Home › 2006 › Page 15

Yearly Archives: 2006

Challenges of Caring for Our Elderly Parents

Posted on by — 11 Comments ↓

By Chana Sanders

I spent a very interesting Shabbos in a local hospital where my mother was admitted a few hours before candlelighting a few Fridays ago. Since my mother, who is elderly and very ill is not frum, this was a BT experience every step of the way. Yet, it was Shabbos, and the hospital does provide a Shabbos room for overnight guests despite their 99% non-religious or non-Jewish clientele and staff.

So I stayed overnight and tried to take care of my mother, whose thoughts were (rightfully) not on whether I was having Shabbos issues. But every step of the way, from elevators, to electric hospital beds, to straws and silverware in sealed plastic, there were challenges. I know that my Rav can answer all these halachic questions, but there wasn’t time to anticipate them all before this happened.
Read more Challenges of Caring for Our Elderly Parents ›

Suppression of Jewish Women – a Matter of Perspective

Posted on by — 34 Comments ↓

Does traditional Judaism prevent women from being free human beings? Do the laws and customs suppress women, thus rendering them as inferior in status to men, thereby making them unable to enhance their Jewish identity, spirituality, and connection to Hashem? Is traditional halachic theology dogmatic and sexist?

The answer to all these questions is that it depends on one’s perspective. While traditional Judaism seemingly discriminates against women by excluding them from the Rabbinate, from making aliyahs, dancing with the sefer Torah, and from serving as judges in Batei Din, men are no more spiritually powerful than women by virtue of engaging in these public activities.
Read more Suppression of Jewish Women – a Matter of Perspective ›

Boxing In – Boxing Out

Posted on by — 5 Comments ↓

David and I both went to SUNY Albany, although at different times. We were recently shocked to see that the school made it to the NCAA Tournament and were tied with the number 1 team, Connecticut with 6 minutes to go in round 1. They lost the game but I can now segue into a basketball analogy.

Boxing out is the process by which you try to keep a player out of the action when going for a rebound. There are also many defenses that try to keep the key players out of the action, through a boxing strategy.

There is another type of boxing out that goes on – and that is painting someone with whom you have a difference into as small a corner as possible in order to show the small mindedness of their position. Most people don’t fit into nice boxes, but nonetheless, attempts to box people remain, this is also called labelling and stereotyping.

One of our goals here is to undo this boxing, by trying to understand alternative viewpoints – not necessarily accept them, but at least understand them. I think BTs have the most to benefit from this, as the boxes we are painted into are often the smallest.

BT, FFB, and FWE

Posted on by — 6 Comments ↓

“I feel like I’m on a treadmill.”

The expression seems to have lost its imagery now that so many have invested thousands of dollars on state-of-the-art, high-tech exercisers or dole out hundreds of dollars a month to join gyms that enable us to go steadily nowhere while sweating off calories. But back before treadmills became the defining symbol of the baby-boomers’ desperate pursuit of eternal youth, the expression “on a treadmill” meant, in the language of Torah, avodas perech — endless toil with no meaningful purpose.

So perhaps we owe the boomers a measure of gratitude for restoring the treadmill to where it belongs in Torah philosophy: as a symbol of the very purpose of our existence.
Read more BT, FFB, and FWE ›

Getting the Proper Focus

Posted on by — 1 Comment ↓

Abuhav Synagogue The Abuhav Synagogue in Tzefas, Israel is one of the most beautiful shuls I’ve been in. It is ornately painted and was constructed along the theme of the Pesach song Echad Mi Yodea (Who Knows One?) .

On top of the bima where the shaliach tzibur (prayer leader) stands is a dome, with many paintings upon it. Directly in the sight of the shaliach tzibur is a painting with the title “Makom HaMikdash” (the site of the Holy Temple). The weird thing is that the painting does not depict the Beis HaMikdash at all. Rather, it depicts the mosque that currently sits on top of the temple mount. The explanation is that when the shaliach tzibur looks up he sees that, because of senseless hatred among the Jews, in the place of the Beis HaMikdash now stands a mosque. This should serve to focus the shaliach tzibur, who represents the entire kehillah (congregation), on an all-encompassing love for all Jews.

Share the love.

A Ba’al Teshuva’s Story…or Am I a Ba’al Teshuva?

Posted on by — 12 Comments ↓

First off, let me tell you my name. I’m Martin Fleischer, from Kew Gardens Hills, NY, and I’m 46 years old, married 24 years and have 2 daughters, ages 17 and 13. I do know that I feel more Frum than ever before, but I often wonder if I’m a “true” Ba’al Teshuva in the plain sense of the term. However, according to Rabbi Zev Leff in “Outlooks & Insights”, and another source I heard once but don’t remember, in a way, all Frum Jews are “Ba’alei Teshuvah”, each striving to do what Hashem really wants from us.

Here is my story:
Read more A Ba’al Teshuva’s Story…or Am I a Ba’al Teshuva? ›

Simcha in the Days of Redemption

Posted on by — 2 Comments ↓

We are in the Purim/Pesach period, which is a time of great joy in which we remember the redemptions in the past and look towards our future redemption.

Here is a little post-Purim/pre-Pesach Torah. Our Rav bakes and sells Matzohs for the Shul and for Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim. This year, his son sent out the order forms in the mail and via email as out Shul uses technology to as great an extent as possible (We have a blog caykgh.blogspot.com and a weekly email).
Read more Simcha in the Days of Redemption ›

Understanding the Internet Ban

Posted on by — 104 Comments ↓

Let’s be honest, if you’re reading this site you’re probably not a proponent of the Internet Ban. You might be believe in cautious usage and place heavy restrictions on what your children do on the ‘Net, but a ban fan you’re not.

Let’s take a second and give the other side the benefit of the doubt. I know it’s hard, but I think it is consistent with Torah principals. Let’s assume that the people who think a ban makes sense are intelligent, well meaning people, who dedicate a great part of their lives to getting closer to Hashem and helping others do the same. If we can accept that, then we would probably could assume that there are probably some good Torah-true reasons that a ban makes sense.
Read more Understanding the Internet Ban ›

We Need Your Input for the First Beyond BT Shabbaton

Posted on by — 8 Comments ↓

We are in the very early planning stages of the first Beyond BT Shabbaton. Our goal is to have as many people as possible participate and to keep the cost as low as possible.

The preliminary date is the Shabbos of Achrei Mos-Kedoshim which is May 5-6. The venue will be Kew Gardens Hills. We will put people up at families in the neighborhood. If we have the Friday night meals at the host families it will be hard to have speakers on Friday night since candle lighting is 7:38, so it might make sense to have a communal meal on Friday with some speakers and maybe eat Shabbos lunch at the hosts’ houses.

On Shabbos we will try to find a place to have our own minyan. The davening will be followed by a kiddush and a Shiur. Shabbos lunch, possibly at the host houses followed by shiurim on Shabbos afternoon. Mincha to be followed by Shalosh Seudos and a speaker. We will try to have babysitters during the shiurim.

We are looking for sponsors to help defray the costs, so please don’t be shy if you can afford to sponsor.

So what do you think? Any ideas for speaking topics? Will you come? And if not, why not? What is an acceptable amount to charge for adults, teens and children?

Of Earrings and Kippahs

Posted on by — 5 Comments ↓

My father-in-law, he should live and be well, became a BT in his late fifties. That, in and of itself, is a whole story. Maybe some other time.

After becoming observant, he had started a new job. He just wasn’t able to bring himself to wear his kippah at work. He thought the obvious change would be too much for his co-workers to handle. In particular, there was one co-worker he was concerned about, an Israeli gentleman who had warned him “if you want to be my friend, don’t talk to me about religion!” Then there was the other co-worker whom he didn’t think would be kindly disposed, a gentleman with an earring in his left ear. So, he made the decision not to wear his kippah at work.

My father-in-law noticed that everytime the gentleman with the earring would go to see the boss, he would take his earring off only to replace it after leaving the boss’ presence. One day, the “Don’t talk to me about religion” guy said to him “Why do you take your earring out everytime you go to the boss? Just leave it in. You are who you are.” “You are who you are”, my father-in-law thought and the very next day he began wearing his kippah to work. Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

Special Challenges of Becoming Frum for Women

Posted on by — 25 Comments ↓

By Gail Pozner

When you think about all the changes a secular woman makes and the challenges she faces along the road toward a frum lifestyle, especially compared to men, it is amazing that there still are so many women who do it. I think it testifies to the explanation of “She lo asani eisha” that “women are more spiritual” (so they don’t need as many mitzvos). If women are not spiritual, I don’t think we’d be seeing this phenomenon, because it is so hard. I’d like to focus on the following two experiences.

Many, although not all, American women who become frum during or after college, had completely absorbed the feminist ethos, to wit: men and women are basically the same (although some believe women are superior); they have often proven themselves equally capable as men in all levels of competition, be it intellectual, creative, or athletic. They have lived side by side with the men in classes, at parties, in the dorms, and even in the coed bathrooms. They have been fed “women’s studies” classes whose goal is to denigrate marriage and traditional, feminine aspects of womanhood and to bolster the notion that career and individual achievement is what is important.
Read more Special Challenges of Becoming Frum for Women ›

Starbucks and Shushan Purim

Posted on by — 4 Comments ↓

Realizing that many of us have difficulty gearing up for work on shushan purim, Starbucks is giving away free coffee today.

SEATTLE – Starbucks says it will give away free cups of coffee on Wednesday between 10 a.m. and 12 p.m. at 7,500 of its stores nationwide. The Seattle company expects it will give away 500,000 cups of coffee in its two-hour ‘national coffee break.’

Is this a great country for the Jews or what?

Still At 61!?

Posted on by — 6 Comments ↓

“Still at 61!?” That’s where my “Hair Today Gone Tomorrow” post has been holding for weeks now on the “Most Commented Upon Posts” section of BeyondBT and it’s beginning to really irk me. I mean, is there no one in the whole World Wide Web to bring it up to 62? Come on people! We’ve got lists to top.

But seriously, I do eye that section on BeyondBT every time I log in to have a peek at what’s on the minds of my fellow BTs and FFBs. I think that to some degree it’s even one of the reasons I have neglected to contribute a post for so long. I mean the pressure to outperform the others in your sector can be quite burdensome.
Read more Still At 61!? ›

A Picture of Pure Sacrifice

Posted on by — 4 Comments ↓

A friend once approached me in a professional capacity and asked me to represent him in some contract disputes. He was a very well renown photographer who had just become Shomer Shabbos. The problem was, he had 6-9 months worth of Shabbos affairs booked.

He walked away from all of them and, in my estimation, close to one hundred thousand dollars!!

He doesn’t know it but, in many ways, that guy’s my hero.

Are We Living B’dieved Lives?

Posted on by — 90 Comments ↓

In halacha there is a concept of doing a mitzvah l’chatchila, intially the proper way and b’dieved, fulfilling the requirement after the fact in a suboptimal way. On some posts here contributors will highlight their view of the l’chatchila way to live in a particular area such as listening to certain types of music, women’s roles or dealing with the materialistic aspects of our lives, etc..

So here’s my question: Is facing up to the fact that our lives don’t measure up in all areas to the highest ideals of Torah Judaism mean that we are living our lives in a less than an optimal way, i.e. B’Dieved? And what are the implications of that thought pattern?

I think everybody reading this has to ask themselves this question, because the greatest Jews among us do not use the Internet.

So how do you come to terms with this question?

Purim and The Search for Yossi

Posted on by — 9 Comments ↓

“The more often and earlier a child smokes, drinks and uses marijuana, the likelier that child is to use harder drugs like cocaine and heroin.”

“It’s all about children. A child who gets through age 21 without smoking, using illegal drugs or abusing alcohol is virtually certain never to do so.”

“Teens who smoke cigarettes are 12 times likelier to use marijuana and more than 19 times likelier to use cocaine”.

– Joseph A. Califano, Jr., CASA Chairman and President

Read more Purim and The Search for Yossi ›

Drinking On Purim – Old Lows or New Highs

Posted on by — 2 Comments ↓

Rugby and beer go together. There’s nothing like an ice cold beer after a hard rugby game. It soothes your aching, wounded body. It makes you relax. After a couple of beers you feel strong again, almost ready for another game or some other adventure. That’s the problem with alcohol, it clouds your judgment. It makes you think you are a different person than you really are. Maybe that’s part of its appeal. We can escape our lives and be someone else, even it is only for a while. I used to enjoy a beer or two after a game, but I saw too many rugby players and others, become a little too adventurous for my liking, to allow myself to get into that situation.

On Purim, we also drink and we also pretend we are someone else. We dress up in costume. But there’s a very important difference. On Purim, we are trying to find out who we really are. We are trying to strip away the external layers which hold us back from getting closer to G-d. That’s why when a true talmid chacham, a Torah scholar, drinks on Purim, what comes out of his mouth is no different than on a regular day. Because who he is internally, is exactly who he is externally.
Read more Drinking On Purim – Old Lows or New Highs ›

Finding Your Comfort Zone

Posted on by — 10 Comments ↓

I think one of the hardest parts of becoming a baal teshuvah is in finding a comfort zone. Being an Orthodox Jew is not a once-a-week thing, or even a once-a-day thing. It’s something that permeates and becomes your whole essence – your actions, your thoughts and yourself.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed when facing so many changes. A simple thing to do in such a situation is to shut down your mind and blindly follow what others tell you to do. The problem in this is that, down the road, you often catch yourself in a place that isn’t really you.
Read more Finding Your Comfort Zone ›

Taharah, Teshuva and Understanding the Soul

Posted on by — 1 Comment ↓

Since we had one article about the issues surrounding death and the BT this morning, we thought it might be a good opportunity to point to this great article at Aish titled: Taharah A Personal Look at the Jewish Way of Death and Burial.

The writer discusses how an opportunity to participate in Taharahs early in her teshuva process gave her a deeper understanding of the soul in this world and the next. Here is an excerpt:

My conception of the neshamah, the soul changed radically after my first taharah, when I actually sensed the existence of the soul independent of the body. I observed how the body houses the soul but is in no way identical with the soul. At the taharah, I witnessed with my own eyes how the soul had departed, leaving the body an empty shell.

Death and the BT

Posted on by — 27 Comments ↓

by Akiva of The Mystical Paths Blog

Often family events are a challenge for the BT. Whether dealing with the religious ramifications of attending family holiday events, which may involve non-kosher food, non-kosher attitudes or approaches, or dealing with the additional complications of family visits with less or non-observant family, it’s challenging. In many ways, this is one of the top challenges of becoming religiously observant. This especially true in the U.S., where there is no respect for religion anymore. I mean honestly, do you think it would be easier to arrive home and announce this is my same-sex-boyfriend Joseph or this is my Rabbi Yoseph?

But back on topic, though this is the month of Adar when we increase joy, joyful events don’t always occur (though how we deal with them is up to us).

While those family challenges are very difficult for the good events and the gathering events, what happens when the other end of events come?
Read more Death and the BT ›