Looking for Suggestions to Breakdown Communication Barriers

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Below is an email exchange with my sister. She is two years older than me and has called me “Ugs” since I was 5 years old and she thought I was cute. Lashon sagi nahor, I guess. I have always been very close with her but we don’t see each other often since she still lives in the NY area and I have relocated to Baltimore.

It bothers both of us that we are not able to share in each others lives more. The situation is complicated by the fact that my nephews have severe food allergies. For the last few years she has hosted various Thanksgiving dinners, and birthday parties that we have declined to attend. I wanted to convey (more) clearly to her why we decline. In the past she has said something like “What’s the problem? When my kids go to a birthday party, they know that they cannot eat whatever they want because it might have peanuts etc. So why can’t you just do the same thing with your kids? We’ll bring in some kosher food for you and some other food for everyone else.” Obviously, there are halachic ways to cook kosher in a non-kosher home.

I’d appreciate some feedback as to the emotional / communication element at work.

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Instant Kiruv

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This past Shabbos afternoon, I was asked to speak to a group of college students involved in a phenomenal program for non-religious students.

When I returned from speaking, my six year old daughter was sitting with her friend enjoying their Shabbos party (read: junk). My daughter asked how my speech went (thank G-d, she’s still interested in my life).

I said ” Fine, thanks.”

She then turned to her friend and explained “my father went to speak to people who aren’t frum yet but we want them to be frum”.

Her friend immediately replied: “Nu, did they say yes?”

Achdut at Gate 6

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I recently spent two weeks in Israel, due to a family wedding and spring break, and I have always found that one of the most unifying, one-with-the-Jewish-people experiences ever is in the waiting area for the flight to Israel.

There is something to be said about being with a bunch of Jews getting ready to fly to Israel, our homeland. Jews dressed in all sorts of garb, listening to all sorts of music, speaking all sorts of languages – in the end, we are all Jews, and we are, as one, flying to Israel.
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A Tribute to My First Rabbi

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Today is the yahrtzeit of my first rabbi, Rabbi Eliyahu Chaim Carlebach zt”l. Many people know of Reb Elya’s famous twin brother, Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, zt”l. In fact, I also found Reb Elya through Reb Shlomo’s reputation, but it is Reb Elya who I will always consider my first rabbi.

Reb Elya and Reb Shlomo were born in Vienna in the late 1920’s to a prominent and wealthy rabbinic family. Their father, Rabbi Naftali Carlebach, moved the family to Germany for the sake of his sons’ education, but by the 1930s, they emigrated to America, early enough to have escaped the war. Rabbi Naftali Carlebach established a shul on West 79th Street in Manhattan which is now run by his great-grandson, Reb Elya’s grandson, Rabbi Naftali Citron.
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Get Your Internet Parsha Sheet Here

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With Shabbos only a few hours away and not that many Rashis to go over in this week’s parsha, we thought we’d share with you one of our favorite Shabbos treats – the Internet Parsha Sheet

It’s compiled every week by R’ Chaim Shulman of Teanack and we really admire his taste in Torah.

Pick up your copy at your local printer and have a Great Shabbos!

What Was the Transgression of Those Who Perished in the Darkness

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Pesach is coming and it’s time to delve a little deeper into the Hagaddah and Yetzias Mitzrayim.

Rashi quotes a Medrash that only 20% of Klal Yisrael left Egypt, the remainder having perished during the plague of darkness.

What was the specific transgression that caused them to suffer this fate aside from the obvious one of not listening to HaShem and Moshe Rabbeinu?

Jewish Impact Films

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We’ve been conversing recently here about topics such as the Internet and Women’s Issues. So we thought we’d share this link to Jewish Impact Films, whose mission is to empower the next generation of young Jewish thinkers to use creative media, specifically short internet-based films, to effectively communicate new messaging about Judaism and Israel.

It looks like the Judaism they are communicating is Torah Observance and some of their material has been featured on Aish. The material on beauty stresses inner beauty over external appearance.

Check it out and let us know what you think.

Teaching Kedusha in the Home

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Dear Rabbi Brody,

In case you don’t remember, my wife and I made Tshuva 5 years ago. Then, our daughter was 6. Now she’s 11, and despite our efforts, she isn’t careful about washing her hands in the morning or about saying Krias Shma at night. In your last letter to us, you told us to try and be stronger personal examples and do everything that we demand from her; we’ve implemented your advice, but it still isn’t easy. Could you devote some of your valuable time to strengthening a little girl in Kedusha? Could you please explain to our Debbie the importance of “negel vasser” and Krias shma at night? We’re sure that she’ll listen to you, and we’d be forever grateful.

S and J Ross,
Texas
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Challenges of Caring for Our Elderly Parents

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By Chana Sanders

I spent a very interesting Shabbos in a local hospital where my mother was admitted a few hours before candlelighting a few Fridays ago. Since my mother, who is elderly and very ill is not frum, this was a BT experience every step of the way. Yet, it was Shabbos, and the hospital does provide a Shabbos room for overnight guests despite their 99% non-religious or non-Jewish clientele and staff.

So I stayed overnight and tried to take care of my mother, whose thoughts were (rightfully) not on whether I was having Shabbos issues. But every step of the way, from elevators, to electric hospital beds, to straws and silverware in sealed plastic, there were challenges. I know that my Rav can answer all these halachic questions, but there wasn’t time to anticipate them all before this happened.
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Suppression of Jewish Women – a Matter of Perspective

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Does traditional Judaism prevent women from being free human beings? Do the laws and customs suppress women, thus rendering them as inferior in status to men, thereby making them unable to enhance their Jewish identity, spirituality, and connection to Hashem? Is traditional halachic theology dogmatic and sexist?

The answer to all these questions is that it depends on one’s perspective. While traditional Judaism seemingly discriminates against women by excluding them from the Rabbinate, from making aliyahs, dancing with the sefer Torah, and from serving as judges in Batei Din, men are no more spiritually powerful than women by virtue of engaging in these public activities.
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Boxing In – Boxing Out

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David and I both went to SUNY Albany, although at different times. We were recently shocked to see that the school made it to the NCAA Tournament and were tied with the number 1 team, Connecticut with 6 minutes to go in round 1. They lost the game but I can now segue into a basketball analogy.

Boxing out is the process by which you try to keep a player out of the action when going for a rebound. There are also many defenses that try to keep the key players out of the action, through a boxing strategy.

There is another type of boxing out that goes on – and that is painting someone with whom you have a difference into as small a corner as possible in order to show the small mindedness of their position. Most people don’t fit into nice boxes, but nonetheless, attempts to box people remain, this is also called labelling and stereotyping.

One of our goals here is to undo this boxing, by trying to understand alternative viewpoints – not necessarily accept them, but at least understand them. I think BTs have the most to benefit from this, as the boxes we are painted into are often the smallest.

BT, FFB, and FWE

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“I feel like I’m on a treadmill.”

The expression seems to have lost its imagery now that so many have invested thousands of dollars on state-of-the-art, high-tech exercisers or dole out hundreds of dollars a month to join gyms that enable us to go steadily nowhere while sweating off calories. But back before treadmills became the defining symbol of the baby-boomers’ desperate pursuit of eternal youth, the expression “on a treadmill” meant, in the language of Torah, avodas perech — endless toil with no meaningful purpose.

So perhaps we owe the boomers a measure of gratitude for restoring the treadmill to where it belongs in Torah philosophy: as a symbol of the very purpose of our existence.
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Getting the Proper Focus

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Abuhav Synagogue The Abuhav Synagogue in Tzefas, Israel is one of the most beautiful shuls I’ve been in. It is ornately painted and was constructed along the theme of the Pesach song Echad Mi Yodea (Who Knows One?) .

On top of the bima where the shaliach tzibur (prayer leader) stands is a dome, with many paintings upon it. Directly in the sight of the shaliach tzibur is a painting with the title “Makom HaMikdash” (the site of the Holy Temple). The weird thing is that the painting does not depict the Beis HaMikdash at all. Rather, it depicts the mosque that currently sits on top of the temple mount. The explanation is that when the shaliach tzibur looks up he sees that, because of senseless hatred among the Jews, in the place of the Beis HaMikdash now stands a mosque. This should serve to focus the shaliach tzibur, who represents the entire kehillah (congregation), on an all-encompassing love for all Jews.

Share the love.

A Ba’al Teshuva’s Story…or Am I a Ba’al Teshuva?

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First off, let me tell you my name. I’m Martin Fleischer, from Kew Gardens Hills, NY, and I’m 46 years old, married 24 years and have 2 daughters, ages 17 and 13. I do know that I feel more Frum than ever before, but I often wonder if I’m a “true” Ba’al Teshuva in the plain sense of the term. However, according to Rabbi Zev Leff in “Outlooks & Insights”, and another source I heard once but don’t remember, in a way, all Frum Jews are “Ba’alei Teshuvah”, each striving to do what Hashem really wants from us.

Here is my story:
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Simcha in the Days of Redemption

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We are in the Purim/Pesach period, which is a time of great joy in which we remember the redemptions in the past and look towards our future redemption.

Here is a little post-Purim/pre-Pesach Torah. Our Rav bakes and sells Matzohs for the Shul and for Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim. This year, his son sent out the order forms in the mail and via email as out Shul uses technology to as great an extent as possible (We have a blog caykgh.blogspot.com and a weekly email).
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Understanding the Internet Ban

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Let’s be honest, if you’re reading this site you’re probably not a proponent of the Internet Ban. You might be believe in cautious usage and place heavy restrictions on what your children do on the ‘Net, but a ban fan you’re not.

Let’s take a second and give the other side the benefit of the doubt. I know it’s hard, but I think it is consistent with Torah principals. Let’s assume that the people who think a ban makes sense are intelligent, well meaning people, who dedicate a great part of their lives to getting closer to Hashem and helping others do the same. If we can accept that, then we would probably could assume that there are probably some good Torah-true reasons that a ban makes sense.
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We Need Your Input for the First Beyond BT Shabbaton

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We are in the very early planning stages of the first Beyond BT Shabbaton. Our goal is to have as many people as possible participate and to keep the cost as low as possible.

The preliminary date is the Shabbos of Achrei Mos-Kedoshim which is May 5-6. The venue will be Kew Gardens Hills. We will put people up at families in the neighborhood. If we have the Friday night meals at the host families it will be hard to have speakers on Friday night since candle lighting is 7:38, so it might make sense to have a communal meal on Friday with some speakers and maybe eat Shabbos lunch at the hosts’ houses.

On Shabbos we will try to find a place to have our own minyan. The davening will be followed by a kiddush and a Shiur. Shabbos lunch, possibly at the host houses followed by shiurim on Shabbos afternoon. Mincha to be followed by Shalosh Seudos and a speaker. We will try to have babysitters during the shiurim.

We are looking for sponsors to help defray the costs, so please don’t be shy if you can afford to sponsor.

So what do you think? Any ideas for speaking topics? Will you come? And if not, why not? What is an acceptable amount to charge for adults, teens and children?

Of Earrings and Kippahs

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My father-in-law, he should live and be well, became a BT in his late fifties. That, in and of itself, is a whole story. Maybe some other time.

After becoming observant, he had started a new job. He just wasn’t able to bring himself to wear his kippah at work. He thought the obvious change would be too much for his co-workers to handle. In particular, there was one co-worker he was concerned about, an Israeli gentleman who had warned him “if you want to be my friend, don’t talk to me about religion!” Then there was the other co-worker whom he didn’t think would be kindly disposed, a gentleman with an earring in his left ear. So, he made the decision not to wear his kippah at work.

My father-in-law noticed that everytime the gentleman with the earring would go to see the boss, he would take his earring off only to replace it after leaving the boss’ presence. One day, the “Don’t talk to me about religion” guy said to him “Why do you take your earring out everytime you go to the boss? Just leave it in. You are who you are.” “You are who you are”, my father-in-law thought and the very next day he began wearing his kippah to work. Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.