Pesach is over and I’m sure many had a wonderful Yom Tov.

How do you deal with the inevitable let down as we return to the day to day struggles of life?

What impressions, insights and lessons have you taken out of Pesach this year which can continue to inspire you and others in the Beyond BT community.

What topics do you focus on for yourself and your family at the Pesach Seder?

Do you think it is better to have a narrower focus or to discuss and think about many topics?

Freedom

Thankfulness to Hashem

Emunah (Faith)

Bitachon (Trust in Hashem)

Hashgacha Pratis (Divine Providence)

Praise of Hashem

Mitzvos of the Evening

Feeling as if you Left Mitzraim

Other things

Dear Beyond BT

I have a friend who has become religious and I’m interested in possibly following that path. I wanted to know what are the first steps that are commonly taken by someone interested in moving in this direction.

Thanks
Ben

I am perplexed: Sometimes one person in a family does Teshuva and the rest of the family remains uninterested, but sometimes one person’s road to Teshuva is a catalyst for the whole rest of the family. What’s the difference?

If anyone has any insights or stories to share on this issue, I’d be happy to hear them.

E.L.

I have been trying to do my part by engaging in a little non-professional kiruv. Nothing formal or pushy, something along the lines of working to encourage friends and associates to become more Jewishly involved and educated.

There are a number of Jews in my office included my boss, a number of co-workers and a number of people working under me. They are not religious but also not completely disinterested.

I was wondering what others think about encouraging them to become more Jewishly involved. Should I treat my boss and subordinates different then my co-workers.

Thanks
Eugene

What does “observant” really mean?

Is somebody who is Shomer Shabbos but transgresses some other Torah law, observant?

Should we judge Judaism by the Jews?

Why or why not?

Dear BBT

I’ve been reading your site for a while and you often talk about happiness and spiritual pleasure. Do BTs (or FFBs) really experience spiritual pleasure? And if they do can you describe it and tell me what activities help to experience it?

Thanks
-Jay

We’re all aware of the passing of Rabbi Noach Weinberg this past week. As you may know, one of Rabbi Weinberg’s most important projects was to get lay people involved in Kiruv.

What would it take for you to be more active in Kiruv?

1) Having tools and techniques to reach out.

2) Knowing that I would have some success in helping people become observant.

3) Internalizing the belief that every piece of Torah learned or mitzvah performed is valuable in and of itself.

4) Sensitizing myself to the tremendous chesed of bring people closer to Hashem.

5) Realizing that being aware of and acting on opportunities to bring people closer will tremendously help my own Yiddishkeit.

6) Having a clearing understanding that I have an obligation to do Kiruv under the mitzvah of Ahavas Hashem.

Many people have overcome a number of obstacles to take the steps necessary to learn more about Judaism.

Here are some obstacles:

1) Was afraid that I would have to give up too many pleasurable activities.
2) Judaism seemed old fashioned and unsophisticated.
3) Thought it would be hypocritical to do somethings without doing everything.
4) Felt uncomfortable and judged by Torah Observant people.
5) Was afraid of what my friends and relatives would say.

Which of these did you need to overcome?
What obstacles are missing from the list?
What are the challenges facing the people you know?

I recently read the following on the site of Dr Martin E. P. Seligman one of the leaders of the Positive Psychology movement.

So the core thesis in Authentic Happiness is that there are three very different routes to happiness. First the Pleasant Life, consisting in having as many pleasures as possible and having the skills to amplify the pleasures. This is, of course, the only true kind of happiness on the Hollywood view. Second, the Good Life, which consists in knowing what your signature strengths are, and then recrafting your work, love, friendship, leisure and parenting to use those strengths to have more flow in life. Third, the Meaningful Life, which consists of using your signature strengths in the service of something that you believe is larger than you are.

Does this seem consistent with Torah views of happiness?

Can we use these findings to introduce our coreligionists to Torah or is the quest for the Pleasant Life so ingrained, that the Good Life and Meaningful life don’t appeal to most people?

We live in a world of short attention spans. To that end I am trying to write a description of Torah Based Judaism in 300-500 words. The goal of the short essay is to interest the reader into exploring more about Judaism.

What would be your lead sentence of such an essay?

What points would you cover?

If your interested in writing such an essay, please email it to us at Beyond BT and we will consider it for posting.

If someone asked, why do you believe there is a loving and kind G-d, who created and is still involved with the world, what would you answer?

There seems to be at least three approaches

1) Philosophically through First Cause (Cosmological Proof), Design, Planning and Purpose in Nature (Telelogical Proof) or one of the many others

2) Experientially – I know I exist even without proof because I experience my own existence. In the same way, I have experienced G-d’s existence through mitzvos, davening or simple Emunah.

3) Tradition passed down from generation to generation of G-d’s role in the Exodus and the giving of the Torah and other G-d – man communications throughout history.

Which of these is the one that brings you closest to G-d?

Which of these do you think would be most beneficial for a non Observant person?

All three of these situations occurred this past Shabbos and Sunday.

1) The loud Shomoneh Esrai davener.
A father of a guest davened a really loud silent Shomoneh Esrai. My friend moved his seat during every Shomoneh Esrai after Shacharis. I tried to wait him out by davening very slowly. I remember asking a Rav about this in the past and he suggested not saying anything as it would make the person very self-conscious when they davened.
Anybody have any suggestions on how to handle this?

2) The potential Art Scroll Offense.
There was an Auf Ruf on Shabbos and I gave the non-observant grandfather an Art Scroll Chumash for the leining. A friend mention that he seemed to be unable to find the place in his all Hebrew Siddur for Hallel so I went to get an English Art Scroll. Just as I was about to go over to hand it to him, he seemed to be davening with no problem out of the all-Hebrew Siddur so I refrained from giving it to him to avoid potential embarrassment.
How have other people handled this situation? Should one risk embarrassing the potential recipient?

3) During one of the Kaddishes on Sunday Rosh Chodesh Chanukah the Baal Tefillah was about to say the wrong Kaddish before Mussaf. Many people loudly stopped him in his tracks. This is a time-is-of-the-essence mistake.
Is there a less embarrassing way to correct the Baal Tefillah?

One of the reasons non Observant people give for not finding out more about Judaism is that they feel judged.

How are we to understand the pain of being judged when we enter into a relationship with a non Observant Jew?

Is it because at some level we may feel superior because we are observing G-d’s will to a greater degree, and therefore make the other person feel inferior?

Is it because the mere fact that we are observant, makes the person judge themselves as to their own non-observance?

Is it because the teacher-student relationship is inevitably one sided and in regards to Judaism we automatically assume the teacher role, making the unsolicited student feel uncomfortable?

Is it because we believe that G-d judges observant people better through his granting of a better world-to-come for the observant and therefore we feel justified in following what we understand to be G-d’s judgment?

What do you think?
Why do non-frum people feel judged and more importantly, what positive steps can we make to reduce the pain of being judged?

A friend of mine, an FFB Ben Torah, received this letter from his estranged intermarried niece as a response, to a family wedding invitation. His sister an avowed atheist who has since passed on; isolated herself from the family well over 50 years ago and raised her children as atheists.

The letter which is pretty self explanatory basically poses the classic challenge of “How are you going to accept my (non-Jewish) spouse?”; within the framework of the background of “my mother estranged herself from yiddishkeit but I grew up this way and is there any way for us to have common ground”. This is another twist on the timeless issue of how to deal with intermarried relatives, but when neither side has changed or forfeited their original lifestyle

Any ideas for a response or an approach?

– R’ Reuven

Here is the letter:

Dear,

It has been a long time since you have heard from me so I have decided to share some of my thoughts with you so you would better understand what is behind that silence. I have felt confused about how to handle a relationship with you knowing we live in different worlds though we come from the same family. There is much you do not know or understand about my world and life and the same can be said about my dim knowledge about your life. I do however appreciate your reaching out and making some efforts to see me. I was curious to meet you and anxious to learn more about my mother’s years with a family destiny has cut me off from knowing. I wanted desperately to understand my own mother better since there was so much about her past she did not talk about or share with me. But there was a serious problem with our meetings we never addressed. How come we could not meet in my home where you could meet my husband who was made to feel left out of the picture as if he did not exist? I do not wish to exclude him from any future contact I would have with my family which has caused me to distance myself from you.

Last year I received an invitation to a wedding in your family and I was very pleased at the thought of meeting the family and being invited. There was something holding me back from feeling comfortable with the invitation. There was no mention of my husband. Was he also invited, would he have been welcome?

I do not foresee the possibility of close relations between us because of the complexity of the past and the differences in our lifestyles and life choices. However, some degree of communication could be possible, even desirable, if there would be some acknowledgement of the fact that my husband is part of the family dynamic. His exclusion is unnatural and hurtful to both of us. I know my mother left this world with many things unresolved in relation to her family and her tangled past. But I also know there were many painful things she could not talk about openly that bothered her, and one of them was how to resolve or bridge the rift between the family she was born into and the family she created and raised. I have no doubts that if we could find some way of overcoming these obstacles she would have been very pleased, especially since it was something she could never find a way of accomplishing in her own lifetime.

This letter is meant as a friendly gesture, a means of conveying what is on my mind and a chance for you to think about how you wish to handle our relationship. It is important to me that any relationship we might have include both me and my husband, for that is the family I belong to. You and your wife are welcome to visit us in our home in ……. where we have been living the last few years since our retirement.

………………………….

I hope your family is well and that you are in good health.

Respectfully,

I have been frum for 31 yrs. My parents are in their 70’s. They informed me when my grandmother passed away that they have prepaid for their cremation and that it is irrevocable. (By the way my grandmother who died at age 100 1/2 had prepaid for a real leviah with tahara and burial, even though she was not religious.)

My husband and I and my sister and niece were the attendants at the leviah and my husband the Rabbi. (my mother who has been unwell could not attend). I have broached the subject a few times with my parents, who are not open to seeing another view point.

HELP! I need advice as to how to deal with this, wanting the end result to be a proper burial and not cremation when their time comes, after 120 yrs. Due to their young age at this time, I don’t want to be premature in bothering them about this as it could ruin our relationship. We are not really close but do have a respectful cordial relationship, I visit once a yr and send pictures of the great grand kids, which gives them nachas.

Any strategies or suggestions mush appreciated.
Miriam1@juno.com

My children are good friends with children in the S family. Although the S family shared with us that they are relatively recent BT’s, their background is not widely known. Recently my 13 yo daughter mentioned to me that the S’s do not sift their flour. I suggested to her that she tell her friend that it is important for Kashrut. She agreed to tell her friend, but didn’t think the information would get to the mother this way. Some time after when my 11 yo son’s friend was visiting, I happened to find a bug while sifting flour. I showed them the bug, hoping he might tell his mother. But knowing 11 yo boys, I didn’t really count on it. A few days later while sifting flour I found a lot of worms! I rarely find anything when I sift, but there might have been remnants from that first buggy batch that grew in the interim. I was disgusted and a bit traumatized by this, and made sure to tell my daughter and her friend when they walked in shortly afterwards. I hope that now the information will make it back to the S parents, although I am still doubtful.

But the incident has left me pondering how to handle telling fellow BT’s if they are missing important Mitzvot. I’m sure that Mrs. S would sift her flour if she knew that it was a Kashrut issue. But should I even approach her about it? And if so, how? I can’t think of a way to bring this up in casual conversation, especially because we are not really friends. Things like this don’t just come up in conversation. How have other people handled such situations? How would you want to be approached if you were on the other side of it?

– Chana

When I first started going to shul I was originally annoyed that people talked during davening, because it disturbed my concentration and seemed to go against what being in shul was all about. I would often give a cold stare or a loud shhhhhh.

A friend pointed out that talking is permissible in certain parts of the service for mitzvah related reason. He also said I should realize that many people grew up in shuls where talking was the norm and it is hard to break these life long habits, so some benefit of the doubt might be in order. Lastly embarrassing somebody in public by shhhh’ing them could be worse than the talking itself.

The shul I daven at is generally quiet but the little talking that goes on still bothers me but I feel that I have no effective way to deal with the situation.

Has anybody discovered any effective ways to keep talking to an absolute minimum without offending or embarrassing those who talk? Or should I just get over the little talking that takes place?

– Steve

In recent months many great Rebbeim have stated publicly that Moshiach’s arrival is imminent. Teshuva and improving our learning, davening, chesed and not wasting time are always appropriate acts for a Jew, but should we intensify our efforts at this time or stick to the pace we’re already following?

What have people heard from their Rebbeim?

Does it make sense to intensify our efforts at this point?

– Sara

PS – Here is an email that I recently received on the subject.

1. Bircat HaHamah – The Blessing on the Sun – Once every 28 years

Since creation, there was only two times that the year we say Birkat HaHamah fell out on the 1st Day of Passover.
The first was the year Hashem redeemed Israel form Egypt.
The second was the year of Purim, when Hashem saved the Jews from the evil Haman, who wanted to kill and destroy all Jews.
This year Birkat HaHamah falls out on the 1st Day of Passover. (which will be the 3rd time in history)
When it was told to Hacham Ovadia Yosef, that this year Birkat HaHamah falls out on the 1st Day of Passover, he started crying like a baby.

2. Chofetz Chaim in a Dream to His Student

Recently the Chofetz Chaim came to one of his last living students in a dream several times and said that Mashiach is born. When this was told to Rabbi Elya Svei, he said he knew about this for over ten years.

3. Rabbi Elya Svei Mashiach 2009, told to him from his Rebbe, Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman

In 2004 at a funeral of a Rebbe of Mirrer Yeshiva, Rabbi Elya Svei said that Mashiach is coming in 2009. He said its was told to him and calculated by his Rebbe, Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman, who was the top student of the Chofetz Chaim. Incidentally Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman wrote books and spoke about that the timing of Maschiach is comparable to a pregnant lady in her 9th month, which at any moment can give birth. Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman was murdered in the Holocaust, over 70 years ago, so in his times if Mashiach was so close, how much more so in our times more than 70 years later.

4. The Collapse of the Stock Market, Wall Street, Financial Markets, Housing Markets, Mortgage Markets, Insurance Markets, Real Estate Markets, Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, Merill Lynch, Wachovia, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Washington Mutual, Goldman Sachs
And surely MORE to come.
The Dow Jones Industrial Average broke 8000 and dropped to a low of 7882

5. The Iran dictator (Yemach Shemo) declaring he wants to wipe Israel of the globe and definitely has Nuclear Weapons.

Since Hashem sent us a very good President George Bush, who is a true friend of Israel as well as shown that he want to eradicate terrorists, the Iranian Animal is petrified to start with Israel, but with this years election of a new President, who know what can happen.

6. Barak Obama as President

He’s young and inexperienced as well as questionable loyalty and friendship to Israel.
With all that’s going on with our economy and global markets, in addition to Obama’s liberal viewpoints it seams very dangerous to have him as a commander in chief.

7. Iceland & Greenland Ice Packs

Iceland and Greenland is mostly comprised of ice. Scientist discovered that due to Global Warming, the shrinking of the Ozone Layer and the change in weather patterns, the ice packs in these two countries are starting to melt. They predict that in 5 to 10 years it will fully melt and the water (melted ice) would be added to the worlds oceans. This extra water, would increase sea level around the globe by 20 feet.
Basically all homes, buildings etc, that are built on locations that are at sea level (which is a good portion society), will be under water. Hashem promised NEVER to bring a Mabul (flood) again. If this is set in motion to take place, then Mashiach, must come before this happens.

8. Brisker Rav

The Brisker Rav said during the Holocaust, that within 70 years Mashiach will come. 2009 is the 70th year.

9. Rabbi Elya Ber Wachtfogel said this past Yom Kippur 2008, was the last Yom Kippur. He’s been telling everyone to do Teshuva before Mashiach comes.

10. Rav Chaim Kanievsky

Chazon Ish (his Grandfather) and Rav Shach (one of his Rabbi’s) came to Rav Chaim Kanievsky in a dream and both told him to tell everyone to do Teshuva in order to get ready for Mashiach, whom is coming very soon.

Its time to do TESHUVA!!!!!
The Chofetz Chaim said that people whom are not worthy won’t even realize that Mashiach is here and whats going on.
We MUST ALL make Teshuba and come close to Hashem.
Send this to all the Jews you know.
We need Moshiach desperately.

Like many Baalei Teshuva I was raised in a community that was mostly Democrat and now find myself in a mostly Republican voting Orthodox community. Although I have voted Republican in some previous Presidential elections, I still believe in many of the values and ideas that the Democrats represent.

Compassion for the poor and needy, which is consistent with Torah-values, seems to be more of a concern of the Democrats despite the appearance in recent years of Compassionate Conservatism.

Hesitancy to rely so much on unregulated markets seems to be sensible, especially given the recent markets collapse.

A less war-centered foreign policy seems logical given the limited successes of our recent conflicts and the unsustainable costs of continuing the current policy.

The current policy in the Middle East does not seem to have strengthened Israel’s position in the region. Clearly there are no easy solutions here, but I’m not sure either party has won the right to proclaim they are the “true” friend of Israel.

On the issue of Obama the man, versus McCain the man, if we put aside the mudslinging for a second, the issue seems to comes down to experience. It seems like Jewish History is replete with examples of young smart people successfully assuming great responsibilities.

All these issues are obviously much more complex than can be reflected in a blog post, but I’m not sure why I have to be apologetic because I am considering voting Democrat and find that some of their policies resonate with me.

I find much of the discussion on these issues in the community to be a little simplistic and I was hoping that perhaps this forum of thoughtful participants could possibly yield some fruitful discussion. Is anybody else still holding on to some Democratic values?

-Barry