I was sitting recently with a BT who mentioned that he noticed how many frum people lack the “manners” of secular Jews. After a few moments discussion he finally said, “But maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe all this stuff about manners isn’t right.”
Although I had heard attitudes like this in Yeshiva many years ago, I was still surprised to hear him say it now. It’s been a long time since I’d heard statements like this.
Read more Maybe We’re Supposed to Have Bad Manners?
בס”ד
Vertigo is a term that jet pilots use to describe spatial disorientation. When a pilot approaches the sound barrier, strange things can occur, especially on a clear-day’s flight over water. The pilot is liable to become disoriented, and to confuse the blue of the sea with the blue of the sky, and vice versa. Some pilots become dizzy and others elated; in any event, vertigo can make a pilot think that up is down and down is up.
The laws of the material world apply to the spiritual world as well. The best of the Baalei Tshuva resemble jet pilots: Thirsty for Hashem and His Torah, they cruise at supersonic spiritual speeds. A good BT’s takeoff in Yiddishkeit – let’s say his or her initial thrust and climb in spiritual altitude – would make even a strong FFB’s head spin. But, as in jet flight, the faster a BT ascends and cruises, the more critical any tiny mistake in judgment or spiritual navigation becomes.
Read more BT Vertigo
Imagine this scenario:
You’re sitting with a bunch of your friends at a Shabbat dinner. Everything is going fine until across the table—
“Hey, Yosef, remember when we did that skit at Moshava for color war?â€
“Yeah, and Jacob sang the theme from ‘Gilligan’s Island’â€
“And us girls on the red team totally had more ruach, but the judges were biased and you guys wonâ€
“And then Adam raided our cabin afterwards…â€
Read more Camp Nowhere (A True FFB Litmus Test)
Achdus exists on many planes. It is as simple as a group of Jews uniting for Tefilah. It is as complicated as asking why there are so many different variations of Torah observant Jews. I don’t pretend to have any answers but I will pose some observations on how to promote achdus .These comments are meant as my observations on the state of the current Orthodox scene. Others may disagree, but they reflect my observations over a long period of time.
Read more Working Towards Achdus
By Gail Pozner
My family and I recently arrived back from a family “simcha†– the bas mitzvah in a reform temple of our niece. Being frum for 20 years and having made no dent at all in the religious interest of our respective families, I have come to the realization that the most my husband and I can hope for in terms of impacting them is making a Kiddush Hashem; and that is no little thing. It is one of the reasons why we were created. So for those out there who share the inability to be mekarev our families: how to create a Kiddush Hashem in the midst of non-religious family and old friends? I’ll share a few experiences we’ve had over the years.
Read more On Relating to Our Non-Religious Family
Today we are posting the audio file for Part 2 of Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg’s lecture at the Life After Teshuva conference, titled “You Used to be So Much Fun – Relating to Non-Religious Family and Friendsâ€.
Click on the link to listen to Part 2. Here is the link if you missed hearing Part 1. (To download either audio file to your computer, click with the right mouse button on the link and select Save Target As)
Here is a summary of Part 2, but please take the time to listen to the audio file.
Read more You Used to Be So Much Fun – Part 2 – Audio Post
When I was in seminary, I would spend hours pouring over Torah. But once I left sem and got married I found it harder and harder to take the time I needed to focus on my growth. Married women have much less time than I’d ever imagined as a single in sem. I’m not sure of the answer in order to find more time but one of the things that has been organized in my city in the past is a one week summer camp for women. Its 5 days of intense learning usually offered in the summer when those with kids may send them to summer camp. While 5 days might not seem like a lot, it’s enough to recharge one’s spiritual and intellectual batteries. “I’m not sure if anything like this exists in other cities but if it does I’d be very interested to hear from people who have been to such a camp.
Read more Springing into Spirituality with the Shovavim
Growing up in a Reform Jewish congregation, I grew up with religious services conducted overwhelmingly in English, with great musical accompaniment. They lasted about an hour, included an organ and cantor with a wonderful voice, and some responsive readings, again mainly in English. On High Holidays, our synagogue employed a professional choir, featured a violin solo and also highlighted several other impressive performances. Going to services was like going to a concert, and only done on occasions.
Read more Connecting to Others Through Davening
My visit to mainland China in 1981 left me saturated with images. Luminescent green meadows transected by bales of razor wire along the border. Meals comprising endless courses that, in my pre-kosher days, could have been anything from dog to silkworm. And bicycles. Thousands and thousands of bicycles. All of them the same make, the same model, and the same color — black.
“How do you tell them apart?” we asked our host. He laughed at the question. “One may have a ribbon around the handle, a scratch on the fender, or a bell on the handlebar”. In other words, although they were all the same, they were all different.
Read more One Billion Chinese Can’t be Wrong
Here’s some great news! Rabbi Lazer Brody will be speaking at the first Beyond Teshuva gathering in Passaic on January 21st – I”YH. Here are the wonderful details:
If you live in Passaic and can get a flyer up in your Shul or shopping venue, please email us at beyondbt@gmail.com.
Allen A. Kolber
Monsey, NY
After 15 years as a ba’al teshuva and seven years of marriage, the crisis finally came. It wasn’t over my non-frum family, which shul to daven in, whether to wear a velvet or knitted yarmulke (I had settled long ago on the black knitted compromise). No, the crisis finally came when we had to choose a school for our first born son.
Our first mistake was thinking that we would interview the schools. The reality is that the schools interview you. And, in any interview situation, the reality is that you are being judged, in a very short period of time, and relative to the other parents who are hoping to have their boy admitted in to the same yeshiva. I don’t envy any Rosh Yeshiva who has that responsibility.
Read more Educating Our Children – Where Did We Go Right?
In the age old Jewish blogging tradition of referring to the Jewish and Israeli Blogging (JIB) Awards with the utmost humility, we hereby declare that we neither deserve nor seek any nominations or awards.
However, we do want to gather as many BTs as possible together, so we can learn, grow and give to each other, and to all Jews. And the awards have successfully brought quite a number of people to Beyond Teshuva.
So before you click any other link, please help by clicking on the following links and voting in the categories of:
Best New Blog
Best Designed Blog
Best Jewish Religion Blog
The rules allow voting every three days, so please do your small part. Thanks.
Ok, if you voted, please click on the more link below to read some beautiful words about The Power of the Group Hug.
What often happens in the frum world is everybody is forced to pick sides, or so it appears. Can you imagine you just gave up eating shellfish, pork, and watching cartoons on shabbos and you now feel like you are on a holy journey to serve the creator of the universe and boom, you are pressured to define yourself: black hat, knitted kipa, jean skirts, stockings or bandanas. Sounds frustrating but we all felt the pressure somewhere along the way.
Does it really mean who you are because of your hat or lack of it? Because your skirt goes to your ankle but it is a jean shirt? I think Hashem laughs at anyone who believes that is Yiddishkeit. Now, with that said, what should we be thinking? How do we define what a good Jew is?
Read more Heaven to the Right, Hell to the Left, One Size Hat Fits All
Today is Asarah B’Teves, a fast day marking the date upon which Nebudchadnezer commenced his siege on Yerushalayim.
The Rambam points out that the reason for fasting is to awaken our hearts to teshuvah. Shouldn’t our hearts always be awakened to teshuvah? Why do we need a fast day to encourage this awakening?
Perhaps fast days serve to shake us from our slumbering routine practices, from the squeezing of our yiddishkeit in to our hectic schedules, from our plateaus.
Maybe we are being told “Slow down! Give yourself some time to think, to introspect, to grow.”
Read more Fast Days, Slow Down
What To Do, What To Do?
Since our son’s bris was to fall on the first day of Succos, we called a posek to ask how we should deal with the fact that our not-yet-frum relatives would most likely be making the trip to attend the bris on Yom Tov.
His first suggestion: Stage a mock bris. Even though I was trained as an actor, I did not think that even Sir Lawrence Oliver could have pulled that one off. I deferred and requested another suggestion.
Read more The Bris Party
I remember laughing at a cartoon (New Yorker magazine?) years ago of a yuppie-looking man and woman meeting at a party, both with expressions of obvious excitement on their faces. The thought-bubble above the man read: “Sex object.†The thought-bubble above the woman read: “Meal ticket.â€
Obviously, a match made in heaven.
While that image was intended to poke fun at modern romance and mores, I want to use it here in just the opposite way.
Read more Denial & Balance in Dating & Beyond
“Rabbi, is there a blessing to thank G-d for saving your life?†Rabbi Goodman absentmindedly muttered that this was an unusual question no one had ever asked him before. Peering at me from over his wire rimmed glasses he asked,†Are you a member of my congregation?â€
It was five in the afternoon and the Reform temple was closing with most of the lights turned off for the night. The Rabbi haltingly reached for his overcoat while glancing at his watch and hesitated for a moment. Placing his briefcase on the floor he eyed me curiously as I answered, “No Rabbi, I am not.†My heart sank as I suspected my question would remain unanswered and imagined the Rabbi rushing home to his family. Instead Rabbi Goodman said, “Come with me,†as I followed him into his office.
Read more Whom to Thank
Many years ago, on my way to work I stopped by a local kosher establishment to pick up a bagel to take to work for lunch. I began chatting with the owner. He didn’t recognize my face and we began to schmooze. I told him I had just returned from Eretz Yisrael and how much I missed bagels…it is so hard to find a good, real, bagel in Jerusalem. His daughter was in seminary there…where did I learn? All the regular stuff. He then asked me where I went for Shabbos.
Tears welled up in my eyes and began to spill down my face.
Read more Feeding your Neshama…Find for Yourself a Family…or Two…or Three…or More
Awards
We just want to note that we have been nominated in a number of categories in the Jerusalem Post/Israelly Cool – Jewish and Israelly Blog Awards. Why not vote for us in Best New Blog, Best Jewish Religion Blog or Best Designed Blog.
Melave Malkas
We’re pleased to announce that the first Beyond Teshuva – Melave Malka is set for February 4th in Kew Gardens Hills with Rabbi Label Lam as the scheduled speaker. We have also started the wheels turning for Melave Malkas in Baltimore, Passaic and Monsey. If you want to be involved in the planning of this in these cities or any others, please contact us at beyondbt@gmail.com.
It’s not difficult to sympathize with the skeptics who questioned the ability of Avrohom Mordechai Altar, then still a teenager, to succeed his father as leader of the Gerrer Chassidim, possibly the most influential Torah community in Poland at the end of the 19th century. But the young scholar, who would grow up to become a great rebbe and author of the Imrei Emes, answered his critics with the following parable.
Read more Carrying My Children on My Shoulders
