When it comes to dealing with non-Torah influences most families and communities build fences. The basic difference is how high are the fences.

There is probably a continuum of fence heights but the overall policies can perhaps be described as:

1) Let everything in and throw out that which is inappropriate
2) Let almost nothing in to keep out the inappropriate and in the process keep out much that might be appropriate
3) Let in the things that can help bring you closer to Hashem

How would you describe the fence building policies out there?

What have you found that works for you and your family?

Can you see the dangers and the benefits of the other approaches?

Do you think the main problem with high fences, is that they’re a bad idea or because fences are ineffective and can cause backlashes?

What are the major areas that fences are built in your home or community: Internet, TV, Music, Movies, Newspapers, Radio, Fiction Books, Non-Fiction Books?

What are the issues around communal fences as opposed to household fences?

Someone recently confided that they’re having trouble placing they’re Rock and Roll memories. They mentioned that a Yeshivish oriented friend recently confided that he listens and gets inspired by Simon & Garfunkel.

Many BTs in KGH, Passaic, Monsey, Five Towns and other Orthodox communities try to keep their children away from secular rock music. But how do you deal with your own Rock and Roll memories?

Do you ever sing or think about out old lyrics when keyed from a phrase in conversation?

Was the music from the 60s, 70s and 80s much more benign than that of today and is therefore not so bad?

Or perhaps it’s still rooted in the non-Torah values of the secular world they we’ve moved away from and should be avoided?

Do you approve of the Rock music of today?

How have you dealt with these musical conflicts?

Based on some recent posts and comments on BT Martyrdom, it seems that many BTs get tremendous spiritual pleasure from blowing up familial relationships.

What are the reasons for this willingness to cut oneself off from their families with these acts?

a) They feel it’s comparable to giving up your life, which when appropriate is the ultimate Kiddush Hashem.

b) Their Rebbeim tell them it’s the right course of action and they rarely enter a question and answer dialog with their Rebbeim to probe/understand the reasoning behind a ruling.

c) Many families explicitly or implicitly reject a BTs life choices causing pain, which sets the stage for the act of familial martyrdom.

d) Other reasons

Why do people wear Purim costumes in fact and in theory?

Is dressing up like a celebrity like Michael Jackson appropriate?

How about like an evil person like Saddam Hussein?

What other guidelines have you followed for appropriate Purim Costumes for children, teenagers and adults?

From a recent email from a Kiruv organization

I am of the belief that with proper guidance a Baal Teshuvah can [not must], by proceeding at a very moderate pace, achieve a very high level of integration into the frum community, ultimately becoming virtually indistinguishable from FFB’s even in ultra-Charedi settings. This level of integration requires one to largely dispose of a great deal of his former lifestyle and even many relationships. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that even for one who does wish to attain this level of integration, it is possible and almost always advisable to maintain many relationships from the past, especially familial ones. This is certainly not an easy feat and requires dedication and much finesse, but it is often worthwhile, as I will explain.

Agree? Disagree? Comment.

A good piece of advice for BTs is to try to conform to the standards of the community you live in.

Do you agree with this advice?

How have you implemented it in your life?

In what ways are you not conforming and how has it effected you?

A recent article in the new Torah oriented magazine, Ami had an article about a BT family, where the children we’re drawn off-the-derech by the wife’s parents.

Have you ever heard of similar situations?

Have you ever heard of or dealt with parents who try to influence their grandchildren to be less observant?

How would/did you handle either of the above scenarios?

Torah Observance is very structured in terms of our day, our week, how we dress, how we eat.

Did you find this structure confining at first?

How long did it take you to adapt to all the structure?

Do you think BTs are more often the type of people who embrace structure?

The traditional means of supporting a Rabbi is through a Shul. Members pays fees and make donations and the Rabbi either owns and operates the Shul or gets a salary.

Nowadays there a lot of BTs and FFBs who live in areas where they have not found a Rabbi or Torah Teacher to fill their needs. There are Rebbeim throughout the country who might be able to teach, answer questions and give advice to these people, but they would need a financial structure to support these activities.

Do you think people would be willing to pay a long distance Rabbi to learn, posken and give advice?

How much do you think people would be willing pay to have access to and talk to a Rabbi for 30 minutes – 1 hour per month. $360, $500, $1,000 per year?

How much do you currently pay to belong to your shul?

How much time per month do you currently talk to your Rabbi?

It seems that many people come to Torah because they believe it’s true or because they think it will lead to a better lifestyle that will make them happier.

Which was the driving factor in your return to observance?

What was the driving factor in the majority of BTs you’ve spoke to about the subject?

Which reason leads to the most disappointment or disillusionment?

What are some of the obstacles with either reason.

Mark Zuckenberg, a fellow Jew, is Time magazines’s person of the Year.

Do we adequately acknowledge the accomplishments of our non-observant co-religionists?

Who do you think is the Outstanding Jew of 2010 and why?

Only positive achievements.

What’s Your Chanukah Inspirational Take Away?

a) Miracles are a reality

b) Wars are won through Hashem’s help

c) Hashem always saves the Jewish People

d) We need to show Mesirus Nefesh for Torah

e) We must view the secular through the prism of the spiritual

f) We need to introspect on our Hellenistic tendencies

h) We should always strive for spiritual greatness

i) Our first focus should be burning away the negative like Shammai

j) Our first focus should be increasing the positive like Hillel

k) Even in the darkest hour, the Jewish People always have the pilot light on

l) Other

With Chanukah a week away here are some questions:

Do you give your children presents?

Do you give your spouse a present?

Do you refrain or moderate your gift giving because of the proximity to Xmas?

What would you tell a new BT about giving presents?