Achdus exists on many planes. It is as simple as a group of Jews uniting for Tefilah. It is as complicated as asking why there are so many different variations of Torah observant Jews. I don’t pretend to have any answers but I will pose some observations on how to promote achdus .These comments are meant as my observations on the state of the current Orthodox scene. Others may disagree, but they reflect my observations over a long period of time.
Read more Working Towards Achdus
On Relating to Our Non-Religious Family
By Gail Pozner
My family and I recently arrived back from a family “simcha†– the bas mitzvah in a reform temple of our niece. Being frum for 20 years and having made no dent at all in the religious interest of our respective families, I have come to the realization that the most my husband and I can hope for in terms of impacting them is making a Kiddush Hashem; and that is no little thing. It is one of the reasons why we were created. So for those out there who share the inability to be mekarev our families: how to create a Kiddush Hashem in the midst of non-religious family and old friends? I’ll share a few experiences we’ve had over the years.
Read more On Relating to Our Non-Religious Family
You Used to Be So Much Fun – Part 2 – Audio Post
Today we are posting the audio file for Part 2 of Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg’s lecture at the Life After Teshuva conference, titled “You Used to be So Much Fun – Relating to Non-Religious Family and Friendsâ€.
Click on the link to listen to Part 2. Here is the link if you missed hearing Part 1. (To download either audio file to your computer, click with the right mouse button on the link and select Save Target As)
Here is a summary of Part 2, but please take the time to listen to the audio file.
Read more You Used to Be So Much Fun – Part 2 – Audio Post
Springing into Spirituality with the Shovavim
When I was in seminary, I would spend hours pouring over Torah. But once I left sem and got married I found it harder and harder to take the time I needed to focus on my growth. Married women have much less time than I’d ever imagined as a single in sem. I’m not sure of the answer in order to find more time but one of the things that has been organized in my city in the past is a one week summer camp for women. Its 5 days of intense learning usually offered in the summer when those with kids may send them to summer camp. While 5 days might not seem like a lot, it’s enough to recharge one’s spiritual and intellectual batteries. “I’m not sure if anything like this exists in other cities but if it does I’d be very interested to hear from people who have been to such a camp.
Read more Springing into Spirituality with the Shovavim
Connecting to Others Through Davening
Growing up in a Reform Jewish congregation, I grew up with religious services conducted overwhelmingly in English, with great musical accompaniment. They lasted about an hour, included an organ and cantor with a wonderful voice, and some responsive readings, again mainly in English. On High Holidays, our synagogue employed a professional choir, featured a violin solo and also highlighted several other impressive performances. Going to services was like going to a concert, and only done on occasions.
Read more Connecting to Others Through Davening
One Billion Chinese Can’t be Wrong
My visit to mainland China in 1981 left me saturated with images. Luminescent green meadows transected by bales of razor wire along the border. Meals comprising endless courses that, in my pre-kosher days, could have been anything from dog to silkworm. And bicycles. Thousands and thousands of bicycles. All of them the same make, the same model, and the same color — black.
“How do you tell them apart?” we asked our host. He laughed at the question. “One may have a ribbon around the handle, a scratch on the fender, or a bell on the handlebar”. In other words, although they were all the same, they were all different.
Read more One Billion Chinese Can’t be Wrong
Rabbi Lazer Brody to Speak at the First Beyond Teshuva Gathering in Passaic on 1/21 at 8:30 PM
Here’s some great news! Rabbi Lazer Brody will be speaking at the first Beyond Teshuva gathering in Passaic on January 21st – I”YH. Here are the wonderful details:
Join Us for a Shiur for Men & Women (Separate Seating)
Rabbi Lazer Brody
Author of The Trail to Tranquility
“Facing the Challenges of Growth with Tranquility and Joyâ€
Motza’ei Shabbos – Parshas Shemos
January 21st – 8:30 PM – Admission – $5
Passaic Torah Institute – 441 Passaic Avenue
Brought to you by Beyond Teshuva
If you live in Passaic and can get a flyer up in your Shul or shopping venue, please email us at beyondbt@gmail.com.
Educating Our Children – Where Did We Go Right?
Allen A. Kolber
Monsey, NY
After 15 years as a ba’al teshuva and seven years of marriage, the crisis finally came. It wasn’t over my non-frum family, which shul to daven in, whether to wear a velvet or knitted yarmulke (I had settled long ago on the black knitted compromise). No, the crisis finally came when we had to choose a school for our first born son.
Our first mistake was thinking that we would interview the schools. The reality is that the schools interview you. And, in any interview situation, the reality is that you are being judged, in a very short period of time, and relative to the other parents who are hoping to have their boy admitted in to the same yeshiva. I don’t envy any Rosh Yeshiva who has that responsibility.
Read more Educating Our Children – Where Did We Go Right?
The Power of the Group Hug
In the age old Jewish blogging tradition of referring to the Jewish and Israeli Blogging (JIB) Awards with the utmost humility, we hereby declare that we neither deserve nor seek any nominations or awards.
However, we do want to gather as many BTs as possible together, so we can learn, grow and give to each other, and to all Jews. And the awards have successfully brought quite a number of people to Beyond Teshuva.
So before you click any other link, please help by clicking on the following links and voting in the categories of:
Best New Blog
Best Designed Blog
Best Jewish Religion Blog
The rules allow voting every three days, so please do your small part. Thanks.
Ok, if you voted, please click on the more link below to read some beautiful words about The Power of the Group Hug.
Heaven to the Right, Hell to the Left, One Size Hat Fits All
What often happens in the frum world is everybody is forced to pick sides, or so it appears. Can you imagine you just gave up eating shellfish, pork, and watching cartoons on shabbos and you now feel like you are on a holy journey to serve the creator of the universe and boom, you are pressured to define yourself: black hat, knitted kipa, jean skirts, stockings or bandanas. Sounds frustrating but we all felt the pressure somewhere along the way.
Does it really mean who you are because of your hat or lack of it? Because your skirt goes to your ankle but it is a jean shirt? I think Hashem laughs at anyone who believes that is Yiddishkeit. Now, with that said, what should we be thinking? How do we define what a good Jew is?
Read more Heaven to the Right, Hell to the Left, One Size Hat Fits All
Fast Days, Slow Down
Today is Asarah B’Teves, a fast day marking the date upon which Nebudchadnezer commenced his siege on Yerushalayim.
The Rambam points out that the reason for fasting is to awaken our hearts to teshuvah. Shouldn’t our hearts always be awakened to teshuvah? Why do we need a fast day to encourage this awakening?
Perhaps fast days serve to shake us from our slumbering routine practices, from the squeezing of our yiddishkeit in to our hectic schedules, from our plateaus.
Maybe we are being told “Slow down! Give yourself some time to think, to introspect, to grow.”
Read more Fast Days, Slow Down
The Bris Party
What To Do, What To Do?
Since our son’s bris was to fall on the first day of Succos, we called a posek to ask how we should deal with the fact that our not-yet-frum relatives would most likely be making the trip to attend the bris on Yom Tov.
His first suggestion: Stage a mock bris. Even though I was trained as an actor, I did not think that even Sir Lawrence Oliver could have pulled that one off. I deferred and requested another suggestion.
Read more The Bris Party
Denial & Balance in Dating & Beyond
I remember laughing at a cartoon (New Yorker magazine?) years ago of a yuppie-looking man and woman meeting at a party, both with expressions of obvious excitement on their faces. The thought-bubble above the man read: “Sex object.†The thought-bubble above the woman read: “Meal ticket.â€
Obviously, a match made in heaven.
While that image was intended to poke fun at modern romance and mores, I want to use it here in just the opposite way.
Read more Denial & Balance in Dating & Beyond
Whom to Thank
“Rabbi, is there a blessing to thank G-d for saving your life?†Rabbi Goodman absentmindedly muttered that this was an unusual question no one had ever asked him before. Peering at me from over his wire rimmed glasses he asked,†Are you a member of my congregation?â€
It was five in the afternoon and the Reform temple was closing with most of the lights turned off for the night. The Rabbi haltingly reached for his overcoat while glancing at his watch and hesitated for a moment. Placing his briefcase on the floor he eyed me curiously as I answered, “No Rabbi, I am not.†My heart sank as I suspected my question would remain unanswered and imagined the Rabbi rushing home to his family. Instead Rabbi Goodman said, “Come with me,†as I followed him into his office.
Read more Whom to Thank
Feeding your Neshama…Find for Yourself a Family…or Two…or Three…or More
Many years ago, on my way to work I stopped by a local kosher establishment to pick up a bagel to take to work for lunch. I began chatting with the owner. He didn’t recognize my face and we began to schmooze. I told him I had just returned from Eretz Yisrael and how much I missed bagels…it is so hard to find a good, real, bagel in Jerusalem. His daughter was in seminary there…where did I learn? All the regular stuff. He then asked me where I went for Shabbos.
Tears welled up in my eyes and began to spill down my face.
Read more Feeding your Neshama…Find for Yourself a Family…or Two…or Three…or More
Awards, Melave Malkas, Letters, Good Attitudes
Awards
We just want to note that we have been nominated in a number of categories in the Jerusalem Post/Israelly Cool – Jewish and Israelly Blog Awards. Why not vote for us in Best New Blog, Best Jewish Religion Blog or Best Designed Blog.
Melave Malkas
We’re pleased to announce that the first Beyond Teshuva – Melave Malka is set for February 4th in Kew Gardens Hills with Rabbi Label Lam as the scheduled speaker. We have also started the wheels turning for Melave Malkas in Baltimore, Passaic and Monsey. If you want to be involved in the planning of this in these cities or any others, please contact us at beyondbt@gmail.com.
Carrying My Children on My Shoulders
It’s not difficult to sympathize with the skeptics who questioned the ability of Avrohom Mordechai Altar, then still a teenager, to succeed his father as leader of the Gerrer Chassidim, possibly the most influential Torah community in Poland at the end of the 19th century. But the young scholar, who would grow up to become a great rebbe and author of the Imrei Emes, answered his critics with the following parable.
Read more Carrying My Children on My Shoulders
Reverse Discrimination in Dating
A friend of mine who is also a BT was recently dating a guy who was frum from birth. She really liked his personality, his enthusiasm and his sense of humor. There seemed to be a lot going for them as a couple, which is why they were introduced in the first place. But she had a real problem relating to him on one level – he had never had much to do with the secular world, had never had secular or non-Jewish relatives; and that was a very important part of her life.
My friend is very close with her non-religious family. She grew up with some frum friends and a lot of non-frum and non-Jewish ones, many of whom she is still in touch with. She thinks it’s extremely important that whoever she marries feels comfortable going to her family for non-religious holidays, occasional Shabbosim and family events.
Read more Reverse Discrimination in Dating
Crisis in Israel
Does everyone know what is going on here in Israel? The crisis that has come to Klal Yisrael? If you are unaware –Prime Minister Sharon is in Hadassah Hospital, having suffered two strokes and massive inter-cranial bleeding. He is on life support. Ehud Olmert (!) is now Interim Prime Minister. Our enemies are rejoicing – They are saying that this as a gift from G-d. This is a very crucial and dangerous time for Eretz Israel and Am Yisrael. Please daven for all of us that Hashem should guide us through this chaos with rachamim. This whole topic deserves much more than this cursory note – but I wanted to get this out ASAP.
When the Bloom is off the Rose: Joining a Community
When the Bloom is Off the Rose
One of my students, a BT couple, has an adopted girl who was recently asked to leave the “frum†Jewish day school in town. The girl has issues with yiddishkeit, learning difficulties, and some behavioral problems. The father is very disillusioned with the “frum†community because of the way the whole situation was handled. I personally don’t agree with the way the school handled the issue, but that is not the main aspect of the entire event.
In counseling the father, I tried to make a few points that I felt were most important. Firstly, his anger is a sign that he’s a good father. He should be upset that his daughter has been rejected. But lets put things in perspective. Secondly, we always need to judge others favorably. Even if the school administration handled things poorly, they mean well, they have everyone’s best interest in mind, and they have constant difficult decisions to make that affect numerous neshamos. Thirdly, as a fellow Jew, you have the right and probably the obligation to go to the person most responsible for the way the decision was carried out and speak to them one on one and say, “I’m angry with you for treating my daughter and us this way.â€
The fourth point, though, is what I think is the most important.
Read more When the Bloom is off the Rose: Joining a Community
