Understanding the Internet Ban

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Let’s be honest, if you’re reading this site you’re probably not a proponent of the Internet Ban. You might be believe in cautious usage and place heavy restrictions on what your children do on the ‘Net, but a ban fan you’re not.

Let’s take a second and give the other side the benefit of the doubt. I know it’s hard, but I think it is consistent with Torah principals. Let’s assume that the people who think a ban makes sense are intelligent, well meaning people, who dedicate a great part of their lives to getting closer to Hashem and helping others do the same. If we can accept that, then we would probably could assume that there are probably some good Torah-true reasons that a ban makes sense.
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We Need Your Input for the First Beyond BT Shabbaton

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We are in the very early planning stages of the first Beyond BT Shabbaton. Our goal is to have as many people as possible participate and to keep the cost as low as possible.

The preliminary date is the Shabbos of Achrei Mos-Kedoshim which is May 5-6. The venue will be Kew Gardens Hills. We will put people up at families in the neighborhood. If we have the Friday night meals at the host families it will be hard to have speakers on Friday night since candle lighting is 7:38, so it might make sense to have a communal meal on Friday with some speakers and maybe eat Shabbos lunch at the hosts’ houses.

On Shabbos we will try to find a place to have our own minyan. The davening will be followed by a kiddush and a Shiur. Shabbos lunch, possibly at the host houses followed by shiurim on Shabbos afternoon. Mincha to be followed by Shalosh Seudos and a speaker. We will try to have babysitters during the shiurim.

We are looking for sponsors to help defray the costs, so please don’t be shy if you can afford to sponsor.

So what do you think? Any ideas for speaking topics? Will you come? And if not, why not? What is an acceptable amount to charge for adults, teens and children?

Of Earrings and Kippahs

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My father-in-law, he should live and be well, became a BT in his late fifties. That, in and of itself, is a whole story. Maybe some other time.

After becoming observant, he had started a new job. He just wasn’t able to bring himself to wear his kippah at work. He thought the obvious change would be too much for his co-workers to handle. In particular, there was one co-worker he was concerned about, an Israeli gentleman who had warned him “if you want to be my friend, don’t talk to me about religion!” Then there was the other co-worker whom he didn’t think would be kindly disposed, a gentleman with an earring in his left ear. So, he made the decision not to wear his kippah at work.

My father-in-law noticed that everytime the gentleman with the earring would go to see the boss, he would take his earring off only to replace it after leaving the boss’ presence. One day, the “Don’t talk to me about religion” guy said to him “Why do you take your earring out everytime you go to the boss? Just leave it in. You are who you are.” “You are who you are”, my father-in-law thought and the very next day he began wearing his kippah to work. Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

Special Challenges of Becoming Frum for Women

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By Gail Pozner

When you think about all the changes a secular woman makes and the challenges she faces along the road toward a frum lifestyle, especially compared to men, it is amazing that there still are so many women who do it. I think it testifies to the explanation of “She lo asani eisha” that “women are more spiritual” (so they don’t need as many mitzvos). If women are not spiritual, I don’t think we’d be seeing this phenomenon, because it is so hard. I’d like to focus on the following two experiences.

Many, although not all, American women who become frum during or after college, had completely absorbed the feminist ethos, to wit: men and women are basically the same (although some believe women are superior); they have often proven themselves equally capable as men in all levels of competition, be it intellectual, creative, or athletic. They have lived side by side with the men in classes, at parties, in the dorms, and even in the coed bathrooms. They have been fed “women’s studies” classes whose goal is to denigrate marriage and traditional, feminine aspects of womanhood and to bolster the notion that career and individual achievement is what is important.
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Starbucks and Shushan Purim

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Realizing that many of us have difficulty gearing up for work on shushan purim, Starbucks is giving away free coffee today.

SEATTLE – Starbucks says it will give away free cups of coffee on Wednesday between 10 a.m. and 12 p.m. at 7,500 of its stores nationwide. The Seattle company expects it will give away 500,000 cups of coffee in its two-hour ‘national coffee break.’

Is this a great country for the Jews or what?

Still At 61!?

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“Still at 61!?” That’s where my “Hair Today Gone Tomorrow” post has been holding for weeks now on the “Most Commented Upon Posts” section of BeyondBT and it’s beginning to really irk me. I mean, is there no one in the whole World Wide Web to bring it up to 62? Come on people! We’ve got lists to top.

But seriously, I do eye that section on BeyondBT every time I log in to have a peek at what’s on the minds of my fellow BTs and FFBs. I think that to some degree it’s even one of the reasons I have neglected to contribute a post for so long. I mean the pressure to outperform the others in your sector can be quite burdensome.
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A Picture of Pure Sacrifice

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A friend once approached me in a professional capacity and asked me to represent him in some contract disputes. He was a very well renown photographer who had just become Shomer Shabbos. The problem was, he had 6-9 months worth of Shabbos affairs booked.

He walked away from all of them and, in my estimation, close to one hundred thousand dollars!!

He doesn’t know it but, in many ways, that guy’s my hero.

Are We Living B’dieved Lives?

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In halacha there is a concept of doing a mitzvah l’chatchila, intially the proper way and b’dieved, fulfilling the requirement after the fact in a suboptimal way. On some posts here contributors will highlight their view of the l’chatchila way to live in a particular area such as listening to certain types of music, women’s roles or dealing with the materialistic aspects of our lives, etc..

So here’s my question: Is facing up to the fact that our lives don’t measure up in all areas to the highest ideals of Torah Judaism mean that we are living our lives in a less than an optimal way, i.e. B’Dieved? And what are the implications of that thought pattern?

I think everybody reading this has to ask themselves this question, because the greatest Jews among us do not use the Internet.

So how do you come to terms with this question?

Purim and The Search for Yossi

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“The more often and earlier a child smokes, drinks and uses marijuana, the likelier that child is to use harder drugs like cocaine and heroin.”

“It’s all about children. A child who gets through age 21 without smoking, using illegal drugs or abusing alcohol is virtually certain never to do so.”

“Teens who smoke cigarettes are 12 times likelier to use marijuana and more than 19 times likelier to use cocaine”.

– Joseph A. Califano, Jr., CASA Chairman and President

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Drinking On Purim – Old Lows or New Highs

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Rugby and beer go together. There’s nothing like an ice cold beer after a hard rugby game. It soothes your aching, wounded body. It makes you relax. After a couple of beers you feel strong again, almost ready for another game or some other adventure. That’s the problem with alcohol, it clouds your judgment. It makes you think you are a different person than you really are. Maybe that’s part of its appeal. We can escape our lives and be someone else, even it is only for a while. I used to enjoy a beer or two after a game, but I saw too many rugby players and others, become a little too adventurous for my liking, to allow myself to get into that situation.

On Purim, we also drink and we also pretend we are someone else. We dress up in costume. But there’s a very important difference. On Purim, we are trying to find out who we really are. We are trying to strip away the external layers which hold us back from getting closer to G-d. That’s why when a true talmid chacham, a Torah scholar, drinks on Purim, what comes out of his mouth is no different than on a regular day. Because who he is internally, is exactly who he is externally.
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Finding Your Comfort Zone

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I think one of the hardest parts of becoming a baal teshuvah is in finding a comfort zone. Being an Orthodox Jew is not a once-a-week thing, or even a once-a-day thing. It’s something that permeates and becomes your whole essence – your actions, your thoughts and yourself.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed when facing so many changes. A simple thing to do in such a situation is to shut down your mind and blindly follow what others tell you to do. The problem in this is that, down the road, you often catch yourself in a place that isn’t really you.
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Taharah, Teshuva and Understanding the Soul

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Since we had one article about the issues surrounding death and the BT this morning, we thought it might be a good opportunity to point to this great article at Aish titled: Taharah A Personal Look at the Jewish Way of Death and Burial.

The writer discusses how an opportunity to participate in Taharahs early in her teshuva process gave her a deeper understanding of the soul in this world and the next. Here is an excerpt:

My conception of the neshamah, the soul changed radically after my first taharah, when I actually sensed the existence of the soul independent of the body. I observed how the body houses the soul but is in no way identical with the soul. At the taharah, I witnessed with my own eyes how the soul had departed, leaving the body an empty shell.

Death and the BT

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by Akiva of The Mystical Paths Blog

Often family events are a challenge for the BT. Whether dealing with the religious ramifications of attending family holiday events, which may involve non-kosher food, non-kosher attitudes or approaches, or dealing with the additional complications of family visits with less or non-observant family, it’s challenging. In many ways, this is one of the top challenges of becoming religiously observant. This especially true in the U.S., where there is no respect for religion anymore. I mean honestly, do you think it would be easier to arrive home and announce this is my same-sex-boyfriend Joseph or this is my Rabbi Yoseph?

But back on topic, though this is the month of Adar when we increase joy, joyful events don’t always occur (though how we deal with them is up to us).

While those family challenges are very difficult for the good events and the gathering events, what happens when the other end of events come?
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In Appreciation of Rabbi Horowitz and Rabbi Welcher

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Last night I saw the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation’s video on the Attitude of Gratitude. Rabbi Rietti, one of the speakers was amazing as usual, and he made the point that Hashem gives us so much and wants nothing in exchange, except a thank you which we express in a brocha. In fact, he doesn’t even want the thank you, except for our benefit.

With thank yous on our mind, it is a great opportunity to thank our two rabbinic advisors Rabbi Herschel Welcher and Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz. Because today both of them are being honored today at dinners of wonderful Torah learning institutions. Rabbi and Rebbetzin Yakov and Udi Horowitz are being honored at Yeshiva Darchei Noam in Monsey, the school that he founded. While Rabbi and Rebbetzin Herschel and Miriam Welcher are being honored by Shevach High School a girls high school in Kew Gardens Hills.
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Living History

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Mordechai and Esther's TombToday I was speaking with a business associate who mentioned that his father was born and raised in Hamadan, Iran also known as Shush or Shushan HaBira–the setting for the Purim drama. Hamadan is located between Teheran and Iran’s western border with Iraq. He mentioned that his father is very proud of his birthplace–Hamadan literally means “place of knowledge” and its inhabitants were generally regarded as very intelligent. Interestingly, Hamadan was the first Iranian province to allow Jews to own property. He also mentioned that Esther and Mordechai are the most popular names for Jews born in Hamadan and he himself has numerous relatives bearing these names.

The ancient wooden tombs of Esther and Mordechai still lay, side by side, today in Hamadan under a simple brick dome. One tomb, draped in shimmering cloths, is labelled “Esther” in English and Hebrew. The other, draped in vibrant colors, reads “Mordechai” in English and Hebrew.

Attitude of Gratitude

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When giving my Partners in Torah chavrusa an overview of Judaism, I explained that the role of the Jews is G-d awareness specialists. Our mission is to become more G-d aware through the performance of the mitzvos and to help the rest of the world increase their awareness through their mitzvos.

Before the destruction of the Second Temple, G-d’s presence was more palpable. But since the end of prophecy, G-d’s presence is no longer felt in the same way. One of the reasons the Men of the Great Assembly formulated the Brochos around that time, was to help us increase our G-d awareness as we live or daily lives.
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Some Beautiful Beyond BT Music

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There have been a few posts here on the blog about music, more specifically about the music many of us grew up with. Take it or leave it? OK for me but not for my kids. Can’t get it out of my head, etc.

My brother Chaim is a musician. Before he became observant he was, as they say, “living the life”. He was the lead singer for a West Coast band that had growing local popularity, was gaining radio play, and playing larger venues. After becoming observant he stayed away from his music as it reminded him of many of the things he wished to leave behind, mostly from a lifestyle point of view.

I would often chide him that Hashem didn’t give him his talents to be squelched but to be redirected, channeled.

After several years, he finally returned to his music with a deeper spiritual vibe. Here is, as he puts it, the artist named Chaim, formerly known as the artist named Jonny, and currently unknown with a beautiful song he wrote.

Am I Getting Into The Groove?

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This essay is not going to discuss the kabbalistic outlook on secular music or its effects. I leave that for others greater than I. I realize that the topic of listening to secular music is a very touchy topic with people. It can get heated. I am just going to share my own thoughts regarding the subject of listening to our past-music.

Going into Wal-Mart or Walgreen’s can be a trip down memory lane. I am guaranteed to hear some songs from my past. In fact, many of them I can still sing the words to, when I hear the music. What happens when a person hears music from their past? We know that the mind (our memory) keeps most things in storage. It is next to impossible to completely rid the memory of stored information. Forgetting something doesn’t mean it is erased, just misplaced or buried. As the music flows into our ears, the mind recalls the previous times when we heard that particular song. The music is a trigger for thoughts from the past. Whether it was a tznius time or not, kosher or treif. Granted, not every song we ever heard is associated with an “unkosher” time; however my personal jukebox doesn’t know how to differentiate between the two. This I see as one of the biggest problems with listening to secular music from the past.
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Who Turned Off the Lights?

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Today is the first of Adar. As you are likely aware, that marks the beginning of a month of increased simcha (joy). The first of Adar is also the date that Hashem wrought the maka of choshech– the Plague of Darkness — on Egypt.

As Adar begins, we begin our preparation for Purim. (I already began scarfing hamentshen). I’m wondering what the connection is between darkness and simcha/Purim. One thing I can see (pun intended) is that Adar is the month where we see through the darkness of the world and perceive what is really going on. Just like during the makka of choshech, even in a world of darkness, we have the ability to see things clearly. Anyone else care to take a stab at this seemingly contradictory connection?