When my grandparents took the boat over from Turkey to the States in the early 1900s, they settled into a corner of New York that was flourishing with Sefardic Jews, where Ladino was the lingua franca, and the smell of borekas, garlic, pashtedas and raki hung in the air. While my father learned English as soon as he started school, developed an understanding of the “American way,” and was integrated into the American culture relatively quickly, the process was much more difficult for my grandparents. Eventually, by going out into the broader, English speaking community through work, contacts and friends made through their children, reading, and just living through the years as life happened, they became more “American.” But they always were different (Baruch Hashem!) They brought their Jewish, Mediteranean identity with them. They lived for years in their supportive Sefardic enclaves, venturing out more and more and ultimately becoming respected, productive Americans citizens.
Read more Integrating into the Frum Community
Label Lam – Reflections on Main Problems for Baale’ Teshuva
I’m concerned that someone might be left with the false impression that I think that the biggest problem facing Balale’ Teshuva is that we most often don’t get the punch lines for Yiddish jokes. It’s a little deeper than that. I can remember as a Yeshiva student singing with the other guys on Friday Night over and over again the refrain, “Libi Libi U’ B’sari†and not knowing what the words meant and imagining they mean, “Leiby (that’s me) I’m sorry!†I never told a soul about it! I just laughed and sometimes cried with those silly thoughts. Till today when my boys sing this same Zemer, even though I know what the words mean, I still occasionally flash back and chuckle quietly in a place no one would ever know. Silly! Huh? When the more than occasional speaker would shout out the words, “Yiras Shemaimâ€, I thought about it whimsically, “A Year in Shemaim†and still do!
Read more Label Lam – Reflections on Main Problems for Baale’ Teshuva
Just Fitting In
Well becoming a blogger may be less difficult than becoming a BT- but at some point in both you just have to log in and do it. Mark tells me blogs are better when typed from the heart, so unlike my own BT journey (more in future blogs) I will type right in with not much forethought.
What are the biggest challenges facing us BT’s today- that’s a pretty grand question. My gut reaction is that it depends where you live. Really? Yes. I think there are basically three places we live: (1) in-town, (2) Out-of-town, (3) Eretz Yisroel. Let’s start with the third as it’s easy for me- I have never lived in Eretz Yisroel, only visited, learned in Yeshiva (or other places in more Zionistic days, but that is also another story.
Read more Just Fitting In
The Day the Music Revived
I’ve gone to a few non-observant family simchas recently and I’ve noticed that the great majority of the music played comes from before the 90s. My wife’s cousin, a drummer by night, told me at one of these affairs that the difficulty of making a living made many potential musicians and children of musicians avoid the field, and thus the dearth of good music nowadays. So for those of us who gave up our Classic Rock, we’re probably not missing much.
I remember early in my Baal Teshuva experience giving up all music for a few years. Read more The Day the Music Revived
Can There Be Too Much Socializing?
Shalom:
I began the teshuva process slightly over ten years ago. B”H, I had the fortune to attend a wonderful yeshiva that emphasized, amongst other things, always being a kiddush H-shem. Now that I have been out of yeshiva for a number of years and have lived in frum kehilos around the world, I have had the chance to implement this teaching in practice. Frum kehilos are, I think, amazingly special places with incredible people and institutions. Nevertheless, there are always challenges (especially in chutz l’aretz) – not speaking in shul during davening, not speaking devarim betaylim in shul, keeping a learning seder kovayah, being involved in tsarchey tsibor, making a kesher with a rav, being socially involved, etc.
Read more Can There Be Too Much Socializing?
The Issue of Lifecycle Support
A number of years ago, we had Rabbi Yakov Horowitz as a scholar-in-residence at our Shul. He told me at the time that he had an article coming up in the Jewish Observer which should have a positive impact on the Baalei Teshuva constituency. Here is a link to the article called Lifecycle Support for the Ba’al Teshuva Family.
Read more The Issue of Lifecycle Support
How Do You Say Blogger in Yiddish?
Just wanted to thank all the people who have linked and have stopped by. The words of encouragement are wonderful. Please leave comments, as nothing warms a bloggers heart more than a comment, a short story or a question.
Let me leave you with this link from the Hyde Park Hevre, a London Chassidic Website which is hosted out of Israel. I brought it to Shul tonight to have it translated and the Hevre likes our blog.
If you give it a close look, you can learn how to say blogger in Yiddish. If anyone can translate the whole piece and leave the translation in the comments, you’ll have a friend for life.
Family Ties
These are excellent ideas. Thanksgiving can be very nice if kashrus isn’t a problem. Channukah and Chol HaMoed Sukkos can also be nice days for reunions as well. I saw an interesting book that addressed these issues . The approximate title was “What Do You Mean You Can’t Eat At My House ?!” Some may like the solutions in this book, others may not.
Wearing the Label
First let me say that I am thrilled to be here. I have been looking at everyone’s posts, and I’m excited about delving into these issues. May Hashem help us that this group blog is truly in His service.
My name is Kressel. I began my teshuva process about 16 years ago, and IYâ€H my husband and I will soon celebrate our tenth anniversary. Ours is a mixed marriage. He’s an FFB Stoliner chossid.
Marrying a chossid seemed like a radical step when we were first introduced. I delayed our first date for month to consider it. But when we met, we progressed with lightning speed. We became engaged after three dates a la the Chassidishe formula. I considered my chasunah as a sort of BT graduation ceremony, and walked to my chuppah to Shlomo Carlebach’s “Pischu Li.†By entering the Chassidishe velt, I was sure I was entering the Gates of Righteousness.
Read more Wearing the Label
Family Time
I think it’s very important to maintain a relationship with your non-frum family members after you become frum (assuming they are not overtly hostile to you or your life decisions). Unfortunately many BTs simply write off their family members as part of their “past”. This is not only simple foolishness but also a lack of derech eretz and hakaros hatov (especially in regard to one’s parents).
Read more Family Time
Tearing Down Unneccesary Barriers
Paul from Bloghead recently wrote:
A new blog for BT’s has made its appearance. It is an interesting read, and I wish the blog much success. The list of contributors is interesting (see the r.h. side coloumn of the blog) – three rabbis, plus Zelig, Rivka, Arye Leib, Mordechai, Melech, Meyer, Dovid and Chava. No Zekes, Rosemarys, Arthurs, Michaels, etc etc. The discussions show great concern about ….. conformity, and integrating into Haredi society.
First let me thank Paul for pointing out a mistake I made. When we started this week, I had a cheshbon (calculation) that we should all use our Hebrew names. I was wrong. Read more Tearing Down Unneccesary Barriers
Finding Our True Selves
I think one of the biggest challenges for us Baalei Teshuva has to be how to take who I have been in my past, who I’ve been raised to be, who I’ve been taught to be, and transform that person into who my potential shomer mitzvot self can be.
But who is that person? I know that we can create only that which we can envision – but I don’t even know who she is! I don’t have the picture yet….We’ve grown up so long having one picture of ourselves and our reality, our present, who we are, who we can be; and now that we’ve gained the Torah perspective, seeing higher values, different role models to emulate, an altogether different future to work towards – the big question is how do we meld them, how do we integrate them – how can I morph this American 60’s humanity loving free spirited dancer into an Eved Hashem? Read more Finding Our True Selves
You Can Thank BTs for Kosher Sushi
I was schmoozing recently with a local Rabbi who is active in Kiruv. He was telling me about the many important things that BTs have brought to the always-observant community. But the one innovation he mentioned that sticks in my head is Kosher Sushi.
The theory goes something like this: When Baalei Teshuva entered the community they were not happy with the choice of Kosher Restaurants and take-out foods. So they innovated and brought Kosher Sushi to the marketplace. Now you can walk down Main Street in Kew Gardens Hills and drop into Sushi Metsuyan, Annie’s Kitchen or the Bagel Store to pickup a six-pack of your favorite seaweed-rice-vege combo.
So the next time you’re munching on that explosion of Ginger, Soy and Wasabi, give thanks to Hashem, and then remember the BTs who love you and are looking after your best interests. I’ll leave the spiritual appeal of Sushi for a future post.
Rav Yosef Ber Soloveitchik on Teshuva
Gershon Seif asked and suggested how RYBS viewed Teshuvah MeAhavah and Teshuvah MeYirah. IIRC, RYBS suggested the exactly opposite ideas in Al HaTshuvah but refrained from saying which was better or preferable. To all of those who are blogging here, please excuse my posts if they appear overly opinionated.
Rabbinical Backing of This Project
I had mentioned in an email to Gil that this project has Rabbinic backing, which he wrote up as Rabbinic approval which is being speculated about in parts of the blogosphere as Rabbinic supervision.
To start this project, we talked to Rabbi Herschel Welcher, Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz, the Rabbis listed as contributors and others. They all felt that this project is an important one for the Jewish community and encouraged us to pursue it. They are not involved on a day to day basis, nor are they monitoring the posts. When questions come up which we feel require Rabbinic input, we will of course consult them. They are smart, understanding and caring people who toil endless hours for the greater good and we feel fortunate to have them as leaders, teachers and friends.
Many of the people involved in this project are integrated and contributing to the larger observant community in significant ways. Our Rabbeim are wise enough to empower us to serve our community and make our own decisions and mistakes.
We will be discussing the important topic of finding a Rav in the weeks ahead, so stay tuned.
Using Art Scroll
It’s interesting that Chafetz Chaim allows ArtScroll Gemaras inside the Beis Medrash. OTOH, I see that my comments re gaining textual fluency are not completely unfounded. I think that textual literacy means the basic ability to work at ease with the classical texts and understanding what is happening in a passuk with the classical Mfarshim and or a sugya based on the classical Rishonim and Acharonim. If you learn on the Daf Yomi level, you will discover that the same machlokes HaTanaim pops up many times and is the key to understanding many different questions raised in a particular masecta.
Nice Opening Day
We had a very successful opening day, thanks to a link by Gil Student who writes the very popular Hirhurim blog.
I had the pleasure of meeting Gil at a wedding, where I was introduced by my friend and teacher, Rabbi Yakov Haber of YU and Stern fame. The banning of Rabbi Slifkin’s books about Torah and Science had just occurred and talking to Gil helped me get a better handle on Rabbi Slifkin’s perspective and goals in writing his books.
Thanks again to Gil and his readers who took the time to check out the site.
Education
I’m glad that my comment generated some responses. Here are some comments:
1) It helps if you are a voracious reader. I have been since my childhood days. That being said, it pays to read the best of the Charedi and MO world’s publications. I like Jewish Action, Mishpacha and the Jewish Press. The Jewish Observer is better than it was but the JO/ & Yated are way too ideologically driven for my taste.
Read more Education
On Joining the Beyond Teshuvah Blog
Here’s an email that I sent to Mark yesterday when he asked me about joining this blog.
This is an execellent start on a very important and very difficult issue facing Torah Judaism today. First of all, I think that many Rishonim beginning with the Sefer Hachinuch and such Gdolei Acharonim such the Chafetz Chaim state that it is assur to remind a BT of his prior background and behavior. That being a given, I think that there are many BTs today who are integrated into the frum community on all of these issues. Many, if not all of my contemporaries in NCSY in the 1960s and 1970s are very much a part of the frum community and are rabbinic and lay leaders. The OU Board of Directors is loaded with many BTs. Their POV is accepted on a wide variety of issues.
Read more On Joining the Beyond Teshuvah Blog
The Challenge of Integration
For me the biggest challenge of being a Baalei Teshuva is that of integration:
– The integration of our non-observant friends and relatives with our observant nuclear family.
– The integration of our past life style with our current one.
– The integration of a life with a major focus on livelihood with a life focused on Torah, Prayer and Acts of Kindness. Read more The Challenge of Integration
