What Are some of the biggest problems facing the Jewish community (both frum and non-frum)?

Let’s continue this thread from last week and highlight some other issues:

Economics of Yeshiva and Family Support?

The Hashkafic Divide Between Israel and America?

Lack of Unity?

Lack of Jewish Knowledge?

Lack of connection to Hashem?

Islamic Fundamentalism?

From Derech Emet

Most Baalei Teshuvah do not have relatives to pray for them.
But they can pray for each other.

Why not pray for Baalei Teshuvah as a group or as individuals?

Every weekday Shemone Esrei includes a petition on behalf of righteous converts.
So why not pray for Baalei Teshuvah also?

Pray that Baalei Teshuvah should be happy and healthy.
Pray that Baalei Teshuvah should have success in parnassah, shiduchim and everything.
Pray that Baalei Teshuvah should continue to ascend in Torah and not fall.

Pray for Baalei Teshuvah, not only for their sakes, but for the sake of the Name of G_d. Making a comparison to Tehillim 115:2 (Why should the nations say: Where is their G_d?) Why should the relatives of Baalei Teshuvah say, or even think:

Why does their G_d not help them with health?
Why does their G_d not help them with happiness?
Why does their G_d not help them with marriage?
Why does their G_d not help them earn a living?
Why does their G_d not help them with _______?

How Was Your Pesach?

Pesach is around the corner and many people will be guests at other people’s sedarim, which raises a number of questions.

1) Since there is great variance in sedarim and some of them might include tens of Divrei Torah from grade-schoolers, is it proper to probe and get a sense of what the seder will be like before accepting an invitation?

2) Is it proper to offer your own Divrei Torah or should you wait until asked?

3) How do you check on the level of Kashrus since some people are more careful on Pesach because of the stringencies regarding Chametz?

4) If the hosts aren’t careful giving out the shiurim for the various mitzvos of the evening, how can you tactfully ask – “please sir, can I have some more?”

What are some of the problems and solutions that you’ve come across?

How would you handle or react to your Rabbi who is often rude and has weak people interacting skills. He suggested that I need to give more to charity (the shul) after he asked you how much my wife and I make together and I told him we are giving what we can. When I ask a question, he always has an attitude when answering.

I am not the only one who has witnessed this and who feels this way. I am told that this is how it is and I should just overlook it.

I want to continue to go to shul but he is rude and his shuirs are dry, but the members there are very friendly and warm.

This is the only orthodox Rabbi in the area.

I know what I should do and confront him of this, but it is nice to hear from an outside source. I am sure you have heard or seen this before.

Thanks in Advance,
Jeff

What are the issues that you find most difficult personally?

What issues do your non-observant friends and family seem to have?

What are the issues that you have trouble explaining to others?

Some issues:
– Equal Rights vs Segregation of the sexes
– Equal Rights vs Different roles for men and women
– Pluralism vs The Chosen People
– Pluralism vs Differing Halachic Treatment of Jews and Non-Jews
– Animal Rights vs Korbanos
– Human Rights vs Eradication of Amalek

How much Torah do you learn a day on average from Sunday through Thursday?
a) less than 1hour
b) between 1 and 2 hours
c) more than 2 hours

What do you think is a reasonable amount of time to learn each weekday?
a) less than 1hour
b) between 1 and 2 hours
c) more than 2 hours

What keeps you from learning more?
a) too many other obligations.
b) learning is too difficult
c) I don’t have classes to attend or chavrusas to learn with

According to the Torah, all or most of the Jewish people will be moving to Eretz Yisroel in the future.

Do you have current plans to make Aliyah and move to Eretz Yisroel?

If no, why not or when do you plan on moving?

People involved in Communal and Chesed projects know that it is not unusual for the recipients to not show adequate (or sometimes any) appreciation. Although at the higher levels of Chesed we should not care about the appreciation shown, it can be troublesome sometimes.

How have people dealt with this situation either internally or through verbal expression to the recipients?

It’s a question often heard around the halls of Yeshiva High Schools and many Baalei Teshuva also ask “Why Do We Have to Learn So Much Gemora?”.

High School Boys have to persevere but many Baalei Teshuva reduce their Gemora learning greatly.

How do you answer the question “Why Do We Have to Learn So Much Gemora?”.

Dear Beyond BT

I’m an FFB born to BT parents and although I love and I am inspired by my parents, there are challenges to FFBs born to BTs.

Do the people here understand the challenges that their FFB children face?

Can you articulate some of those challenges?

Can you think of ways to help mitigate some of those challenges?

Thanks
Tzippy

In every mitzvah, there are inherent tensions that make the mitzvah difficult. Slogans like “Just Don’t Speak Loshon Hora” , “Just Have Emunah”, “Always Treat Your Spouse with Honor and Respect” don’t work because there are factions that make Loshon Hora, Emunah and Shalom Bayis difficult. The key is to identify the tensions so that you can deal with them.

Here are some of the tensions in dealing with non-observant friends and relatives:

– You think they’re missing out by not performing Mitzvos
– They think you’re a fanatic in your fulfillment of Mitzvos.

– You’re giving up some physical pleasures for spiritual pleasure.
– They think you are missing out on so much fun in life.

– You think it’s important to keep distance between the sexes and to watch your language.
– They think you’re a puritan.

– You would love them to perform an occasional mitzvah here and there.
– They think you are out to convert them to Orthodoxy.

– You’re happy that you have found a Torah observant way of life.
– They think that you think that you’re better than them.

What are some of the other tensions?

What are some ways to deal with these tensions.?

It’s the non-frum family Chanukah party and everybody’s enjoying the latkes and fun and you’re faced with a big dilemma – do you share a Dvar Torah with everybody. On one hand, you know the importance of Torah at a gathering, while on the other hand you want to avoid the eyes-glazed-over look.

Do you share a Dvar Torah at non-frum family gatherings?

Does it depend on your oratory skills?

Can you pass up the opportunity?

Dear Beyond BT

I’m a BT for many years with a Masters Degree so I certainly see the value of a good education. The problem I’m facing is that while helping some memorization challenged children with their tests, I have become increasingly aware that there is a tremendous amount of trivial information that has to be memorized. I know personally that much of the history and science I had to memorize has proved to be useless from an information perspective.

So when my children ask why they have to know this, I’m often stumped and at a loss to provide motivational inputs.

What is the value of so much memorization?

Wouldn’t focusing on teaching our children analytical skills be time better spent?

If I really do think much of the memorization is not valuable, what should I tell my kids when asked, why they have to know this?

Thanks in Advance
-Eddie

My wife and two sons and I are going to visit my wife’s parent’s for Thanksgiving.
Athough my wife’s parents are not frum, they keep kosher to standard that we will eat there, even if they don’t do things exactly the way we do.

However, this trip proves to be stressful. Unless something changes in the future this could very well be our last Thanksgiving visiting them. Starting next year my son’s school has half days on Thanksgiving and the day after.

My in-laws do not live within walking distance to an Orthodox and over time we came to the conclusion that we will not spend Shabbos at their house. This was aggravated by the fact that they moved to be closer to us but still chose a home that was outside the eruv and too far to walk to the nearest shul.

I wanted to spend Shabbos in the town where my in-laws live and then come back motzai Shabbos and spend Sunday with them. My wife wants to go back home Friday morning even though making Shabbos will be hectic due to the early candle-lighting time. In the future, we might spend Shabbos with strangers in the town my in-laws live in (since my son has a half day on Friday) and then spend Saturday night and Sunday with them.

Beyond BT has in the past had several posting about the appropriateness of Thanksgiving, but I never saw anything about anyone’s thoughts on the difficulty of it being so near Shabbos and the problems of Shabbos with non-frum family.

Have you spend Shabbos at non-frum family?

What have you done to minimize and difficulties?

What have you done to maximize the experience?

Thanks
-Yisroel

My son, a normal, dinosaur-loving six year old, just came home from Yeshiva to inform me that “dinosaurs never lived – the earth wasn’t created back then – what, did they float around in nothing?” And “no one’s seen a dinosaur, their bones were just put into the ground”.

I do not want to contradict his rebbe. At some undetermined point in the future, however, I feel it’s important for him to know about the different views of our sages regarding this matter. For now, I just nodded my head, smiled and said, “that’s correct, no one has ever seen a dinosaur”.

How would you have handle it?

What if the boy was 12 instead of 6?

-Shlomo

Hi everyone,

I’m a fairly new Baalat Teshuva and raising a daughter who is in elementary school.
My daughter, who seems committed to Judaism, goes to public school at this time. Here are several challenges that we have had in the short time since school started. For those of you who sent your kids or are sending your kids to public school, please share your experiences and what you have done in similar situations. Of course, these problems would be solved if she could attend a Jewish school or if we lived in an area highly populated by orthodox Jews, where there are lots of after-school activities for Frum kids, but in our particular situation, at this time, we don’t have those options. Perhaps we can help each other through these challenges, to raise Frum children despite their need to be in decidedly non-Jewish environments.

1) Some children have made fun of my daughter for dressing modestly- why does she wear long skirts? Because she is not American and other negative remarks.

2) The teacher wants my daughter to read secular material from a school list for her personal reading at home so that she can earn points and participate in “celebrations”.

This has three challenges- the reading material may not be appropriate by frum standards, secular reading at home takes away from the small window of opportunity to provide my daughter with opportunities for Jewish study (even fun Jewish reading) AND the celebrations are mixed-gender parties, social activities of a non-frum/non-Jewish nature, and outings. There will also be events at various times throughout the year to mark occasions and (non-Jewish holidays).

3) The class will also regularly receive rewards in the form of movies, which also may not be appropriate for a frum child (or possibly any young child).

4) If I ask that my daughter be allowed to not participate in activities and movies, how can I help her to not feel left out and different in a school setting where there are no other orthodox Jewish children or perhaps not even any other Jewish kids? I am concerned that that being Jewish and observant will not seem worth it to her after a while and she will just want to blend in. (We do go to shul in another city and she is able to go to Hebrew school and camp, B’ezrat Hashem, and have some friends there, but the distance prohibits much involvement during the week).

5) The boys and girls in the class must play sports together- such as dodge ball. Sitting together in class, working together, and spending the whole day together would seem to breed a familiarity between the boys and the girls that does not seem appropriate for a frum girl. How can I help her keep frum values in this situation and not go down the path taken by many girls in public school to get involved with boyfriends at a young age.

6) There is also the issue of absences for yomim tovim when the other kids go to school and then needing to make up massive amounts of work (mostly completing lots of worksheets).

7) The teacher is very focused on all children being included in all activities so that children will feel a part of the group, however, being a part of this group may not be beneficial from the point of view of raising a frum child and planning for a good shidduch and Torah life as an adult.

8) How can I help the teacher understand that, in all these issues, I am trying to raise my daughter in a very positive way and not trying make her seem different or separate her from the larger group and activities for negative reasons?

Thanks for any suggestions others may have. May all of our children have wonderful years at school and bring us lots of nachas in the years to come.

-Devora

A non religious friend asked me for advice on how to get her son interested in his Bar Mitzvah lessons.

What would you tell her?