearer distinctions between proper and improper conduct and much closer guidance between parent and child. However this can lead to an over-exertion of control and BTs may be more susceptible to this, due to their lack of Torah guided parental models in their lives.

The general question is how does one determine appropriate parental control?

Let’s try to focus on a few specific questions.

– Should you steer your children away from friends whom you deem inappropriate?
– How much of a homework helper should you be?

Obviously these are not yes/no questions, but sharing your thoughts and experiences would be helpful.

For a good article on this subject, see Relinquishing Control – The difficult art of letting go. by Rabbi Noach Orlowek.

Rabbi Horowitz has an article on “Bad Friends”.

Dealing with Marital Issues Arising from Differing Observance Levels

A Beyond BT contributor was contacted by email from a woman in the NYC area who is having major marital issues that have arisen due to conflicts around the decision to be observant, or not, and to what degree. she asked if anyone could recommend an Orthodox Rabbi or marital counselor in the NYC area who has experience with marital conflict arising from religious differences, or differing desires for observance?

If you know of a good Orthodox Rabbi or marital counselor with experience pn this area, please leave the name in the comments or email us at beyondbt@gmail.com.

We’ve had a number of posts about this topic in the Shalom Bayis category.

If anybody has insights into this issue, please share them in the comments.

Blueprint

Aish has a new video on their site called Blueprint which shows various interesting people extolling the virtues of learning Torah. Give it a look and perhaps email the link to someone who might find it of interest.

While you’re there, you might want to take a look at this video which humorously captures our fears in the early days of our BT experience and introduces Aish’s new advanced learning site, Pathways.

Bridging the Gemora Gap

It seems that many BTs never bridge the Gemora Gap. That is they never develop the skills to really be able to sit and learn Gemora.

What would you suggest for such people who can’t go to learn in Yeshiva for a few years:

1) Thank G-d for Artscroll and learn Daf Yomi
2) Put aside the Artscroll and keep on trying to crack the Gemora, even if it takes years to master the skills
3) Learn things other than Gemora